Thank fae—Lost Girl is back! Be sure to check out all of our recaps, from Season 1 and Season 2 to the most recent episode of Season 3 aired in the U.S. on the SyFy Channel. All caught up? Good. And now, on to the recap for last night’s episode 3.05, "Faes Wide Shut.”
Spoiler Policy: Please remember that there is a strong NO SPOILERS policy for any and all comments. We are ONLY DISCUSSING episodes of Lost Girl that have ALREADY AIRED IN THE UNITED STATES (the U.S. is currently a week behind Canada's schedule). Be kind and respectful by not ruining it for those who have yet to watch the newest Season 3 episode. Thanks!
**********SPOILERS**********
We open in The Dal (drink!) where Bo and Doctor Lauren are scoping out doctor-approved Fae victims partners for Bo to bang feed from. Bo wonders “which one of these jokers” is “going down.” Doctor Lauren: “Poor things. They have no idea what they’re getting into.” Ah, I just got a knot in my belly. What the hell? Despite her words, the doc clearly is less entertained than Bo at the prospect of choosing a lover for her girlfriend, but she’s made this bed; she’s not lying in it.
As they tick through the crowd, Doctor Lauren and her super power of identifying genus and species of random Fae in their human forms just by looking at them discard one after another of Bo’s suggestions. “How 'bout I break that stallion’s back?” Bo asks nodding toward a hottie playing pool. Wait, what? Doctor Lauren identifies him as a hydra. “Nine heads,” she explains. “I see only one,” Bo counters, disappointed. Doctor Lauren nods smugly: “Not those kinds of heads.” Oh, ewww. They have an amused non-verbal exchange. Bo is a little taken aback and then more than a little interested in trying out all nine as they turn back to the bar.
Bo pings on a “perky young thing.” “I bet she smells like daffodils,” Bo murmurs with relish. Doctor Lauren explains that “it’ll be a while before she blooms” as the woman’s taken a thousand year vow of chastity. How the ever loving hell could she possibly know that?! Bo is sure that she could change the woman’s mind because something that is so clearly important to her victim should not impede Bo’s need for sexual fruition with this total stranger. I guess no one’s concerned about her agency, huh? At this point, I am basically cringing in my seat.
This entire scene makes me—I’m trying to find a word less extreme than disgusted but appalled makes me sound like I’m clutching my pearls and the only thing I’m clutching here is the remote as I desperately resist the urge to fast forward out of this mess. And before anyone jumps on my back, no, I’m not slut-shaming Bo. She’s chosen a random lover from The Dal (drink!) and other environs before, most notably the Fury and her husband in S1E4, and had awesome super sexy times that I enjoyed immensely (What?!). This is something very different. Always before, Bo has seduced her partners. She has given them a choice before applying her powers. Now Bo is systematically working her way through a passel of potential donors, like a vampire scoping out victims. It’s clear by her and Doctor Lauren’s conversation that choice is not something they consider to be an issue here. Who in the world would be crazy enough to resist Bo? Even if they do, well one touch of succubus will put that paltry objection to rest. And the doc is not only encouraging this behavior but enabling it as well. This is—predatory. This —disturbingly too bloody close to date rape. Screw close—it is rape.
You know who used her succubus powers to rape? Bo’s mother, Aoife, when she raped Dyson in S1E12. (And yes, she absolutely raped him—he violently said no, so she removed his choice in the matter. That’s textbook definition of rape.) Suck on that, succubus. I wish, I so wish, I still trusted this show enough to believe that is the subtle point they’re trying to make, but I don’t.
“You are an irresistible, unstoppable sex machine,” the doc says fondly and I swear Bo blushes. I for one am officially creeped out and am actually cringing in my chair at this point. “One I wish I could keep up with,” she adds sadly. Bo drops her smile and asks Doctor Lauren if she’s sure this is what she wants and it’s crystal clear from the doc’s unguarded expression that it is very much NOT what she wants, but before she can dissemble about it again, Trick joins them. “What evening adventures are afoot for the loveliest ladies in six counties?” he asks expansively as he pours them the good stuff. To hide her true feelings about what they’re doing at The Dal (drink!), Doctor Lauren geeks about the new injections she working on to cure Bo’s hunger. Well, that effectively eliminates the fiction that the doc embraces Bo’s nature and has no desire to change it. She goes on to tell Trick that Bo has developed a resistance to the old shots that she hasn’t even been administering to Bo for more than a year. “Since I can’t keep up with her voracious sexual appetite, we’re looking for someone who can…satisfy her coital requirements.” (Like, say, Dyson?!) Oy. I don’t think the man wants the details on his granddaughter’s sex schedule, doc. Hilariously, Trick gets an embarrassed, horrified expression that shouts TOO MUCH INFORMATION. “So—many—glasses. Must—polish,” he stutters and runs off. HA!
Having dispensed with Trick and regained control of her responses, the doc tells Bo that this is indeed what she wants. “I want you.” She wryly admits dating a succubus is not without its challenges, but,” she inhales deeply, “the secret to any relationship is trust (which she doesn’t have) and understanding and compromise.” She definitely means some of this; she wants Bo desperately and she’s willing to do anything she needs to in order to keep her, even pimp for her.
Bo wets herself over Doctor Lauren’s manufactured response and praises the doc for being really “mature” about this. Actually, she’s being petty and selfish and lying through her teeth, but whatever. “Are you sure?” she asks one last time. The doc nods. “As long as you follow the one rule,” she sternly orders. So, not at all sure then. Bo nods indulgently. “No wolf. Got it.” The doc: “Besides it’ll give my pubococygeus a well deserved rest.” Yes, it means exactly what you think it means. Bo laughs as a new woman enters The Dal (drink!) wearing the same gorgeous royal blue color Bo wore last week (though a different outfit). In matching movements, both Doctor Lauren and Bo turn and track her as the woman greets and joins her friends. “Her,” they say simultaneously. Doctor Lauren does not look happy, more resigned to enduring what comes next. Bo stares at the woman like Jaws eyeing the dangling legs of surfers. “Game on,” she mwah ha has. She leaned over to off-handedly kiss the doc’s cheek, but all her focus is locked on her prey. As she leaves Doctor Lauren at the bar, the doc breathes deep and braces herself. Oh, just, ugh.
The only thing that might possibly explain, but never ever justify or excuse, Bo’s behavior is if this is actually the writer’s subtly layering in fundamental changes to Bo as a result of her Super Succubus experience against The Garuda. If that’s the case, then they’ve played too light a hand because that caveat is definitely not coming across. Or perhaps it’s that they’ve already so vastly reinvented characters this season that any subtle story-telling is lumped under more of the same shenanigans.
A man pours himself a drink and tosses it back. He fondles an ornate silver key on a chain and not in a good way. He throws it down on the kitchen block and takes another drink. His trophy wife approaches, dressed in a sexy pink negligee and surprises him. Quickly he pockets the key. She says “Graham’s” home early; he says the conference ended early. He realizes what she’s wearing and goes on alert. She says she’s trying something different. But before they can get—um—down to anything, his belly starts to grumble. Before you can say “asshole” he starts to convulse and explodes in a pile of goo all over his screaming wife.
Credits
At Hilton Hovel (drink!), Bo is upstairs feeding off Blue and there’s this shot where Bo looks over Blue’s shoulder at the camera, eyes glowing with power, where she looks seriously creepy. Downstairs, Doctor Lauren substitutes the kitchen for her home lab and test tubes for cupcakes and mutters to herself over Bo’s loud moans and banging noises from above. Kenzi sulks at the laptop. Hang on. What happened to getting sucked into the dark by bad scary things? Eh, whatever. Kenzi wonders how long the bed antics are going to last. “It just keeps going like a Grateful Dead jam.” Snort. Doctor Lauren reassures that “science” takes time. Ah honey, the only “science” happening upstairs is biology. “Keep calm and carry out experiments,” she chirps. Kenzi wonders unpleasantly if that means the doc is going to being hanging around while Bo is “experimenting.” The doc says once Bo reaches “completion” she’ll take more blood samples and do more science stuff in order to perfect a “cure.” There’s a line here about Bo’s spiked progesterone that gets cut. Kenzi suddenly finds a gig and runs upstairs to interrupt Bo’s feeding session, Doctor Lauren yapping at her heels. I know she interrupted Hale last week in a similar way, but this is still not in character for Kenzi. But given the character assassination they’ve already done to her in last the four episodes, eh whatever.
Upstairs, Bo is in full feeding mode, hand on Blue’s throat and—wow, that was a near-nipply shot of Blue’s bare chest. Way to move your elbow at the right moment, AS! Oblivious to Bo or Blue’s topless state, Kenzi trundles into Bo’s bedroom and singsongs “Oh Bo Bo!” Doctor Lauren is right behind her. “And, oh my Lord! There’s choking!” the doc exclaims as she gets a glimpse of Bo feeding off Blue. Heee. ZP’s delivery there was gold. But has the doc never actually seen Bo feed one on one before? This opens a whole cistern of worms –which I have no time to ruminate on now. Quick! To the comments!
Climbing on the bed (boundaries?!), Kenzi claims she has an amazeballz case for them, Bo sharply suggests it would be better for a non-naked time, and Doctor Lauren wrings her hands and apologizes badly. “Hi!” she chirps at the naked woman in her girlfriend’s bed. “How are you?” Ha! Awkward! Blue sneers that she was great, and the doc is visibly taken aback. Not so pro-polyamorous after all when you’re the one not getting the shaft, are ya doc?
Kenzi tells Bo that humans are dying and needs her help stat. Bo says she’s in the middle of something. “You’re right, knocking bits is way more important than saving lives.” She stalks out and Doctor Lauren tries to laugh it off but Bo and Blue are just so naked together. There’s another dose of awkward! and then the doc follows Kenzi out—quickly. Bo and Blue exchanges disappointed glances, but it’s clear the mood has been irrevocably broken.
For the record, it’s clear here that Blue is in fact willing, or at least is willing after having been succbusted for most of the night. The fact that they didn’t bother to show Blue making that choice, however, leaves me to stand behind my accusation above.
Downstairs Kenzi says she’s been trolling the Internet for hours looking for people who need help. “Since when do you do that?” Bo asks rudely. Kenzi says one of them has to keep an eye out; “Evil never sleeps even when we’re having sleepovers.” Bo and Doctor Lauren each grimace in their own ways. Kenzi fills them in on Graham going boom and then splat over his wife. Doctor Lauren thinks it sounds Fae but not exclusively so. She asks if Wife called the police and Kenzi informs them that before Wife could do so, the so-called “authorities” showed up and Molly-Maided the mess away.” She adds they took his suitcase and phone and said they’d been in touch after their investigation. Doctor Lauren hypothesizes that a group of Fae cleaned up the mess after a feed that got away. Bo doesn’t think she’ll be much help right now though, and in a small, offended, non-Kenzi voice, Kenzi says “Seriously? What if other humans are in danger? Don’t you care about my kind?” essentially being the whiny, clingy side-kick Doctor Lauren accused her of being. And right here is where I ping that this is not Kenzi.
Bo falls for it though and with an uncomfortable motion to toward the bedroom, intimates that she needs to return to her feed first. NotKenzi acts all hurt and wounded. “I just thought it was something we could do together. Bo and NotKenzi to the rescue, you know?” She plays Bo some more with the “I haven’t seen much of you lately,” card and Bo caves and promises they’ll look into it. Too bad Dyson’s isn’t there to sniff out the fact that Kenzi was NotKenzi…just sayin’.
Despite NotKenzi expressly saying she wanted to investigate with Bo, Doctor Lauren immediately says that “we” should look into it right away. Nifty. When Bo hesitates, the doc offers that she and NotKenzi can get started and they’ll catch up with Bo after; but Bo can’t be bothered to wait for her to finish before she scampers back upstairs to continue feeding. Doctor Lauren uncomfortably calls after her that she left a cup by the sink for Bo when she’s finished. Bo smiles and quickly thanks her admitting that she’s already so thirsty. By the time Doctor Lauren process this, Bo is already up the stairs. “No – no! It’s for your – sample!” she shouts. Oh this just keeps getting better and better. NotKenzi gives her A Look and smiles not with mirth. “For my – science,” Doctor Lauren adds because she just can’t shut up about it. NotKenzi purses her mouth. “You wanna go?” she asks the doc from the corner of her mouth. “So much,” the doc immediately replies.
NotKenzi interrogates the wife who knows nothing, but shares that she and Graham were having bedroom problems. He made the usual excuses about work and she tried to spice things up for them but the more she tried the more he pulled away. “And now he’s a puddle!” she cries. HAHAHA!! NotKenzi empathizes and when Wife asks after the name of their “show” again she replies Paranormal Hot-Vestigators” Heh. Wife asks when the cameras get there, but just then another blonde bursts into the house imperiously calling for dead Graham. Naturally, this is the lover. Wife and Lover have the usual he-was-going-to-leave-you-he-loved-me argument and start shoving one another. NotKenzi steps out of the way and watches them go at one another with avid glee. Doctor Lauren hurries in from collecting samples in the kitchen to break up the fight, but before she can fail, Bo miraculously hurries into the house to split them up, startling NotKenzi back into her role. Bo’s wearing an aubergine top so dark it almost looks black and it is very boobalicious. “Easy,” Bo says to the women. “You know, one day we’ll get over stabbing each other in the back and clawing each other’s eyes out—for a guy.” Cause they’re so worthless and everything. Man hate drink! Now if it’s over a woman; well then, have at it, right, show? Bo welcomes them all to her first ever 2-for-1 special. “We’ll start with you,” she tells a dazed lover. “Tell me everything.”
Lover takes Wife’s seat at the table and tells an increasingly disgusted Bo about how Graham and she were soul mates for the last six months while he cheated on his wife. “Of course you were,” Bo deadpans. Men are scum, we get it, show. Man hate drink! She asks if there was anything particular that Lover and Graham did together and she helpfully brings up a club they liked to attend together and were in fact at last night before he left her. Like he was in habit of doing to his wife. Man hate drink!
Cut to Bo and Kenzi entertaining a posh club housed in a mansion. Beautiful barely dressed people mill around and blatantly check out the new arrivals while exotic Indian music plays. “Hmm Smorgasbord,” Bo hums to NotKenzi in a totally not creepy way (I lied. It’s totally creepy.) Two men make out while a woman hovers around them trying to find a space to slide into. Are we never to have a heterosexual sex scene again on this show— not even the day players?! Whoops, sorry, forgot this show was now The Supernatural L Word. My bad.
Bo says she hasn’t seen this many buns since bake off night at The Dal and NotKenzi jokes that she should just think of wrinkled old men and wrinkled old raisins. Bo’s phone rings; she retrieves it from her boot (naturally) and, with a glance at the screen answers it “Doctor Lauren’s lover.” Furious to be interrupted again by the doc, Kenzi pouts while Doctor Lauren, all business, relates that Graham was liquefied by a Fae secretion that rapidly broke down his cells once it entered his body. Bo wonders if “horn dog Graham” was bumping uglies with some weird Fae. That’s the doc’s take on it and Bo admits that the club would be the place for it. “I think Hefner summers here.”
NotKenzi sidles up and in a seductive voice offers to get Bo something to eat and I am again totally creeped out. Even knowing it’s not Kenzi, seeing her pimp for Bo is nothing short of gross. “He looks – dee-lish” she says as a hot guy walks by, but as men are no longer allowed on Lost Girl, certainly not as sexual partners for Bo, Bo grins after the hottie but doesn’t pursue. The doc says Graham may have infected his wife and his girlfriend. “I’m working on an antidote.” Of course you are. As her attention is caught by a heterosexual (finally!) couple starting to go hot and heavy, Bo says she’ll try to find out what Fae is feeding on soft, warm humans. “What are you wearing?” she murmurs, enticed. The doc frowns into the phone and asks if Bo is feeling all right. “The sexual energy in this place really goes to eee-leven,” she says. Behind her, NotKenzi crosses her arms and sulks at Bo still being on the phone with Doctor Lauren. The doc plays good soldier and tells Bo to have fun, but she is quickly reaching the end of her tether and rapidly heading into pissed off jealous girlfriend territory.
“Oh hey!” Bo says to NotKenzi as she hangs up the phone. “BTW.” Since when does Bo say BTW? “What was up with that whacked out voice mail you left me yesterday?” YESTERDAY?! It’s taken you a whole day to respond to the desperate, pleading message Kenzi left you before she was snatched by the creepy-crawlies in the dark? What the hell kind of friend have you become, Bo? A crap one, that’s for sure. After a pregnant pause, NotKenzi shrugs it off as a 2 for 1 sausage deal that she wanted to know if Bo wanted in on. “But you didn’t pick up so I ate both of them and life was good.” Bo laughs and jokes that it was pretty much what she thought then. Sure because Kenzi is in such a habit of leaving you intense messages about trivial things. Riiigghhhtt. Well, maybe the retconned season three version of Kenzi does just that. Oy.
No, that’s okay, show. It’s not like that interaction between Bo and NotKenzi was important or anything!
As Bo and NotKenzi stand there uselessly having not just had that brief conversation about Kenzi’s voice mail, Lurch approaches them. “Welcome, my lady,” he greets Bo, ignoring NotKenzi. “Roman requests your presence.” He moves to wait for her at the stairs. In a low voice, Bo tells NotKenzi that she’ll take point. “You stay here and figure out which Fae are getting jiggy with the humans.” Heh. NotKenzi frantically asks for Bo to give over her phone “for pics. Mine’s out of juice.” Bo deliberately hands it over and slowly makes her way up the spiral staircase as NotKenzi drops her fake mien and studies the room.
Dyson and Tamsin make their way past several police cars to a crime scene. Hey there, Dyson! So good to see you for the first time at the 14-minute mark. Say, weren’t you once second lead on this show? Oh, you still are? Huh. How’s that working out for you in Doccutopia? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
They approach the body dump. I really like that they’re getting out to do a lot more on location work this season, especially as it gets that God-awful orange gel light off their faces for a little while. But it’s nice to ground the show in its external environs and remind us that this Fae world exists in tandem with its human one. Of course the body is Blue. Dyson leans down to sniff her and pronounces her Fae. Doctor Lauren’s superpower was off when she and Bo were ogling Blue at The Dal (drink!), so we don’t know exactly what kind of Fae. Dyson decides the body was only dumped a few hours earlier. “Well, someone went to town on her,” Tamsin notes. Dyson points out the patterns of contusions and abrasions that lead him to decide it was strangulation. I love seeing them do detective work, truly. Tamsin says they can’t know for sure what killed her without an autopsy and Dyson agrees they should take Blue to Doctor Lauren.
He brushes the hair back from Blue’s face so that we have no doubt who she is, and the music goes all squirrely as Dyson’s sniffer gets and extra whiff. He leans down and breathes in deeply as Tamsin asks what he’s found. “Second scent,” he admits, puzzled and worried as he knows this one very well. “Another Fae?” Tamsin wonders and Dyson admits that it’s Bo he smells on Blue. This doesn’t surprise Tamsin at all, but she looks away and, with difficulty, holds her tongue as her jaw clenches and she gives Dyson a narrow look. For his part, Dyson is studied Blue, trying to make sense out of what he smells, what he sees, and what he’s feared for a while now.
Back at the bacchanal, Bo wanders into Roman’s inner sanctum. Roman is a half naked, seriously cut, accented, obnoxious, sex-addict prick. He scoots up and off his wide, circular bed and greets Bo, stick in hand. It’s a testament to the level this show has sunk that it would almost be better if that weren’t a euphemism, though Roman does indeed have a magic stick in his hand that is not his penis. “As I live and breathe,” he smarms. “The succubus in my club. Mi bacchanal es su bacchanal.”
“Now when you say bacchanal…” Bo leads. “Roman, the Bacchus,” he says, introducing himself fully with a formal bow. “At your service.” Ooh, an actual Bacchus?? Oh please, please, please let him have cloven feet and horns!! No?! Damn it! Roman preens that he gorges himself on debauchery and brags that “we Bacchi were once revered by the ancient humans for throwing the best soirees.” He invites Bo to enjoy his hospitality and waves his magic stick (severely eye roll here) at Bo so that sparkly glitter—um—erupts from his, ah, stick, and flows all over and around Bo who wriggles with pleasure. She lifts an aroused brow at a passing waiter. Yes, the brow itself is aroused. Shuddup.
I am so going to need another year-long bath after this recap.
“Wow,” Bo says as she oozes across the floor to join Roman on his bed. “A little bit of Fae ecstasy goes a long way.” Still can’t hold a candle to Fae Viagra, though it’s sad sweet the show feels the need to repeat itself here. Roman takes credit for helping the humans come up with that little pill and asks to what he owes the pleasure of Bo’s company. “Well, Roman, I hear you’re the guy to see about, what else? Sex.” Roman is honored (closed captions say “honoured.” Hee!) to have the succubus seek him out for sex, “you enticing creature,” and I gotta admit, I kinda want to see Bo throw down with Goat Boy here. I mean, if no Dyson is the only rule, why shouldn’t she—oh right, he’s a man. My bad. Man hate drink!
Roman leans back in the bed and offers himself says he’s all—pause—ears. Bo seductively asks for some privacy and with a snap of his fingers, Roman dismisses his entourage. Bo barely strokes his chest and says Roman seems like a man of the world, “you certainly know how to throw a party.” Roman: “You should see this place after hours. Black tie. Often nothing else.” Bo chuckles and asks him what the craziest this was that he’s ever done in bed. Roman, pointedly: “Sleep.” Bo gets a little loopy at the idea that this is quite possibly a Fae she might never wear out.
At Doctor Lauren’s morgue flat, Dyson unzips the body bag to reveal Blue. “We brought you a patient,” he says, his words heavy with meaning. He’s testing her; he wants to know if she knows Bo was mucking around with Blue. In this case, Doctor Lauren’s default setting to “cold” “reserved” serves her well. “Yeah,” she quips with a chuckle. “I don’t think she’s gonna make it.” Tamsin narrows her eyes at the doc knowingly and then rolls them over to Dyson.
“We want to know what killed her,” he says somberly, ignoring the doc’s pathetic attempt to joke her way out of this. The doc checks herself then asks where Blue was found. “The tracks,” Tamsin offers without taking her eyes from Dyson, “by Bo’s house,” and Dyson looks at her sharply as though they agreed off screen not to tell the doc that just yet. The doctor asks if there were any signs of struggle at the scene and Dyson admits that Blue was moved there after she was already dead. “Cause of death?” “Allergic reaction to a succubus…by any chance?” Tamsin snarks. She looks back and forth between Bo’s two lovers.
Dyson lowers his eyes, but make no objection and merely looks at the doc all ‘is this possible?’ Doctor Lauren knows it’s more than just possible, but she counters Tamsin’s accusation by pointing out the blunt-force trauma and severely lacerations that are more likely the cause of Blue’s death. (For the record, I think it more likely at this point that NotKenzi killed Blue, but we’ll see). Tamsin fake-friendly: “We wouldn’t want to rule out any possibilities you know. Have a killer roaming the streets or something?” At this point, I’m actually enjoying Tamsin taking the piss out of Bo even in absentia. It’s a welcomed relief from the endless pandering.
Dyson flinches almost imperceptibly but again, he does not object to Tamsin’s insinuations, merely looks at Doctor Lauren for her reaction. It’s a little weird given that his normal response to something like this is to immediately take Bo’s side against all comers (which is exactly what he did when Tamsin blindsided him with her accusations against Bo in E2) up to and including hiding evidence, passing her inside information, and actually physically defending her when needed. Oh, but we’re now employing the fiction that is Doctor Lauren who repeatedly has Bo’s back while Dyson actually confines her. Riiiiggghhhtt. Sorry, my bad. Again.
Doctor Lauren grunts and agrees to do a full autopsy. Dyson thanks her, again quite somberly. “Hey,” Tamsin chirps. “You always do dissections this close to your kitchen?” HA! SUCH a good question! The doc shrugs, “Occasionally.”
“Uh,” Tamsin continues. “You ever switch a liver for liver?” The doc is slightly taken aback. “Rarely.” Tamsin drops the friendly demeanor and abruptly asks if the victim’s face rings any bells for Doctor Lauren. “I’ve never seen her before,” she lies outright, “and I don’t appreciate being treated like a criminal.” Well, you should stop acting like one then. This reigns Tamsin in somewhat and as she sighs heavily and crosses her arms, Dyson nods once at the doc and asks that she let them know when she has a COD. The moment she’s sure they’re gone, Doctor Lauren texts Bo.
Back at the bacchanal, NotKenzi gets cut off by a couple sporting the same ornate key that Graham admired in the cold open. Bo’s phone rings and NotKenzi reads the message aloud. “The girl from the bar is dead. Call me. Love (Doctor) Lauren.” Now, if I were Tamsin, I would’ve dumped Doctor Lauren’s and Bo’s phones right away. “See ya!” NotKenzi sing songs as she deletes Doctor Lauren’s message. (I APPROVE.) Oh wait, she’s evil this ep and Bo needs to know that info even if it comes via Doctor Lauren. (I kinda APPROVE.)
NotKenzi pings on the key thing and sees that couples wielding it are allowing past an enlarged Tattoo into a sekrit sekrit back room who stops Kenzi when she tries to pass. “Key holders only.”
Upstairs, Bo is stroking Roman’s…face! I was going to say face! He kisses her hand. “You taste like spiced-coco on my palette.” Oh-kay then. Bo: “Well, you should see what I’m like on the rest of you.” She tries to apply her super succubus mojo while asking which Fae are getting hot with humans around there. Roman says he doesn’t keep track of who’s shucking who and that people expect anonymity in a place like his. Bo coyly disagrees and accuses him of lying, “because a bad, bad boy sent someone to clean up a bad, bad mess.” She pours on the juice as he asks what kind of mess. “Something caused a human to go all gooey,” she says, now bridging his body as she drawls against his ear.
Roman then proceeds to shock Bo to her core by shoving her off him and casually rising from the bed. “Sorry, darling,” he says nonchalant, “but your cheap succubus tricks aren’t doing it for me.” Bo gapes at him. Dayam. No one’s ever said no to me before. “Cheap my ass,” she snits on a humorless chuckle as she too rises from the bed. “I’ll have you know my so-called tricks routinely get a standing ovation.” Snort. I like that one. She wonders why Roman is such a dude, but the dude is too secure in his sexuality to do more than shrug at her. He really could not care less. She collects her jacket and sarcastically thanks him for the hospitality. “You certainly know how to show a girl a good time.” Man hate drink! Okay, this one deserves it, but still. Drink!
“Any time, succubus,” Roman smarms, undaunted. “Come again. I know I will,” he sings this last a little. And now we’re back to cheap, tawdry shots. There’s a fine line between a well-delivered innuendo and a crass joke and in one scene we’ve seen them both. Too bad there’s increasingly less of the former and more of the latter.
Roman watches her leave and then wiggles his magic stick in the air (sigh) to call Lurch over to him. He orders Lurch to pay a visit to “the dead human’s” (i.e. Graham) wife and girlfriend. Lurch asks what he should do if “the succubus” returns. Roman smiles. “Cut her throat.” Dun, dun, DUN!
Dyson is pouring coffee at the cop shop when Bo walks in unimpeded. “Tall, dark and caffeinated! I’ll take one of those,” she says in greeting. In a low voice, Dyson tells her she can’t be there. “Jeez, give me two minutes,” she mutters, oblivious to his concern. She pours some coffee which I’m guessing is the stereotypical horrible cop shop coffee since Castle hasn’t seen fit to gift them with one of those super duper cappuccino machines, as Dyson scans the cop shop for Tamsin. Bo tells him she had a delightful visit the night before at Club Liberalia. “The bacchanalian club?” Dyson clarifies, with a small wicked smile, intrigued in spite of himself. It here that I notice Dyson’s shirt is almost the exact same deep purple color as Bo’s top. Nice.
Bo assures him it was all business and explains about the dead humans and how she thinks Roman is connected to the guy who got slimed. “That’s great, Bo,” Dyson says urgently, “but now is not the time.” But she won’t budge until he tells her if she’s on the right track. As he takes the coffee cup from her hands and sets it aside, Dyson agrees it’s possible. “Roman’s Light Fae. If he’s leaving a trail of dead humans, that’s a concern.” He literally turns around with his hands on her shoulders and pushes her toward the door…but it’s too late. Tamsin slides out in front of Bo to block her way. Dyson’s head jerks back slightly – damn it! –and he settles in at Bo’s back and accepts the inevitable. “Dead humans, huh?” Tamsin holds out her case file to a visibly confused Bo. “It’s the trail of dead Fae that made me sit up and tweet.” HA! With a frown, Bo snatches the file from Tamsin and as she opens it, Dyson and Tamsin exchange speaking looks. He is not happy with her; she does not care.
Bo’s opens the file and see Blue’s head shot. “Know that one?” Tamsin sneers. With a glare for Tamsin, Bo turns the page and her ire quickly changes to distress when she sees the crime scene photos of dead Blue.
At The Dal (drink!), Doctor Lauren frantically checks her mobile while eying NotKenzi who sits next to heranddrinking her mug of light beer from a straw. EVERYTHING about that is wrong. NotKenziblows bubbles in the beer. The doc pauses, gives the bubbles A Look, and goes back to her mobile. “Yes,” NotKenzi snarks, “check again. It’s only been, like, two minutes.” Hey, A LOT can happen in two minutes! I should know, I have to recap it! Concerned, Doctor Lauren explains to Kenzi she told Bo to meet her at The Dal (drink!) and she’s not obeying the summons and she’s not even answering my texts. “I have something to tell her and I don’t even know where she is.” Are you supposed to know where she is all the time? “Cop shop,” NotKenzi chirps nonchalant. “She went to talk to Dyson…alone,” she emphasizes. The doc recoils big time. I told her no Dyson! “Why?” she asks sharply. “Why not?” NotKenzi says flatly. The doc explains that “that woman from the other night? Her body turned up.” NotKenzi is shocked, “the cupcake Bo was eating in bed?” Heh. That’s actually a good metaphor as it can be both cute and, the longer you think about the implications, disturbing at the same time. But NotKenzi is not concerned. “So?” she snits and goes back to playing with her light beer. “So I didn’t tell Dyson that I knew her,” Doctor Lauren admits, “or even that Bo,” here she grimaces and rolls her eyes, “knew her.” NotKenzi brushes this off as “no biggie” which shocks the doc. “I should have called Bo,” she says emphatically. Yes, you should have.
“You have a secret about Bo,” NotKenzi says with mock sympathy, “Dyson has a secret about Bo. Everyone’s got secrets.” That’s—actually very true. Hmm. Wait, she is—she’s not—she’s not going to spill on Dyson’s love is she? To Doctor Lauren of all people?! Oh hell, no.
Insulted, Doctor Lauren says “excuse me?” in that what the hell did you just say tone. Kenzi puts her had to her lips and badly fakes being sorry. “Oops. Fabulous boot in mouth again.” But Doctor Lauren wants to know what the hell NotKenzi means about Dyson. “Well,” she says conspiratorially and she past the doc’s hand with mock sympathy (ha!), “clearly something’s been up with the wolf man. Have you seen how he looks at her?!” Yes. Yes, I have. I really, really have.
Doctor Lauren stutters “well, yeah, he’s been acting kind of—” she pauses as she realizes exactly what he’s been acting like. “I just thought that—that—” still under the succubus blood spell? “That you were imagining things?” NotKenzi fills in with fake sympathy. Doctor Lauren flutters that Bo wouldn’t keep something like that from her, but even she knows that’s not necessarily so. “You think?” NotKenzi flippantly. “She did nail him behind your back.” She turns back to her drink. “To heal…yeah, sure,” she adds as an afterthought. The sad thing is, here NotKenzi sounds more like Real Kenzi than she has in a while. Also, I don’t think “behind your back” is quite correct since Bo was so badly injured she wasn’t even in an reasonable frame of mind and she owned up to it to the doc right away. But that’s not the issue here. The issue is that NotKenzi is hitting on all of Doctor Lauren’s insecure hot spots concerning Bo and Dyson and is doing it deliberately.
Doctor Lauren glares at her in disbelief and NotKenzi switches to comfort mode. “Hey, that doesn’t mean you won’t be the first to get a Valentine’s Day card,” she soothes. “(Doctor) Lauren, you are the best thing that has ever happened to Bo, honestly.” Oh gag. Now Real Kenzi would never say something like that; season three totally reinvented Kenzi, unfortunately, might. Happily, it’s coming from NotKenzi which makes it more of her aggravating bullshit. “I’m only telling you this because I don’t want you to be side-swiped,” NotKenzi insists. “Because if it is true that Dyson still loves Bo…” She trails off and pats Doctor Lauren’s shoulder in sympathy, not bothering to finish that sentence. For her part, Doctor Lauren begins to blink rapidly as if struggling to hold back tears. It seems she has more than idea of what might happen to her relationship if Dyson comes back into play for Bo.
It’s at this pregnant moment that Trick joins them to ask what they’re talking about. “The case,” Doctor Lauren says in a voice soft with pain. He asks what they have so far. “Human goo,” Kenzi drawls, still looking at the doc sideways. “Sexually-transmitted Fae gunk. Bacchus sex club. Mystery door.” Trick pings on the mystery door and NotKenzi updates him about the key she saw. Trick smiles coyly and then with shrugs with abashed pride. “I might have…one of those keys,” he confesses with a mildly naughty grin.
Trick leads NotKenzi back into Tolkien’s Vault (drink!). “What can I say…it was the ‘70s!” he pronounces. “The 1870s to be exact.” Ha! He unlocks a cage and removes an ornate box as he relates the rest, carrying it back into Tolkien’s Lair (drink!). “But back then it was more of a social club.” NotKenzi croons, “do tell,” and he does. “Oh just racy daguerreotypes. Monthly themed bashes. But believe you me—there’s no bash like a Bacchanalian bash!” Why Trickster, you sly dog you.
He goes on to say there was nothing dark about “the scene” back then, “nothing dangerous.” He stands the box up vertically and opens its doors to reveal dozens of old keys. Removing one that greatly resembles the key NotKenzi saw at the club, he holds it up before her. “Totes,” she whispers, excited. “Is that the key?” She grabs for it but Trick pulls it out of reach. He wonders if he should go along as he knew Roman long ago and might be able to talk to him if there’s trouble. NotKenzi: “You want to get kinky at a sex club with your granddaughter?” Trick, disgusted: “That is in no way what I just said!” but NotKenzi presses his buttons further.
“I’m sure Bo would appreciate you taking on the ‘Grandfather’ role,” she teases. Trick is now insulted. “I am her grandfather.” NotKenzi agrees “technically, but…” she pauses in the way that makes you demand to know what she means—which Trick does. She smiles at him patronizingly. “I’m sure Bo is happy to have her in your life but, you knew about her for what, like thirty years, and you did nothing to find her? She needed her family. And you weren’t there.” Oh, whoever this NotKenzi really is, she is good. Trick frowns, unhappy by the guilt she’s prodding. “Did Bo tell you this?” he asks. Kenzi grimaces a nonverbal confirmation. “I see,” Trick says. “Well then, you should go without me,” and he hands over the key. NotKenzi smiles and takes the key, and hugs him as she tells “Trickster” that she thinks it’s for the best. She pulls back and playfully asks how much she owes him for the beer “barkeep.” Kenzi offering to pay for something? As if we needed any further confirmation (we didn’t) that is definitely NotKenzi. Trick, still upset over what she’s told him snorts, “funny” because we all know Kenzi never pays and the fact that this doesn’t finally get through to him that something is wrong is, I think, a testament to how much she’s upset him. “Cool,” NotKenzi trills, delighted. “Freebie.” She sashays out of Tolkien’s Lair (drink!) as Trick frowns after her.
At the cop shop, in the interrogation room, Dyson is officially interviewing Bo. He asks after the nature of her interaction with Blue. Tamsin is in her regularly position, arms crossed, and holding up the wall by the door. Bo says it was social. Dyson: “You were friends?” Bo, painfully: “Friendly.” Dyson sighs; he gets it, and looks toward Tamsin before he explains that they found Blue by the tracks a block away from Hilton Hovel (drink!) “What we’re wondering here is,” he says haltingly and again eye checks Tamsin—I can’t believe I have to do this—before continuing, “how did she get there?” Bo in a horrified voice says “You think that I did this?!” Dyson points out that she can’t even remember what time Blue left her apartment. No one would call Hilton Hovel (drink!) an apartment, so that’s just weird. And when did she say she couldn’t remember Blue leaving? You just got through confirming that Bo even knew the woman. Editing error?
Bo insists that she does and Tamsin snaps, “how?” Bo cranes her neck around to look at the Valkyrie. “In one piece!” she declares. She turns back to Dyson and admits that she had sex with Blue but that she didn’t kill her. All of her body language is screaming at him, how could you of all people believe this of me? For his part, Dyson has fallen back into full cop mode and stoically stares at her revealing nothing. Bo admits that she had sex with Blue, but insists that was it. “One body with my scent on it does not make me a murderer!”
“Two,” Tamsin reminds her. “Two bodies…if you count the Dark Fae in a coma.” Bo begins to lose her composure. “I – I” she shouts and stops as quickly. She fidgets and tries to process what’s going on. “I –” she tries to start again, but again stops and struggles for control. “Okay, yes, it’s starting to –” She doesn’t look at Dyson directly during any of this and he remains silent. She finally exclaims that it must be another succubus or someone who’s trying to frame Bo. Dyson’s face is an agony of restrained conflict and fear. He so wants her to have a good explanation for this, and instead she falls back on the worst ever excuse. Tamsin literally laughs at her. “Oh, that old chestnut!”
Bo has now realized how much trouble she’s in; worse she can’t say for certain what happened because she genuinely doesn’t remember. Before she can come up with another excuse, NotKenzi barges into the room and demands that Bo not say another word without her lawyer. She has a lawyer?! When Bo calls her name, she slaps her hand over Bo’s mouth. Bo snatches her hand away but NotKenzi is already telling Dyson that Bo had nothing to do with Blue’s death. “I was so there. I watched the bitch walk out the door with my own eyes.” That would’ve been a neat trick since you’d already left with Doctor Lauren to go interview Wife and Lover, but whatever.
Ya know, with the workout the Dyson’s sniffer has been getting this season, exactly why again can’t he sniff out here that Kenzi is not Kenzi?
Tamsin sneers that it’s a convenient alibi while Bo shoots a doubting look at Dyson who himself looks askance between the besties. He knows better than anyone what lengths Kenzi, the real Kenzi, will go for the people she loves. But NotKenzi immediately pulls Bo out of the chair whispering that they should get out of there. “I got the key we need, so I say it’s high time Betty and Veronica got back to saving the world.” Dyson interrupts to tell Bo that they can’t hold her, “but just so you know, (Doctor) Lauren is examining the body.” Bo frowns; she doesn’t like that the doc failed to tell her that and doesn’t know that Doctor Lauren tried. “So I’m free to go back to the club then,” she says. Tamsin: “Absolutely. Have fun. I know we will.” That stops Bo in her tracks. “We’ll be coming with you,” Tamsin informs her. “Until we crack this case, I’m going be your very sexy shadow.” Bo looks back over her shoulder to Dyson, but he nods in agreement with Tamsin. He’s either going to keep her from killing again or prove that she’s not doing it in the first place. Either way, he’s going. As she leaves, a very unhappy succubus, he leans back and stares after her. He’s not happy either because, for the first time, though he won’t admit it to anyone and barely to himself, he’s actually entertaining the thought that she could have done it.
In Bo’s bedroom at Hilton Hovel (drink!) Bo interrogates a flippant NotKenzi about whether or not she really saw Blue walk out the door. Again, they all are conveniently forgetting that Bo had to catch up with NotKenzi and Doctor Lauren at Graham’s house and could not possibly know what happened to Blue—unless NotKenzi killed Blue herself. NotKenzi cares more about choosing what Bo will wear to the club. “Bo this is totally not happy-time convo. I totally watched hot pants make her hot exit.” She turns Bo back to look at herself in the standing mirror. “Now let’s just concentrate on the fun of us together!” and Bo smiles. NotKenzi suggests that “post sex club” they should hit the casino. “Ambush hug!” she calls and jumps on Bo. But finally Bo pings on something as off since RealKenzi hates casinos. “Or as you call them ‘amateur hour for suckers’.” NotKenzi: “I say a lot of crazy things, but at least I’m loyal.” Bo asks what she means and NotKenzi does her thing on the doc by telling Bo that the cops are on her tail because Doctor Lauren spilled everything. “That the girl was in your bed—the whole choking thing.” Bo can’t believe what she’s hearing. “(Doctor) Lauren told them that?!” NotKenzi: “Yeah, she was pretty torn up about it.” That part rings true, which is what makes this undermining of NotKenzi’s so effective—she mixes just enough truth in to make the rest of it sound valid too. “You know how she is: duty before booty.” See? She’s not so far off the mark there about the doc, and yet…
Bo’s mobile decides to ring at just that moment, and lo and behold, it’s Doctor Lauren. Bo is a little cool to her, but the doc is frantic to know if Bo is all right. “Did you talk to Dyson?” Bo says he did most of the talking. “Interrogating actually.” Doctor Lauren apologizes profusely and says that she texted Bo who admits that she didn’t get it, and there’s this note in her voice that says she doesn’t quite believe it even if she’s not going to dwell on it right now. She also staring at NotKenzi who primps in the mirror during this convo and I think she’s beginning to draw the pieces together. Too many things do not ring right and she’s finally cluing in to it.
Doctor Lauren says she’s made a remedy to the Fae secretion (of course you have) and Bo says she’s headed back to the club now, “but I’ll shut down whatever’s going on and bring the infected to you.” The doc tells her to be careful and Bo assures her she’ll be fine. “Dyson is coming with.” This is a deliberate if subconscious jab at the doc and it hits on target. I think Bo is more upset that Dyson is coming as her shadow because he thinks she’s guilty and isn’t thinking about how she’ll now be in a sex club with him and the possible repercussions of that. But Doctor Lauren does full-body recoil at the news. “He is?!” Bo haltingly explains that she’s kind of a suspect now (no ‘kind of’ about it, sweetie.) Bo tries to make light of it. “But it’s fine! Nothing like having your ex on your ass at a sex club.” But, out of sight, the doc rolls her eyes and grimaces at Bo’s unfortunately revealing phrasing. She is getting seriously pissed. I told her no Dyson and every time I turn around its Dyson, Dyson, Dyson! Yeah, maybe you should get a clue there, doc. I think it’s just all too much for her, first with having to go along with and even lie and say it’s okay with her for Bo to feed off other people. Now the one ground rule she set in this is being thwarted at every step and she can’t even get mad at Bo and/or Dyson for it because it’s not sexual (at the moment) it’s just their lives—they’re not even actively trying to be around one another. She shakes her head and in a tight voice tells Bo to have fun but as she disconnects…that is one upset doc. Bo stares at NotKenzi in the mirror and it is not a friendly look.
Back at the club, too lovely nekkid ladies putting on a show on the dining room table as Dyson and Tamsin enter. “Funny,” she sneers. “Bo didn’t tell me to dress for the Sex Ball.” You’re going to a bacchanalia. I think the “Sex Ball” part of it is more than implicit. “Yeah, I wonder why,” Dyson responds rhetorically. He’s more than a little pissed at Tamsin and sharply asks what her angle is here. “You want to watch Bo not kill someone?” I have to say, I like that he backed his partner up even if he doesn’t agree with her plan of action. I don’t like that it was basically backing he against Bo, but given the way this season has unfolded, it was bound to happen.
“Maybe I just want to see the succubus in her natural element,” she grits back. “She didn’t do it,” he asserts softly. Behind him, Lurch opens the front door to new arrivals. “Oh-kay,” Tamsin replies, clearly indulging what she believes to be his delusion. She sighs and turns away and there’s this amusing moment where Dyson is caught by the nekkid woman making out in front of him. Sometimes, he’s just such a guy.
Tamsin’s attention is caught by the new arrivals—Bo and NotKenzi, who incidentally, looks smashing. “Detectives,” Bo greets them formally. “Ladies,” Tamsin drawls back. Dyson turns—and just looks at Bo. She stops in her tracks and looks back. Splash. He blinks and looks some more. She shifts on her feet and this small, pleased, wicked smile twitches at the corners of her mouth. SplashSplashSplash. Bo knows that look; she’s lived in that look. Dear holy hotcakes those 15 seconds might be one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen on this show. STREWTH.
The click of high-heels on the stairs draws Dyson’s attention from Bo and his brow furrows as he peers up at “(Doctor) Lauren,” he says, almost unable to believe it’s her. Bo and NotKenzi turn to follow his gaze and as they watch Doctor Lauren descend, NotKenzi gets this evil, pleased smile on her face. Nothing could confirm more that she hit all the right buttons with Doctor Lauren and Bo earlier than the doc’s arrival and appearance at the club. Her insecurities and fears about Dyson and Bo have driven her to crash Bo’s op, dressed to the nines in a gorgeous, very sexy dress. Her hair is piled high and extensions flow down and over her shoulder. The doc is drop dead stunning, but as she descends the stairs, her expression is full of sad pain. She did not miss that hot look at all. By the time she hits the floor though, she is smiling at a stunned Bo. Her dress is the same sleeveless, mock cowl neck draped style as the shirt she’s worn all episode now with a naked back. Come to think of it, that’s exactly the style of the shirt in Confaegion. All three outfits show off her arms and shoulde—ohhhhh. I see you’re still writing to the doccubus fan fiction faction, show. Don’t think I missed the earlier “hot pants” callout either. Uh huh.
“Hey guys, where have you been?” she asks Bo and Kenzi is a sultry voice. Dyson watches them without expression and then gives Tamsin a look like can we go now? She sighs heavily: “Let’s go.” Dyson takes one more look at Bo, looks after Tamsin, looks back at Bo, and then heads off after his partner to investigate the club.
NotKenzi asks Doctor Lauren what gives. “I give,” the doc says with double meaning. “I mean, I will give.” she adds. She brought the antidote because she was so worried about the infected people she had to first spend two hours getting dressed up. She geeks out an explanation. “The virus may not affect Fae, but I have to treat the affected humans before the subject mutates, which very well might happen if he keeps jumping the species barrier.” Doctor Lauren to the rescue! It is her show now, after all. Pretty clear Bo’s pretty much only there now for sex and muscle. The doc rambles for so long she manages to pull Bo out of her sexual stupor. “Right,” Bo sighs. “Time to use what the good goddess gave me.” Oh please. Whatever.
The three women sashay over to the secret door where Bo presents Trick’s key to Tattoo. Upstairs, Tamsin and Dyson enter Roman’s boudoir where the Bacchus is pouring champagne on a woman and kissing it off her shoulder. (Side note: every time I write, read, or say “champagne”, in my head I hear Christopher Walken from his classic sketch “The Continental” on Saturday Night Live going “cham-pag-ya” Snicker.) “Roman Tyresius,” Tamsin drawls with her usual sneer. “In the flesh,” he replies and looks up and looks again as he gets a good look at Tamsin. “We’re here in the name of the Light,” Dyson formally informs him. “And the Dark,” Tamsin tacks on pointedly. “Oh my, my,” Roman taunts, smiling. “Did someone get her chocolate in his peanut butter?” HA! Tamsin notes it looks like he’s having quite the party himself and Roman warns that if they’re there for a raid, both the Light and Dark high officials who frequent his club will not be happy. Dyson assures him in THAT VOICE that they’re just there to look around. Roman expansively promises them they’ll find lots to see. Dyson and Tamsin exchange looks and split up to look around Roman’s Upper Room.
Downstairs, a line of red-robed people stand before the opaque, ornate glass doors of what appears to be some kind of hot house. Two nekkid women are in silhouette behind the doors and as a random flunky closes the doors behind them, they link hands and descend the stairs into the hot house. The room is filled with the low, long moans you usually hear on a National Geographic special about the whales. Similarly robed, Bo, Doctor Lauren, and NotKenzi enter the room holding masquerade masks on sticks to “hide” their faces. NotKenzi smacks the shoulder of the last guy in line and asks what’s in the hot house. “Pure, sexual ecstasy,” he relishes. Another man and woman disrobe and prepare to enter as Bo gasps that the man’s description sounds about right. She’s totally jonesing off the sex vibe. In a low whisper, Doctor Lauren put her sound engineering expertise and oceanographer PhD to use as she geeks out that over the moans. “Those frequencies with those vocal overtones can only be created by the vocal tract of one Underfae—a Manta.” NotKenzi: “A what-ah?”
Suddenly, with a loud growl, the enormous tentacle of the Manta slaps up against the glass door. Startled, all three women jump in place and gape at the Manta—except for NotKenzi who looks absolutely enticed. “Holy Octopussy,” Bo gasps. Heh. “I was right,” the doc goggles. When are you not? “We’re listening to the mating sounds of a Manta!” NotKenzi: “Duh.” Heeee. The doc goes on to explain that it’s a tentacled hermaphrodite UnderFae that can only survive in subtropical environments. “You mean humid, wet, and reeking of eucalyptus?!” Bo sneers. HEY! I like eucalyptus. The doc guess that’s how the humans are being infected. NotKenzi asks what happens next. “Nothing we can’t stop,” Bo vows and pushes her way to the front of the line. No cuts, lady!
“All right everyone,” she announces. “Good Times Glory Hole Hour—is over.” WTF? She managed to be crass, offensive, and prurient all in five words! That’s real wit there, show. Bo continues that they don’t know what they’ve gotten into, “or what’s gotten into you!” Doctor Lauren takes this as her cue to join upstage Bo on the steps and hold up her antidote. “Anyone who’s had relations with the—thing—in that room is going to need a shot.” The idea of getting a shot is clearly more terrifying than fucking a supernatural tentacle creature and sends everyone fleeing, one extra actually mutters “I don’t think so!” HEE! “No, no!” Bo calls after them. “Stay calm! She’s a professional! She gives great needle!” I know you didn’t mean to make your girlfriend sound like a whore there, Bo. The classy is just staggering tonight!
Doctor Lauren frets over her fleeing not patients, which allows Tattoo to engulf her in his arms from behind. “Your ass is mine,” he grunts originally. “Forget about their asses,” Lurch advises and he hurries in, “Roman wants them dead.” Heh. He orders Tattoo to take them to The Vat. Bo pulls her knife and demands Tattoo take his hands off her girlfriend.
Upstairs, Tamsin and Dyson wander back having found nothing out of the ordinary in Roman’s Upper Room—nothing for a supernatural sex club, that is. Roman offers them a taste of Ambrosia, and by that he means the woman next to him on the bed. He stops Dyson as he passes by. “She’s really game for anything,” he oversells. Dyson barely blinks. Dude cannot even be bothered. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he replies tonelessly.
Dyson moseys over to a steampunk-styled reverse telescope. He puzzles over it as Roman dismisses Ambrosia. Roman sits back on the bed but offers no advice on what it is or what it does. That’s okay; Dyson quickly pulls the lever and reveals what can only be The Vat, currently home to Wife and Lover. Wife runs up to the scope the moment she sees Dyson and starts to pound on it and pleads for help. Dyson and Tamsin look with accusation at Roman who can barely be bothered to shrug.
Downstairs, Tattoo orders Bo to drop the knife or he’ll snap Doctor Lauren’s neck. “How ‘bout you drop the doctor or I go Reservoir Dogs on your ear.” Heh. Behind her, distressed at being ignored, NotKenzi mutters, “what about me?!” and fake faints against Lurch. That should’ve immediately told Bo this was not RealKenzi because RealKenzi would have already grabbed a weapon or found another way to help Doctor Lauren while Bo had Tattoo distracted. But again, the reinvented season three, Doctor Lauren-describe Kenzi would probably do exactly this. “KenziHawk Down!” she screams. “KenziHawk Down!” Heh. Tattoo taunts Bo. “Who you want to save? The prickly one? Or the puny one?” Bo doesn’t see why she has to choose.
In the Upper Room, Dyson orders Roman in THAT VOICE to let the women out of The Vat. Roman doesn’t understand what the fuss is about since he’s cleaning up after himself. “Yeah?” Dyson says. “What about Graham? He died right in front of his own wife!” Roman explains that Graham escaped before they could get him in The Vat, a minor slip up they corrected. By Fae law, he’s not wrong. Tamsin rolls her eyes from him to Dyson. She does that a lot. Roman goes on to say they made sure to scoop up Wife and Lover as well in case they were also “affected.”
Without warning, Roman grabs his magic stick (sigh) and flings it at Tamsin, hitting her full on in the chest with the—sparkly glitter. She falls back onto the floor but appears otherwise unaffected. “Ow!” she shouts at him, annoyed. Dyson gives her a hand up as Roman says that was just a warning. Tamsin takes a few pissed off steps toward him and Roman says if they leave now he’ll forget they were ever here. “What happened to you, Roman?” Dyson asks. “You used to be such a fun guy.” Oh really? How exactly would you know that, hmmm? Roman bluntly admits that over the centuries that eventually he grew numb to all physical pleasure. “Oh boo hoo,” Tamsin sneers after rolling her eyes and crossing her arms. You need to get a new shtick there, sweetie.
“A Bacchus who cannot feel pleasure has no reason to live!” Roman snits. But he found a solution by mating with a Manta. Oh, ewww. So now we’ve got bestiality on this show?! Bleh. “Hold up,” Tamsin laughs in disbelief. “You banged a sea cow?” she says with all the disgust I’m feeling. Dyson moseys over to the fruit bowl and nibbles on some grapes. A little peckish there, wolf man? Honey, if you were hungry for food, you should’ve stopped at the drive-through on the way over.
Roman explains that the Manta transfers pleasure from her constant stream of sex with all those eager humans straight into his neurons. Have you been talking with Doctor Lauren, Roman? Cause that sounds suspiciously like her geek speak. Dyson look up from the fruit bowl, calmly chewing on a grape. “That’s very graphic,” he notes without care. “Also illegal.” But Roman couldn’t care less. “It’s all I have. And no one is taking it from me.” He shoots his magic stick at Dyson, but the wolf man has been working a plan all along. Swiftly he yanks up the silver fruit bowl, dumping the fruit everywhere, and deflects the sparkly glitter back at an unsuspecting Roman. Apparently, this was not a warning shot as a hole immediately forms in the middle of Roman’s chest and he collapses back on the bed, dead. Dyson flips the bowl up toward him and peers at it. Whoa. Didn’t expect it to do that. Tamsin sidles over and throws an arm around his shoulders. “Now that gets me hot.” He grimaces, ignoring her, and frowns at the bowl.
Downstairs, Bo’s eyes are glowing blue as she warns Tattoo that it’s his last chance to let the doc go. The doc advises that Tattoo might want to do what Bo says. “I’ve seen her do this before. It ain’t pretty.” NotKenzi has had enough of being ignored. She stamps on Lurch’s foot, drawing Bo’s attention from Tattoo as Lurch tosses NotKenzi aside. “Enough!” Lurch says. “To The Vat!” Bo tosses her knife aside as she proceeds to kick the holy shit out of Lurch, more violently than ever before. “What’s happening?” Doctor Lauren moans. “She’s kicking ass and she’s MY best friend!” NotKenzi reports in an awed whisper.
Lurch goes down, Tattoo tosses the doc aside, and Bo turns her wrath on him. She brutally knocks him out, turns back to Lurch and starts to choke him before throwing him against a stone bench so hard, he breaks it to pieces. She’s headed back to end Tattoo when Doctor Lauren jumps in front of her. “Bo, wait!” NotKenzi comes running up. “That was seven kinds of awesome!” But the doc is whinging that something is really wrong with Bo. Bo is still in full out succubus rage. Doctor Lauren tries to talk her back repeating that, “it’s me. This isn’t you. Just come back. I’m right here.” She’s crying openly now and Bo—Bo growls at her like a wild animal lashing out as though to bite the doctor. (I APPR—oh dammit.) Terrified, the doc jumps back but keeps trying. “Whatever this is, you have to fight it!” Bo wavers in place and comes back a bit from the edge. “(Doctor) Lauren? What’s happening to me?” The doc says it’s going to be okay, “just come back. I love you,” she mewls. Bo stares at her, but she’s already spiraling back down. Slowly she leans forward to growl in the doc’s ear. “Get out of my way.” Oh, IF ONLY! She pulls back, eyes blue again, and again growls and snaps at Doctor Lauren.
All this while, NotKenzi watches with varying degrees of delight, entertainment and, eventually, disappointed resignation.
Trembling, the doc says “I loved you from the second we met.” She natters on about how they were alone and her stethoscope must have been cold but “we touched,” and she touches Bo’s shoulder as have a flashback to that scene from the first episode of season one. Well, technically, you “touched” when you “professionally” and unethically felt Bo up sexually while she was naked and vulnerable on your examination table and your actual girlfriend was rotting away in a mystical coma. That’s definitely something you want to be sure to make a Hallmark moment in your relationship. ‘Cause it’s such a sweet and honorable true love moment. Sure. (Seriously, show? Are you freaking kidding me?!) Never mind that Bo juiced you with the succubus touch soon after in order to stage a jailbreak, because that’s how much you meant to her in that moment.
WHATEVER.
“Honey, do you remember?” Doctor Lauren pleads. “Do you remember that first time?” I know I wouldn’t forget when a doctor took advantage of me, so I’m betting Bo does remember. “Honey, just look at me.” Slowly, Bo comes back to herself and looks around, horrified by what she did. “What have I done?!” she whispers to the doc and then passes out. Doctor Lauren barely catches her and eases Bo to the ground. NotKenzi could not be more bored. “I’m fine,” she snits obnoxiously. “Little bored, but…” she glares at Bo and Doctor Lauren and then shuffles her way out the door unnoticed. The doc cradles Bo and, free of any audience, the desperation she feels for Bo fills her face. So what, they’re just gonna stay there with the Manta till Bo wakes up again? ‘Cause there ain’t no way the doc can carry her out of there.
Back at the doc’s flat, Doctor Lauren sums everything up for Bo. “Roman’s dead, they shut down the steam room and I treated all the remaining humans.” She’s confident they’ll all have a full recovery without any lasting effects. Without its hot humid environment the Manta simply shriveled up and died. Not for nothing, but the Manta was kind of the victim of the piece. You couldn’t at least return it home?
They smile at one another and Bo compliments that the doc is good at cleaning up messes. She’s got more of a tendency to cause them than to clean them up but I’m so exhausted by the continual DOCTOR LAUREN IS THE BEST that I can barely bother to roll my eyes at the nonsense any more. The doc natters that some messes clean themselves up, but Bo stops her chatter to clarify that it isn’t the humans she’s talking about. “Honey,” Doctor Lauren says firmly, “you had nothing to do with that girl’s death.” Bo wonders how she can be sure and the doc says it because she knows Bo, “and yes, you’ve been particularly hungry this last while but with a regimen of….small meals…” Bo yells that the doc saw what happened to her and the doc counters that it was an emotional response but Bo doesn’t believe it. “What was that?” she asks, a little afraid to find out. The doc has to admit that she doesn’t know. “But it is becoming more and more obvious that you are a very complex creature.” She’s a woman, not a laboratory experiment. Ass.
Bo shares her worst fear: “What if I’m a monster?” Doctor Lauren assures her that neither Lurch nor Tattoo died and she’s still fine-tuning the formula for Bo’s injections. “We’ll take it one day at a time. Together.” Bo smiles and strokes her hair. “You’re amazing.” Oh just bite me show. ARGH!
“Yes I am!” Doctor Lauren jests and Bo laughs. “At least scientifically speaking.” The doc goes on that she no longer wants to be involved in Bo’s extracurricular activities. “In fact, I don’t want to know any of the details whatsoever,” and she grimaces with the distaste she feels for this whole situation, for once showing her true feelings on the matter. Bo just didn’t want Doctor Lauren to be involved in the first place. “I just didn’t want you to feel left out,” she says. “Actually, I would really like to feel left out of this one,” the doc assures her. I would really like you to be left out altogether, but apparently only one fan base is getting to write the scripts here.
Bo leans forward to kiss her, but the doc stops her. “Enough about feeding.” Oh yes, please. She asks if they can just have a normal dinner together. Bo simpers whether Doctor Lauren is asking her on a date. “Well,” the doc teases, “one of the benefits of being a physician is that every patient is a potential tryst.” Oh, so when you’re violating medical ethics, it’s a joke, but when Bo impersonates a fake doctor, it’s a serious breach of ethics. Do you even hear yourself anymore, show?
Bo goes back to Hilton Hovel (drink! repeatedly!) to get ready. As soon as she clears the doorway, Doctor Lauren is on the phone. “We need to talk,” she says without a greeting. “I think something’s very wrong with Bo,” she tattles. Oh, so you just spent the last five minutes lying to your girlfriend then about how it’s not all that bad. This has to be Trick she’s talking to—I don’t see her inviting Dyson into an intimate conversation about Bo and talking to Hale would raise the situation to a formal level—and I’m not going to say it doesn’t make sense to consult with Trick about this, but somehow it still smacks of mommy and daddy conspiring behind Bo’s back. Maybe it’s Doctor Lauren’s chronic superior attitude to Bo or the fact that she has a history of tattling on her about these things that makes it feel backstabbing.
It’s dark in the cop shop as Dyson opens the case folder on Blue and reads that Doctor Lauren’s official autopsy report is inconclusive on Blue’s mode of death. The shot changes to a long shot of Dyson and Tamsin in the background framed in the only light in the interrogation room while the rest of the cop shop is dark. In the foreground, two detectives silently wave goodbye and Dyson waves back as Tamsin repeats, “Inconclusive! There you go, still no cause of death,” with a heavy dose of what a surprise. Dyson rubs his eyes wearily. This situation with Bo is taking a heavy toll on him. He observes that Bo was pretty worked up at the club. Tamsin heard about that. “Out of control,” Dyson has to admit. How does he know? He wasn’t there; I doubt Doctor Lauren gave him a—ahem—blow by blow. Did he check the CCTV?! “If (Doctor) Lauren hadn’t ‘bean’ (heh) there to talk her down she…” Are you freaking kidding me?! Please. There is NO WAY he could know any of this. And given his suspicions of Doctor Lauren covering for Bo already…
But Dyson has already come around to that point. “But then (Doctor) Lauren, ah—“ “(Doctor) Lauren what?” Tamsin asks and Dyson says that Doctor Lauren would do anything to protect Bo. Yup, even tattle on her. What really bugs me here is that it’s Dyson who would AND HAS done anything and everything to protect Bo and now this show is even assigning THAT to Doctor Bloody Lauren straight from the wolf man’s mouth! ARGH. “Maybe even falsify an autopsy,” he has to admit. Tamsin waits quietly, now that he’s coming around to her side of the argument, Tamsin waits quietly for him to reach the next conclusion. “If Bo did kill our vic, maybe she can’t even remember it.” That’s actually more likely than not.
Tamsin sits on the table in front of him. “So?” Whatcha gonna do about it? Dyson nods unhappily. “So I have a job to do. “I’m going to follow this through to the end.” Great, so it’s not enough that he STILL hasn’t told Bo of the returned love, not the show is actively pitting him against her. ARGH. Tamsin smiles. This is exactly what she’s wanted all along. Dyson is miserable about it.
Back at Hilton Hovel (drink!), Bo motors in to find NotKenzi setting the table for a candlelight dinner with real plates and glasses and brand new candles. WTF?!?! NotKenzi: “Finally! The terrible twosome can spend some quality time together—with all the Thai food a cloned credit card can buy.” Bo haltingly admits that it looks great but that she kinda has dinner plans already with Doctor Lauren. NotKenzi sulks. “But eating’s our thing.” I’m pretty sure eating is everyone’s “thing”—though maybe not Evony’s.
She picks up a dish and jokes for Bo to have some “spy-cee noodles.” She tries to spoon feed Bo, but FINALLY Bo is catching on. She eyes the food and glares at NotKenzi. There’s a pregnant, charged pause. “Besides,” Bo finally says, “I’m still a little freaked.” She begs NotKenzi to tell her the truth. “Is it possible that I killed that girl?” NotKenzi shrugs one shoulder. “Maybe,” she whatevers and goes back to trying to shove food down Bo’s throat. “O-pen wide!” Bo looks at the food with veiled disgust. “You first, bestie.” NotKenzi gleefully gulps down the food and moans about how good it is. “That is scrumptious!” That’s the last straw for Bo.
She smacks the fork from NotKenzi’s hand, grabs her by the throat and shoves her up against a load-bearing pillar. “And covered in peanuts! To which you are deathly allergic!” She gets up in NotKenzi’s face. “So tell me, bitch. Where the hell is Kenzi?!”
End Credits.
Kiersten Hallie Krum writes smart, sharp & sexy romantic suspense. Find her snarking her way across social media as @kierstenkrum and on her web site and blog at www.kierstenkrum.com.
