It’s that time again, where I gross you out and make you dirty giggle in your office. I can’t believe this is my fourth squick words post; I'd have thought I wouldn’t have to do this anymore. That my posts would serve as a warning of what words not to use. Alas, no one listens and I am sufficiently grossed out once again. So without further ado, let's squick.
Folds: I don’t know about you, but when I hear a vagina described as folds I think one of two things: either folding laundry or folding origami.
Speaking of words to describe vaginas, what is with the references to highways and bodies of water? Channels, tunnels and caves, what are we, riding on the Autobahn?
Flaps: When I see the word flaps in a novel, I automatically think trucker flaps. You know the ones with the half naked ladies on them that hang over your tires? Alas, there is nothing sexy about your flaps. If anyone put the words moist and flap together, I think my eyes would burn.
Coitus: As soon as I see that word I think Sheldon Cooper. Again, nothing sexy about Sheldon or the word coitus. It’s just too clinical to describe something so sexy (coitus, that is, not Sheldon).
Sinew: *shudders* veins do not turn me on. EVER. It gives me a full body shudder to see that word during a sex scene.
Scrotum: Is there any other word to describe a body part that sounds so wrong coming out of your mouth?
Log: When referring to a man's penis, why must we use the word log? That just makes me cross my legs, because I have yet to come across a log small enough to be enjoyable. Also, wood. No thanks.
Panties: I have never found the word panties something sexy. It sounds too childlike for me “don’t forget to wear your clean panties!”
Weep: Only when used in a sentence like “her hot pussy weeped” *shudders*
I figured I should put some of these lovely words from all four squick posts together, for maximum squick positional. If you don’t hear from me again, it’s because my bosses have fired me and I have taken up writing comedic erotica.
Her moist channel contracted when she watched him palm his engorged man meat. He watched as her bosoms heaved in anticipation of his entrance into her cave. When he finally positioned himself, he watched as is turgid cock pistioned in and out of her folds. He leaned over to suckle on her heavy breasts, the air in the room musky with their mutual desire.
Feeling the urge to cum overwhelmed him; he pulled out of her velvet sheath and spewed thick gobs of cum on her belly. She moaned that she would have rather lapped it up.
Now that I have sufficiently grossed myself out, tell me, have you run into any squick-inducing words lately?
In case you missed any of the squick posts...
Natasha Carty reviews Paranormal Romance and Urban Fantasy on her website Wicked Little Pixie and lives in Toronto, Canada, with her cat, Seamus.