Jul 23 2012 10:26am

True Blood Season 5, Episode 7 Recap: Vampire Drunk Bloodlust, Oh MY!

Bill, Eric, and Alcide in True BloodIt’s been one week since someone had sex on True Blood, and this week had zero sex. WTH! We should really start doing a countdown.

Things we learned last week: Russell staked Roman, Alcide issues a Master challenge to JD, Terry leaves Arlene, Sam saves Andy’s life and Sookie finds out her parents were killed by a vampire.

(Need to catch up? Check out our previous recaps: Episode 5.01 |Episode 5.02 | Episode 5.03 | Episode 5.04 | Episode 5.05 | Episode 5.06)

This week is all about the WTF, there was just so much WTF.


  • Instead of killing Eric, Russell hangs him by a silver noose. He gets captured, yet is released later on.
  • Sookie gets checked out by the fairies and finds out her magic is depleting. If she keeps using it, she’ll become a vanilla human.
  • Sam sniffs out the gun store and finds a cache of Obama masks that the Haters use. Umm, WHY Obama?
  • Speaking of the Obama mask clad, they save Hoyt’s life as he is almost drained in an alley behind Fangtasia. He ends up joining their cause, because he’s a puss like that.
  • Bill and Eric finally realize it was Salome who released Russell; she followed them when they buried him. She wants them to join the movement and they refuse, but she says they need a night to think it over.
  • Arlene gets all nostalgic and watches her wedding video with Holly, who ends up convincing Arlene to try harder if she really loves Terry.
  • Jason and Sookie talk, Jason makes sure that Sookie isn’t blaming herself for their parents’ death.
  • Lafayette pays a visit to Jesus’s family, only to find Jesus’s head, and then his arse gets captured.
  • Tara works a mean pole at Fangtasia, only to be confronted by her mother who disowns her. No preacher’s wife will have a vampire stripper for a daughter, don’t you know?
  • Meanwhile, back at the vampire compound, Salome offers everyone a little taste of Lilith’s old ass blood and then they get high.
  • Lafayette ends up tied to a chair and his lips sewn shut, with a pregnant lady at his feet. His brain blood is to be a sacrifice to her unborn child…that is, until she stabs the shit out of Jesus’s funky freaky relative.
  • JD tells the pack that a vampire (Russell, I’m sure) says that the End of Days is coming and vampires will fight humans. Thus all the pack must drink vampire blood to survive, he even offers some to little Emma until Martha finds out.
  • Sam is at the hospital visiting with Luna when he catches the sent of one of the Haters and beats the funk out of him. At least he’s in the hospital, not a far trip to the ER for the Hater.
  • The drunk on Lilith blood vampires end up going blood wild in a bar and draining a ton of humans, but when a single drop of blood hits the floor, up comes Lilith. Eric gets a visit from the ghost of Godrich who tells Eric this is all wrong and to fight for Nora.
  • Terry and Patrick sit in a field to draw the smoke monster to them, when it comes to visit, it laughs at them and takes off. Terry ends up with a gun to his chin and Patrick says that “Suicide is for Muslims” Holy rude comment! I had to rewind the DVR to make sure I heard that correctly, not cool TB writers.
  • Jason comes to visit Jess and they make out, he tastes blood and freaks. They end up fighting and he shoots her in the head, she kicks him out of her mansion.
  • Sookie starts throwing fairy fireballs to deplete her magic.

Bill, Sookie, Eric, and Alaric in True Blood 5.07, In the BeginningWTF-ERY as only True Blood can provide

  • Alcide training with his “Second” but then making out instead. Both are a real work-out. Lucky bish!
  • Andy pays a visit to former Sheriff Dearborn, who makes sure Andy gets the hell off his porch because he’s retired and has a mistress. But not without making sure Andy knows that Budd has male enhancement ointment he’s about to try out. *Shudder*
  • Why in the world is Pam sporting crimped hair? Even if it did look a little bit hot, please tell me that style isn’t coming back.
  • The vampire contingent getting all high as shit and going hog wild in New Orleans, it’s like a twisted version of Mardi Gras. Especially with Eric piggy-backing Bill. 
  • The BEST part of the episode is when the weird girl is on stage in the bar singing and Russell makes it a duet.


  • Alcide: Training sans shirt
  • Random Fangbanger: Only in briefs while Jess sucks his blood.

Sookie in True Blood In the BeginningFAVORITE QUOTES 

  • Sookie: “Fuck you, I’m depleting!”
  • Officer: “TMI Coroner Stancer!”
  • Eric: “Never, you bible banging cu*t!”
  • Sookie: “And yes, you can eat my bacon.”
  • Newlin: “I’m like a tree in the wind, I’m just so happy to be included.”

How much do you all love Russell? Are you Team Russell? He KILLS me! What about the Smoke Monster, do you like this storyline or is it boring the hell out of you?


Natasha Carty reviews Paranormal Romance and Urban Fantasy on her website Wicked Little Pixie and lives in Toronto, Canada, with her cat, Seamus.

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1. Miss_D
Well, it wasn't a bad episode but it was weird. I didn't dislike it but I can't say I liked it. I didn't take notes on the 239048205832 storylines going on but what I did enjoy Pam & Tara, Bill & Eric (amazing how much more likable Bill is when he isn't running around trying to pee on Sucky proclaiming her as his true love) and Sam. Good to see Steve Newlin again and I enjoy the hell out of Russell Edgington.

The rest is a blur except for Terry's terrible storyline that I don't watch. Not sure what is going on with Hoyt's storyline at this point and Jessica/Jason is just oddly uncomfortable to watch now.

I did like the quickie scene with William Sanderson. I enjoyed him so much on "Deadwood."
K.M. Jackson
2. kwanawrites
Good recap. I’m getting annoyed with the show in general. I think it has lost lots of its heart. I didn’t like Tara on the pole Not enjoying where that character has gone. I feel most of the characters are not growing but just being moved around in strange ways. I feel Jess is growing and in a way Jason though.
Bill and Eric I just don’t know. I’m calling them Tango and Cash until they get their stuff together. I did enjoy the Pam and Eric storyline a while back and I loved seeing that heart I also loved seeing Arlene’s video. It reminded me of what was missing. As for the Muslim line it was harsh but so was the Bible line. I wonder how people can get offended when the line is against Muslims but not Christians or the bible? Aren’t they both equally as offensive or not? In this case I think it all comes down to character. I winced when I heard the line, but I can hear that character who ordered the killing saying it. Just as I could hear Lafayette’s mother saying all her whacky slurs. She is certifiable. And yes is it all offensive.
Melanie Thomas
3. missmelthomas
There were a couple of good things about this episode but as a whole I'm very underwhelmed with this season. It's a hot mess of WTF-ery for me. The whole storyline with Terry is ridiculous. I don't really like his character anyway so it makes it worse that they keep focusing on him.

Vampire Tara? I'm so tired of Tara that I could scream. She's like a frakkin cockroach; she just won't die. The only thing good about her being a vampire is that we get more Pam time. I lurve me some Pam.

And Sookie? I can understand that she wants to be normal but does the girl even have a brain? Yes she'll no longer shoot sparks out of her fingers but she'll still hear everyone's thoughts and the supes are still going to want her. Common sense says you should save your magic for when you need to kick ass so you aren't the damsel in distress yet again. There seems to be no common sense on this show any more. I usually follow a show until it's end but if this show doesn't pick up I'm done.
Lege Artis
4. LegeArtis
Why am I still hooked on this show...? I watch only vampire parts and I was not so fond of scene with burned face guy drinking blood from kid... It was unnecesary, a bit too much... But it was an episode full of untastefull crossing the line as you pointed it out with that Muslim line.
Also, I have to say, I'm disapointed with Lilith as naked chick- I had a feeling I'm stuck in some Dino Laurentis movie with slightly better music... Imaginary Lilith, imaginary Godric, wtf?!
Lala, Hoyt, Tara, Sookie, Terry... I'm not interested at all.
Russell is captivating, he steals every scene he's in. Kudos to Denis O'Hare.
I laughed one time and it was Newlin line.
5. CindyS
I actually forgot about Terry's story and couldn't figure out who the two guys in the woods were - oh yeah.

I'm sorry, but Sam rolling around on the floor and sniffing like a pup was freaking hilarious. Especially when the officer who was watching asked if there was anything she should know about him.

I like the guy from Deadwood also and the 'I quit' line from ... geez was it season 1 or 2 was perfect. I'm thinking he is the ring leader of the sup group only because I can't really see why else he would have been included in the show this season. And watching the hate group and how Hoyt just falls in was interesting.

Alcide - really, you wanted Sookie but now the chick under you is good enough - ugh.

I'm still loving the Bill and Eric show and yes, Eric piggy backing Bill was cute. And I must be the only person who thinks Bill and Sookie are made for each other.

I liked Russel the first time and I enjoy him now also but I'm confused as to why he's suddenly come to heel.

Also, I'm not offended by what the characters say as they are 'in' character and I love the crazy mom.

Now the scene with Jason and Jessica was bone chilling for me. Jason shot her in the head - I don't know, he could have shot her anywhere to get her off him but a head shot feels like hate to me. Hope the writers won't find some lame reason to make them friends again.

Oh yeah, and then Sookie's feeling sorry for herself again - yawn

6. J-me
What is with the all female nudity this season - Lilith?? with all her power and she couldn't conjure up a robe?. I kind of feel like TrueBlood are letting the tits and ass do all the work. When are we going to get some male nudity on there. I don't need to see actual cock on my 68" plasma screen, but I would mind a little Jason action, Eric??.. Or my fave Alcide, I mean come on this was supposed to be his season and its going all over the place.. with his pants and shirt on far too much!!

I kind of feel like we are covering the same round again with Russell but I do favour him as the ultimate bad ass vamp, so I'm intrigued!
But, I have to say Tara as a stripper was freaking unreal. She is so hot! I mean, did you see her ass!! holy poly!
7. Crash
I'm not sure why I still watch this show! It's like a train wreck you can't look away from. Considering that this is a site for readers, I'm amazed that I don't read more complaints about how Alan Ball and his writers have bastardized the story as Harris wrote it. It makes my nuts to see how warped it has become: Sookie is such a whiny pu__y, Lafayette was funny in the beginning but should have been killed off in season 2, Tara needs to die horribly (I guess the head shot wasn't good enough)- she is SUCH an angry bitch and has been since her first scene, Hoyt is such a lost cause and he was so sweet and loyal in the books, Alcide is somewhat true to form but far too dressed (amen J-me), and the list goes on. None of the characters were written this way! The only ones I really like are the ones that weren't in the books to begin with, like Jessica. She's quirky and fierce and funny. Don't you ask yourselves if the head honchos (Ball et al) have actually read ANY of the books???
8. eeeeeelizabeth
I'm kind of with Crash on this one, although I've been trying hard to judge the show on it's own merits, as a story loosely based on characters from Harris's books. Even the 'verse doesn't quite feel the same-- the fairies and how they work doesn't seem to be very similar, and all the weird ghost/possession/voodoo storylines are way out there, too.
Even independent of the books, I agree that this show is largely a train wreck. I haven't been able to stand the hot mess that Tara has been from the very beginning, and I can barely bring myself to care what happens to any of the other characters anymore. I feel like they've been trying hard to make this a supernatural soap opera, with a bunch of divergent, ridiculously dramatic storylines that barely move each time they're given screen time.
To be honest-- the books have gone downhill IMHO, as well. They've just gone on for too long, and now the not so subtle hints about who she'll end up with have me pretty disappointed.
9. Milly01
I have to agree with many others about the show. It just keeps going downhill but you can't seem to look away. All I can say is thank goodness Alan Ball isn't going to be doing them anymore since this was his last season. Hopefully, the next season will make a little more sense. They have strayed so far from the books that it's all just a nonsensical mess now.
sandy haber
11. bookmom22
you know, i've read all the books in the series, and none of this sounds at all familiar. i watched the first season and was so bummed out by it that i hven't gone back to look at the rest. the books are so good.
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