Spoiler Policy: Please remember that there is a strong NO SPOILERS policy for any and all comments. We are ONLY DISCUSSING episodes of Lost Girl that have already aired in both Canada and the U.S. (the U.S. is currently a day behind Canada's schedule). Be kind and respectful by not ruining it for those who have yet to watch the newest Season 3 episode. Thanks!
Editor's Note: A shorter recap of Jackie Lester's thoughts on the episode was posted yesterday and can be found HERE. And now, on to Kiersten's play-by-play of Lost Girl 3.11, “Adventures in Fae-bysitting.”
At Hilton Hovel (drink!), Bo and Kenzi sit on the couch watching a slasher movie and bitching about the TSTL heroine. “Aaaannnddd cue the blonde in the baby doll dress walking into the woods…ah-lone!” Kenzi mocks. She settles back against Bo’s shoulder. “Human sashimi anyone?” Bo notes that she could rescue said blonde so easily. “Yes, yes, you can chi-suck yourself to victory,” Kenzi deadpans as she chomps down on popcorn. “You are a superstar. You really can do anything.” Anything except fix her relationship, Bo snarks and Kenzi agrees. “You suck at coupledom.” Truer words may never have been spoken on this show. Bo, however, takes mild affront. “I think what you meant was, ‘no worries, BoBo, you’re just on a break’?” Kenzi is right there with additional mockery as she replies, “Totes what I meant. Love conquers all. Soul mates for life. Carpe Lauren.” Let’s not go too far there, Kenz.
Bo fights back with more than a little sneer as she asks when the last time was that Kenzi had a date. “Dating’s so not a thing anymore,” Kenzi pffts. “It’s all about group hangs.” Actually, that would probably work better for Bo.
“Besides I have a…” here Kenzi thumps her chest, “…a vibrant inner life.” Bo: “That reminds me: we need to get more batteries.” HA! Although that tends to make Bo’s cravings even more–erm—acute. “Uh oh,” Kenzi uh ohs, and Bo is quick to add that she actually feels okay, which should be the first sign that your breakup is long overdue, but whatever. “This little break is just part of the Bo and (Doctor) Lauren journey. We will be together in our own time,” she asserts. Never have I wished you to be wrong more, BoBo. Looks like the self-delusion theme of the season has yet to run its course. Kenzi pats Bo’s knee. “I know you will, sweetie,” she patronizes. “Oh, fresh meat!” Bo chirps, excited, as she points at the TV. “The babysitter! Aaaannnndddd….the phone is ringing.” They proceed to yell at the TSTL heroine on the flat screen. Kenzi: “Spoiler alert: the call is coming from inside the house!” Bo: “Which, P.S., means the killer is inside the house.” Kenzi: “Oh NO! Don’t pick up the phone! Get out of the house. Out of the house!” Bo throws popcorn at the TV. “Get out! Get out!” Heeeeee.
Cut to a suburban living room where an actual babysitter answers an actual ringing phone. Immediately, heavy breathing sounds through the receiver. “Look sleaze, this ain’t the perv hotline,” Babysitter snaps. The caller laughs and identifies himself as the Father. Babysitter apologizes for not recognizing his voice and notes that she thought he was in India. He claims to be checking in so Babysitter gives a report on what an angel “Ashley” was even successfully eating her broccoli. “You’re the only one who can get her to eat her veggies,” Father creepily compliments. “With you in that tank top, I’d eat anything you wanted.” Ewwww. Clued in as to the ewwww factor, Babysitter starts to look around the house. “That neckline really shows just how much you’ve grown in the past year,” Father continues to menace over the phone. Babysitter looks outside at the clanging wind chimes and tells Father she’s hanging up now. As she disconnects, a door creaks and closes with a bang. Babysitter calls out “who’s there?!” and turns around to the foyer just as a man (presumably Father) drops down from the upper floor complete with noose around his neck. Babysitter screams and then gets a dazed look on her face as though she’s about to pass out as the music goes squirrely.
“Lisa. Lisa?” Babysitter wakes with a start to find she's asleep on the couch with Mother hovering over her. “Sweetheart, you fell asleep,” Mother informs Lisa. Lisa frantically insists that Mr. Parker (Father) was there and with a laugh, Mrs. Parker (Mother) reminds her that the mister is on a business trip. She goes to get Lisa a glass of water while Lisa gazes with fear at the empty foyer where Mr. Parker’s body has so recently hung…in her dreams.
Back at Hilton Hovel (drink!), Kenzi and Bo examine one of the old flyers Kenzi had made up for their detective services back in season one, which Lisa has brought with her to ask for help. The headshots in the flyer are of a beaten up Bo post fried-bitch attack and a frizzy natural blonde Kenzi in a bully hat, both images from S1E8 Vexed, which is still the best episode in the entire series. Ah, season one. Good times. Seriously.
Kenzi laughs as she looks at their season one selves. “Oh wow, this takes me back,” she coos. “Look at us, BoBo. God, we were so young!” Bo, somewhat less delighted, asks where Lisa found the flyer. “On a bulletin board at a coffee shop under a poster for meditation classes,” Lisa says. Snort. Also, Bo is back in royal blue, though still with the wide backwards belt that seems to be a late season accessory staple. This is not a complaint. You know of my mad love for this season’s costumes. Besides, I’ll take anything that gets her out of black.
Bo admits that it’s been a while since she and Kenzi have taken on a case cold (WE KNOW), but “it might be fun…I mean, satisfying,” she corrects quickly, at puzzled looks from Lisa and Kenzi that investigating a potential murder would be fun. Kenzi downloads the deets from Lisa about Caroline and Tim Parker. “Now you’re sure that this gated community isn’t built on an ancient burial ground? Portal to Hell?” No dear, that’s in Sunnydale. Lisa insists that something has happened to Tim Parker. Kenzi: “Did you accidentally sacrifice a virgin?” Bo chides Kenzi. “What?” Kenzi shoots back. “It happens.” Lisa inserts that this isn’t the first time something like this has happened in Shady Grove and Bo decides that they can help Lisa.
Kenzi pulls Bo aside. “Not that I don’t like the idea of Bo and Kenzi playing Desperate Housewives, but this chickie’s got nothing to go on.” Bo exhorts Kenzi to take a good look at Lisa. “She is terrified.” Kenzi: “Or…medicated.” Bo offers that taking the suburbs by storm may be “just what the doctor ordered.” I sense there’s a double meaning in that. “Alert the neighborhood watch,” Kenzi concedes. “Hotties be invading.”
A young woman slowly enters the cop shop and steps up to Dyson’s desk. “Detective Dyson?” she asks tentatively. “Yes?” Dyson answers without looking away from his work. “May I sit?” she requests, which brings Dyson’s head up and around…only for him to freeze in place as he recognizes his guest. It’s Blue – no wait it’s Blue’s twin sister, Blue Two! She is actually wearing a blue flowered sundress, so…For his part, Dyson is back in dark blue too, which does mad things with his eyes, and another one of his studded, leather vests, so you know he means business. He is quite taken aback to see Blue Two, the identical image of her dead sister.
Blue Two tells him that The Ash sent her and, glancing around to see if anyone else has noticed the dead girl standing before him, Dyson invites her to sit. She introduces herself as Anita and explains that a few weeks ago she felt pain like she’s never felt before, “like a part of me was ripped out.” Wait, we have all the names of the Fae of the Day within the cold open and before the first advert break? Show, it’s like I don’t even know you anymore!
Anita continues that at the same time she felt this pain, she lost contact with her sister. “She was…” “Your twin!” Dyson inserts, finally catching on. “Identical, yes,” Anita confirms, a little surprised. “How did you know?” Dyson prevaricates that twins have a bond, “a connection unlike any other, right?” Also, there’s the wee fact that Blue’s body is in his morgue. “So you lost contact with your sister,” he prompts before Anita can think any further on how he knows about her sister. Anita explains that “Riley” was travelling. “She usually checked in every couple weeks or so and then she stopped.” She asks if Dyson will help her. “Of course,” he assures her quietly. Reaching for the snapshot Anita brought with her, Dyson gazes down at the image of Blue with no small sense of guilt. “That’s my job.” One on which he neglected to follow through, caught up in absolving Bo of Blue’s death as he was. But he’ll fix it now; that’s what he does.
Over in Shady Grove where the proof appears to be in the name, a realtor—whose sale sign names her as Susan Bates—ticks off the great aspects of the gated community to Bo and Kenzi. “This neighborhood is wonderful!” she shrieks. They enter the For Sale house. Bo is wearing a lovely navy blue dress whose ruffled skirt goes swirly swirly swirly when she walks cinched by another wide black belt, though this one isn’t backwards. Kenzi is—holy crap, Kenzi is wearing vanilla clothes, jeans, a white blouse with only a little bit of sparkle, and a pale pink—PINK—designer jacket that I’d covet almost as much as that navy dress, if only it weren’t pink. She also has absolutely no color streaks in her hair. ALERT THE MEDIA.
Bo notes the hardwood floors and natural light. Dear Lawd, the LIGHT is so BRIGHT! “This is like grown-up nice,” she mutters to Kenzi, who immediately defends Hilton Hovel (that’s my girl!). “What’s wrong with our place? It has character.” Bo agrees, and also adds it’s got roach/termite hybrids. Susan wonders what they think and Bo says she likes the high ceilings. “And would your…husband like them?” Susan pries. Bo quickly informs her that she’s looking for a fresh start with her sister Kenzi who “just left rehab.” Kenzi: “Mmm. Antidepressants. Turns out there’s such a thing as too perky!” The wide eyed expression on Kenzi’s face after she chirps this is hilarious. Susan laughs and again asks about Bo. “Well my partner Lau…rence and I are taking a break,” Bo admits. Again, Kenzi rocks the nonverbal response in the background. Hmm, if Canada is as sexually progressive as reported, why the correction here, BoBo? With women as catty as this one, you could probably dine off just the notion of doccubus for weeks.
Kenzi decides to have a little fun with Bo’s continued delusional insistence of being on a break. “He left her at the altar,” she spins, pretending to choke up as Bo rolls her eyes, “for our other sister. I can’t even…” Susan immediately empathizes, reassuring Bo that she’ll be better off for it. WE KNOW. “I learned that after my second divorce,” Susan confides. Bo is quick to object while Kenzi pets her hair in faux consolation. “Oh no! Like I told you: we’re on a break,” Bo protests too much, but Susan ignores her. “Shady Grove is, without a doubt, the best community in the city,” she says and goes on to tout its wonderful energy, parks, and people. Bo says that’s good as she’s very concerned about safety. With a grimace of guilt, Susan insists she was going to tell them. “Tell us what?” Bo demands. Susan explains that the previous owner Jake Thatcher disappeared. Kenzi and Bo exchange speaking looks. “He was one of Shady Grove’s most eligible bachelors—oh, he would have been perfect for you!” Susan exclaims to Bo. “More perfect than Vic Voyeur, I hope,” Kenzi snarks, looking behind Bo to the back window where a man peeps into the house. “So sad,” Susan says with faux sympathy. “Maybe he’s just looking to get into the neighborhood,” Bo suggest as she and Kenzi each give the man in the window a small royal wave. Hee. He waves back in kind and slinks away. Susan explains that the man lives next door. “Sam lost his wife; got weird. He has a weird ten-year-old too. I don’t think he was breast fed.”
Susan’s phone rings drawing her away from Bo and Kenzi. She makes distressing noises of how “they’ve” started without her and tells the caller to “calm down, I’m coming!” Disconnecting, she apologizes to Bo and Kenzi that she has another appointment. “My friend Caroline is losing it!” she says in such a high register that dogs come howling to the door. Okay, not really, but dayam that woman can squeak. She invites Bo and Kenzi to look around and lock up when they leave. Everyone fake smiles and thank yous but as soon as Susan hurries away, Kenzi and Bo ping on Susan’s friend being the same Caroline Parker, “the maybe widow of the supposed world traveler Tim?!” Tim, the Enchanter? Kenzi: “Add one missing homeowner…” Bo: “And it looks like our babysitter might be on to something.” They decide to get to know the neighbors and follow Susan across the cul de sac to another house. They go around the back of the house to peer inside—much like the recently maligned Sam, by the way, but it’s apparently okay when the women do it. Bo asks if Kenzi can see anything. “Sweet Jesus!” Kenzi exclaims, pronouncing it “hay-zeus”. “It’s like Extreme Makeover: Safari Edition.”
High-pitched squeals sound from inside the house, so clearly Susan’s arrived. But Bo and Kenzi decided these are screams of alarm. “Oh please tell me they’re watching a horror film,” Bo murmurs. When Kenzi disagrees, Bo drags her around to the entrance. “Hey,” Kenzi objects. “I thought only stupid girls ran into the house!” “Yeah unless she’s got this,” Bo says lifting her skirt (not like that!) and jerking her knife out from the sheath attached to her thigh-high stocking. How does she do that without tearing the lace? “Then she’s just awesome,” Bo finishes with a wicked smile as she prowls up to the front door. Wait, so if the knife’s in your thigh-high (classic), where are you keeping the mobile? Can I interest you in a purse, Bo? Eh, nah, that wouldn’t really work, would it?
Bo and Kenzi burst into the house to find Susan, Caroline, and a third blonde woman caterwauling with laughter in the front room. “Whoa, Bo!” Susan exclaims, getting a good look at Bo drawn and ready for battle. “You ladies know how to make an entrance!” Wait, no “what are you doing here?” or “what’s with the knife, bitch?” just “hey, great entrance”?! Oh-kay.
“Do you always bring a knife to Book Club?” Caroline asks, unconcerned. “Book club?” Bo repeats, confused. Kenzi: “Please tell me you’re reading Fifty Shades of Grey.” Really? Et tu, show? The housewives giggle as Bo and Kenzi exchange are they for real looks.
“Seriously, Bo, do you want the cash or the jewels?” Caroline jokes. I’m sorry, exactly when again were you two introduced? Okay, fine, I guess she extrapolated from Susan shouting Bo’s name, but still. Bo apologizes and explains away the knife as due to her last neighborhood being rough. The unnamed blonde woman looks warily between Bo and Caroline and Susan. “We heard screaming,” Bo offers, looking for an explanation. “Screaming just means we were dishing about our neighbors. Fresh marg?” Caroline asks gesturing to the margarita in her hand. Already I do not like this woman. Caroline gets up for fresh glasses as Bo loudly thanks her by name and compliments the house as she and Kenzi take seats on the settee. “Yes,” Kenzi adds, “it’s very ashram chic!” Heh. Caroline preens under their praise as Bo examines the figurines on the sideboard. “And that’s quite the necklace,” she says gesturing to the charm that hangs around Caroline’s neck. As she pours margaritas (I APPROVE), Caroline expositions that her husband brings her beautiful things from his travels, “helps guide my spiritual awareness. Gives me balance.” In those heels?
Bo muses that she’s always wanted to go to India and Caroline immediately fills in that Tim is in Mumbai. “I’m gonna text him and tell him to bring our single lady something special.” Guess Kenzi doesn’t get a gift with visit. Susan thinks that’s a great idea, but Bo graciously declines, “and technically, I’m not single.” Caroline assures Bo that she’s not to worry, Susan’s already dished about Bo’s break up. “It’s more of a break,” Bo repeats with bite. “You know, I always say if it’s getting hard, something’s wrong,” Susan opines, undaunted by Bo’s continued protestations. I love how absolutely nobody, not even strangers, is buying this “we’re on a break” nonsense. “Hmm,” Kenzi says swallowing some of her marg to come to the rescue. “I always say the opposite. I mean, if it’s getting soft…am I right?” You took the innuendo right out of my mouth, kiddo. After a pause to process, the housewives hoot with glee. “I’m good at Book Club,” Kenzi quietly preens to Bo who mmm hmms agreement. Snort.
Susan decides they should totally set Bo up with Pete the Tennis Pro. “Yeah,” Caroline agrees, “if she likes them hairy and sweaty.” At once, both women’s head swing to look at Bo. “Do you?” Caroline asks. Kenzi speaks up for Bo. “Hmm, she likes them all,” she clarifies with a casualno worries flip of her hand. Bitter Blonde sneers it doesn’t matter as Pete only has eyes for “Tits McGee aka Lisa.” Susan fills in that Lisa is their babysitter, “she’s very good with the children.”
“And she can nurse a whole village of them,” Caroline jokes. Kenzi and Bo are not amused by the vulgar jibe and Bo does the old “good help is hard to come by” non-response. Caroline backtracks that Lisa is great, “she just has a lively imagination,” but Bitter Blonde doesn’t appear as sanguine about the situation. Bo brings up Sam their Peeping Tom and all three housewives sneer while Bitter Blonde actually shudders, “gross.” Caroline expositions that Sam was a genial host for the community when he first moved in, coaching soccer and fixing the plumbing while Tim was out of down. (I’ll bet he did. Rim shot!)
Bo asks what happened and Bitter Blonde interjects that Sam started to become shifty and kept to himself. “Hmm, sounds like someone you’d hear about on the six o’clock news,” Kenzi muses. Susan says she heard Sam’s wife disappeared under mysterious circumstances. “Well, she couldn’t cook anyway,” she dismisses. Right, like you cook. Caroline says as creepy as Sam is, “he’s magic with the sauté pan.” She goes on that Sam will be at her afternoon barbeque and immediately invites Bo and Kenzi to come too. Bitter Blonde decides she needs another margarita and, completely bypassing the not-yet-empty pitcher before her, gets up and heads for the kitchen. “Oh here we go,” Caroline mocks and mimes that Bitter Blonde is a drunk before she hurries after her calling, “Eleanor! Honey!” Damn. I was warming to “Bitter Blonde” as a moniker. Susan confides that Eleanor has been like this since last Christmas when she lost her husband suddenly. “I need to pee!” she announces and hurries off as her non sequitur makes Kenzi and Bo’s heads spin—metaphorically.
In one smooth move, Bo and Kenzi get to their feet to conspire. Bo decides she’s going to stick around the neighborhood to see if she can talk to Lisa while Kenzi digs up information on Sam. “This kind of feels like old times,” Kenzi says, delighted at the idea. WE KNOW. “I know!” Bo agrees in kind. “Maybe we should get new flyers made!” Kenzi: “Yeah, like head shots. I am so game.” SO ARE WE. Bo tells her to let her know what Kenzi comes up with and, leaning back into Bo, Kenzi mocks the housewives, “oh honey, absolutely,” until Bo playfully shoves her off—“ha ha ha”—and on her way.
In the kitchen, Eleanor is telling a chipper Caroline that she needs to take some personal time. “Honey, do you want to talk to my spiritual advisor? Because you always get a little PMSy during the waning moon.” Eleanor insists she needs to get away and now Caroline takes affront. “And break up our club?” She says they need Eleanor. “What are we going to do about Sam?” Eleanor asks. Caroline dials back the chipper and flatly says that what they’re not going to do is panic. Eleanor takes a deep breath and agrees, which pleases Caroline, but as Eleanor leaves, completely missing Bo eavesdropping in the doorway, the smile drops from Caroline’s face. Dun dun DUN!
At Doctor Lauren’s flat, the doc hustles a protesting Isaac Taft out the door. Guess that relationship has been progressing. Isaac playfully tells her to forget about the particle accelerator, “but did I mention to you our state-of-the-art nuclear resonance lab?” Doctor Lauren asks if he has mold and points to the experiment currently marinating in her home lab. Isaac flinches and loses some of his bonhomie at her continued resistance. Switching gears, the doc promises that she’s flattered by the offer, “but as I told you yesterday and the day before…I have a job.” “At Ash Pharmaceuticals, an R&D company so small I’ve never heard of them, and I’ve heard of everyone,” Isaac asserts. The doc smiles, but stays silent because what can she say?
He offers to be frank with her. “Everything I’ve read about you implies that you’re an innovator. That you’re a risk taker.” Really? You sure you’re reading about the right Doctor Lauren? Well, I guess she could be seen as a risk taker in her work. “That you’re willing to chase after greatness.” Huh. I’ve never heard Bo referred to as “greatness” before, but whatever. “You’re not a mold farmer,” Isaac finishes resolutely. Doctor Lauren tells him goodbye and pushes him back to the door. He grabs her wrist, unhappy at being managed. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” he vows, but she firmly pushes him out the door and closes it in his face.
As they walk together in the park, Lisa asks Bo if she’s found anything. Bo says maybe. “Do you know Sam Evans?” Lisa says she “totally” babysits Sam’s son Ethan twice a week, but Bo puts the kibosh on that. “He might be dangerous.” Bo asks if Lisa knows where Sam goes when she babysits, but Lisa claims Sam likes to fly solo and keeps to himself. “Yeah,” Bo grouses, “so I’ve heard.”
Her attention is caught by a small, totally random, rundown carousel set in the center of the field in the middle of nowhere as its off-key, wonky music gears up to play “The Wanderer.” Okay, fine, there’s a small swing set too, but still. Mesmerized, Bo leaves Lisa on the pathway to slowly—erm—wander toward the carousel. The Wind of Power picks up and, behind Bo, Lisa gets a faraway look on her face to match Bo’s. But rather than being entranced by the carousel, instead, Lisa hears a whooshing sound as something comes over her and, in a trance and unnoticed by Bo, she heads back to Shady Grove. The carousel creaks around and Bo sways in place when, with a start, she comes back to herself and looks around, only to realize Lisa has gone.
Down in Tolkien’s Lair (drink!), Trick and Kenzi are hitting the books. With a fond look over his shoulder, Trick asks Kenzi how life in suburbia is working out. “Ugh, you know, filled with tofu scarfing, crystal-rubbing, Buddha-bumping hypocrites. Yeah, they’re Zen all right until someone gets a scratch on their luxury SUV.” Trick advises that “people have always searched for guidance even those who have to commute.” With a small sneer, Kenzi asks if he got that from his big fortune-cookie book. “No,” Trick replies nonplussed, “but I did find a name.” Kenzi thinks he’s found Sam Evans, but Trick corrects that it’s Lisa Allen. So I guess Trick is looking through his Fae registry then? “Lisa is a duppy, a Fae spirit that lives in the earth.” Awww. Who’s afraid of da iddle widdle duppy?
Trickopedia goes on to explain that this particular duppy was reported missing a hundred years ago. He displays an old and worn news leaf announcing Lisa’s disappearance complete with a daguerreotype photo that’s dated 1912. “You’re telling me she’s Fae and doesn’t even know it?” Kenzi gasps. “She’s not just Fae,” Trick corrects ominously. “She’s dead.” Kenzi: “Uh oh. Bad news usually comes in threes.” She ticks them off. “Fae, dead, and?” With overtones of dread, Trick explains that duppies have a very specific calling.
Cut to Shady Grove where Trance Lisa stands in a bedroom clutching a bloody butcher knife. Bo hurries into the house—how did she know where to go?—and gasps to see Eleanor dead on the hardwood floor before Lisa. “Lisa, what did you do?!” Cue Psycho theme! “I did as asked,” Lisa intones in a flat, trance voice. Bo moves to see to Eleanor, but before she can reach the woman, Eleanor literally goes up in flames and vanishes. Lisa drops the knife so it clunks onto the floor. So much for the nice hardwood. “I’ve done as asked,” she says again as Bo gapes at her. “Yeah, you mentioned that.”
Down in Tolkien’s Lair (drink!), Lisa is out cold on Trick’s couch as Bo, Kenzi, and Trick study her. That’s not creepy at all! Bo clarifies that Lisa is a killing machine. “That brings darkness and can be invoked every hundred years, yes,” Trick confirms.
“What a cute name. Who names a killer duppy?” Kenzi wonders for us all. Bo can’t figure out why if Lisa’s dead, “what’s making her go?” Trickopedia explains that duppies “don’t have Chi per se. They run on the energy of those who invoke them to kill.” He concludes that Lisa is essentially an empty vessel. “An empty vessel who cared enough to come to us,” Bo sighs. She hopes Lisa can tell them who’s doing this to her when she wakes, but she’s betting on Sam Evans being the culprit as there’s something off about him. Reason enough, sure. “Duppies black out after each kill,” Trick informs Bo. “Lisa won’t remember a thing.” Kenzi: “Like, Faenesia?” Ha. Trick says it’s exactly that and if Sam is invoking Lisa to kill people, they’re going to have to get proof. Lisa decides that’s a good time to wake up and Bo hurriedly assures the frightened girl that she’s in a safe place. Lisa wants to know what happened and Kenzi steps up. “I got it,” she assures Bo. Helping Lisa up, Kenzi guides the girl up to The Dal. “We’ll go have a beer…or five.”
Upstairs in The Dal (drink!), the disembodied hand of a bartender places a Bloody Mary down to join the legion of mixed drinks already decorating the bar before Kenzi and Lisa…who, judging by the levels remaining in the many glasses, appear to have not had a single drop. “I—kill people?” Lisa tentatively says to Kenzi. “And I’m dead?!” Actually, she’s handling it better than most. “On the bright side,” Kenzi offers. “Killer Dead Babysitter! The TV movie writes itself!” I would totally watch that movie not at all. Lisa is not amused and Kenzi admits it was a bad joke. “Here, have any one of these,” she says, handing over a full martini glass. “It’ll take the edge off.” Lisa refuses because she doesn’t have ID. Kenzi: “Honey, you’re like a thousand years old. I think it’s kosher.” Heh.
But Lisa is still stuck on the pesky fact that she’s dead. “I’m supposed to grow up, be a doctor…help people!” “Look, you are Fae!” Kenzi points out with excitement. “That makes you special.” By the look on her face, Kenzi very much wishes she was that kind of special at this point. She offers that Lisa might even be able to learn to control her power like Bo. “Control—when I kill people? How I kill people? Where I kill people?” Lisa snaps back. She’s got some good points there. “Okay,” Kenzi admits, “so the…” here she mimes stabbing the air with an invisible knife a la Psycho. See? “Totally sucks, I geddit, but it is not your fault.” How many times have we heard her say the exact same words to Bo?
Kenzi reminds Lisa that someone else is making her do these things. “Then they can do it again,” Lisa reasonably rationalizes. Kenzi takes a different tack and assures Lisa that Bo is going to Caroline’s BBQ to do recon, but Lisa is startled to learn that the BBQ is today. “I’m supposed to babysit Ethan!” Kenzi insists that Lisa has to stay at The Dal (drink!) with Trick and, “these pretty drinks.” Mmm, they are quite pretty. Lisa insists that she promised so Kenzi volunteers to go in the girl’s place. “It’ll give me the chance to poke around the psycho’s pre-fab home while I’m at it.” Lisa has her doubts that Kenzi can handle Ethan as he is super high maintenance. “I have fought The Garuda!” Kenzi declares, offended. “I think I can handle one ten-year-old.”
Cut to a sandwich slamming into the kitchen wall. Ethan screams at Kenzi that “Daddy” always makes his grilled cheese with Muenster. “Daddy have the same anger issues as you do?” Kenzi asks warily. Ethan yells that it tastes like crap. “I slaved over a hot microwave for you making that sandwich!” Ha! And ew. You do not microwave a grilled-cheese sandwich. She looks around the kitchen as she tells the kid he has to eat something. “No!” shouts Ethan. Kenzi leans down on the kitchen bar. “Do you know what they do to little kids who don’t eat their dinner? They come after them in the middle of the night from closets and under the bed,” she whispers to the kid. “What does?” the kid asks quietly. “Goblins!” Kenzi shouts, and Ethan jumps in place. “To eat you for dinner,” she crows. The kid is properly terrified just as Kenzi realizes what she’s done. “Oh my God, I sound like my mother!” Yeah, I got a distinctive Baba Yaga vibe there too.
She hurries around the counter and promises Ethan that they’ll start again and she’ll make him a new sandwich, “just tell me where the weirdo cheese is.” Heh. But Ethan whines that he wants Lisa, “and you smell like gasoline!” He hops off the kitchen stool and runs away. “Way to go, Not-Lisa,” Kenzi mocks. Stepping back around the counter, she passes a pile of papers and rifles through a small notebook. Flipping through, she finds a page with the names of the recently dead and disappeared of Shady Grove, all with a line cross through them except for the last, which is Tim Parker and only has a question mark after it. Digging out her phone, Kenzi calls Bo and tells her she thinks she’s found Tim’s hit list. “And I get why some kids are sent to work in the mines.” HA!
Bo is at Caroline’s BBQ, and is wearing another beautiful dress that’s dark red with flowers. She repeats one of the names Kenzi gives her and posits that it means the murders go all the way back to dead Eleanor’s husband. She glances over her shoulder to find Sam alone behind the kitchen bar where he’s cooking and then tells Kenzi that she’s up. “Hang in there, babysitter,” she teases. Sam slaps a still wriggling crab down on the cutting board before him. Chatting him up, Bo says it looks delicious. “Live crab looks delicious to you?” Sam asks, heavy with the really? Bo admits that usually she prefers boiling them first. Unimpressed by her charm, Sam stabs the crab in the center of its belly and cuts down. “Or there’s that,” Bo snits, mildly disgusted. Sam informs her that boiling them live actually toughens the flesh. “So you stab them into deliciousness. Good to know,” Bo muses.
Coming around the corner to stand next to him, Bo asks Sam about Shady Grove and then touches his hand to pour on the succujuice. “You hands are so soft,” he says, dazed. Bo asks where Eleanor is and Sam says she had to leave. “You mean you had her killed,” she corrects, but even under the influence, Sam says no. Caroline comes into the back of the kitchen in time to see Bo move her hand up Sam’s arm and hear her ask Sam about Jake Thatcher, Tim Parker, Eleanor’s husband and Sam’s wife. “She lives in San Diego now with the man who took her from me,” Sam says, answering Bo’s last question about his wife. Caroline recoils a bit to hear this. “A cheater,” Dazed Sam continues, “Tim Parker was a cheater too.”
“Bo!” Caroline chimes with the timely interruption. She claims to have been looking for Bo and that she needs to steal her for a few minutes. “Where are we going?” Bo asks, but Caroline says it’s a surprise. “Everyone’s looking forward to your crab, Sam,” Caroline snaps as she sashays out of the kitchen with Bo in tow.
Tamsin very carefully enters the cop shop and whoa, did the makeup people do a good job messing her up. Eyes blood shot, skin sallow, tied-back hair in disarray; she practically stumbles over to Dyson’s desk. “Wow. Well look who decided to show,” he observes in THAT VOICE. “What can I say? I live to work,” Tamsin snarks and leans over his shoulder. Dyson frowns as he gets a good whiff of her. “And drink, apparently,” he notes. “You said I had to be here—you did—not—say I had to be sober,” she gibes. “You look like shit,” Dyson says with genuine concern as he takes off the kid gloves. Annoyed, Tamsin snatches a crime scene photo from his hand. “What’s this? A trip down memory pain?” Ha! She tosses the photo aside and Dyson updates her that Blue’s twin showed up looking for her. Tamsin bends over (not like that!), with her elbows on Dyson’s desk to prop up her hungover head in her hands. “What are the odds,” she sneers with an eye roll. Ignoring her snark, Dyson admits that he was so caught up with vindicating Bo at the time (neatly tying up that dangling thread), “that I focused on the feeding signature and not these other wounds.” Ah, you’re not the only one who missed it, wolf man. A certain doctor did an autopsy on Blue and never noticed anything of the sort either, or at least not in her “inconclusive” findings. Dyson urges Tamsin to look at the other abrasions on Blue’s neck in the photo. “I think she was dragged to that alley from another kill site.”
He’s managed to snag Tamsin’s boozy attention and she zeroes in on what he’s indicating in the pictures. “It’s not the worst theory I’ve ever heard,” she allows. “Thank you,” he says without rancor and turns back to examining the photos. Tamsin stands and smacks him on the shoulders. “Looks like you’ve got this covered, big boy,” she says. “What, you’re bailing?” he asks annoyed as Tamsin starts to do just that. Dyson turns around in his desk chair with the furrowed brow of concern. “What’s with you lately?” But Tamsin has all her shields back in wobbly place. “What?” she asks and takes a few steps back to him, “Because you care?” But Dyson has spent three years dealing with Kenzi’s bravado and knows Tamsin too well now to be put off by her knee jerk scorn. He knows when one of his girls is in pain. “Very much,” he replies sincerely. Tamsin can see he means it and gets pissier because of it. “One more crack out of you,” she says holding the picture of the dead Blue up before his face, “and your neck’s gonna look like hers.”
Dyson grabs the photo from her hand because seeing it up close has made him notice something new. He quietly counts the bruises on Blue’s neck from her assailant’s fingers...and gets to six. “Hal-lo! My name is Inigo Montoya! You killed my Fae! Prepare to die!” says absolutely nobody, but they should have.
“Last time I checked, Bo only had five fingers on her hand,” Dyson points out. Intrigued in spite of her hangover, Tamsin looks again at the photo to see Dyson is right and man does she look haggard. It takes work to make someone that beautiful look that naturally worn out. “Come on, let’s go,” he says, leading the way out of the cop shop. “Where?!” Tamsin asks, incredulous. “Back to the crime scene,” Dyson answers.
He tells her to cover up the pictures and leads the way out of the cop shop, calling back, “and maybe try a little makeup!” Tamsin sighs heavily and does this great nonverbal of course, the crime scene, like that’s gonna be helpful now but she slaps the case file on top of the photos and follows him. There’s a Departmental Bulletin on top of the file, and though I can’t make out the text, it seems too obvious a plant to mean nothing…
At Doctor Lauren’s flat, the doc is delivering her book report to Hale—HALE!!!—oh, excuse me, “The Ash.” She holds up a computer tablet and explains all about her mold experiments. Hale sits before her in a formal dining room chair tricked out in the full suit experience, sans hat, patiently listening to the doc’s report. As she concludes, he praises her excellent work and gets to his feet, which is when I really notice how incredibly long his legs are. Dude is tall. “I’ve been busy with my upcoming inauguration so I appreciate your attention to detail,” he expositions. Guess he’s not meant to be only Acting Ash for much longer. Hale is noticeably more formal with Doctor Lauren. The doc asks if he’s appreciative enough to give her a brief sabbatical. “I have a personal project I’d like to pursue.” It’s obvious she expects him to instantly approve. Hale nods along as she speaks but in spite of that, immediately denies her request without explanation and turns to leave. “No?” the doc repeats, visibly surprised. Turning back, Hale explains that she needs to stay where he can protect her. From what? Besides, I thought Bo took care of the doc. Isn’t that her role in their relationship? Oh, wait, that’s right, she and Bo broke up. So sad.
Tensing up, Doctor Lauren corrects that Hale isn’t protecting her, he’s keeping her prisoner. Because he won’t give you an indeterminate break from your job? My boss doesn’t keep me prisoner, she just expects me to, you know, work. All right, yes, I know Doctor Lauren is essentially in indentured servitude, but she twice chose to be so and now she’s chafing at the terms of her agreement…again? I think the doc expected Hale to be more malleable and understanding than her previous masters since they knew one another before he became The Ash. Clearly, she’s never read Henry V. Wait; does that make Doctor Lauren Pistol or Bardolph?
I’ve been waiting for this actually because, up till now, the show has ignored what Hale’s change of status means for Doctor Lauren situation. All season, she and Bo have behaved as if they have carte blanche where the doc’s role in Faeville is concerned blithely ignoring any bounds under which Doctor Lauren might still live. I think Hale has left them alone because it hasn’t been an issue: so long as the doc was Bo’s S.O., Hale knew she wasn’t going anywhere. But now that Doctor Lauren is back to realizing she’s unable to live the life she chose with the Fae without the perk of
banging Bo regularly being with Bo, her old issues are back in full form…and the new boss is all too much like the old boss. This, I think, is due more to Hale’s better understanding of how the responsibilities and restrictions that comes with being The Ash trump his own personal code. I think Hale has learned to do much more compromising of his progressive plans with the Fae old guard than he ever thought he’d have to and it has definitely changed him. Power hasn’t corrupted him; it’s made him grow up.
I miss the hat.
Despite her challenge, Hale makes an effort to explain. “I know you just broke up with your girlfriend and you need space,” he begins. Hale deliberately and ponderously claps his hands before him. “But that is not my problem. Bo is not your boss; I am.” Oh, that clarification has been a long time coming. But with her rising temper, Doctor Lauren is getting cheeky. “And a year ago you were just a cop,” she shoots back. Ah, that doesn’t change who he is now, doc. I’m not saying Hale isn’t being a jackhole here, but the doc is way out of line too. “If the Dark gets their hands on you, they’ll kill you, (Doctor) Lauren,” Hale replies, for the moment dropping the formality between them. Wait, what’s that again now? Since when does the Dark want to kill Doctor Lauren? I mean, it’s not like she doesn’t wander about Faedom however, whenever, and wherever she pleases. Plenty of opportunities to snatch her up between here and there that the Dark have so far conveniently ignored. Also, she’s bound to the Ash and Fae law forbids other Fae from messing with claimed humans. I’d think dicking with The Ash’s claimed human would be even more of a no-no. So what the hell is Hale talking about? Or is he harking back to The Morrigan’s attempts to kill Bo, implying that the doc, as her former sweetie, would be a target for revenge? But Hale served Evony with a Fae cease and desist order. Why would he think after all this time without incidence that the doc would still be at risk?
“You’re pledged to The Ash, Doctor Lewis,” Hale reminds her, neatly placing them both back in their formal roles. “I fought by your side, Hale,” the doc reminds him in a trembling voice. She waits as if that’s supposed to mean something and change his mind. Hale pauses and exhales audibly. “Take the weekend if you’d like,” he concedes. “And we’ll see you Monday.” He moves to the door again, but since he didn’t do what she wants, the doc can’t resist a parting shot. “It’s true what they say about power. It doesn’t change people; it reveals them.” Who the hell do you think you are, lady? Any other Ash would have your ass in prison for such insubordination. Respect the office if not the man. You don’t want to be beholden to him? Next time don’t frickin’ sign yourself into bondage. Is Hale being an ass? Yeah, but good or bad, he has his reasons and even then he made an effort to give Doctor Lauren something anyway if only for old time’s sake. For him to concede more to his human servant would make him appear weak before the Fae. It’s politics, not personal. Buck up, doc. Despite all other appearances this season, you’re not the center of the Fae world. I get that this is just the camel’s back straw for her, but still.
Hale, kinder by far than I, merely turns in the doorway to reiterate his expectations. “First thing Monday morning,” he reminds her in a hard voice and then leaves without looking back again. Left alone to lie in the bed of her own making, the doc clenches her jaw and quietly stews.
Back at Shady Grove, Caroline leads Bo across the park’s field where Susan waits for them near the creepy, creaking carousel. Bo asks what’s going on, but Caroline merely smiles and takes Bo’s hands “Oh, there it is, that power!” she giggles and Susan joins in. “You were using it on Sam,” Caroline mildly accuses even as Bo insists they were just talking. “Don’t be shy,” Susan chides. “I knew it the second I saw you. The dark red aura. Strong. You’re a survivor, Bo,” she claims. Caroline informs Bo that they want her to join their circle and Susan pipes up that they’re short one member now, what with Eleanor being dead and all. “She was weak; not like you!”Caroline observes that Bo has power. Honey, if you only knew. “Haven’t you ever wanted to channel that power? To feel more? To have more?” Susan is just so excited she squeals. “We’re just going to have so much fun together! This shit is a blast!” Holy crap, they’re the Witches of Faewick!
Tentative, Bo asks what the ladies do for fun. Caroline smirks. “Stuff like this, for starters,” she says. Spreading her arms wide, she starts to pray to the “goddess of the lunar light” as Bo warily watches. “Give me darkness, give me night,” Caroline chants and immediately the sky darkens to night and, on the field before the three women, a pentagram now burns aflame. “What do you say, Bo?” Caroline crows. Bo: “You bitches are witches!” Ha! “And you can count me in.” Caroline and Susan giggle with delight and totally miss the crafty look on Bo’s face.
A suburban coven of witches? Why does this sound so suspiciously familiar?
Caroline basically calls the meeting to order as she explains to Bo that normally they’d start with something easier, but they have some unfinished business. Susan reassures Bo that she’ll catch on. “Oh my God,” she chortles to Caroline. “Do you remember when we did away with Paul?” They giggle and Susan explains to Bo that Paul was her handsome husband, “who, as it turns out, had an apartment in the city and a whore inside that apartment. He was our first, but then we had a dead body to deal with, which I—“ Caroline playfully smacks at her to stop the verbal diarrhea and finishes the story by saying that she came up with a spell to get rid of the body. “Ta da!”
Bo objects that she doesn’t know how she feels about killing people. “Diva, please!” Caroline laughs. “We are just using what the universe gave us to rid ourselves of the negative forces in our lives.” Wow. She should write Bo and Kenzi’s new flyers. She even makes murder sound empowering! “Like cheaters!” Susan offers. “Was Laurence a cheater?” Bo is quick to counter that no, if anything, she was the one cheating, which would be accurate if not for all the “if that’s what you need then I’m okay with it,” BS. “And like I keep telling you,” Bo adds again, “we’re just on a break.” Caroline and Susan exchange patronizing smiles at Bo’s litany complete with head tilt. Poor delusional dear. “You’re in denial, Bo,” Susan says aloud. “You need to heal. Isn’t there a part of you that wants vengeance?” Word of advice, ladies: Stay away from the Baba Yaga!
Caroline jumps in that this is not about vengeance. “This is about strong women understanding their worth and taking back the power in our lives.” Okey dokey then. “Look, we are not going to be a slave to their shitty, patriarchal…” But Bo’s ringing mobile interrupts them. “Whoops,” Bo says, digging the phone from the depths of her cleavage. Oh yeah, I forgot about the cleavage pockets for incidentals. “Hold that thought,” Bo offers with a smile and takes a few steps away to take the call. “Trick, hey,” she greets her symbol of patriarchy.
Trick wastes no time and immediately downloads Bo that “one of the tunnels under The Dal (drink!) flooded. My backorder of Guinness finally came in.” Thank GOD for that! “And two centaurs got into it over a – woman?!” Stanger things have happened there, Trickster. With a wary eye on the witches, Bo says that she’s kind of in the middle of something here so could he get to the point? Over on the side, Susan and Caroline are bickering. “Stop talking so much,” Caroline orders. “Stop yelling at me in front of her!” Susan hisses back. “You just ramble on,” Caroline accuses. “Just smile when she looks at you.” “Fine,” Susan snits. Hee.
“I lost Lisa,” Trick admits over the phone. “We need to find her.” Behind Bo, Caroline snaps at Susan to stop staring at Bo. “And we need to find out who’s targeting her,” Trick continues. “And we need to find out who she’s being targeted to kill.” Bo confesses that she may have that part worked out already as she watches Caroline and Susan continue to snipe at one another. Trick says there’s one more thing. “There’s a trinket that humans need to invoke the duppy. It’s called a Macuto. You’ll find that and you can stop her (Lisa) from killing again.” But Bo has zeroed in on the pendant dangling down Caroline’s chest as Trick has been talking. “You on that too?” he taunts mildly. “Like Kenzi at a waffle bar,” Bo snarks in dismissal.
She disconnects and shoves the phone back down her cleavage. What else ya got down there, sweetie? Caroline asks who was on the phone. “My psychic,” Bo chirps. “I didn’t tell him anything, but he knew something big was happening!” Caroline confirms that something definitely is indeed up.
There’s a knock on the door at Doctor Lauren’s flat. Wow, another knocker. Will wonders never cease. The doc is surprised to find Isaac back on her threshold. “I never took you for a stalker,” she teases as she lets him in. “Well,” he says, entering with the confidence of a man with an ace up his sleeve...or a mysterious folder in his hand. “I prefer Super Fan.” Oh, I SO WISH he’d said Fan Boy right there instead! Isaac admits he debated whether or not he was going to come back to the flat but he’s got something he really thinks Doctor Lauren needs to see. Curious but not alarmed, the doc asks what it is. Isaac says he was curious why she’d spent “five years hiding in the Amazon jungle and traipsing around Afghanistan and generally being off the map.” Oy, not that Afghanistan crap again. And I see we’re adding the Amazon to the roster of things Doctor Lauren never did until it suddenly became necessary to manufacture her into a bad ass. Is somebody keeping a check list? “I’m adventurous!” the doc chirps, but Isaac isn’t buying her bull anymore.
“I asked my lawyers who I pay an offensive amount of money, to look into it and they did and they’re very good and they dug up a bone that I think you wanted to keep buried,” he hands over the folder, “Karen.” Doctor Lauren gets this look of resigned dread on her face. She knows what’s in the folder.
Opening it, she gazes down on her own mug shot, only in this shot she has short brown hair…and her name is Karen Beattie. Wait, Doctor Lauren has been lying all this time about who she really is? Up to and including something as fundamental as her name? I’m shocked. Shocked, I say.
Karen Beattie, by the way, is wanted for being linked to an organization that is connected to other open if yet undefined Interpol cases. She has been known to participate in anti-government demonstrations, was previously a researcher at various laboratories, and has been known to organize protests with other scientists against prison sentences and various government restrictions on scientific research. So basically, Doctor Lauren is wanted for questioning because she protests. A lot. Whoa. There’s a…revelation.
Visibly affected, the doc closes the folder and asserts that she doesn’t respond to blackmail, except when it involves her pod-encased super-secret coma girlfriend. “Yeah well, my lawyers don’t want me to associate with a known fugitive,” Isaac instantly replies. He pauses. “So I fired them.” The doc is shocked to hear this, braced as she was for his rejection. “I don’t care what you did and I don’t care why you did it,” Isaac says forcefully. “Everyone has secrets. You’re no stranger to reinvention and, you know, we both know you could use a fresh start. So that’s the only copy. Do with it what you want.” I so wish I wasn’t so sure he was going to turn out to be evil. This is exactly the kind of support and acceptance the doc needs and has been craving. Unfortunately, that’s exactly the reason why Isaac’s going to be evil. Can’t have Doctor Lauren being happy with anyone but Bo in Doccutopia.
“Are you serious?” the doc asks, voice trembling. “Well,” Isaac quips, passing the doc to head for the door. “That’s what freedom looks like!” He pauses on the threshold. “That’s what you wanted, right?” This time he’s the one who shuts the door in the doc’s face as she stares after him, stunned by this unexpected opportunity to leave the Fae for good.
Back with Ethan, Kenzi asks if the kid’s sleepy yet but he isn’t. “Dude, we’ve already read each one of your story books!” She sits back and asks WWLD—what would Lisa do? Ethan says Lisa would tell him a story. Kenzi sighs and ponies up. “Once upon a time, there was this superhero named…Super Kenz!” Ethan asks why he was a superhero. “She, dumbass.” Kenzi emphasizes “I don’t know. Because she was…awesome.” Yes, yes she is. Ethan accepts this and asks what Super Kenz’s powers are. “If you’re gonna back seat drive this, I’m not even gonna bother.” Ethan: “I won’t if you tell it better.” I could easily like this version of this kid. “Super Kenz wasn’t just any old human,” Kenzi says. “Not only did she have killer personal style, but she had a smorgasbord of powers.” Ethan lights up at this idea. Kenzi goes on to cherry pick her favorite powers from her Faemily for Super Kenz. “Her sense of smell was as strong as a wolf’s and when she sang, she could knock people out just like a siren.” Ethan: “What’s a siren?” Kenzi: “A douchebag who wears stupid hats.” HAHA! “This one time, this evil creature called a kitsune kidnapped her and put her in a cave.” Ethan thinks her story is getting scary but doesn’t sound too worried about it. “But Super Kenz, she was really smart too,” Kenzi quickly assures him. “She whooped that ginger bitch’s ass, escaped the cave, and succubusted a whole frat house on the way home, just for kicks!” It’s sweet and a little sad that Kenzi co-opts the story so that she comes out the hero. She so wants to be on an even keel with Bo and Dyson and Hale, able to save herself against the Fae every time instead of needing one of them for the heavy lifting. That weakness is beginning to seriously chafe on her.
Ethan is excited. “You just said the B word, the A word, and ginger!” Oh no! NOT GINGER!! “I wanna be like Super Kenz!” he announces, pleasing Kenzi. So say we all, kiddo. “You and me both, buddy,” Kenzi replies. She holds up her hand for a high-five. “You and me both,” she repeats, more heartfelt this time as she realizes how true that sentiment is for her.
In the field by the carousel, Caroline finishes tying a red ribbon around Bo’s wrists. As she links them all thus together, waves of red power flow down the strands. “Wow,” Bo scoffs. “Binding.” Caroline exhorts her to feel the energy in the wind and as she says the words, the Wind of Power violently blows. They all gasp and the carousel starts to spin and play “The Wanderer” at even more manic speeds. “Feel the energy in the trees around us. Feel it move through your body. Feel us becoming stronger. As one.” Bo actually looks around as though looking for the actual energy, but I think she’s looking for Lisa. Caroline calls out to someone and by someone I mean the duppy. “We invite you here. Go to avenge us; shed no tear. All that you are and all that I am draw us the blood of one man: Sam.”
Bo is shocked to hear Caroline invoke Lisa against Sam and, by default, Kenzi. Susan objects to Caroline’s choice too. “We agreed to take down that price-gouging misogynist at the mechanic shop. Who gives a rat’s ass about Sam?!” Bo claims she’s not ready to do this after all and tries to break free of the ribbon, but Caroline jerks her back and sneers that Bo doesn’t understand how the circle works. “This circle can’t be broken unless we all agree to unbind it. Now that you’ve contributed your power, Lisa’s going to be unstoppable,” she crows. Cut to an invoked Lisa in full horror movie slasher mode, stalking through Sam’s house with the butcher knife raised and at the ready.
Sam enters his house calling for Kenzi but Slasher Lisa comes around the corner knife raised to strike. Interestingly, it is daylight still in Shady Grove. Wait, that sure looks like the same staircase from which Dream Mister Parker was hanged in the cold open. Way to reuse your resources, show. Recycle!
Sam is surprised to see her. “This whole time, I thought it was Caroline...the Book Club.” You’re not too far off there, buddy. “Oh no!” Kenzi says as she arrives from the back of the house. “Dead Girl Walking!” Ha! She steps in front of Sam without a second thought and cautiously tells Slasher Lisa to put the “pointy killy thing down.” Sam worries about where Ethan is and without taking her eyes from Slasher Lisa, Kenzi assures Sam that Ethan is fine. “Lisa,” she calls and hilariously waves her arms in front of Lisa’s face. “It’s me, Kenzi. You have to stop. You can stop!” But Slasher Lisa doesn’t stop.
Back in still full dark field, Bo glances between Susan and Caroline as the red waves of power course up and down the ribbons binding them together. The carousel music has stopped. Bo grabs Caroline’s forearm and, pouring on the succubus juice, orders her to look at Bo. “You don’t want to do this,” Bo tells her but Caroline erupts in laughter. “Oh my God!” she exclaims, throwing her head back in bliss. “That is better than sex!” Bo: “Then you’re doing it wrong!” Ha! Caroline gets her mean on and sneers that she’s been destined for this her whole life. “You’re just a human who got lucky and found some fancy hoo doo necklace!” Bo snaps back. Hoo! Somefae is getting her human-shaming on! Susan wonders why it matters. “The point is there’s nothing we can’t do!” Caroline checks off the top choices on her list. “Make ourselves younger! Takeover the PTA!” Susan: “Get free blowouts!” Hee. Priorities!
“Honestly, Susan,” Caroline snarls, “every time I think you can’t get any stupider!” Bo: “Oh, classy! What a good friend!” Caroline: “Oh, whatever!” HA! But the women’s bickering has given Bo her epiphany. “The power lies in the circle,” she muses. “In our collective energy.” She challenges Caroline’s status as leader and grips Susan’s hand. “Who the hell does she think she is anyway?” she asks Susan. Susan vaguely admits she was wondering the same thing and closing her eyes, gasps, “that’s amazing!” as the succujuice goes to work. Not like that! Bo gets her wicked chi-sucking smile on.
Susan turns on Caroline and shouts that she’s a bitch. Caroline laughs in her face and calls Susan an idiot, “and as usual you have no idea what you’re doing.” Bo pushes Caroline further. “Unlike you,” she accuses, “who’s using an innocent teenage girl to live out your sick revenge fantasies!” Caroline orders her to shut up and Susan responds with the time-honored, tried and true, mature reply of “you shut up!” Bo takes a step back as the power between them falters.
Back at Sam’s sunshine-filled house, Slasher Lisa comes out of her trance and, horrified to see the knife in her hand, demands to know what’s happening. Kenzi hurries to take the wavering blade from her shaking hand. “I can’t control it, Kenzi,” Lisa cries. “I can’t!” By her wide-eyed gaze of sympathy, it seems Kenzi is beginning to understand that.
Back in the field with the Witches of Faewick, Susan is counting off all the things she hates. “I hate stupid book club and gluten-free bread, and killing innocent people!” Have to respect a woman who understands the true value of gluten-free bread. Caroline yells that Tim wasn’t innocent since he cheated on her. Susan shouts that she’s talking about Sam, “the hot new dad on the block who rejected you when you tried to sleep with him.” Unnoticed, Bo’s breathing is getting heavier and heavier as the women’s rage increases the power feed. She’s not touching their flesh anymore, so this isn’t her sucking chi but rather the natural power of their circle that’s feeding her.
Caroline snarls that no one rejects her and with another high-pitched squeal, Susan counters that everyone does. “Our yoga instructor, our mechanic, Eleanor’s 18-year-old son! Suck on that vegan energy bar, you bitch!” Heeeeee. By now, Bo is gasping for air under the power surge and the wild Wind of Power kicks up again. “Susan, you are so strong,” she manages to get out.
“You know not your truth strength, child,” a deep, processed voice announces. Ah, I think Susan has left the building. Bo looks at Susan, but the woman’s eyes have turned… succubus blue. “But soon you will, and the world will bow down before us!” Bo gapes at the transformed Susan. Caroline looks down at the ribbons and finally understands that it was Susan who had the power in their group. “I’ll be damned,” she sneers. Startled, Bo takes a step back as the ribbons binding them ignite. Originating with and spreading out from Bo, the flame runs up the ribbons to the other two women and disintegrates them both immediately into ash. Instantly, the darkness clears and the carousel begins to spin as its music cranks up “The Wanderer.” Yeah, that’s not creepy at all. Amazed to find she is still alive, Bo works to catch her breath and make sense of what just happened. “Who are you?” she asks the sky with no little trepidation. Looking down, she spies something on the ground, carefully picks up the Macuto talisman that controls Lisa, and clutches it tight.
Cut to Dyson and Tamsin in a random field. The scene opens with a great upward shot that features KHR’s long legs in the foreground and a scrambling Tamsin in the background as he and that long-legged
swagger stride lead the way into the field. Thank you, show. No, thank you. “Okay, what the hell?!” Tamsin yells. She demands to know where they are as Blue’s actual crime scene is back behind them. Dyson slowly comes to a halt beside an area of rough that’s in a vague circular shape. “I smell something,” he murmurs. “If you’re chasing tail, I so do not want to be on the ride along,” Tamsin grunts. Snicker. Dyson doesn’t pay her snark any attention. “That dead Fae, Blue Riley? She was dragged from here,” he decides, pointing at the ground before him. “I’m sure of it.”
Dyson cranes his neck to look back at Tamsin. “I’m glad you’re here with me on this one, partner,” he tells her with genuine gratitude. Awww. I’m glad they turned out to be genuine partners rather than Tamsin being some rebound bang for Dyson as I originally feared. Their relationship is much better this way. He turns back to study the field, but his sincerity has cut right through Tamsin’s snark and the pain even her hangover can’t muffle. “Dyson, I—I have to tell you something.” His brow furrows and then clears as he identifies the scent his sniffer is—um—sniffing. A suspicious and puzzled expression fills his face as he turns back to the still speaking Tamsin. “Some serious shit is about to go down,” Tamsin warns. Dyson looks back at the field and then again at Tamsin. “Tams, call it in,” he orders quietly. I love that he calls her that and the real affection it shows. Still braced for confession, Tamsin doesn’t immediately catch on. “This whole field,” Dyson explains ominously. “It smells like death.” We get a great aerial view of the entire field with Tamsin and Dyson standing just on the edge of it.
Down in Tolkien’s Lair (drink!), Trick and Bo stand together and contemplate Lisa who sits quietly on the couch before burning candles set on the coffee table. “Bo, it’s time,” Trick says gently. “Are you ready?” Bo wonders if he’s sure this is really the only way. Trick expositions that Lisa is running on what’s left of the Witches of Faewick’s Chi and is fading fast. “It’s a mercy, trust me,” he assures her. Bo looks miserable but sits beside Lisa nonetheless as Trick leaves.
In a small voice, Lisa asks if it will hurt. Smiling softly, Bo says no. She asks if Lisa is sure this is what she wants to do. “I’m eighteen,” Lisa says softly, “and I’ve never kissed a boy. I’ve never been to Europe. I’ll never be a doctor,” she admits, spacing the words with the slow deliberation of a harsh conclusion. She swallows hard. “I’m also already dead,” she acknowledges. Bo’s eyes tear up as she reaches for Lisa’s face, but the girl recoils and asks for a second’s grace. “It’s hard for me to know that I’ll never have what you have,” she confesses. “I mean, look at you. Your life’s a mess,” she opines with a wet and weak chuckle. “Thanks,” Bo scoffs lightly without real offense. “I mean, you have a life to mess up,” Lisa clarifies more seriously. “You have family and friends…and memories. Even if they’re bad ones.” Bo gently allows that she’s never really thought about it that way.
Lisa gazes at the Macuto resting in the antique silver dish on the table before them. “I’ll be invoked in a hundred years,” she says with tears in her voice. “And a hundred years after that. Whoever has this necklace will be able to summon the dark. Make me kill,” she adds with disgust. Bo stares at the Macuto and then looks at Lisa as she makes a connection. “What if I’m there for you, Lisa?” she offers. “I’ll be around in a hundred years,” she reminds the girl with a small smile. “And a hundred years after that.” She exhales heavily. “That is the first time I have ever said that out loud,” and she looks quite happy with that admission too. Lisa asks if Bo means she’s going to stop Lisa from hurting people, “every time?” “I give you my word,” Bo swears solemnly. She knows what giving your word means amongst the Fae.
For a moment, Lisa looks relieved and then she shakes her head. “But no. Kenzi said that being Fae is special,” she tells Bo. Bo frowns slightly to hear it. Kenzi said that? Lisa admits that she doesn’t want to be special. “I want to be human. And if I can’t have that, I want to be at peace.” She looks into Bo’s eyes. “Will you give me that?” she requests. “I promise,” Bo whispers.
To clarify, Bo offered Lisa a way to stay alive, promising to be around every hundred years when the duppy comes back to life in order to prevent someone else from using Lisa to kill people. This would allow Bo to not have to mercy kill Lisa. Lisa, however, doesn’t want to come back to life even believing that Bo will be there to protect her, because she doesn’t want to live if she can’t be human. Instead, she’s asking Bo if she’ll go ahead and mercy kill Lisa after all.
With a small, sad smile, Lisa nods infinitesimally and Bo again lifts her hands her cheek. Gently, she pours on the succujuice. Lisa’s braced shoulders relax and she chuckles softly as a true smile creases her face. “That feels nice. You have such a pretty face,” she exclaims as Bo massages her cheek. With eyes glowing succubus blue, Bo slowly leans down and sucks Lisa’s Chi. She eases the dying girl back to rest against the couch. As she pulls back, Bo’s eyes retreat from succubus blue to be filled with tears. “Good night, sweet girl,” she murmurs, brushing her hand over Lisa’s face to close her eyelids. “Back to sleep.” Deeply moved, Bo exhales hard and her gaze again fixes on the Macuto. Lifting it out of the bowl, she takes a candle and lights it on fire. “They will never use you again,” she vows.
That was beautifully, beautifully done by both actresses. Absolutely heartbreaking.
Worn out and emotionally drained, Bo walks into Hilton Hovel (drink!) and spies someone in the kitchen. “Hug,” she demands, voice breaking, and holds her arms out wide. “Now.” Kenzi hurries over and clutches Bo close. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that,” she whispers. “What am I doing?” Bo asks emotionally. Kenzi pulls back and asks what she means. “I mean, what am I doing here, Kenzi?” Bo repeats, moving into the kitchen. Confused, Kenzi says, “Here, where, what are you talking about?” They face each other across the kitchen table as Bo pauses. “When I was in the temple? During the Dawning? I saw something,” Bo admits. “I felt something.” Kenzi: “More…dead people?” Bo: “Love.” She goes on that it was a vision or maybe a memory, “I don’t know but—I didn’t see his face. It was my father.”
Kenzi is shocked—“Are you serious?!”—and Bo collapses on a stool as she admits that she can’t stop thinking about it. “I feel different! It’s like I have this power that I didn’t have before and I think my dad has something to do with it.” Kenzi works to process this. “Wow. Your dad, that’s—that’s huge.” Bo insists that she has to find him, but Kenzi suggests that they should deal with one thing at a time.
“Enough with this dance!” she states firmly despite Bo rolling her eyes and scoffing. “A break up or not a break up? That is the question,” she jokes mildly, finally forcing the issue. “I am so much better with weapons,” Bo declares. “I know,” Kenzi agrees in a whisper. Heh. “But, you’re a big girl, just rrrriiippp the band-aid off! Seek closure…grasshopper,” she finishes, not without sympathy. Bo smiles lovingly. She knows Kenzi’s right just as she knows that if Kenzi’s calling her on it, it’s time to buck up. She cradles Kenzi’s head between her hands. “You are so wise,” she murmurs. Kenzi smiles back and then leaves without another word knowing Bo needs no other urging to do what needs to be done. Bo fishes her mobile out from the depths of her cleavage and dials Doctor Lauren…
…who stands in her flat as she picks up her mobile. “Hello?” But it’s not Bo—it’s Isaac!! Oh – sneaky move, show! “Hi (Doctor) Lauren, it’s Isaac. Do you need help with your, ah, suitcase?” With her what now? The doc is decamping from Faeville?! No way! Doctor Lauren chuckles and as soon as she asks where Isaac is, there’s a knock on her door. Okay, now you’re just sprinting up to the creepy line there, Isaac. Figuring it out, she laughs again and lowers the phone as she walks to the door while the knocking continues. “Closer,” Isaac urges, hearing her footsteps close the distance. “Hotter,” he adds and now the doc laughs aloud. She opens the door and he snaps his phone shut. “Hello Hello,” he jokes with a put on British accent as he enters and heads straight for her waiting suitcase, making her laugh again “You ready?”
“Well,” she muses, shutting the door. “I have cancelled my newspapers, put my cable on hold, and there is enough cat food in the cat feeder to last a month.” Mildly offended she thought otherwise, Isaac chides that the doc can bring her cat along with her. She smiles broadly with a tinge of giddy. Honestly, she hasn’t looked this happy all season. It’s a real shame Isaac isn’t a woman; he’d be a perfect match for her then. “I don’t have a cat. I was joking, I joke when I’m nervous,” she admits with a grimace. Isaac takes it in stride. “This is a very big step for me,” Doctor Lauren confesses breathlessly. “And a giant leap for science!” Isaac exclaims. She smiles again. “There’s nothing to worry about,” he assures her lightly. “Trust me.” Oh shit, that’s it. He’s definitely evil.
He picks up her suitcase and makes for the door to take it down to the limo. The doc assures him she’ll be right down behind him. “This is the beginning of something big,” he tells her. You have no idea, boyo. After he leaves, the doc walks over to her desk and, after a pause, places her mobile down and pulls her emblem of The Ash’s ownership out from under her shirt. She studies it for a moment and takes once last moment to consider what she’s doing before she removes it from her neck and, without hesitating again, places it in the open desk drawer and slowly pushes the drawer closed. She snags her phone, takes one more moment, and then walks confidently toward the door—only to stop after a few steps to glance down at the mobile in her hand and then set it with deliberation on the corner of the desk.
She rubs her hands on the sides of her hips then clenches and releases her fists as she continues to the door where she rubs her face and finally looks back to take in her flat. Steeling herself she reaches for the switch and with settled finality, switches off the lights, opens the door, and leaves without looking back. As the door shuts, the camera pulls back through the flat to focus on the mobile…which rings as Bo’s call finally comes through too late.
Now, I don’t think that Doctor Lauren has left for good at all, and I personally would be upset if she did, as I like ZP a lot and want her to stick around for the show to give Doctor Lauren a better time of things. But that was definitely a strong nonverbal goodbye she just gave her old life. While I believe the show will dial back from such an extreme take as fast as it can manage, if it by some miracle didn’t, it would put this entire season into a vastly more interesting framework than just Doccutopia for Doccutopia’s sake. If this really was Doctor Lauren’s exit scene, (and again, I am NOT saying that it is, so resist the urge to jump up and down on my back), then this entire season could be seen as one long character journey for the doc.
She starts by getting her heart’s desire, a love relationship with Bo, and lives for a time in the sexual bliss of succubus love. But before too long, the cracks start to show, first with Kenzi never being fully on the doc’s side of things and then with Dyson never quite being out of Bo’s life no matter what restrictions the doc tries to impose on Bo’s access to him or how many times she inserts herself into their business to keep tabs on what’s happening between them. She tries to make her relationship with Bo open in order to feed Bo’s need under her watchful eye, but very soon finds it too distressing to be directly involved with the process. The more she tries to cling to Bo, the more Bo is unable to provide what the doc wants and needs as Bo is increasingly pulled away by her needs as a Fae as The Dawning advances, and this despite the doc’s considerable efforts to find “a cure” for Bo’s rapid-onset devolution.
All too soon, Doctor Lauren has to face the facts that despite her primary presence in Bo’s bed and Bo’s genuine professions of love, she is not, when it comes down to it, first in Bo’s heart. That place is held by Kenzi and then, as was brutally brought to the fore in The Dawning, there is Dyson. Now, Doctor Lauren is forced to painfully reassess her relationship and all that she has been subjected to while living with the Fae, a state of affairs she didn’t change when she had the chance ultimately because she couldn’t bear the thought of not being able to see Bo. There is no Bo without the Fae and Doctor Lauren, by the time we get to this point in the season, has finally realized that she can no longer bear to be with the Fae…and thus has to give up Bo and a relationship that is not working. Along comes Isaac Taft, a human who respects her professionally and gets her personally and who also offers the dream job of a lifetime —free of the Fae. And so Doctor Lauren exits Faedom (and by extension Lost Girl) to lead the life she chooses for herself. Not for NotComaNadia, not for science, not for Bo…only for Doctor Lauren. If I retroactively view season three from this perspective, as an overarching in-depth character piece on Doctor Lauren it becomes…kind of brilliant.
That said, this would invoke an extreme meltdown reaction from the doccubus fan base from which I doubt the show could recover PR-wise. And I have absolutely no expectation whatsoever that what I’ve suggested is a viable direction, merely that it’s a vastly more compelling explanation for what has been an overall disappointing season to many, many fans. If season three were in fact a slow burn character piece in this manner, it would explain quite a lot of baffling character and plot choices and consequently dramatically alter my perspective on season three.
One last thing to wrap up this tangent. For the record, my take on Isaac is that he is indeed human—and is doing what I’ve always suspected a secret part of Doctor Lauren has always long to do: go mad scientist and strap Bo down on a table and do experiments on her. Not that Isaac has Bo strapped down on a table. But I do think he has been capturing and experimenting on Fae and that he recognized Doctor Lauren’s published monograph and her research as being Fae influenced—or at least highly suspects it. This is why he’s pursued her so aggressively—he thinks she is of like mind with him and believes he’s offering her a rare opportunity to work directly on the Fae and thus advance science exponentially. Her rap sheet and fugitive status would only make her more attractive a candidate to him since it indicates her propensity to go up against the established authority, especially when it hinders the advancement of scientific research. Plus, it gives him something to hold over her should he need it. Whether or not he understands the actual status and hierarchy of Faedom or Doctor Lauren’s role it in is still in question.
Back to the recap.
Over in Death Field, the excavation has begun. Purple-gloved, Dyson and Tamsin stand by watching the white-suited morgue attendants dig up the field. “There’s so many,” Dyson says, shocked. “So many different kinds,” Tamsin observes quietly as Dyson slowly walks over to where bodies have been laid out in rows on tarps. So that’s where all the extras went who used to populate The Dal (drink!)! “A mermaid fed on by a wendigo. Baku by a mare. Dark. Light.” Her point is that there’s no pattern to the killings. The camera pans up to give us another bird’s eye view. “This doesn’t make sense,” Dyson grits out, “Fae don’t feed on other Fae like this.” He pauses by one tarp which holds four excavated bodies. With a grunt of pain, Tamsin bends over at the waist. “You okay?” he asks with concern. “No,” Tamsin groans, for once not getting her back up because someone demonstrated genuine care on for her well-being. “These people died in fear,” she informs him with effort in a voice filled with pain, hers and theirs. “I can feel it.” Alarmed, Dyson peers at the bodies before him and recognizes one whose face has yet to be covered. “That’s a qarinah,” he says. He quickly strides over to crouch over the body. “I haven’t seen one of these outside of Egypt before.”
Tamsin carefully crouches down beside him. “Well,” she grunts, “what’s she doing here?” Dyson: “You know a qarinah’s feeding signature is similar to that of a succubus?” They look over the body together when Dyson gets an idea and pulls back the covering to lift up the qarinah’s hand. “Six fingers,” Tamsin concludes. “Guess we know who killed
Blue Riley,” she says with a shade of her usual attitude. Dyson sums it up: “So our girl has sex with Bo and a few hours later is killed by a rare Egyptian Fae then dragged to the alley from this dump site?” He gets to his feet to take in the Field of Death as a whole. “This isn’t a dump site, Dyson,” Tamsin informs him as she rises to stand next to him. “It’s a mass grave.” He nods, acknowledging her deduction. “Something is hunting the Fae,” he concludes with dread. The camera pans up—really making the most out of that crane tonight, aren’t you, show?— and over where Dyson and Tamsin stand over the bodies to zero in high up on one of the nearby trees…where a hidden camera watches all.
Next week: Hail, Hale (HALE!)