This post contains SPOILERS for all aired episodes of Scandal, including last night's Season 2, episode 17, “Snake in the Garden.”
When last we left our D.C. dynamos, Olivia had invited Creepy Captain Jake into her apartment to come on over and pose for his own cameras, which he happily did and in the creepiest way possible. Leaving us in shivers. We also had CIA director Osborne getting a pic on his phone of Quinn, which left us feeling for than a mite scared for a little Huckleberry in training.
This week the show opened up with Cyrus having a meeting in a darkened garage with our favorite contract killer, Charlie, where he hands him Jake’s photo. Charlie asks if his husband is cheating on him. In perfect Cy-ness he says, in a way, yes. Then we see Fitz meeting with Jake once again. Jake is looking all comfy and chummy and sipping on a scotch, Fitz’s drink of choice, as Fitz praises him, telling him he doesn’t have many people he can trust but if Jake plays his cards right, he can be maybe be his official wingman. To that Jake tips back his drink. As if Cy would let that stand. Oh, Jake, you may be cute, but don’t mess with a man that would take out a hit on his own husband and keep said hit man on retainer just because.
Next we see the luckiest chap in Washington, David, coming home from work and oh, joy, his apartment is in the middle of being burgled. Dang, David, is bad luck really the only luck you have? David hits the ground and hides before the burglars see him and luckily (nice) they leave without incident.
We then cut to Quinn and Huck having a heart-to-heart about finding a new family for Huck to moon over and replace the family that Becky killed while they follow Osborne. They then realize that Osborne is heading to Liv’s apartment and they’ve been made. Whoops. Liv is home on her computer studying info from a flash drive when she gets a message from Huck that Osborne is on the way up. She does a mad dash, hiding the flash in a canister on her bookshelf. All the while Creepy Jake watches over his hidden closed-circuit TVs. There is a knock and Osborne comes in ranting that Liv is having him followed. Jake is watching when suddenly his signals go dark. What the—?! *bangs remote* He can’t see a thing! Osborne continues to rant but Olivia stands up to him and he leaves. There is a knock and it’s Huck, seeing if she’s OK. We love Huck. But still I don’t know why he doesn’t sweep her house for bugs on the regular.
Next day, back at the office, we see the Gladiators looking down at David sleeping on their couch like a scruffy Goldilocks. He’s sort of moved in, feeling safer there since I guess he can’t afford a Marriot or anything and who knows, maybe even his grandmother is over him.
We then see Liv make a feeble attempt to send Quinn home, but she says no and we find out why when the new client comes in and it's Hollis Doyle and his ex-wife, Debra. They are coming for help about a video they got that showed their daughter, disheveled and crying, saying she’s been kidnapped. Old Hardball Hollis is not buying it. He thinks it’s all an act since his daughter, Maybelle, 1 of 8 from 5 wives (yes, he could easily be on Maury) is a known drug addict and scammer. Hollis and his ex fight, but Hollis isn’t budging. He feels if he gives in he’d go broke paying ransoms for all the kids he’s got. Good point there.
Cut to David now, being the worst house, well, office guest ever, and he’s brushing his teeth in the office sink when Harrison comes in. Really, man, do you have no home training? Hollis gets on him and Quinn comes in. They talk in Gladiator code that David doesn’t understand and then Harrison gets all Cutie McSharpster and tells him to watch and learn. David goes to Gladiator school while he’s stuck there being a scared tenant and we all get to watch while they solve the case of “Where in the world is Maybelle?”
Meanwhile, back at the White House, we get one of our weekly Mellie-and-Cyrus-running-through-the-halls chats. Mellie is anxious about Jake and wants to know if Cy knows who he is and what’s his deal? Cy tells her to chill it out. Not Yet. He also thanks Mellie for reminding him never to let his guard down, “Not when something Mellie this way comes.” LOL, love that word play.
Mellie then goes into Fitz to tell him she’s going to bed and Fitz brushes her off with an “I should care whyyyy?” But then Mel gets into how their kids may not be able to get down from boarding school as planned for the weekend and Fitz goes all Fitzy glacier on her, saying that family activities aren't her thing and she doesn’t have to join them. Ouch.
We then see Jake chilling at his place and watching the Liv Diaries: Osborne Edition over again. He’s fixated on where she put that flash drive.
The next day at Gladiator Central they are all still trying to find Maybelle and Hollis and his wife have their breakfast and mail delivered. As Hollis chews his sandwich (with extra bacon) the mail is opened and inside is his daughter’s ear. In classic Hollis form he continues to chew. Dang Hollis can I get you a bib? A little sauce with that?
He still doesn’t want to believe it’s his daughter. He thinks he’s being scammed and wants the ear tested. They get a call from Maybelle and she’s talking for the kidnappers while Olivia negotiates. I’m putting in the side-eye same as Hollis as Maybelle is a bit manic, but still talking pretty cool for a girl who is sporting a Van Gogh for the first time. I mean I’ve gone nuttier over a bad haircut; this is an ear.
Harrison not feeling comfortable and takes a sidebar with Liv, asking why are they helping Doyle, why have they taken the devil as a client, and Liv says, “Because even the devil loves his kids.” And BOOM. I see foreshadowing here. But let’s stick a pin in that. More on it later.
Cut to Mellie going to Fitz’s secretary and she’s trying to get Fitz’s schedule changed so that he has no time to spend with the kids on the weekend like he wants to. Poor little secretary does not look happy about this. But if last week is any indication, she’s a real spitfire. She says yes, but yes could just as well mean Hmm, maybe.
Cyrus then calls Liv and she tells his she can’t talk, and when he asks why, she tells him about Hollis’s daughter and to that Cy says, Karma! Which is pretty funny, but I can’t help but wonder why Liv is telling Cy about a private client? Raising a brow here.
She then gets a call from Jake asking for a lunch date, but really it’s just to check and see if she’s home so that he can break into her apartment. Ugh. Again. No cameras or security for her. Huck on her team this annoys me so much! In my dreams I see Jake watching her and then in another apartment I see Huck watching Jake watching her and I’m happy. Sooo happy. Okay back to the show. Jake goes in take the drive and make a copy. He does some such backup signal thing and poses once again then Bam! he’s back out and back with Fitz. Naming the name of The Mole as Osborne.
Back at headquarters, the Gladiators get a text pic of a one eared Maybelle as proof that she is still alive and it is indeed Maybelle who lost the ear. Hollis now feels bad and is ready to pay. Meanwhile, Huck and Quinn have found where she was, but she’s no longer there. They wire half the money to the kidnappers to get the ball rolling.
Cy meets with Charlie and Charlie gives his a file saying that Jake is not dirty, but he does know how he knows the president. Next we have Cyrus coming into see Fitz. He asks Fits what happened in Iran. Fitz get all stony faced and it turns out he did things over there that he can’t talk about. Things for the good of the country. Something to do with Operation Remington (I can’t stop thing of Pierce Bronson and Remington Steele now). Cy says he understand and equates it with Defiance. Cy tells Fitz that history makes the heroes and the villains that he and Fitz are just the players. Fitz isn’t happy, but he’s softening to Cy. He knows Cy has him over a barrel. But wait, what’s that by the cracked door? Why, it’s that little mouse Mellie. Do they never close an office door in the White House?
Back at Pope and Associates, they get a call and demand proof of life in order to send the rest of the money. The kidnappers relent and they meet, saving Maybelle and wiring the rest of the money. But still, half of Twitter and I are not buying it. Something is not right.
Cy calls Liv while she’s getting ready for a date with Jake and they both talk about this new guy, not knowing they are both talking about Creepy Jake. When Jake arrives to get Liv she has changed out of her fancy white dress and is back in her home schlep-around cloths, which sadly look like my fancy going-out clothes and make me screw up my face and feel like a frump as I scrape dried chocolate off my flannels. Oh, well. Liv makes excuses to Jake, telling him there was this guy that she can’t stop thinking about and instead of the president, she sort of makes Fitz sound like Edward from Twilight. Jake goes into this intense staring thing and tells her she’s scared and then gets into this “close your eyes” speech with her and all the things he likes about her and how she seems sad. Yada, yada, it will never be the “you own me” of the rose garden. But still, that was a long time ago, and Liv, what does she do? She closes her eyes and Jake goes in for the kiss. Then all gangsta he pulls away, asking her she’s still thinking about the other guy and she says no. Then he says goodnight and leaves.
The next day at Pope and Assoc., Huck is still looking at the severed ear because something is off. It’s then that Harrison comes in with news that the person they thought was the kidnapper can’t be. That's when Huck says that Maybelle kidnapped herself and cut off her own ear. Twitter screams “I told you” in unison.
We then see Maybelle trying to hightail it from the hospital into a cab, but uh-oh. The driver is Huck. Suddenly she’s back with the Gladiators and her parents. Liv tells her she’s a brat. Her mother is disappointed, and Hollis is just done. He then gives her a surprising choice. She can choose her family or take the money and never return. She seems to think it over for like a minute and when the minute is over she decides to take the money.
Next we see CIA director Osborne bursting into Cy’s office proclaiming his innocence. But Cy’s not hearing it. He tells him he serves at the pleasure of the president. I see Cy is not trying to lose his job.
We then have Mellie going to see Fitz about the kids again, but it turns out Lauren, the secretary, ratted her out. Fitz yells at Mellie, blowing up on her about being cold and not having the mother gene, then going to pour himself another drink. But our Queen Mellie has had it with Fitz and his crap. She goes off, telling him it’s not her, it’s him. He’s a drunk who is mean and smells of liquor and the kids don’t want to be around him. He’s the one who’s changed; she has not.
Our Mellie Mel then takes it even further. Totally obliterating Fitzy when Fitz give her a “Who, me?” look and she says “It’s because you found that your precious Olivia doesn’t have the secrets of the universe tucked between her magical thighs." Whew, I can’t! I’m done. Bow down to the Queen!
She tells him that Fitz’s turned into the person he’s hated the most, his father, and now his children hate him. He’s Big Jerry. Fitz looks crushed. But Mellie tells him to deal with it. Put another glass of scotch on top of it and just deal with it. And here is where I take that pin out if that balloon from above: “Even the devil loves his kids.” It’s clean-up time, Fitz.
For our show closers we see Huck and Quinn pull up to a house. Huck describes the family inside with the deceased mom. Quinn is confused when she says it isn’t want he wanted. Huck tells her they’re not for him. Aww. Huck and Quin are such odd soulmates.
Back at Gladiator Central, the rest of the gang (plus David) are gathered around eating takeout when word comes on the TV that CIA direct Osborne is dead, the victim of a suicide. But not so fast. We then see Jake on a bench talking to a new guy about Osborne, staging his death and a job well done. What a snake that Jake is, but then we knew that from the first coffee-shop-bump cute-meet, didn’t we?
Kwana Jackson—aka K.M. Jackson—is a writer of women’s fiction and contemporary romance. Her debut novel Through the Lens is on sale now. She can be found on most days at her blog kwana.com and at any moment on Twitter talking about everything and nothing at all under the handle @kwanawrites.