May 22 2013 2:00pm

Squick Me Out, Part 4: Return of the Moist

Origami by caribb via FlickrIt’s that time again, where I gross you out and make you dirty giggle in your office. I can’t believe this is my fourth squick words post; I'd have thought I wouldn’t have to do this anymore. That my posts would serve as a warning of what words not to use. Alas, no one listens and I am sufficiently grossed out once again. So without further ado, let's squick.

Folds: I don’t know about you, but when I hear a vagina described as folds I think one of two things: either folding laundry or folding origami.

Speaking of words to describe vaginas, what is with the references to highways and bodies of water? Channels, tunnels and caves, what are we, riding on the Autobahn?  

Flaps: When I see the word flaps in a novel, I automatically think trucker flaps. You know the ones with the half naked ladies on them that hang over your tires? Alas, there is nothing sexy about your flaps. If anyone put the words moist and flap together, I think my eyes would burn.

Coitus: As soon as I see that word I think Sheldon Cooper. Again, nothing sexy about Sheldon or the word coitus. It’s just too clinical to describe something so sexy (coitus, that is, not Sheldon).

Sinew: *shudders* veins do not turn me on. EVER. It gives me a full body shudder to see that word during a sex scene.

Scrotum: Is there any other word to describe a body part that sounds so wrong coming out of your mouth?

Log: When referring to a man's penis, why must we use the word log? That just makes me cross my legs, because I have yet to come across a log small enough to be enjoyable. Also, wood. No thanks.

Panties: I have never found the word panties something sexy. It sounds too childlike for me “don’t forget to wear your clean panties!”

Weep: Only when used in a sentence like “her hot pussy weeped” *shudders*

I figured I should put some of these lovely words from all four squick posts together, for maximum squick positional. If you don’t hear from me again, it’s because my bosses have fired me and I have taken up writing comedic erotica.

Her moist channel contracted when she watched him palm his engorged man meat. He watched as her bosoms heaved in anticipation of his entrance into her cave. When he finally positioned himself, he watched as is turgid cock pistioned in and out of her folds. He leaned over to suckle on her heavy breasts, the air in the room musky with their mutual desire.

Feeling the urge to cum overwhelmed him; he pulled out of her velvet sheath and spewed thick gobs of cum on her belly. She moaned that she would have rather lapped it up.

Now that I have sufficiently grossed myself out, tell me, have you run into any squick-inducing words lately?


In case you missed any of the squick posts...

Squick I | Squick II | Squick III


Origami image courtesy of caribb via Flickr


Natasha Carty reviews Paranormal Romance and Urban Fantasy on her website Wicked Little Pixie and lives in Toronto, Canada, with her cat, Seamus.

Subscribe to this conversation (must be logged in):
1. lizziedee
Folds--another association: The flabby wrinkly bits on an old person's and/or Shar Pei's face. It really isn't a sexy word to me at all. Loose, maleable, bendy skin. Ehhh... not hot.
2. AutumnM
"Her honey dripped..." recently squicked me out. Seriously, food associations are not good for anyone. If anything is dripping, someone needs to see a doctor.
3. wsl0612
"hot jets of heavy liquid soothed the throbbing flesh inside her" - ugh, this is just a repulsive notion, what kind of sperm is this guy producing?!
Jennifer Proffitt
4. JenniferProffitt
Okay, I'm gonna take the bar waaaay down but whenever I hear log associated with anything other than wood, I just think of various childish euphemisms for going to the bathroom...

Folds doesn't bother me nearly as much as flaps does because like you I think of trucker flaps which wave in the wind and I really don't want to think of anyone's lady parts doing that.
Lege Artis
5. LegeArtis
I thought I can handle it, but then I came to that full-grossathon attack where all squick words squicked together and....OMG, my eyes! They are burning! :)
Your posts are always fun.... ;)
J.K. Hogan
6. jkhogan
Flaps? I don't...I'm not even sure what that's supposed to be. Personally, I hate the word "member". What does that even mean?
7. Lionrock71
"Moist folds" are the worst, but an author recently used the word "priapus" in a BIKER book of all things to describe a chronic hard on and that annoyed me and made me feel gross. Like reading about an old guy fingering (yep, that's another one!) some middle aged frump with puffy "lips" hidden in her acid wash stretch capri baggy mom jeans!!
Shannon Bastian
8. shannonB.
Wow, I'm glad I haven't had breakfast yet. That was just...wrong! =)
Patricia Wilkerson
9. Proofreaderpat
I recently read this disturbing passage in a book-"...before ever so delicately stroking the lips of my purring kitty kat".WHAT?! Squick to the 10th power! And in case you were wondering,it was not referring to an actual feline. That's just wrong! What's next,caressing the folds of my chittering chipmunk? I couldn't even look my cat in the face after that.
Natasha Carty
10. WickedLilPixie
@Lizzie - LOL!!
@ Autum - I am so with you, no food or animals please
@Wslo - Super sperm!
@Jennifer - Me too but I didn't want to go there, I figured I grossed everyone else out enough.
Natasha Carty
11. WickedLilPixie
@Lege - Thank you :)
@Jk - Members only?
@Lion - ahh ahhh ewww
@Shannon - Good morning ;)
@Pat - Chittering chimpmunk may be my new favorite
Jennifer Proffitt
12. JenniferProffitt
@WickedLilPixie, like I said, I'm glad I could bring the bar down waaaaaay low :)
Jennifer Proffitt
14. JenniferProffitt
@WickedLilPixie, any time! I seriously almost spit out my coffee with some of these words (both in your post and in the comments). Although these Squick posts always make me think of the Guidance Counselor in 10 Things I Hate About You who was writing a romance novel. Hilarious!
Heather Waters
15. HeatherWaters
@JenniferProffitt -- Great, now I want to watch that for the millionth time. I love Ms. Perky.
Jennifer Proffitt
16. JenniferProffitt
@redline_ I LOVE this movie but my roommate doesn't let me watch it as often as I like since it makes her sad whenever she sees Heath Ledger.
Jena Briars
17. CutMyTeethOnKleypas
LOL - I think the worst that I can recall (off the top of my head) is Sandra Hill's “Her snooch got all warm” quote.
18. Izzyx3
I recently came across "sipping from her mouth", and I thought it was rather gross. It reminded me of those little suction-vacuum like things dentists use to get rid of excess saliva.
Jennifer Proffitt
19. JenniferProffitt
@Izzyx3, ewww! Yeah it makes it seem like she has a saliva issue which is NEVER cute. Bleh!
20. Salsta
Whenever I read the word folds I think of a shar pei:
21. Charlayne
OMG, funny. I have issues with some of those too. I actually read this aloud to my husband (who can write some good stuff too). He actually gave me a new one: man yogurt. Yeah, instead of cum. Squik.

Some of the stuff I read gets really weird as people try not to clinically define a sex scene.
22. vsmithrn
I get pretty grossed out when the female character says her excitement is running down her thighs, ewww overkill much. I love these posts!!
23. SA
Totally agree on most of these (except groan! Fully disagree there), but feel compelled to point out that you've listed both cave and veins/veiny twice (sorry). What a hilariously disgusting list, though!
24. Delilah T.
O.M.G. I was looking for cliches to avoid and found this. I laughed so hard through all of this I woke my two old fat cats.

I belong to a blog aimed at war vets, most of them men over the age of 10. The things they say have inspired me enormously and they are frequently funnier than hell. Not having been in combat (it was the 1960s, we girls were shore duty pukes) , I had to ask them to tell me how they could think about getting laid when they were under live fire. One of them finally said the most honest thing in the world: You'd be surprised what you can think about when you're under live fire.

Thank you for this list of 'SQUICKS' . I will continue to follow it.
Jennifer Proffitt
25. JenniferProffitt
@Delilah T.
You'd be surprised what you can think about when you're under live fire.
I love that! We have four parts of this squick series, so you'll likely still see more coming up. We embrace the squick (and then push it into a dark place where we don't want to talk about it for awhile ;) )
26. Delilah T.
@Jennifer Profitt, I do embrace the Squick, as well!

Love in a time of warfare is nothing easy to write about, whether it's now, the 19th century or 350 years from now.

Pray, pursue the Squick!
Vanessa Ouadi
27. Lafka
Ahahaha, you girls crack me up (I've yet to come accross "flaps" though, how can it even come to anyone's mind???).

For my part, anything food-like gross me out : honey (and its infinite variations), juices ("man juice", anyone?), cods (hope the smell doesn't come with them)...
28. Delilah T.
Just one question: is 'pulsing wetness' a Squick?
Shayera Tangri
29. Shayera
For some reason, these days the word munch bothers me.
30. TLily
Not just moist folds, but WET folds. Always makes me think of a handful of soggy used tissues. Yuck. "Sweet spot" - that one just annoys me. "Bundle of nerves." Get me out of here!
31. Wendy Christopher
One memorable (for all the wrong reasons) scene I read described the man's climax as 'filling her with his custard.' Put me off trifle FOR LIFE, that did.
33. JMalo
Not gross necessarily, but it completely took me out of the moment of an otherwise great sex scene. The author described the woman's vag as "her wet sacred hole." I mean, come on. And this was a contemporary romance. The author does not even have the excuse of a different time period.
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