May 2 2011 4:51pm

Lord Jon Snow’s Bubble of Emo: Recap of Episode 3 of Game of Thrones

Arya with NeedlePreviously on Game of Thrones: Cersei proved that she is the spiritual heir of Cruella DeVille by offing Sansa’s direwolf. I think some other things happened that you can read about in the recap of the first episode, titled Winter Is Coming, and the second, The Kingsroad.


Ned and the Stark girls arrive in King’s Landing where the crowd raises Ned’s suspicions by wearing bright colors. Ned is immediately greeted by some lackey who tells him that Maester Pycelle has called a meeting of the Small Council and Ned’s presence is requested. Oh great, Ned’s just arrived and already he has to sit through PowerPoint presentations! The lackey suggests that Ned slip into something more comfortable and less stained, but Ned is already running late for his pissing contest with Jaime Lannister.


Jaime and NedThe doors of the Throne Room open to reveal Jaime Lannister lounging on the steps of the throne. Jaime opens the pissing contest by being faux-grateful that Ned is there to provide some “stern Northern leadership.” Ned’s retort is a bit lame, frankly (“glad to see you’re protecting the throne”), but he’s just the straight man so Jaime can tell his joke about the King shitting and the Hand wiping his bottom. Ned's look is one of distrust and hostility (so basically, his default expression, at least down in King’s Landing.)

Jaime reminisces about how the former King burned Ned’s father to death right there in the throne room, and laughed at his screams. Ned sneers that Jaime just stood there and watched. Jaime says five hundred other men just stood there and watched too, but “it felt like justice” when he killed the Mad King later on. Jaime’s even a little bit sincere here (say, 20% sincerity to 80% needling Ned), but Ned isn’t having any of it. He asks Jaime if that’s what he tells himself at night, that “you were avenging my father when you shoved your sword in Aerys Targaryen’s back.”

Ned, Ned, why so bitchy? OK, so he defenestrated your kid and you think he plotted to poison your foster-father Jon Arryn, but you don’t know about the former and you have no proof of the latter. From where I’m sitting, Jaime did you a solid there, killing the dude who laughed while your father burned.

Jaime asks whether Ned would appreciate him more if he’d stabbed Aerys in the belly instead of the back, and Ned walks off with another implication that Jaime’s a coward. “You served [Aerys] well, when serving was safe.”

Pissing Contest Score Ned 1 - Jaime 0.  But stay tuned, because there will be several other pissing contests in this episode!


Finally, we meet the Small Council (or, considering who’s there, maybe “Shifty and Shiftier” is a more appropriate name) which consists of some new characters, whose names (and duties) I shall try to elucidate for you.

First, bald Lord Varys who’ll be our court eunuch today (because every intrigue-filled court needs a few eunuchs to pull the strings and be sneered at for having no balls.) Varys greets Ned with a smarmy reference to events on the Kingsroad in the previous episode; unlike anyone in the audience, he has been praying for Joffrey’s speedy recovery. Ned sneers at Varys and, apparently forgetting that he lives in Westeros, says it’s a “shame you didn’t say a prayer for the butcher’s son.”

Next up, Renly Baratheon, King Robert’s younger brother who has short hair and a beard. Miracle of miracles, Renly actually elicits a grin from Ned and even gets a hug. Renly tells Ned that they could have postponed the meeting but he’s interrupted by...Tommy Carcetti (played by Aidan Gillen) from “The Wire” His name on this show is Petyr Baelish and he fought a duel with Ned’s brother over Ned’s wife Catelyn and I have no idea why they’re going over this private business in front of three other guys, but OK, fine!  

Ned’s second pissing contest (a draw, I think) is interrupted by the final member of the Council, Maester Pycelle. Apparently, Pycelle, like half Robert’s court, previously served Aerys Targaryen. Pycelle hands over Ned’s badge of office, a brooch shaped like a hand and suggests that they begin.

Ned asks whether they should wait for the King. Pish! Silly Ned, the King doesn’t do anything as mundane as actually governing his country! He has, however, paid attention to really important things like staging a tournament in Ned’s honor, with a grand prize of 40,000 gold dragons. (I’m assuming we’re talking cash in hand, and not fire-breathing flying creatures here.) Ned is appalled at the expense and even more appalled when Baelish lets him know that the crown is three million in debt to the Lannisters. Cheer up, Ned, the Lannisters only hold half the crown’s debts! Ned wonders how Jon Arryn could have let this happen and yet again, people try to tell Ned what a terrible ruler his buddy Robert is.

Ned says he’ll discuss the tournament with Robert the next day because this is an extravagance Westeros can ill afford.  Baelish mentions that they should start planning just in case, and Ned snarls (insofar as Sean Bean’s mellifluous voice can snarl) that there will be no plans until he speaks to Robert. Varys has the final—and smarmy—word, while I try to figure out if he’s wearing a kimono.


Cersei is seeing to the direwolf bite on Joffrey’s arm; unfortunately it seems to be healing well. Joffrey has a rare moment of self-reflection about his cowardice in the face of Arya and her direwolf. Cersei nips this in the bud, telling him that the truth is what he makes of it. Joffrey says that he doesn’t want to marry Sansa because she saw him humiliated. Cersei tells him that Sansa is beautiful and young and he only has to see her on formal occasions and to make babies; the rest of the time he can fuck whoever he wants to, painted whores or noble virgins. Aaah, marriage, that blessed arrangement, that dream within a dream...Cersei tells Joffrey to do something nice for Sansa because an occasional kindness will spare him trouble down the road.

Then Joffrey complains that the Northerners have too much power; apparently he wants to dismantle the feudal structure altogether and is all “l’etat, c’est moi!” (He does have a point about having a centralized professional standing army of men loyal to the crown but Westeros is still firmly stuck in Ye Olde Feudal Tymes.) Cersei gives him some more lessons in statecraft and tells him that the North can’t be held by an invading force. “A good king knows when to save his strength and when to destroy his enemies.”

Joffrey’s takeaway from this is that the Starks are their enemies. Cersei tells him “everyone who isn’t us is an enemy.”

That’s right, Joffrey, the whole world except your mommy is against you because you are, even at fifteen, clearly the second-worst person to have a shot at the throne of Westeros. (Viserys Targaryen is #1, but more on him later.)


Dinnertime at the Stark suite. Arya is stabbing the tabletop with her knife; Septa Mordane tries in vain to make her stop doing this (because that's a really aggravating sound!)  Arya says she’s practicing. “Practicing for what?” Sansa asks. “The prince,” Arya says. Ha!

Arya tells Sansa that Joffrey is a liar and a coward and he killed her friend, so basically recapping the last episode of the show. Sansa tells Arya she’s an idiot and Arya retorts that Sansa’s a liar and if she’d told the truth Mycah would be alive. (I doubt that highly, honey!)

Septa Mordane decides that enough is enough and she is starting to send Arya to her room when Ned arrives and sends Arya to her room instead.

Ned has brought Sansa a present to make up for not being able to save her direwolf. Awww! Sansa unwraps it and it’s a doll. Ned’s excited because it’s a fancy doll made by the guy who makes Princess Myrcella’s toys. Awwww! This is really sweet, except that a) given Arya’s stabby proclivities, Ned should have bought Sansa body armor and b) unlike the Princess, Sansa isn’t ten years old. She points this out to her father, and if Ned paid half the attention to her that he will subsequently pay to Arya he might have saved himself an expensive doll purchase!

“War was easier than daughters,” Ned tells Septa Mordane.


Arya is playing with Needle when Ned comes to her room. Ned asks whose sword she’s holding and Arya says “mine.” Ned recognizes the sword as the work of Winterfell’s smith and asks where Arya got it. She doesn’t want to rat out Jon so she says nothing.

“This is no toy,” Ned says. “Little ladies shouldn’t play with swords.”

“I wasn’t playing,” Arya says. “And I don’t want to be a lady.”

Oh, Arya! My heart kind of breaks for her here, because it’s not as though she has any choice in the matter.

Ned and Arya discuss who she wants to stick with the pointy end of Needle. Poor Arya tells Ned that she was trying to learn and because she asked Mycah to practice with her, she’s responsible for his death. Ned calls her “sweet girl” (aww!) and tells her that it wasn’t her fault Mycah died.

Arya says she hates them all, the Hound, the Queen, the King, Joffrey and Sansa.

Ned is shocked that Arya hates her sister and defends her by saying that Sansa had to take Joffrey’s side even when he’s wrong, because she’s going to be married to him.

“How can you let her marry someone like that?” Arya asks. Aye, there’s the rub, sweet summer child! Pardon me, I have to go get the Old Nan out of my system for a minute.

OK, back now...Ned changes the subject. “Winter is truly coming,” he tells Arya. They’re in a dangerous place (I’m not really 100% sure why Ned brought her here in the first place, but I’m going to let that slide for now) and they have to protect one another.

Arya says she doesn’t really hate her sister, and Ned lets her keep her sword, but tells her that she has to learn how to use it.


Robb and BranAt Winterfell, a crow lands on the window of Bran’s room and Old Nan, the awesome old lady knitting in the corner, tells Bran that crows are all liars in a tone of voice suggesting that she frequently has conversations with deceitful crows. Old Nan says that she knows a story about a crow and Bran says he hates her stories.

“I know a story about a boy who hated stories,” Old Nan says. Ha ha!! I’m trying to figure out what it is that she’s knitting.

Bran says he wants to listen to scary stories, so Old Nan continues to knit while she tells him about White Walkers and giant white spiders and tears freezing on people’s faces and smothered babies and other terrifying stuff that arrives on winter’s coattails.

Before I can scream in fear, Robb comes in and interrupts. He sends Old Nan off to have her supper and has a chat with poor Bran, who doesn’t remember anything about his fall. Robb tries to lead the witness by saying that Bran never falls when he’s climbing, and Bran changes the subject to discuss the fact that he’ll never walk again. Poor Bran says “I’d rather be dead.” Poor Bran!!


Back in King’s Landing, where Catelyn and Rodrick Cassel attempt to enter the city surreptitiously, only to be outed by some dudes in chain-mail chadors who are members of the City Watch (also known as the “Gold Cloaks.”) Catelyn starts to get royally pissed off (which would defeat the purpose of the incognito) until one of the dudes hands her a rolled up scroll.

She follows them up a set of stairs, to find Petyr Baelish hanging out doing accounts (I think?) with some scantily clad ladies. He sends them off, and Catelyn throws the scroll at his head, calling him a “little worm.” Catelyn is just getting started on her rant about being in a whorehouse (“you take me for some back-alley Sally”) when a couple more bare-breasted ladies prove her point. Baelish hisses at them to begone, and then tells Catelyn that he meant no disrespect, but it’s a great place to be incognito.

It turns out that Varys knew that Catelyn was coming to King’s Landing, and apparently all about the attack on Bran, including the fancy dagger that was to be used to kill Catelyn’s boy. Hmmm, how come Catelyn doesn’t think this is suspicious, even though a single golden hair was enough to convince her of the Lannisters’ involvement?

Petyr cops to having been the original owner of the dagger, until he bet on Jaime Lannister in the tournament for Joffrey’s name-day. Jaime lost to the Knight of the Flowers, and Petyr lost his dagger to Tyrion Lannister “the Imp.”


Said Imp is up at the wall, hanging out with the Commander of the Kingsguard, Lord Mormont, watching Jon Snow kick ass, take names, and look morose.

Tyrion remarks that the fighting trainer is a “charming” man (and by charming, he means “a nasty piece of work.”) Mormont says that he doesn’t need charm, he needs someone to turn his raw (and mostly criminal) recruits into fighting men. He tells Tyrion that a message came for Ned Stark’s son, containing both good news and bad. Tyrion takes the message from Mormont (presumably to deliver it to Jon.)


Back to King’s Landing, where Ned stalks through the Throne Room. I’m a little confused by the timeline at this point, because although it appears to be a day or so later, it also seems that Ned has not found time to wash his hair or change his clothes. Maybe Ned is just too stern and Northern to get behind Southron indulgences like “baths” and “clean clothes.”

Maester Pycelle hobbles up behind him and gives him a message from Winterfell. Then Lord Baelish turns up to surprise Ned by telling him Catelyn is in King’s Landing.

Ned is super pissed off when Baelish brings him to a brothel. He says Baelish is a “very funny man” whilst choking him, so I beg leave to doubt the sincerity of his words. Catelyn saves Petyr Baelish from Ned’s sweaty grasp by poking her head out of the window, and Ned stalks off inside, letting Petyr have the last word: “Aah, the Starks! Quick tempers, slow minds!” (Thus far, I concur with Petyr’s assessment.)


Jon Snow sparringBack at Castle Black, the other recruits to the Night’s Watch decide to gang up on Jon in revenge for his drubbing of them during their practice swordfighting. Jon is about to get his ass kicked when Tyrion interrupts. He remarks on how marvelous their faces would look decorating spikes in King’s Landing. The lads are not as thick as they look and they slink off, muttering something about “later, Lord Snow!”

Jon complains bitterly to Tyrion that “everyone knew what this place was, but no one told me.” Jon’s little bout of emo self-pity is punctured by Tyrion’s telling him about the life-stories of the other recruits. Compared to them, Jon’s had an awesomely easy life, if the worst thing he can say is that his father’s wife never loved him. Grenn was abandoned at the age of 3, and Pip was caught stealing a wheel of cheese for his starving sister, and sentenced to lose a hand or join the Night Watch.

Jon says that his fellow recruits hate him because he’s better than they are. (Maybe change that to “thinks he’s better than they are” and they’ll agree!) Tyrion continues to puncture Jon’s Bubble of Emo, pointing out that Jon’s the only one who’s had the benefit of actual weapons training before arriving at the Wall.

Finally he hands over the message from Winterfell, saying that Bran has woken up.


Back to Baelish’s Brothel of Secret Hideaways for Noble Ladies and Their Quick-Tempered Husbands. (Ok, I’ll just call it the “brothel” for short.)

Petyr points out that even the suggestion that Tyrion tried to have Bran killed would be construed as treason. When Catelyn says that they have proof in the form of Tyrion’s dagger, Petyr says Tyrion will just lie and say it was stolen.

Catelyn tells Ned that Petyr is like a little brother to her and would never betray her trust. Hmmm, I don’t think Petyr’s feelings are exactly brotherly, to be honest. Ned also seems a little bit doubtful on this point.

Petyr says he’ll try to keep Ned alive for Catelyn’s sake, even if it’s a fool’s task. Catelyn tells him she’ll won’t forget and that he’s a true friend.

Ned continues to look sceptical.  


Speaking of brotherly love ... Jaime enters Cersei's boudoir, where she berates him for throwing Bran out the window. You know what they say about hindsight being 20/20. (I’m not endorsing child defenestration, but I do wonder what Cersei thinks the alternative would have been.)

Jaime makes my point about how it’s too late to be worrying about that now, and after Cersei admits that Bran hasn’t said anything, he says that he thinks they can outfox a ten-year-old. If Bran does tell anyone what he saw, they’ll just say he was lying.

“And my husband?” Cersei asks.

Jaime says he’ll go to war with Robert. “They can write a ballad about us. The war for Cersei’s cunt.”

Cersei hauls off and slaps Jaime, who grins. When she tries to slap him a second time, he grabs her and pulls her in close to him.

“Let me go,” Cersei tells him, and Jaime whispers “Never.” Cersei protests, pro forma at this point, and Jaime continues to whisper sweet nothings in her ear as he nuzzles her neck. “The boy won’t talk. And if he does, I’ll kill him. Him, Ned Stark, the King, the whole bloody lot of them until you and I are the only people left in this world.” As Titus Pullo once remarked, the still-beating heart of an enemy is the way to any woman’s affections and it seems to work on Cersei who relaxes into Jaime’s arms.

If they weren’t siblings this would be totally romantic. As it is, romantic with a giant helping of EWWWWW!


Ned is sending Catelyn away, and refuses her plea to see her daughters before she leaves, because it’s too dangerous until they know who their enemies are. Didn’t we already establish that the Lannisters are their enemies?

Catelyn knows in her bones that the Lannisters are behind the attempts on Bran's life, but Ned is a tiny bit more sceptical of Littlefinger’s bona fides (that’s Petyr Baelish’s nickname, by the way, just in case you were wondering.) In any case, Ned can’t do anything until he has proof.

“And if you find proof?” Catelyn asks.

Ned tells her he’ll bring it to Robert in the hopes that the King is still the man he once knew. You know, I think if the incident with poor Lady the Direwolf establishes anything, it’s that Robert is categorically not the man Ned once knew.

Ned wishes Catelyn a safe journey and they laugh about how Ned nearly killed Littlefinger the day before. Ned and Catelyn kiss passionately (and they’re not even blood relations! How unusual for this show!)


King “No Longer the Man Ned Once Knew” Robert is hanging out in his cups, chatting with Barristan Selmy, a knight of the Kingsguard who is not Jaime Lannister. Robert asks Barristan who his “first” was, and for a moment I’m worried that we’re going to discuss how Robert lost his virginity. But they’re just discussing killing people. Yay? Robert is like those high-school athletes who can’t stop talking about their glory days, even though now they’re used-car salesmen run to seed. (Wait, I think I just described Buddy Garrity from “Friday Night Lights”!)

Robert reminisces about his first kill, a story that Barristan has no doubt already heard a zillion times. He is probably thinking, as I am, that the only way Robert’s going to kill anyone now is by squashing them or causing them to die of alcohol poisoning by drinking them under the table.

Then Robert launches into a soliloquy that is vaguely reminiscent of Macbeth’s “tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow” speech, except with more discussion of “pissing.” It’s a theme in this episode. Finally, Robert mocks his squire, Lancel Lannister for his name.

Robert summons Lancel's cousin, the Kingslayer Jaime Lannister, who is standing guard at the door.  Robert mocks his brother-in-law for being a glorified sentry even though he’s the son of the mighty Tywin Lannister (to whom, let us not forget, Robert is indebted for his wine and whores budget); Jaime looks bored.  No doubt he's heard this tirade a zillion times before.

Robert asks Jaime whether the Mad King had any last words, such as, for example, “TRAITOR.” Jaime responds that Aerys said the same thing he’d been saying for hours: “Burn them all.” So when they say Aerys was the Mad King, he wasn’t just a little bit of an eccentric who talked to invisible rabbits; he was a homicidal pyromaniac.

Jaime’s expression is all “I’ve been despised by better men than you” and he goes back to sentry duty.

Pissing Contest Score: Jaime 1, Drunk King Robert 0


Dany TargaryenWe cut away to the Mad King’s progeny, where Danaerys Targaryen, now in Dothraki clothing that looks much more suitable for horseback, is discussing slavery with Jorah Mormont, who is, if you recollect, something of an expert on this matter.

Now Dany confronts the eternal problem of women on long road trips. Where to find a clean bathroom? She orders Jorah to tell everyone to stop, and he’s a little surprised. Jorah patronizes her a little bit by telling her she sounds like a Queen. “Not a Queen,” Dany says. “A khaleesi.”

Dany’s quest for privacy is rudely interrupted by her crazy-eyes brother. Considering Viserys, it’s really easy to imagine that their father was mentally unstable. Apparently, Viserys is really annoyed by the fact that Dany ordered everyone to stop. He holds Dany at swordspoint, telling her that he doesn’t take orders from savages or their sluts.

This ugly situation is interrupted by one of the Dothraki, who lassoes Viserys from behind. As Viserys chokes on the ground, Dany’s handmaiden translates for her, asking whether the Dothraki warrior (Rhakaro) should kill Viserys. When Dany says no, Rhakaro says maybe just an ear then. Dany makes it clear that she doesn’t want her brother harmed at all, and Rhakaro, though clearly puzzled by this crazy talk, lets Viserys go.

As soon as Viserys can talk again, he orders Jorah to kill these “Dothraki dogs.” Unlike Viserys, Jorah is clear on who’s actually in charge and is all “la la la, I can’t heeeear you.”

Dany gets back on her horse and rides away; when Viserys attempts to remount as well, Rhakaro tells him he’ll be walking.

Pissing contest score:  All the Dothraki People 40,000, Viserys 0


Back to Castle Black. (They are killing me with these scene changes, by the way!) Jon wanders around some windy, snowy stairs and eventually gets on a giant elevator which carries him up to the top of the Wall where Uncle Benjen is waiting.

Can I just point out how weird it is that none of these people wear hats or hoods on their cloaks? Seriously, you’d think they’d all be earless by that point, what with the frostbite and all. Have they never heard of earmuffs? Maybe that’s what Old Nan was knitting back in Winterfell!

Uncle Benjen tells Jon that he wanted to be there when Jon saw the top of the Wall for the first time. Then he tells Jon that he’s off in the morning, and Jon says that he’s ready. Uncle Benjen tells Jon he’s not going, because he’s not a Ranger. “Here, a man gets what he earns, when he earns it!”

I wonder if “hats” are included in things men of the Night’s Watch can earn. They should be!


Still at the Wall, Tyrion has found himself a drinking companion who, we’ll learn, goes by the name of Yoren. They are exchanging funny stories about weird things they’ve eaten, and having a jolly old time until Benjen Stark interrupts the mood by telling them that everyone is going to dieeeeeee! The Starks’ motto apparently is: Winter is Coming, NO FUN FOR ANYONE!

Tyrion and Benjen exchange not-so-veiled hostilities which seem to center mostly around the fact that Tyrion is a Lannister and Benjen thinks Tyrion is mocking him and the Night’s Watch. Cheer up, Uncle Benjen, Tyrion mocks everyone!

Benjen swirls off in his cape to make sure no one else is having a good time at Castle Black and Tyrion invites Yoren to travel with him on his journey back south, because Yoren is going recruiting for the Night’s Watch. (I wonder how that goes, by the way; as an incentive, “leave your family and friends and freeze your ass off, and did we mention you will never know the love of a woman again, and if you change your mind, you will lose your head!” leaves a little something to be desired in my view. No wonder the only people they entice up North are thieves and criminals and emo teenagers. Maybe they should reconsider the celibacy thing and franchise out a brothel to Littlefinger!)


Back to the Dothraki, where Danaerys is taking her language lessons while a handmaiden braids her hair.  Dany's a regular Eliza Doolittle in Dothraki. Out of the blue, the handmaiden reaches over and squeezes Dany’s breast! And here I though we’d get through a whole episode without anyone molesting Dany against her will! At least she’s covered up this time around.

The handmaiden tells Danaerys that she’s been blessed by the Great Stallion, aka Khal Drogo has knocked his khaleesi up.


Jorah and Rakharo are hanging out and comparing their, their actual swords, not metaphorical ones like all the other people in this episode. They start talking about their fathers and Jorah mentions that his father is a “man of great honor.” Unlike Jorah.

The handmaiden pops in and mentions that the Khaleesi is tired of eating horsemeat, and she would like ducks, rabbits or dogs. 

After Jorah gently says that Danaerys probably won’t enjoy dog, the handmaiden reveals that the Khaleesi is pregnant. Err, OK! Jorah says he’ll have someone butcher a goat for Dany while he rides off to Qohor. Which is in the other direction from where the Dothraki are going and is not even a tiny bit suspicious at all, nope! I’m sure he just wants to procure some some some fresh organic vegetables and grass-fed beef and loads of fresh fruit for Dany.


Maester AemonBack at Castle Black where Jon has now befriended the boys he formerly despised and is teaching them how to swordfight. Tyrion looks on, proud of how he turned a surly emo teenager into a mensch. Goodbye, Mr. Chips!

Lord Mormont and a very old blind man (whose name is Maester Aemon) discuss the weather with Tyrion. Aemon basically sounds just like Old Nan, minus the giant spider talk and the knitting; he says that they’ll all be sorry for neglecting the Night’s Watch once Winter comes. Mormont and Maester Aermon ask Tyrion to speak to his sister the Queen, and tell her that more men are needed at the Wall. Clearly, even in their isolation from the rest of the world, they are aware that asking Robert for anything that’s not related to wine or whores is a losing proposition.


A shot of the dragon eggs leads us to Dany and Drogo snuggling under some furs (hopefully none of them a direwolf pet) and Dany tells Drogo that their baby will be a boy. They kiss! It’s the second non-incestuous yet loving relationship in this episode.


Back to Castle Black—did I mention they are seriously killing me with these many short scenes? Tyrion fulfills his ambition of pissing off the edge of the known world. Jon tells Tyrion he’ll miss him and asks him to see Bran when he stops at Winterfell on his way home.

“He’ll never walk again,” Jon says sadly.

“If you’re going to be a cripple, it’s better to be a rich cripple.”

Tyrion speaks truth!


Back in King’s Landing, where Arya walks into a balcony/arcade; she’s informed by a curly-haired man that she’s late. Arya asks “who are you?”

The man tells her he’s her “dancing master” Syrio Forel. Syrio has been hired by Ned to teach Arya how to use a sword, but he tells her they won’t do the “Knights’ Dance, hacking and hammering” with broadswords, but the “water dance” of his native country, Braavos, which is “swift and sudden. All men are made of water; if you pierce them, the water leaks out and they die.”

Arya gets the hang of things pretty quickly, and Ned Stark, who's watching, radiates quiet pride in his daughter.  As episode ends, the sound of wooden swords clacking switches to the clash of steel, perhaps foreshadowing Ned’s unease or Arya's future.


Regina Thorne is an avid reader of just about everything, an aspiring writer, a lover of old movies and current tv shows, and a hopeless romantic.

Subscribe to this conversation (must be logged in):
1. Indi
Hon, you were just born for the Stark... err, snark! :D Great recap! Even though I've read the books it's always fun to see what your eagle eye has spotted. (Why don't the men of the Watch wear earmuffs?? Or hats. But maybe when they train for the Watch they learn special meditation techniques that warm one's ears.)
2. Estelindis
Your summary is wonderful. Love your pissing contest score-keeping! Non-spoiler book info is chosen very judiciously and added seamlessly to the write-up. Thanks for writing and sharing.
3. MFrampton
@Regina, I kept thinking about that hat thing myself! Of course I am famous among my friends for mocking them if they have no winter headgear on during, um, winter.
Gwenda Bond
4. GwendaBond
Another great recap -- I read it aloud to my husband and we were both cracking up.

Total aside: I think it's really interesting that Dany is the only woman who has visible (although understated) make-up.
5. nicola griffith
I haven't watched this ep yet, but after your recap (great stuff!) I'm thinking it's perfect for a drinking game...
6. scepter
I'm enjoying reading your recaps and thanks for pointing out which man was Jorah's father. I take it he didn't take the oath as a young man since he had a son.
I wish the scenes with the Dothraki (and the Targaryens) were longer. (the look on Viserys face... 'you be walkin')
I would have like to have seen Danaerys telling the "Great Stallion" he was going to be a father. I want to see their love story play out more. (I assume that's where it's going - I bought the books but they haven't got here yet)

Loved the Starbuck quote!
7. taragel
Lol. Powerpoint presentations! I love your recaps, dear! And since I invariably miss a name/get confused about who's who/wander off because I'm distracted by something shiny, these are essential reading!
8. lady trudy
yes, this episode with the fast clips wasn't as good as the last two espisodes but i'm not really complaining. I wish Ned would wash his hair. I also like the love thing with Danarys telling her hub she was pregnant. I am sure they may be the bad guys of this story but i do like this couple. I can see why he might fight to get her kingdom back for HER. but you know bad blood runs true. So I'm not sure how that will play out. Anyhoo, great recap!!
9. cyberducks
Great recap and very snarkilicious!

You know watching the show I can no longer understand why I found Robert ever the slightest bit sympathetic in the book.
Mira Moskva
10. MiraMoskva
Cersei is seriously creepy in the scene where she changes the dressing on
Joffrey's arm. The "painted whores" line aside, I thought she was about to bring her incest thing to a whole new level. Ew!

In the scenes at Castle Black I kept wondering about their hats, too. And also, in the scene where Jon and Tyrion say goodbye, first Tyrion pisses off the wall, and then he shakes Jon's hand! Ew again!

I really like these recaps - they are a great help! I haven't read the books yet (I haven't even heard about the series before you started posting about it here), so I sometimes get confused about the characters/background/storyline.
11. munditia
I love, love, love your recaps on this site, hon. Theyare quite hilarious and make dreary lunch breaks at the office all the more entertaining!
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