Orphan Black blew us away last year (you may have seen our Season 1 recaps during the hiatus?) with its riveting performances (led by Tatiana Maslany), brilliant storytelling, and intriguing romances (like Sarah/Paul and Cosima/Delphine). Now it's back for Season 2, and so are our weekly episode recaps. Buckle up—we have a feeling it's going to be quite the ride.
This post contains SPOILERS for all aired episodes of Orphan Black, including last night’s Season 2, episode 9, “Things Which Have Never Yet Been Done.” Enjoy!
Wearing yellow rubber gloves streaked with blood, Donnie stands over Doctor Leekie’s corpse, which lays on his garage floor. Alison enters through the side door wearing pink on pink but for her matching blood-streaked, yellow rubber gloves. She pauses a moment when she sees Donnie. “I cleaned the car!” she informs him brightly. She asks what he’s doing. “I think those are his brains,” Donnie moans. “They’re congealed.” Alison steps next to him to consider the body and takes a deep breath. “Pitter-patter, Donnie. Let’s get to it.”
Iiiiiiiiit’s MURDER MONTAGE TIME!
Alison and Donnie wrap Leekie’s body in a shower curtain dotted with pink and red circles and tape it up with Alison’s pink duct tape. Of course she has pink duct tape. Alison repeatedly flips the curtain at Donnie who instead dodges it. Irritated, she tells him to grab the other end. “Well, you’re whipping it in my face!” he complains, dodging it again. They discuss which angle to start from and decide on diagonal and by decide, I mean that’s what Alison tells Donnie they’re going to do. Donnie has to sit down, but when Alison snaps at him, “If you’re not going to hold it together…” he rallies. “No, I got this, I got this.” To be fair, he does have the messier end. They move the body in its hastily wrapped tarp onto the shower curtain. Donnie loses hold of his end at the last moment so that it thunks onto the floor. Alison efficiently wraps the new curtain with the duct tape while Donnie straddles the body to hold it up for her and tries not to vomit. “Don’t throw up, Donnie. Please don’t throw up,” Alison pleads without faltering in her task. They finally finish and together hoist up the newly re-wrapped corpse and toss it into their large freezer, stacking casseroles and other frozen goods on top of it. Flopping the lid down, Donnie exhales hard and leans against the freezer while Alison tries not to let on just how much she enjoyed all that.
Over at the Promethean Ranch, Henrik prepares Helena for insemination. Ya know, I have not missed creepy Promethean Ranch shenanigans these last few weeks at all. He tells her to hold on to Alexis the midwife’s hand. Alexis assures Helena she’s done this many times. Somehow, that’s not comforting. Alexis, by the way, is played by the spectacular Kathryn Alexandre, who has been Tatiana Maslany’s double since the start of the show. She is Alt Clone, the woman who stands in during the Clone sisters scenes so that Maslany has someone to work off of rather than the usual tennis ball typically used to film scenes when the actor plays both roles. This is Alexandre’s first time on screen in Orphan Black as herself. Cool.
Henrik warns Helena that she’s going to feel just a little bit of discomfort. That’s what they all say. “You’re doing very well,” Alexis encourages Helena, adding, “and you’re very strong,” as Helena clenches her hand against the pain. Heh. Henrik explains that it’s just the catheter threading past the cervix. “What is cervix?” Helena asks. Henrik says the cervix will open wide enough to let the baby pass when it’s time, which doesn’t answer the question. But getting reproductive instruction from Henrik might make public school heath class look like a damn good time, so Imma gonna let that slide. He holds up the tube of embryos. Helena gets what passes for a giddy smile on her face. “Those are my babies?” Looks like Henrik isn’t quite done with Reproduction 101. “I’m going to inject these into your womb and then they will implant themselves into the lining of your womb and they’ll start to grow just as nature intended.” Pretty sure nature didn’t intend you to use a tube to manually gestate artificially fertilized eggs you stole in the first place. He inserts the embryos and Helena looks like she’s trying to feel the eggs attaching. Finished, Henrik smiles at her. Was it good for you too? “God willing, in nine months we’ll be welcoming a brand-new you into the world. Maybe even twins.” Did anyone else just feel a shiver of fear? He leaves her to Alexis’ care while Helena lays back and contemplates being a mother.
Rachel and Delphine have tea in Leekie’s former office. Rachel gently asks after Cosima’s condition and Delphine, her voice shaking, updates that the growths have spread from Cosima’s uterus and lungs to her esophagus and epithelial tissue and now to her kidneys. Rachel reminds her there is a way. “Yes, but it’s Kira,” Delphine says with despair, knowing there might as well be no cure for all that. Rachel equivocates that it would be only until they can buy time for Duncan to find a cure. “We need to convince Sarah we have no designs beyond that treatment.” That would be easier to do if you had no designs beyond that treatment. Delphine admits that getting Duncan from Sarah was one thing but that she’ll never give up her daughter. “Please,” Rachel says with hints of sincerity. “I’ve been lied to as well.” Delphine is almost not buying it but she wants a cure for Cosima so badly, she’s letting herself be convinced anyway. “She won’t believe you,” she accurately tells Rachel. “Do you?” Rachel wonders. Delphine hesitates for a moment and then falls back on the science. “I am in the middle, committed to my subject.” Who’s also your girlfriend, sweetie. “Well said,” Rachel says. Look, any time Rachel approves of what you’ve done or said, do the opposite.
Rachel stands and strolls over to the desk. She announces she’d like Delphine to take over as interim director of the program. “The chair is vacant.” Yeah, and how’d it get that way again? “You understand the science and the human side. You’d be a wonderful ambassador.” But Delphine isn’t totally ignoring the politics around her. “And you need to sway Sarah,” she adds with a trace of bitter. Rachel insists the offer is neither a bribe nor a ploy. “You’re uniquely qualified. We could take this program in an entirely new direction.”
Over at Mrs. S.’s, Sarah is less than thrilled to hear Delphine’s news that she’s the new Leekie. “Only interim,” Delphine is quick to correct. “I didn’t ask for it.” Sarah scoffs at this. “Right.” Siobhan reminds Delphine they know what Rachel is really after. “And my daughter already pulled out her own tooth, Delphine!” Sarah exclaims. Delphine apologies. She rubs her forehead as she tries to distill the information into manageable bites for the lay people in the room. “The stem cells had limited effect; the disease is spreading too rapidly,” she explains. Benjamin stands silently nearby listening without comment, the first defense if someone breeches the door. Siobhan asks about Duncan’s gene therapy with his synthetic sequences as an option. Incidentally, Siobhan is rocking the Annie Oakley braids tonight. Does this mean she’s gonna shoot someone? “Even if we could pinpoint a genetic cause, a therapy is months away at best!” Delphine says. “But if we could reboot her immune system…”
“With my kid’s bone marrow!” Sarah interrupts. Desperate, Delphine resorts to her flawed tactic. “Please. Rachel insists she’s serious about forging a new relationship.” Siobhan actually laughs while Sarah derisively asks if Delphine believes Rachel. Delphine chooses her words carefully. “I believe that she’s as invested in this as both of you.” I sincerely doubt that. “I don’t know if I trust Rachel, but at least we could save Cosima. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t her only chance,” Delphine swears. And that’s the rub here really. Sarah and Siobhan very much want to save Cosima, they love her too, and they know Kira is the only solution but neither of them are willing to risk her well-being to do it. It’s a devious sword on which to be caught.
The Clone sisters are on conference call together! In the Sweet Science Crib, Cosima is now hooked up to a portable oxygen tank and it looks like they’ve moved her bed into the SSC for now. She admits the whole seizure thing totally freaked her out, but she’s feeling much better now. “Oh, Cosima,” Alison sniffs. “How ‘bout these nose tubes,” Cos quips. “Sexy right? Cannuallingus.” On screen, Alison dabs at her eyes while Sarah laughs at the joke. Siobhan sits at the table with Sarah and watches her with care while she folds laundry. On screen, Alison frets that she’d no idea Cosima’s condition was so bad and Cos immediately soothes her not to cry. “Just seeing you guys is making me feel better.” Sarah tells her they want to help, but they’re not going to bring Kira into the Dyad. She hates to have to say it too and squirms in her seat, fretting over being unable and unwilling to risk her daughter to save her sister’s life. Mrs. S. listens intently to Cosima sincerely protesting that she absolutely understands and under no condition does she want Kira anywhere near that hot mess. When Sarah looks to her for support, Siobhan silently nods and holds up her hand like she’s got something new. Hang on. It’s OK. Sarah frowns at her. What? “
I’m so sorry I put you in that position,” Cosima frets. Alison she feels like she’s been such a child wrapped up in her own problems. To be fair, they’ve be some BFD problems, which is essentially Cosima’s take too. “How’s it going with Donnie?” she asks. Alison looks over the top of her laptop to where Donnie is listening from the other side of the craft table. “Fine,” she replies tightly. “Ask them,” Donnie hisses. “We’re working through it, you know,” she says to her sisters. Donnie starts to freak on her. “No, now! Right now!” Sarah tells them they’re going to discuss things on their end and get back to the others with their decision real soon. But Alison has one final thing to ask. “Did anything come of Doctor Leekie’s…demise?” Cosima finishes her coughing fit to ask what she means, “Like officially he died on a private jet?” Sarah accurately calls that bullshit and Alison tries to clarify whether that means there’s going to be no investigation, “no body, nothing? “It’s Dyad,” Sarah sneers as though that explains everything. And it kinda does. “They’ll do anything to keep the whole thing secret.”
Later, Donnie wonders why The Dyad would claim Leekie died on a private plane. “He didn’t die on a plane,” he whines. Is he upset that he’s not getting his just dues here? Alison plunks the bottle of hand disinfectant down onto the craft table. “No, he died in your car,” Alison reminds him as she rubs the gel on her hands. Absently, Donnie helps himself to some. “Yes, I’m sorry,” he says, aggravated, “but why the cover story?” Oh that’s right, they don’t know Leekie was supposed to be killed by Dyad in the first place. “Maybe he’s think he’s dead. Maybe they told him to be dead and go live in Guadalupe only he’s in our freezer.” Donnie decides he knows what to do. “Oh you do, do you Donnie?” Alison scoffs. “As long as no one finds the body, we’re clear. So we dump him in the lake. With weights.” Alison is momentarily silenced by his idiocy. “Do we have a boat?!” Donnie realizes he’s missed a step. “Have you ever seen Dexter?” Alison continues. “I mean, random scuba divers are finding everything!” Ha! She tells Donnie they can’t risk transporting the body and Donnie decides in that case they’ll bury Leekie in the yard. Alison is seized with an epiphany. “No, not the yard.”
Cut to the den where their kids are watching television. Suddenly, the whole house starts to shake earthquake-like, knocking towers of assembled Legos from the end tables. The kids barely noticed. Out in the garage, a jackhammer is making Donnie its bitch. He pauses to shake his hand and that’s about all Alison can take. “Here, let me do it.” Donnie insists he’s got it, but she’s determined. He laughs at her. “Fine, you try. Good luck.” Alison is wearing pink ear protectors, naturally. She competently takes the jackhammer from him. Turning her head to bend him A Look, she turns the jackhammer on without even looking and sets to ripping up the basement floor with ease. Bitch, please. That look was priceless.
At the Promethean Ranch, Alexis checks on the resting Helena and asks how she’s feeling. “I have gas,” Helena replies. Alexis promises there’s more of that to come. Lovely. I’m amazed at how confident Henrik is that Helena is pregnant after one procedure given how typically difficult it is for women to become pregnant from in vitro fertilization especially on the first go. Alexis has fresh clothes for Helena and wants her to get dressed so Alexis can show her something. Cut to the main farmhouse that’s filled with children and a few women. “This is our nursery and preschool,” she announces “Feel free to spend as much time here as you wish. You’re part of our family now.” I can just see Helena giving knifing lessons to the religious cult children a la Carol in The Walking Dead. The kids gather around Helena eagerly, fascinated by the strange new woman. Gracie hovers in the background, unhappily watching Helena’s welcome. Helena pings on a young girl who looks a little like Kira. She pokes her tongue out playfully; the girl giggles and does the same. Helena smiles and then plays with the kids while Gracie watches a little confused at this new side to the crazy clone.
In the man cave, Gracie pours scotch for Henrik and Mark. Mark looks uneasy. Henrik dismisses Gracie and notes that Mark looks tired. Mark admits he’s been having the nightmares again. “When I think about what you’ve done for country and just 19,” Henrik says with anger. “And for what? Profit? Glory?” Mark hesitantly says that “they” only ever gave him a mission but Henrik gave him a purpose. “Well I thank God every day that you went AWOL,” Henrik says. Mark nods. Yes sir. Henrik leans forward for the hard sell. “It’s no secret that you and Gracie are…well, that you’re fond of one other,” he says. He assures Mark that he has his blessing, which relieves Mark. “But Mark, it’s time for Gracie to bear fruit,” he adds. What, she’s going to pick from the orchard? “So what I need to know is are you ready to stand by her as her husband?” Mark smiles. Yeah, he’s ready.
Back at Mrs. S.’s, Siobhan and Sarah strategize. “It could work if it’s on our own terms, our own security,” Sarah says haltingly. Siobhan objects that she doesn’t even want the idea to even be on the table. “S,” Sarah sighs with weary frustration, “if there’s an option for Cosima I have to consider it!” Felix hurries down from upstairs as Siobhan moans that she knows Sarah has to think of the unthinkable. “Kira’s going to hear you,” Fee chides. He asks what’s going on. “I have a friend, works at a pediatric clinic. She—she might be able to help us,” Siobhan allows. “But it’s not without risk.” Felix thinks that settles it. “We’re not gonna do it.” Sarah sighs. “My sister’s dying, Fee,” she says with emotion. He holds her gaze and then looks away. Yeah right. I think Fee has a wee bit of trouble not being Sarah’s only sibling anymore, no matter how attached he’s grown to her brood. “End of the day, it’s not your decision,” Siobhan gently reminds Sarah. “It’s not any of ours.” Sarah doesn’t like that. She doesn’t want to make her baby have to face so great a decision at so young an age, no matter how preternatural she may be.
Upstairs, Kira draws at her desk. That or she’s doing complex equations in Duncan’s copy of The Island of Doctor Moreau. Could go either way right now. Sarah crouches next to her and Kira asks if Auntie Cosima needs another tooth. Sarah gently counters that Cosima needs something else now, “something called ‘bone marrow’. They take it out of your hip; they have to use a big needle.” Kira doesn’t like needles. Sarah assures her they’ll put her to sleep so she doesn’t have to feel anything. “You don’t have to feel bad, love, if you don’t want to do it,” Siobhan interjects. Sarah shoots her a look, but it lacks heat. She tries to smile at Kira and fails. “Will Auntie Cosima die?” Kira asks. Sarah, crying now, has to admit Cosima is not doing well, so, “she might.” Kira considers it for a moment. Siobhan looks away so as not to influence her further. “Then,” Kira begins and Sarah closes her eyes. “OK.” Sarah shakes her head and hugs her child. “Oh, you’re the bravest thing I know.” This is true. With no further argument, Siobhan goes to make the call, but pauses in the doorway to look back at mother and child. Kira pulls back to smile at her mother. She plunks her arms down on Sarah’s shoulders almost playfully. It’s OK, Mommy. We’ll do it together. That kid, I swear.
At the clinic, everyone frets and paces as they wait. Benjamin arrives leading Delphine with a lackey at her back. “I have her phone; she’s clean. So’s the kit,” he reports. Siobhan thanks him. She introduces the doctor doing the procedure. Benjamin tells Delphine he’ll take her back when she has what she needs. Flustered by the hope she feels now that Sarah has agreed to allow them to use Kira’s bone marrow, Delphine can only nod. “Hello Felix,” she greets. Fee rolls his eyes. “Delphine.” No forgiveness there, sweetie. Sarah makes Delphine promise she’ll take care of Cosima. An easy promise for her to make. The doctor decides they should check on Kira. Fee and Sarah immediately go with her but when Delphine makes to follow, Siobhan steps into her path. “You can wait right here until they’re ready for you.” Mama Bear.
At the Sweet Science Crib, Scott is working on the mechanics of accessing Duncan’s antiquated floppy disks. He’s flanked by Duncan and a Dyad lackey in a suit with a Bluetooth in his ear and the phone in his hand. Probably giving play by play updates to Rachel. Duncan snarks at the lackey aka Mr. Funt, as to whether he’s just going to stand there all day. “I’m here to help,” Funt deadpans. “Really and where did you get your genetics degree?” Duncan shoots back. Ignoring Duncan, Funt tells Scott he can source another computer if the one he’s working on isn’t sufficient to the task at hand. “Whatever you need.” Scott’s good though and rattles through some tech talk to prove it as Cosima makes her way over. “He’s a virgin, in case you couldn’t tell,” she teases. Scott chuckles while Cosima and Duncan lean over his shoulder to watch the screen for a result. “Shoot-darn,” Scott says when nothing happens. Guess he’s been taking swearing lessons from Alison. “It didn’t work.” But then lines of code begin to streak across the screen. “Oh, but it did, my good man,” Duncan crows. “That’s the infertility sequence?” Cosima questions. “God, no wonder we’re all screwed up.” Heh. Duncan reveals that the sequence is encoded. “It’s a Vigenère cipher and I’ve brought the code with me.” He taps his forehead indicating the code is in his head. He tells a thrilled Scott to generate an encryption algorithm. “This is just killer!” Scott exclaims. Everyone geeks out.
Back in the garage, Alison and Donnie are digging out the garage. She doesn’t approve of how he’s throwing the dirt. “Lord and butter, Donnie! Don’t spread it around. Keep it on the plastic.” Donnie complains that this isn’t easy for him. “Oh I know, you’re not a ‘tools’ guy, are you,” she snits. “Not the tools, the whole thing!” he shouts. “I’m not as comfortable with manslaughter as you!” Ha! “At least I had the good sense to leave mine where she dropped,” Alison shoots back. Ha again! “He was in my car!” he yells. “I can’t do anything—” He’s interrupted when their kids coming running into the garage. Alison leaps up to shoo them out before they see anything, like say Mommy and Daddy burying a body in their basement, until her daughter tells them there’s a man there to see Alison.
Vic the Dick is waiting inside for her. She orders him from the house then tells her family to get upstairs. Donnie insists on staying. Vic the Dick does not look good. Alison tells him this is not a good time, but he’s worked that out already. “What’s up with your garage?” Alison: “Renovating.” Donnie: “Oil change.” Recapper: Heh. Vic the Dick re-introduces himself to Donnie, but Alison orders him not to talk to her husband. “What do you want?!” he tells her they need to air some stuff out for his recovery, “My stuff with Sarah, how you two are related, and that thing you told me about Aynsley.” Donnie is shocked Alison told Vic the Dick. Vic the Dick pounces on this: “Told me what?” Caught, Donnie shrugs unconvincingly. “I don’t know.” Vic the Dick pleads for them to talk to him, “I’m in a lot of pain.” Also not very convincing. Alison again forcefully orders Vic the Dick to get out of her house. “You’re cold, you know that,” Vic the Dick drawls. Alison yanks open the door. “Oh give me a break.” He tells Donnie he deserves Alison and then saunters out. “Yeah, that’s right,” Donnie calls after him. He and Alison each pull the curtains aside to peer out the window at the departing Vic the Dick. Snort. “Think he’s gone?” Donnie asks. Outside, Vic the Dick stalks over to a rundown black van parked down the street from Alison’s house and climbs inside.
Henrik is at the farmhouse regaling the kids with a bedtime story about the doctor who was pursued to the Artic by his creature because he never showed his creation any love. Also known as Frankenstein. Gracie and Helena stand in the back of the room listening. The little girl from earlier turns around to smile at Helena and they stick their tongues out at one another again. “So when they finally came face to face, they sat down and had a great, big bowl of iceberg cream!” Yay! The kids giggle and then Alexis rounds them up to go nap. Henrik makes his way over to Helena. “One day this room will be full of your children.” Creeeeeeepy. He tells Gracie it’s time to get ready. The little girl comes over to play with Helena’s hair. Alexis roughly snatches her away. “You’re not listening, Faith.” Faith says she just wanted to touch Helena’s hair. Gripping the child’s arms, Alexis orders her not to talk back. “Mummy, you’re hurting me,” Faith moans. “You’re lucky you’re not getting the strap,” Alexis snaps with a slap. “It’s naptime. Do as you’re told.” Alexis swats Faith’s bum and sends her off. Helena watches the whole thing growing more and more enraged by the moment.
Alexis turns to Helena and Gracie, sweet as pie. “Shall we head back then?” She moves to lead the way, but Helena grabs her by the throat and shoves her up against the door jam. Framed between them, Gracie avidly watches the exchange. It’s also a real Meta moment with Tatiana Maslany and Kathryn Alexandre face to face as they have been many times before, only this time with Kathryn as a separate character instead of a Clone sister placeholder. Sort of like when Tony kissed Fee and you knew it was Tatiana Maslany and Jordan Gavaris kissing and somehow that made it all the weirder. “There was a woman in convent like you,” Helena snarls. “You touch her again and I will gut you like a fish.” She tosses Alexis aside. Gracie looks like she’s finally realized the advantages that might come with having Helena around.
Over at the clinic, Kira is being prepped for the procedure. Sarah couches next to the table and promises her daughter that she’ll be there the whole time holding her hand. Kira is handling it all much better than her mum. Fee stands at Sarah’s back as he’s done their entire lives. The doctor has Kira count back from a hundred. As the child goes under, Sarah loses it. When the doctor inserts the large needle into Kira’s hip, she hides her eyes. Everything Sarah’s seen and done just in the last few weeks and it’s this that makes her hide her eyes, because seeing her child hurt is the worst pain for a mother. Fee strokes Sarah’s hair to soothe her and Delphine is driven to reassure them that Kira won’t feel a thing. “What kind of mother am I?” Sarah cries. “The best and the bravest,” Delphine answers without hesitation. “And a very, very good sister.” Sarah barely hears her as she strokes her child. “God, I’m so sorry.” Poor loves.
The bone marrow is removed from Kira and placed in a transportation cooler. The doctor tells Sarah Kira should rest at the clinic overnight while Delphine assures Kira will be fine in a few days. “And Cosima?” she asks. “This…gives her a real chance,” Delphine admits. No promises though. Fee hugs Sarah as she finally allows herself to cry.
Inside the garage, Alison measures the hole while outside, Vic the Dick leaps up to try and see inside the small window at the top of the garage door. Failing, he creeps around to the side window. Peering over the sill, he sees her measuring the hole, but ducks down when she gets up to go to the freezer and measure the body. Glancing around, Vic the Dick tries again to peer inside just as Donnie strides up and points the gun at Vic the Dick’s head. Here’s hoping he remembered to put the safety on this time. “I’ve used this before and I’ll use it again,” Donnie says roughly. He drags Vic the Dick inside the garage where he holds Vic the Dick over the hole with the gun on his head. Alison bitches at how Vic the Dick used her in rehab and is now harassing her kids and peeping in her garage. Breathing heavily and scared out of his mind, Vic the Dick protests that it’s not what Alison thinks, “I don’t give a shit what you’re doing here!” Donnie is hyped up on adrenaline. “I think we should shoot him. Allie!” he yells. She protests. “That’s how I see this ending!” he says. Vic the Dick tells him he doesn’t have to do that. Alison begs him to relax. “Baby, I’m telling you, this is a hair-trigger!” Donnie yells. “One second you’re here, the next second BANG!” He shoves Vic the Dick further toward the hole. “Listen, I don’t wanna die!” Vic the Dick yells. “You can’t shoot me! There’s a cop outside! All right? There’s a cop in the van outside!”
Alison immediately realizes it has to be Angela DeAngelis. Vic the Dick explains that DeAngelis has been squeezing him. “I don’t even think it’s official, Alison,” he admits. “She thinks there’s five of you.” Donnie leans down to get into Vic the Dick’s face. “There’s 11, ese,” he sneers. Oh Donnie. Bless. “Why do you need to keep messin’ with my head like that,” Vic wonders. Donnie shoves him to the ground but releases him. “Not so tough, are you?” he scoffs. Alison gazes at Donnie while Vic the Dick carefully gets to his feet. Donnie holds up the gun. “Safety’s on,” he says. Yay! Alison can’t believe Donnie was bluffing all the while. “I learn from my mistakes, Alison,” he says, gun still aimed at Vic the Dick who just wants to know if Donnie’s going to shoot him. “Not accidentally,” Donnie menaces. HA! Vic the Dick drops his arms. “God, I hate this garage.” HA! Donnie ignores him. “This is how we take care of this family from here on,” he declares to Alison.
Cut to the black van. Vic the Dick climbs in with an armed Donnie at this heels. DeAngelis freaks out when she sees him. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Donnie introduces himself. “I’m Donnie Hendrix and you’ve been harassing my wife!” DeAngelis tells him this is police business. “My ass, it is!” Donnie yells back. “Beth Childs police business? How ‘bout Art Bell? Suspended for doing far less than this!” That shuts Angie up but good. “All these women and you just can’t put it together, can ya?” Donnie taunts. Vic the Dick: “I’m confused too.” Heh. Angie smacks his chest and shushes him. Did I miss Donnie getting the lowdown on the full Clone Club or are we just to assume somewhere between seeing Sarah and Alison together at rehab and shooting Doctor Leekie in the head—accidentally—Donnie got the full Monty?
“You don’t want to know what we know,” Donnie warns Angie. “And if you come near my home or my family again, I will bury you.” He really means it too. Look who found his spine and his balls all in the same episode! You go, Donnie! He holds up his phone and tells them to smile. Vic the Dick throws up a gang sign. HA! “Have a shitty day!” Donnie says cheerily. He gets out of the van and slams the door. Taking a breath, he realizes what he just did and slowly smiles. Oh yeah. Who’s bad? As the hard rock groove plays, Donnie struts back to this house.
Back at the Promethean Ranch, Henrik inseminates his daughter with Helena’s fertilized eggs. He smiles at her and then just leaves her there exposed in the stirrups. Alexis settles Gracie in the maternity ward as Helena arrives, grunting and snorting at Alexis. Alexis snits that since the two women are now both “in the family way,” they can keep each other company. Helena notes that Gracie is sad to be pregnant. Chomping down on a snack, she tells the girl she might as well eat, “you will be fat soon anyway.” When Gracie doesn’t rise to the taunts, Helena drops the effort. “I thought you liked Mark.” Gracie realizes Helena still doesn’t get it. “My father is the father. I’m carrying your babies!” Ew, really? Helena doesn’t like this idea. “My babies in your cervix?” Eh, close enough. “For your genes, Helena,” Gracie replies. “Haven’t you been listening to anything my father says?” Helena: “Not really.” Good plan.
In the Sweet Science Crib, Scott has adapted a transcription algorithm. “It was Susan’s sterility concept,” Duncan explains to Cosima. “Degrade the endometrium, prevent ovarian follicles from maturing.” Cosima: “OK. Horrifying.” She wonders why they went with an auto immune condition, “why not tweak our hormones or modify our reproduction organs somehow?” Duncan reveals that normal development was the prime directive. “This was the least invasive solution. Unfortunately,” he says, taking Cosima’s hand in his to squeeze her fingers, “we didn’t foresee the consequences.” Scott applies the key to the code and eh voilà! “Now Cosima, we can begin the task of correcting my mistakes,” Duncan promises. Funt asks how long it will take to decode the remaining sequences and Duncan reveals that it depends on Dyad’s intentions, which is a surprise to Funt. “Each sequence has a distinct key and I have no intention of sharing them just to allow Dyad the opportunity of perpetuating this experiment,” Duncan reveals. “No offense, Cosima.” Cosima: “None taken.”
Mark arrives at the maternity wing to check on Gracie who tells him how Helena has no idea of Henrik’s plans. “He puts babies in all these women?” Helena asks him. Mark confirms it. “To multiply is divine.” Gracie glares at Mark and then at Helena. I’m surrounded by crazy people. Helena rolls her eyes. I’ve heard that before. He sits next to Gracie on the cot and begs her to eat something. It’s clear they’re sweet on each other beyond all Henrik’s crazy. Helena makes kissing noises. Embarrassed, Gracie pulls her hand from Mark’s and looks away. “You love her like puppy,” Helena mocks. “But you let him make her brood mare.” Gracie’s head whips up at that. Mark insists the women at the ranch don’t see it that way. Does that mean all the children in the farmhouse are Henrik’s children? But when Mark tells Gracie to tell Helena that she doesn’t see herself as a brood mare, instead Gracie flops on her side to turn her back on him. Upset, Mark looks at Helena who hums.
Back at the Dyad, Rachel cautiously enters Leekie’s office to find Marion musing before the desk. She chuckles that Rachel caught her reminiscing. They air kiss each other. I half expect knives to come out. Marion muses that Leekie certainly filled the room and Rachel agrees that he did indeed have a way of doing so. “A heart attack on one of our jets,” Marion clucks with a speaking look at Rachel. “I’m bereft,” Rachel deadpans. That delivery kills me. Niceties aside, Marion observes that Delphine is an interesting choice for The Chair. “She’s telegenic,” Rachel replies. “She has scope.” Marion: “And an intimate relationship with her subject. Always handy.” She takes a moment and then asks how Rachel is doing, “besides bereft.” Oh, she is a pro. Rachel is a babe in the woods compared with this woman. “You’ve learned a lot about yourself lately,” Marion points out. Rachel advises Marion to tell topside that Rachel is fine. “I know what our goals are and I’ve only just taken charge.” Marion smiles like a shark that knows it has hooked its prey. She’s glad to hear Rachel is yet in the fold, but this is overall a personal call. “Sarah Manning intrigues me,” she says idly. “Doesn’t she you?” Rachel immediately agrees that biologically, Sarah is fascinating. “But it’s not just her biology that’s gotten her this far, is it?” Marion notes. “You were bred into this, given every advantage, but Sarah, Sarah is a product of chance. Yet here we are at loggerheads with her.” She fails to notice how Rachel has gone ramrod straight and is quietly freaking out to hear her nemesis receive such praise. Rachel insists Sarah is in hand.
A martini (two olives) and a remote control wait on a metal table in a black box theatre. Rachel approaches the room as a guard opens the door for her. Taking her seat, she sips the martini as the home videos of her as a child playing with her parents play across the wide wall. She laughs as a younger Duncan tickles Little Rachel and there’s a tinge of mania to her laughter. She strides over to the images and as her younger self repeats “I love you too, Daddy,” one lone tear streaks down her face. Back in the chair, Rachel closes her eyes and pats her cheek repeating “stupid, stupid, stupid,” with each light smack. She switches the home videos to pictures of Sarah and Kira together. She fixates on one headshot of the two of them happy and smiling. She shucks her suit jacket and exchanges it for a leather coat and hoodie she brought with her. Rachel calls a Doctor Martin and they briefly commiserate over Leekie’s death. Rachel pulls the hood up over her head as she stares at the huge image of Sarah and Kira. “Yes, it’s a terrible loss,” she says without inflection to Doctor Martin. “But that’s not why I called. I need your expertise.” Clone swap!
Delphine returns to the Dyad. Already she heads straight to Leekie’s office as her own. Rachel flicks something on the laptop before coming out from behind the desk to greet Delphine. “You’ve done it,” Rachel says with a smile. Delphine demurs that they haven’t done anything yet, but they do have the marrow processing for transplant. “Then thank you for letting me use your office,” Rachel says pointedly. Delphine moves behind the desk while Rachel gathers her things. Rachel’s phone rings and she answers Doctor Martin’s call as Delphine gets settled behind the desk. The moment Rachel steps out of the office, the laptop beeps and uploads an email that contains an image of Benjamin’s mug shot and the following message: We have come to terms with the requested field asset. Asset is active and is waiting future communication through specified channels. We await further instructions. When Rachel finishes her call, Delphine acts as though she hasn’t seen anything. I smell a trap. Maybe even a trap trap.
Fee and Sarah keep watch over Kira at the clinic.
Back at the Promethean Ranch, Helena stares at Gracie as she sleeps. Helena is visibly upset and not in an angry angel way. She gets up to leave and that wakes Gracie who asks what Helena’s doing. “I don’t belong here,” she says. Gracie wonders where Helena will go. “To my seestra.” But of course. She tells Gracie she’s a good girl, “but if you don’t want to have my babies, then don’t have my babies.” Gracie quietly vows that she would never do that. She watches Helena zip up into her coat and makes a decision. “I’m coming with you.” Helena is pleased at the idea of having another seestra. Gracie leads her out the back way, only to be stopped by the arrival of Henrik who looks like he was expecting something like this to happen. “You disappoint me, Daughter,” he growls. Raising the shotgun in his hand, he orders them back to bed. Gracie quietly refuses. “We trusted you to council her,” he sneers. “To help her embrace her purpose.” Helena saunters forward to stand between them. “I’m not afraid of you,” she says. Gracie looks at her. “Neither am I,” she says. “Mother’s gone out west to find new brood mares. You can both go to hell.” Go Gracie!
Henrik pistol whips Helena across the face. “Oh Gracie. What would your mother say?” He drags Gracie by the hair to the back of the room and shoves her in a cell. But when Henrik goes back for Helena, Mark shows up and is not happy to see Gracie back in the cell. Henrik orders him to leave Gracie alone, “she’s got a lot of thinking to do,” but Mark reaches for the lock anyway. Henrik orders him to come help him with Helena. Mark and Gracie stare at each other. “She’s your daughter,” he says without looking away from Gracie. Henrik sighs at the obvious. “You had to put your own child inside her?” Mark accuses. “You had to be the father too?” I think Mark expected to be the one fertilizing Gracie, one way or another. Henrik trots out the whole “Helena is a miracle and defies the laws of science” bit. “It is a sign that I cannot ignore!” Mark announces that Henrik is not going to lock up his daughter anymore.
But they’ve all ignored Helena for too long and to their detriment. The music goes all squirrelly with the Crazy Clone theme as Helena jumps on Henrik’s back and takes him down. Mark scrambles to release Gracie while Helena subdues Henrik. She orders Gracie and Mark to run.
Back in the suburbs, Alison and Donnie have finally finished prepping the hole in their garage floor for Leekie’s body. As one, they lift the body from the freezer and toss it into the hole. Alison tosses Leekie’s lost boot in as an afterthought. Together they fill the dirt back in and then prep and spread the concrete into place until the floor looks as pristine as it was when they started. Donnie nods with pride and uses the edge of his tool to sketch a heart in the wet concrete. For a moment, I honestly thought he was drawing an X to mark the spot. “I’ve always wanted to do that,” he confesses with a sweet smile. Alison stares at him till he squirms. “What? It’s OK, I didn’t put our initials in it.”
“I have never been more attracted to you than I am right now,” Alison says in a hot whisper. Donnie smiles. They drop their tools at the same time and jump on one another. It’s frantic and crazy and sweet and a little creepy. She hops up to wrap her legs around his waist. Alison wants to go to the bedroom, but Donnie decides on the work bench. Alison resists as he turns toward it. Suddenly Donnie freezes mid step as he and Alison get the same idea at the same time. “The freezer,” they say simultaneously. Snort. He carries her over and tosses her on top of the freezer. They kiss. She shoves him back. “I want to be nasty,” she says, hopping down and turning her back to him. They both take off their pants and Donnie’s wearing boxer shorts! No tightie whities tonight, son! Alison reaches back at swats his bare bum like a jockey urging on her stallion. Hee.
Back at the ranch, Henrik slowly rouses to find he’s been tied down in the position in the procedure chair. The camera fixes on test tubes labeled with Helena’s name, but she’s more concerned with the other options in the refrigerator. He weakly asks what she’s doing. “Why do you sound so scared?” she wonders. Gee, lemme think. She plays around with the equipment, teasing him with the test tubes, glancing over the tank of nitroglycerin, and fondling the forceps. Ugh. Hate those things. Henrik rattles on about how they saved her and he’s the father of her children and how those children are going to need him when they’re older. She taunts him with the options to make babies. “Daddy, how do they make babies? Would you like horse baby? Cow baby? Is this how you do it?” she asks as she preps the insemination wand. “You’ve made your point,” Henrik allows. “This isn’t funny.” Helena looks up from prepping the wand and now she has a pipe dangling from her mouth. “Do I look like I’m trying to be funny?” Actually, you look a little like Groucho Marx at the moment. He begs her not to do it, but she shoves the wand into him anyway and cackles madly as he screams in pain. Cut to Helena running out into the night, nitroglycerin tank in hand. She pauses to look back as the barn and most of the ranch goes up in flames.
Back at the clinic, Siobhan enters Kira’s room to tell Sarah that while she doesn’t know why, Delphine has returned. I think it’s darling when hard-assed Siobhan fondly calls equally hard-assed Sarah “chicken." Sarah goes down to Delphine’s limo, leaving Fee asleep in the window seat next to the sleeping Kira. Delphine reveals how she saw something about the man who works with Sarah, “Benjamin Kertland? I couldn’t call; they may be listening.” They surely are. She cautions that Sarah must not overreact or they will know that she knows. “Rachel may have compromised him.” Sarah leaps from the car and runs into the clinic as Delphine calls after her to be careful.
Upstairs, Siobhan and Benjamin are waiting for Sarah. Siobhan asks what Delphine wanted. Sarah hesitates a second. “To warn us. Rachel’s making a move,” she says, heading back to Kira’s room. “A move? What kind of move?” Siobhan shouts after her. Sarah rubs her face and yells back that she doesn’t know. “I’ll be with Kira. You make sure the elevators are secure.” There’s no one else in the entire clinic? Since when does Sarah talk like that all “secure the elevators”? Ohhhh. That’s Rachel! Sneaky bitch almost got me.
Back in Kira’s room, Sarah/Rachel hurries in and immediately gathers Kira up, which rouses Fee. He quickly asks what’s going on. “We’re not safe here,” Sarah says in Rachel’s voice. Confused, Fee asks where she’s going to take Kira just as his phone rings. Looking down, he sees the caller is Sarah and puts one and one together to get clone. Before he can do anything, Rachel jabs him in the neck with a prepared needle. “Pleasure to meet you, Felix,” she intones as he goes down. Rachel smooths her hands down the front of the leather jacket in the same manner as she often smooths her suits and exhales with relief as she glances at the still sleeping Kira.
Sarah rushes onto the floor. “Where did you come from?” Siobhan asks, bewildered. Sarah jabs a finger at Benjamin. “Keep him away, he’s with Dyad.” Benjamin is genuinely insulted to be so accused. “What are you talking about? I’m not with Dyad!” Siobhan takes one beat and figures out she got played. She runs after Sarah who’s already entering the room and freaking out over Felix being laid out on the floor. Sarah picks up the needle and Benjamin realizes Felix has been drugged. Sarah lunges over the bed to grab Benjamin screaming, “You! What did you do?!” Benjamin yells back that he did nothing. “Sarah, we thought it was you!” Siobhan calls. “It was a trick! Rachel’s taken her!” Sarah starts to shake and cry. Why do I feel a flashback to the season one finale? Oh, right. Kiranapped!
Back at the Sweet Science Crib, Cosima rouses to find Delphine perched on the edge of her bed, crying. “I’ve made a terrible mistake,” she confesses. “What have you done?” Cosima asks.
In a very, very pink room somewhere, Rachel, back in her own guise, waits for Kira to wake up. Kira calls for her mommy. Rachel introduces herself and asks how Kira’s feeling. “Where’s my mom?” she says instead. “Where’s Mrs. S.?” Rachel stands up from the small vanity. “Dear child, I know how frightening this must be for you.” Kira edges back in the bed as Rachel approaches. “But you’ll get used to it. You may even grow to like it here. Just as I did.”
Next week, the Season 2 finale: “By Means Which Have Never Yet Been Tried”