Feb 9 2012 10:30am

Revenge Episode 14: Snarks Fly!

Emily and Daniel in RevengeCan’t get enough of ABC’s Revenge? Well, neither can we, which is why we’ve decided to start recapping the delicious nighttime soap, starting with last night’s Season 1, episode 14, entitled “Perception.” Take it away, Pamela!


Years ago I met a boy who introduced me to a book, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell. In it William Blake writes “if the doors of perception were cleaned everything would appear to man as it is… infinite.”

But in reality our perception is often clouded.

By expectations. By experiences. As of late I find my perception is blinded by only one thing… REVENGE.

Engagement party invites are arriving to everyone, and surprise! The theme? Fire and Ice, of course! We catch Victoria sneaking a peak of the video interview in which David Clarke is saying Victoria had nothing to do with his being in prison. She’s another victim, the father of her child (CHARLOTTE!!) is in prison and being raised by the person who has put him in to prison (Conrad, booo). As Charlotte enters to preen over the invites, she quickly closes her laptop … reminding us of poor Charlotte’s ignorance as to her dad really is.


Cut to Emily and Daniel preparing for the engagement photo shoot and Emily is watching her dad talk about Charlotte and tells the interviewer to ask her who the father is.  

YAY Nolan! The first snark comment on the invite theme goes to him, duh. “Fire and Ice. Fire and Brimstone not available?” Apparently Emily did not think to look at that as an option because she has no sense of humor.

Nolan Ross in RevengeNolan is like, ’whoa bitch, I thought we were going to slow down things, what with people getting stabbed and houses getting burned down.’ She lets Nolan know that Victoria told Daniel her dad raped her and that is why he is the father of Charlotte, not that they were lovers. The gauntlet has been thrown down, full speed ahead on the Make Victoria Suffer plane. We see her place the video in a white mailing envelope. Ooooh snap, can anyone guess where that is going to end up?

And what is this? We see a phone with 7 missed calls from Jack Porter? It’s probably safe to assume it is Faux Amanda’s phone she is looking at. You know, since, she kicked her out of town (good riddance, I say).

Shoot to a fine looking Jack top-naked with bandages from his attack. Hey, Jack is kinda short, I don’t think I realized that before. Declan hands him the Fire & Ice Engagement Party invite, saying “I know you’re already in pain so I thought I’d just pile it on at once.” Nicely done, Declan!

Jack in RevengeJack is mourning Faux Amanda’s disappearance. He is worried she thinks she is the reason he was beaten up, and of course he feels he needs to tell her it’s not her fault. Then he looks at the invite and throws that tacky shit in the trash. Well, kinda. He’s kind of a shitty throw, and it doesn’t make it in to the trash, and what do you know… as he is picking it up, he looks over towards the bed and finds a tape titled “Property of Mason Treadwill, Interview With Amanda Clarke.” Uhhhh ohhhhhh.

“Sooo. Fire and Ice. It’s astonishing how your mother managed to model the theme of your engagement party after both sides of her own personality.” It’s Conrad’s turn to get a dig on the engagement party theme. And who is this? It’s Grandpa Greyson with his sunshine personality! Guess who called him… and he is pissed over the negative impact a hostile divorce can have on Greyson Global. He wants his son to reign the mess in. Uh yeah, that’s not going to happen.

Oy and now Jack is calling Amanda and leaving her a voicemail…again…Swingers style… (Mikeeey) letting her know he’s found that tape. But WHAT’S THIS? Is Jack growing a backbone? He says that if she wants that tape she has to see him and get it back face-to-face.  He deserves answers, Faux Amanda! But of course Emily has the phone and is listening to the voicemail. She has her “ew, guys, something smells” face on.

Back at Nolan’s place, he is trying real hard not to slap her with a big TOLD YOU SO, and tells her that it’s obvious she has lost sight of anyone in her path.  She claims she doesn’t know what’s on the tape, and he reminds her that she is a cold hearted snake and...

Enter Emily’s jealous Frenemy Ashley, kissing Victoria’s ass again, following her around trying to get in Victoria’s good graces. She tries to have a moment with her by sharing their feelings on not having a Dad or something. I was too busy trying not to vomit, but it went something like that.

Engagement photographs are happening, and Victoria uses the opportunity to connect with Charlotte, but she tells her to go suck an egg, since she tried to bribe Declan into not seeing her. Daniel reminds Victoria, um hello, you need to tell her about her Dad, right?

And Victoria gives him major non-commital bitch face.

Daniel and Emily do some low speaking and pose for the photos and Emily looks like she smells something really bad again. To help them look natural for the photographs, they’re told to think back to when they first met.

Flashback time:

Emily/the real Amanda is basically stalking him while he is at his bar waxing poetically about how he is weighed down by his dad’s exceptions and his mother’s disapproving eye, but mostly by the perception of what it looks like to be a Grayson and guess what: Emily looks like she smells something bad. While Daniel is remembering something entirely different, she ekes out a smile for the photos. I think.

The photo shoot isn’t complete without Conrad. He immediately blows Charlotte off and drags Victoria in to the study.

He is like, thanks for dragging my DAD in to this, and she tells him that dinner with his Dad will be his platform to make it look like their separation is civil and fair, ensuring his father’s confidence in the ongoing leadership of Greyson Global. OR she vows to make it an apocalyptic showcase of how awful things can get, if he reveals Charlotte’s true paternity to her.

Victoria announces: Family dinner at 8! Be there!

Jack talks to Nolan about the tape, and he tries to smoothly operate it out of his hands but Jack isn’t having it. Jack says to find him a player and Nolan is dismissed.

Nolan lets Emily know that Jack has the tape and it’s the interview with Treadwell when she was 10, panic! Some akward dialog happens betweetn Emily and her frienemy Ashley.  She splits saying she has to take care of wedding things.

The Real Amanda ClarkeFaux Amanda calls Jack and says, she needs the tape. Then we see Emily with her, manipulating her as always.  And OMG why is Faux Amanda not gone yet?!? Of course she asks if he misses her, and Emily reminds her, it’s too late to tell him the truth. Stay away. I am pretty sure that Emily made Faux Amanda her bitch when they were in jail together. Anyone else get that feeling?

Oh lord, Victoria and Charlotte walk in to the Porter’s bar to meet Declan there.

“Do you have a wine list?” Things Victoria asks for at a dive bar. Groan. She asks if she can invite Declan to dinner that evening to meet Grandpa. That goes about as well as you’d think, but she agrees, saying Conrad “will behave” read “he won’t treat you like the illegitimate child you are.”

Conrad has a few words for Ashley AKA “Victoria’s pet bird” as she flurries around trying to get him for an invite list for Victoria. He asks her what her game is. He straight up calls her an opportunist, describes exactly the manipulation Victoria has trapped her with, planting some nice insecurity there.

Jack shows up at the hotel room and breaks into the room. He yells at Faux Amanda, says he won’t give her the tape until she tells him the truth. He begs her to tell him why she came back to town, and he says oh YEAH, well I’m keeping the tape, and I’m watching it, too. Seee yaaaa, and he leaves at that. Faux Amanda tells Emily, ’you want it, you run after him.’  Yikes, that might not be the best strategy in dealing with Emily.  Oh yeah, and she also tells her to stop calling her (Faux) Amanda…Uh oh.

Now Bossy Emily is bossing Nolan to do something, again. It has to do with getting the tape back, of course. Then Nolan busts out with his eagerly anticipated one-liner of the evening, after calling Faux Amanda the Long Island Lolita: “What’s on the REVENGENDA this evening?”  Thank you, Nolan Ross.

Emily arrives to the Greysons for dinner, and places a package she supposedly found on the door step on the entry table. Did you see what she did there? It’s that envelope with the tape interview of her Dad saying he is the father of Charlotte.  Here we go!

Victoria and Grandpa GraysonEmily is introduced to Grandpa by Daniel and the SNARKS fly! And that sends us in to another Flashback to how Emily meets Daniel originally when she had her dark hair and was wearing glasses. A friend introduces them and she makes it very clear she is not impressed with him. She tells him he’s better than his parents, ain’t nothing more poetic than that.

Now Jack is bringing Nolan the tape of Amanda he has, and asking him to play it for him. He tells Nolan he is his only friend (ouch) and Nolan makes the saddest guilt face ever. Nolan asks him WHY do you want to watch this, Amanda already admitted she set the fire. And Jack says he feels if he is going to let her go, he has to see that tape.  

Oh shit, here we go… the tape starts and….

The real kid Amanda says to find the dark haired lady (Victoria) – her Dad loved her and she loved him, and they kissed on the lips all the time, and she could help them. Victoria could clear her father.

We all know that did not happen.

A broody (and short) Jack leave – we can all guess where he’s going now …

Oh here it comes!

Conrad is apologizing to Charlotte in his study…  he says whatever is happening is not her fault and he shouldn’t have taken his frustrations with her mother out on her. He says he wants her to be strong enough to handle whatever instabilities may come her way. She then starts reminiscing over a breakup when she was 16.. yawnville but he tells her that her laugh is one of the most favorite sounds in the whole world and it becomes clear that he loves her as a daughter. DILEMMA! Oh shit. They hug it out and Emily witnesses the Kodak moment as they hug it out, and with a change of heart goes to pick up the package with the video.

And now Jack is outside of Amanda’s door knocking. AGAIN! He wants to help her, he knows what Victoria did to her, he begs her to open the door, she freaks out, calls Emily … She tells him she’s sick of her shit and is going to go after Jack – ohhhh but it’s too late! He’s outta there  <he peels on outta there>.

Grandpa Greyson starts snarking in Emily’s direction – and tells her she reminds her of Victoria and BAHAHA you can VISIBLY see Victoria dying inside at his commentary.

But then! Jack shows up at the Grayson’s Family Dinner of Fun shouting at Victoria asking her what she said to Amanda Clarke to make her leave {him/town}. He says he knows that she was in love with David Clarke, and shows her he has the tape and he knows what’s on it. Amanda hoping that Victoria will help her prove David’s innocence… big pile of ”O” faces all around the table.

And then Conrad stands up and drops the bomb everyone else is dancing around. He tells her David Clarke is her biological dad. She looks at Victoria for comfort but, well, yeah…Victoria doesn’t do comfort.

Right about now, Emily has grabbed the popcorn and is sitting back to watch the show.

Daniel insists Victoria was raped (cuz he is a gullible dumdum), and Conrad sets him straight. It wasn’t just one night, it was an ongoing affair…Yep, Daniel, she lied to you.  She wasn’t raped. Victoria very calmly gets out of her seat, and leaves the room. That’s how she rolls.

Grandpa goes after Conrad, asks him what kind of a man forces his children to participate in a charade like this and suggests he step down as CEO of Greyson Global and groom Daniel to take over. Conrad tells him to go suck an egg. Grandpa reminds him he is still chairman of the board and leaves.

Jack answers his phone and it’s Emily…calling to check on him…he apologizes for the party but explains he is so angry says he cannot find faux Amanda.  Faux Amanda is freaking missing now. Emily suggests that she doesn’t want to be found, but yeah, we all know how Faux Amanda does at actually leaving…loose cannon alert!

Daniel decides to go look for Charlotte and he feels like a fool for believing and defending his mother over the rape story. YEAH, Daniel, you’re kind of a ding-dong for that one. But you’re still adorably hot, so it’s okay. Meanwhile, Declan is comforting Charlotte at the bar. He reminds her that just because Conrad isn’t her dad doesn’t mean he will stop being her father. She reminds him her Dad is dead, just like this. Bonding over dead dads can be romantic.

Victoria walks back to the dinner table and finds an article of Charlotte’s clothing and expresses real remorse. I guess to remind us that she kinda loves her daughter? That’s still debatable.

Emily calls Nolan and tells him WAY TO GO, NOLAN! for showing Jack the tape and letting him in on the fact that Amanda was betrayed by Victoria. Once she gets home, she slowly enters her house and knows something is wrong. OH WHAT IS THIS.  She finds an RSVP card waiting for her with Miss Emily Thorn will be attending the engagement party.

And when different perceptions battle against each other, the truth has a habit of getting lost. And the monsters find a way of getting out.

Emily Thorne AKA Faux Amanda is going to blow her cover! She shoulda killed her when she had the chance, y’all. 

Pamela Webb-Elliott writes Urban Fantasy and Paranormal Romance reviews for WickedLilPixie as Spaz. She also has a Twitter (@SpazP) problem, but is not ready to join a 12 Step Program for it yet.

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Heather Waters
1. HeatherWaters
Must say, I am so unimpressed by Daniel and Jack. I mean, really, "gullible dumdum" sums them both up pretty well. Nolan is still awesome, though.

Can we please be done with Faux Amanda now?

I am glad that Charlotte knows about her father now. That could get interesting...

Can't wait 'til next week! I really don't think Daniel will be the one who gets dead, but it'll still be neat to see the show circle back to where the pilot episode started...
Brittany Melson
2. BrittanyMelson
Last night was such a shocking episode. I mean, who has Emily's box?! Somebody knows the truth! I'm voting for Grandpa Grayson, and if Daniel does get shot, maybe it's by his own dad since Granddad wants to hand over the reigns. But maybe not. Maybe Emily herself will shoot him. The preview showed her strapping a gun to her thigh. Then again, I think she really loves Daniel. Nolan is really great as well. He's so lonely and easily emotionally manipulated, which really makes me like him for some reason. Short Jack, however, is getting on my nerves. I want him and Faux Amanda to go away for a while. Can't wait until next week!
Heather Waters
3. HeatherWaters
@BrittanyMelson -- Ooh, I hadn't considered Grandpa Grayson as a suspect! Does he know what all happened with David Clarke? I guess he would have to have, since it was his company too... But maybe he's a red herring, hmm.

I came into the show really really wanting to like Jack because I like Nick Wechsler, but he's making it hard. I just have zero respect for him or Daniel at the moment. Wise up, guys!
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