Believe it or not, the wait is finally over: True Blood's seventh and final (!!!) season is now under way. Tune in each week as we recap and discuss the last chapter in the story of our favorite Bon Temps residents.
This post contains SPOILERS for all aired episodes of True Blood, including last night’s Season 7, Episode 3, “Fire in the Hole.” Enjoy!
Last week’s True Blood gave us a super sexy dream sequence, answers about Eric Northman’s status, Sookie planning to do something idiotic (again), and the town succumbing to vigilantism.
Fingers crossed that we get to learn more about what’s going on with Eric and his Hep-V, Sookie redeems herself and Arlene and Holly make it out of the Fangtasia basement in this episode “Fire in the Hole.”
Sarah Newlin has moved out to Los Angeles? I don’t doubt she’s still nasty, but we have to give Sarah props for her survival ability. Ten bucks says she has a new cause.
Eric’s been sick with Hep-V for a month. I volunteer to nurse him back to health. Pam confirms Tara met the true death, and Eric doesn’t sympathize. He’s given up.
Flashback! Eric speaking French? I approve. The 1986 clothes? Less so. However, if we get an Eric sex scene in every episode going forward, I will throw confetti and forgive flashback attire. He’s interrupted while having sex with Sylvie by Nan from the Authority. Yes, really.
Not sure why we need flashbacks including the Authority, but okay, I’ll bite.
Apparently Pam and Eric didn’t check in with their local sheriff when moving to France in the ‘80s. She’s also unhappy that Eric is so—ahem—public with the vintner’s daughter.
We’re getting to see the first time Eric fell in love with a human. He dismisses the Authority for her. He refuses to leave town because she wants to finish school. This is the Eric we saw during the amnesia back in season 4.
Alcide in a towel, and Sookie is missing it. Damn it. He puts on pants and runs through the graveyard to Bill’s house. He breaks down the door, trying to find her.
Cut to Sookie and Bill driving somewhere together. He can’t feel her anymore, because of all the changes post Vampire Camp last season. Sookie asks if that means he gets a clean slate, because he’s not the same vampire he was before. He accepts responsibility for his actions, which helps. It’s still hard to ‘ship them after all that’s happened.
Sookie drinks from Bill’s wrist for safety reasons. When Bill’s fangs descend as a result she reminds him she has a boyfriend. Something tells me that will do little to assuage Alcide’s feelings about it.
Wade and Adilyn talking about how they made out once was just about the most adorable thing ever. Jessica and Andy show up right as they were about to kiss again.
Sam and his new vampire friend Matt run into a human roadblock while coming home from the church. As they talked, they shoot Matt, who explodes. Vince says he’s the mayor now, which makes me think he really doesn’t understand how elections work. Sam shifts into an owl to escape. Everyone fires at him… because vigilantes. It was a lot of build up for nothing.
Jason asks Violet if she’ll have a baby with him. She then calls him a girl. Because Violet is just charming like that. Their fight is interrupted when Andy, Jessica and the kids show up and need Jason’s help in stopping everything from going to hell.
Lafayette dancing FTW!
James and Lafayette continue to have conversations that are the highlights of this show. James is having relationship woes with Jessica, and then Lala is going to help…in his own way.
The Hep-V vampires are freaking out over their dwindling food supply, and they really don’t want to have to go hunting again. They have to eat every hour on the hour in order to survive. Holly, aka “the Harry Potter one,” is chosen to go with them while they hunt Bon Temps again.
Sookie is turning herself in to literal vampire bait. She tells Bill it’s because of her calling her that back when they met. Sorry, I’m not finding their discussing her TSTL decision all that romantic. They want to Hep-V vampires to take her back to where they’re holding the others.
They talk about how she feels about Alcide. He wants children, which she voices without further comment. Then she says that she thinks Alcide loves her more than she loves him. Because that’s totally something you tell your ex while sitting in the middle of nowhere about to do something that might kill you. Totally.
When Andy & Co. come across the vigilantes, Mrs. Fortenberry calls dibs on shooting Jessica and Jason. She blames Jess for Hoyt leaving, and then fires at her. Jess gets clipped, and Violet takes action. She rips out Mrs. Fortenberry’s heart. That disperses a crowd.
Okay, Sookie, you made me laugh. Nothing like asking a vampire if he’s been to Six Flags.
Flashback! This final season is going to be flashback heavy, isn’t it? Well, this time we get Bill talking to his daughter before leaving for the war. They’re taking the photos we’ve seen before in the show.
Sookie decides to cut herself to try and draw the Hep-V vampires. It’s the first time we’ve seen that. Just kidding!
The Reverend feeds Willa before kicking her out of his house. She’s too much a temptation to Lettie Mae. Let’s hope that doesn’t mean death for the Reverend or Willa.
The France flashback continues. We see Pam getting herself some action inside, and Eric outside with Sylvie again. Only the men from the Japanese company making Tru Blood (and they work for the Authority, too) arrive to interrupt everyone’s fun. They tell Eric he must decide who dies: Pam or Sylvie.
In the present, Pam begs Eric to fight to live. She wants to help him live, and he just wants her to leave. We want to cry, too, Pam. Luckily, Pam knows the one thing to say to keep him going: Sarah Newlin is alive. Eric has a mission again.
Sarah has always had a thing for screwing leaders. So, sure enough, we see her having sex with her yoga instructor. The same men from the France flashback show up looking for Sarah. When the Yogi won’t tell them where she is, they chop off his head.
Sookie’s friends manage to save her from her plan. When the Hep-V vampires show up—and attack Bill, too—Alcide and Sam jump in to rescue Bill while Andy and Jason shoot at those trying to capture Sookie (and detain Holly).
What. The. Fuck. Alcide gets shot and killed after the Hep-V vampires are handled. I’m just going to call this what it is: A cheap way to end his relationship with Sookie.
First we get a flash of Sylvie topless as Eric goes in for the bite. Then we get a glorious view of
ASkars Eric’s ass as the two make love among the grape vines.
Two shifters meet in a clearing…. Both Sam and Alcide shift back to human form, which means a whole lot of naked men.
Flashback nudity! Naked ladies make Pam happy. They make her even happier when they let her feed from them. This is followed by full-frontal Sylvie.
A heartbreaking last visual of Alcide: Nude on the ground with Sookie crying over him.
Eric: “I didn’t know you were going to come looking for me.”
Pam: “Yeah? Then why’d you keep on moving?”
Nan: “We can’t very well remain hidden when we are publicly biting, fucking and sucking the vintner’s daughter.”
Violet to Jessica: “It’s Pollyanna shit like that that makes me hate you.”
Sookie to Bill: “Have you ever been to Six Flags?”
While Chelsea Mueller runs Vampire Book Club, she won’t turn down a sexy werewolf, demon or faerie. Her appreciation of Alexander Skarsgard is well documented. Bother her on Twitter — @ChelseaVBC — she likes it.