Jun 18 2012 10:19am

True Blood Season 5, Episode 2 Recap: Where EVERYBODY Is Pissed!

Tara in True Blood Season 5 episode 2This entire episode can has two major plot points: Tara is batshit crazy as a vampire and the Authority is scary as hell! Hell, to sum it up EVERYONE is pissed at somebody. Also, Newlin dancing.


  • Tara being completely batshit crazy as a fledgling vampire, vampire tantrum anyone? Running all over the place, attacking and biting Sookie only to have Pam giggle, then finally step up and pry her off Sook. She’s like a toddler on speed! Lafayette looks terrified the entire time this is happening, especially when she goes for him. Thankfully, Pam steps up and commands Tara not to bite the humans. Before taking off to Fangtasia and leaving Tara with Sook and Lafayette.
  • The wolves are still feasting on the dead body of Marcus, lovely. They all want Alcide to have a bit of a taste but he’s having none of it, saying Marcus never earned the respect of being eaten. Insert joke here. Sam gets released and heads to Luna’s. Sam is hanging with Luna when Grandma Martha comes calling to see her granddaughter Emma. Luna flips out and tells her to leave, but not before Martha says what if Emma is a werewolf and not a shifter. Luna doesn’t give a shit and asks her to leave. Following that, Luna flips on Sam and they get into a huge fight ending with Sam heading out, too.
  • Bill, Eric and Nora are transported to the Authority’s offices and placed in holding cells. Their awesome next cell neighbor happens to be a male nurse who used to eat babies and has silver burns all over his face. He’s pleasant. Later on, they start hearing a voice over a hidden speaker that begins to question them. Unfortunately, they provide the wrong answers to the voice and get the UV light treatment that burns them all in their cells.
  • Terry is having nightmares making him sleepwalk and knock Arlene around. He wakes her up and states that they’re all going to die. Imagine waking up to that mess? Can you say, move the hell out of my house ASAP? Terry ends up with another waking nightmare while working at Merlotte’s and knocks Arlene clear across the kitchen. She ends up going to visit Patrick, but Terry shows up and kicks her out. Apparently one of Terry and Patrick’s platoon members from the war is still alive and a firestarter, and he’s out to get them, but they’re going to find him first!
  • Pam goes looking for Eric at Fangtastia and ends up having a flashback to 1905 when she was working in a brothel. She ends up finding one of her working ladies dead, by whom we aren’t sure but assume it was a patron of the brothel. On her walk home one night she gets attacked by a man wielding a knife only to have that knife turned against him by Eric who saves her. It’s awesome to finally see Pam’s past revealed—who would have guessed our girl was a working girl?
  • Sookie and Lafayette try to get Tara to bed before sunrise but they can’t find her. Lafayette finally finds her hiding behind a door, but she refuses to go to her coffin. Lafayette cuts himself and Tara attacks, only to have Sookie throw a silver chain on her ass and haul her to the basement. In order to try and “control” Tara, Sookie pays a visit to the Stake House and buys some colloidal silver spray and also lets the store guy know that hunting vampires is illegal. Tara later wakes up and says she’ll never forgive them, then takes off out the front door only to be sprayed by the colloidal silver and gets burnt. But that doesn’t stop Tara and she’s gone like the flash, burnt flesh and all!
  • Andy and Jason find Debbie Pelt’s abandoned car and a bottle of V. At first Andy pockets it, but later hands it to Jason who dumps it out. Aww, Andy’s growing up! 
  • Back at the Authority, Bill and Eric are hooked up to silver IV drips and interrogated. When they don’t give the answers that the Authority wants, they pump the drip. Bill talks about the true bible, the vampire bible that talks about Lilth and came long before the human version. It  states that humans aren’t made in God’s image, vampires are. Humans are only there for nourishment of vamps. He’s also told that Eric has been let go. In Eric’s interrogation, he gets told that Nora has been given the true death and that Bill has confessed to everything.
  • Jess is Party Rocking once again when she gets a knock at the door from Newlin. After Newlin busts a groove with the humans, they go into a room to speak. Newlin tries to buy Jason from Jessica for 20,000 dollars; she plays around for awhile and then says she doesn’t sell her friends.
  • Jason goes to visit Hoyt at Maxine’s to make amends for the whole Jessica issue. After dropping an epic ton of F-bombs, much to Maxine’s dismay, Hoyt tells Jason to get out.
  • Luna is all alone and hears strange noises in the back of her house, and when she opens Emma’s door there is the cutest baby wolf in footie pajamas. Guess Martha was right!
  • Eric and Bill finally meet Guardian Roman, and he’s pissed with our boys. Roman shares his blood with the other members of the Authority, in some creeptastic ritual. Just before he’s about to sentence Eric and Bill, Bill offers a trade. They’ll bring in Russell in exchange for their lives. The Authority had no idea Russell was still alive, let alone loose.
  • In the final scene, we see a very burnt-up vampire laying in a hospital bed surrounded by dead bodies. Russell is BACK and he’s pissed!

Christopher Meloni in True Blood Season 5WTF-ERY (As only True Blood can provide)

  • At the station, some teenager comes in saying Jason broke up his parent’s marriage because his father found out that his mom slept with Jason. Of course Jason doesn’t remember the woman until he’s sees a picture of her and Andy ends up dragging the kid out. What was the point of that? We know Jason was is a manwhore!
  • Andy talking about Holly no longer taking his calls. Jason replies with something along the lines of “You got the cow and got to eat the cake too, don’t worry!”
  • The creepy Authority child, I thought we staked our mistakes?
  • Lafayette getting caught about to stake Tara. Family doesn’t stake family! 
  • Newlin dancing, enough said.


  • I’m counting Marcus’s dead eaten body as nudity; come on, he had no clothing on, right?
  • The dead working girl in the brothel, full frontal with strategically thrown dead leg over lady bits.

Yeah, I was robbed on the nudity. What the hell? Chelsea gets all the good nakeds.

Jessica and Newlin in True BloodFAVORITE QUOTES

Pam to the waitress at Fangtasia when asked about her dirty yellow track suit: “I was in the ground, what’s YOUR excuse?”

Creepy nurse vampire to Eric and Bill when they provide the wrong answers to the voice: “Now you’ve fucked us.”

Sam and Luna discussing Martha: “She just lost her son. She just ATE her son!”

Jessica to Newlin: “You’ve got a fang boner and…yeah, a real boner.”


This season is turning into a more interesting season than last year’s, with the addition of the elegant but authoritative Roman, we are in for a treat. But come on, give me some nudity next time, would ya?


Natasha Carty reviews Paranormal Romance and Urban Fantasy on her website Wicked Little Pixie and lives in Toronto, Canada, with her cat, Seamus.

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Alma Katsu
1. Alma Katsu
Great recap! The actor who plays Steve Newlin is just hysterical. What perfect casting. The Authority, though--I dunno, I didn't find them frightening enough. I think it was the kid and the lady with red hair. They sort of diffused the tension for me.

I think the scene in the police station was to show Jason realizing that his sleeping around, which he sees as harmless fun, really has consequences for other people. It may have led to his scene to Hoyt's mom's house. Maybe this is his year to grow up some more? Not too much, I hope.
Megan Frampton
2. MFrampton
I haven't watched this season yet, but I've got to, if just to see Tara as a vampire. I have always loved her character, and think it'll be fun to see Pam and Tara--who loathed each other before--in the position of Maker and scion.
Natasha Carty
3. WickedLilPixie
@Alma - When Newlin started dancing, I almost fell off the chair. He's brilliant! The Authority only creeped me out because of the child, he was creeptastic!

@Megan - Tara is totally a brat as a vamp, but you must watch just to see Pam in her Walmart tracksuit!
Lege Artis
4. LegeArtis
Great recap, Natasha!
I didn't like vampire child, too. I heard there is one in authority, but he just looked whiny and I hoped we'll get one scary, dangerous vampire in a body of innocent child.
I want to see bad-ass vampires in authority- what was the point of them drinking Roman's blood ritual at beginning of session?! I don't dig all that religious tone of authority. I didn't find Russel still living very convinsing reason to left Bill and Eric alive. Screenwriters should have made a better job with that storyline. It sounds more logic that authority will want to stake them even more. Blame it all on Nan was one of possible storylines...
I like Tara. She was one angry scary, human- she will make a great vampire. Russel and Tara are great for this season, 'cause they are vampire losse cannons. You can't predict their behaviour.
Pam was the best as always. I love her lines, her attitude, everything.
I liked Bill in this episode, he was great. I love his rebelious ways- they are more subtle than Eric's- very sexy.
Bill lying to save Eric- what actually happened in that car when they were spooning?
Jason, Steve, Jessica- wtf?
Hoyt is very angry. I think we'll see Hoyt with one of those people who secretly hunt vampires to kill and who obviously exist as we found out when Sookie was in fang-protection store.
Andy, Terry- boring for now...
My favorite line was when Roman called Bill and Eric "Fu*kup #1 and Fu*kup #2".
I share your pain for lack of nudity in this episode- If I had Joe Manganiello in a show playing werewolf, he would be shifting all over the place. That man shouldn't even wear shirts and they put him in a jacket?!
5. ChelseaMueller
I'm just going to stay the Pam/Eric flashback made my night. (Partially because ASkars was all fancy-pantsed out.)
Alma Katsu
6. CindyS
I'm all about the guardian Roman - I love the actor anyways but now I want an entire story about him and how he might fall head over heels - just not with Sookie. Pam yes ;)

I like more Pam. I don't like that her voice cracks over Eric - I understand there is a maker/vamp bond but it doesn't have to be there as the minister vamp doesn't even know his maker and Pam doesn't seem concerned about Tara.

I think Lafayette is getting stronger as a character and realizing he saved Tara for himself was awesome - and hey, Tara, you hate being a vamp? hold still a second while I get a stake, like seriously.

Alcide needs some serious backstory or a lot of now story - now! He could be Luna's baby's new daddy except I don't see any chemistry between the two actors on screen so someone new.

And making Sookie darker is much better so I hope that continues.

So far, this season is better than the rest.

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