As you all know, I absolutely detest the word “moist.” Since my first post on Squick Words, I’ve been known to get “moist bombed” on Twitter. That’s when a random author who knows of my moist-related phobia, has a conversation with me and throws the word moist into said conversation out of nowhere. It’s mean and cruel, but makes me cackle every time.
So I am a glutton for punishment and have come back with Squick Words post number three. Some of the not-so-lovely words I have come across or heard about this year.
Velvet sheath: now what in the bloody hell is that? Either a really rocking heavy metal band or the coolest looking outfit known to mankind.
“What are you wearing?”
“Oh, the Velvet Sheath Collection, dahling.”
Piston(ed): Ladies, I am deathly afraid of any peen that can piston. Look up the definition for piston and then tell me you’d appreciate something going so fast your teeth would rattle right out of your head. I’m all for hard and fast, but not when I damn near bite my tongue off.
Strain: That is something I only refer to when I am hurt, as in 'I strained my abdominal muscles because the piston peen was going way too fast and hard.' Or a male refers to when he goes the bathroom and heaves from the other side. In no way is the sentence “he strained into her moist cave” sexy.
Engorged: Just not sexy. EVER. I’m glad we can make a male peen engorged, but the internal visuals I get from reading about it kinda turns my stomach.
Weeping pussy: All I see is a gang of kittens crying in the corner. I know they are probably tears of joy, but still the visuals aren’t appealing in the least. Somebody hand kitty a Kleenex!
Squish/Squelch: As soon as I read it, I hear it. I’ve never found the sound attractive in real life, so god knows I don’t want to read about it….especially if it’s a moist squish. *shudders uncontrollably*
Cave: Any sexual reference to a vagina with the word cave in it automatically makes me think his peen needs a mini flashlight and a pickaxe because he’s going to get lost in there. Maybe the Seven Dwarfs will come out and sing him Hi Ho until he finds his way out.
Mushroom head: All I can think of is fairies dancing around mushrooms or the metal band by the same name. We all know peens look like mushrooms; must we try and make a vegetable sexy? “His mushroom head was firm like a ripe cucumber.” No thanks, moving along to a non-vegetable peen.
What are some words you’ve read this year that made you do a double take? I don’t even know why I want to know, I’m sure you’ll all disturb the hell out of me with some of them…but the more you know, right?
Red velvet cupcake image courtesy of rottnapples via Flickr
If you enjoyed this post, you might also like:
- Squick Me Out: Words Not to Use in Moments of Passion
- Squick Me Out, Part 2: UnPassionate Words
- When Romance Novels Go TMI: Drenched in Squick-Inducing Seed
Natasha Carty reviews Paranormal Romance and Urban Fantasy on her website Wicked Little Pixie and lives in Toronto, Canada, with her cat, Seamus.
