Thu
Jul 13 2017 1:00pm

20 Signs You’re Secretly Attracted to the Person You Say You Hate

Heart of the Steal by Avon Gale and Roan Parrish

We're thrilled to welcome Roan Parrish and Avon Gale to Heroes and Heartbreakers. Their book Heart of the Steal just came out last month and features a delicious enemies to lovers/reluctant allies story. Avon and Roan are here today to discuss the ways that you might show you're secretly attracted to someone even though you say you hate them. Thanks, Avon and Roan!

1. Their contact info is in your phone because you need to know when they're contacting you. So you don’t answer. Right.

2. You intend to say their name as a hiss but it comes out as a sigh.

3. You mutter about how badly their suit fits in such detail that you must know their measurements by heart.

4. You check your reflection before you see them to make sure you look good because you will be goddamned if they see you when you look like a scrub and feel superior to you.

5. The way they always wrinkle their nose when they answer a question is so ridiculous that you ask them question after question so you can watch it. Because it's ridiculous.

SEE ALSO: 5 Reasons to Say “I Do” When You Really Want to Say “I Don’t”

6. You can't believe they showed up so overdressed for this party. Where did they think they were going, the Oscars? What color even is that shirt? How did they get it to fit that perfectly and is it just you or does the color bring out subtle undertones in their skin that you never noticed before ...

7. You watch their body language intently. Because you have to be sure you notice if they are lying.

8. They have terrible taste in music and being a fan of this band is just so like them. You know because you downloaded the whole album.

9. That painting reminds you of that stupid thing they said the other day. That lamp reminds you of them too…

10. You watch them at the gym. To make sure you could take them if it ever came down to a physical fight.

11. You're only pretending to care about the conversation you've been having. For the last two hours.

12. You call them when you're stuck on a crossword puzzle. Since they’re such a damned know it all.

13. They rolled up their shirtsleeves as if they're purposely trying to get you to stare at the subtle play of muscle beneath their perfect skin. ASSHOLE.

14. You didn't buy that shampoo because it smelled like them. It was on sale.

15. Remember that time that you both stayed late at the office and they leaned back in their chair a little and you could see that they had a small tattoo just inside their collar and you made a mental note to ask what it was if they ever stopped being such a dick, but then they never did stop being such a dick so you never asked? Yeah, you don't remember that either.

16. Just because they’re mostly a dick doesn't mean sometimes they aren’t funny and clever.

17. Um, everybody knows that driving someone to and from work every day, eating lunch with them, and letting them give you massages after you work out together do NOT count as dates!

18. You only kissed them because they dared you to.

19. You agree to move in together, but it's just so you can keep an eye on them because they really can’t be trusted.

20. Marriage was an obvious and convenient next formality, duh, because property taxes.

***

Learn more about or order a copy of Heart of the Steal by Avon Gale and Roan Parrish, available now:

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Avon Gale was once the mayor on Foursquare of Jazzercise and Lollicup, which should tell you all you need to know about her as a person. She likes road trips, rock concerts, drinking Kentucky bourbon and yelling at hockey. She's a displaced southerner living in a liberal midwestern college town, and she never gets tired of people and their stories — either real or the ones she makes up in her head.

Roan Parrish lives in Philadelphia where she is gradually attempting to write love stories in every genre.
When not writing, she can usually be found cutting her friends’ hair, meandering through whatever city she’s in while listening to torch songs and melodic death metal, or cooking overly elaborate meals. She loves bonfires, winter beaches, minor chord harmonies, and self-tattooing. One time she may or may not have baked a six-layer chocolate cake and then thrown it out the window in a fit of pique.


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