I’m stuck in the city and I need me a beach fix fast. I need me a delectable distraction that reminds me of my Jersey Shore—the place where I dig my toes into the cool sand, hide under the umbrella because I’m like a vampire and allergic to the sun, and where I people watch, compiling future plots and characters. One particular character archetype is in abundance at the shore. In the voice of Homer Simpson, mmm, lifeguards.
Who hasn’t dreamed of being saved by abs of steel on a hot summer day? Soft salty lips breathing life back into your body, that starry gaze when you come to, it all ending with love at first sight?
Lifeguards sit on their wooden thrones and keep watch over us. They’re our knights in shining tanning oil. They’re lean, tan, and we swear they’re checking us out as they pan the waters. You know they really are. By nature, they are trained to protect and serve.
Who are the most memorable hotties of sand and sea?
Red one piece bathing suits and swim trunks forever changed how we looked at lifeguards. The Hoff and his Baywatch Babes. The opening credits are enough to send a person into an eye candy induced coma. I feel this was the only place appropriate for a man to wear a Speedo: on a screen, looking hot, and getting paid to do so. In person, well, you know, it just doesn’t work. It has a major creepazoid factor to it. My uncle wore Speedos to my destination wedding. People call him Uncle Speedo to this day. Can’t erase that from the vault so, while they were America’s favorite lifeguards at one time, I won’t be using them in my fantasies.
Did anyone read the Sweet Valley High University Lifeguard series? The covers screamed awesome New Adult romantic beach romps and repeated mouth to mouth motivated Ha cha cha time. I can smell the coconut tanning oil just looking at them.
There is a 1976 movie called, quite creatively, Lifeguard, starring a very young and still oh-so-hot Sam Elliott. Sam’s rocking a Ron Burgundy style moustache that would make Tom Selleck jealous. Not sure how I feel about all that facial hair when getting my mouth to mouth on. It would probably make me think of Ron Burgundy and the whole love at first sight since-you saved my life-would be ruined by me spitting salt water in his face from laughing so hard at his '70s pornostache. Yeah, so, that’s not going to be my fantasy.
The more recent book Lifeguard on Duty by Matt Albiani seems to be more my speed (not speedo!). It’s a book filled with portraits of real lifeguards. It’s like a picture book of hotties for adults.
There's also a YA Paranormal Romance aptly titled The Lifeguard by Deborah Blumenthal. The young and lovely Sirena spends the summer at her aunt's beach house. She becomes smitten with Pilot—you guessed it—a lifeguard. Not only can he saves lives with all those mouth to mouth skills but apparently his touch has the literal power to heal. I will definitely be reading this book. Teen angst, beaches, cute boys, and a little bit of the supernatural... see you at the beach, Pilot.
Have you read any books featuring lifeguards?
Charli Mac writes Women’s Fiction and YA Paranormal set in Philly and the South Jersey Shore. Snorts & screams are probable and fist-pumps are highly discouraged at www.charlimac.com. Twitter her @charlimacs.