Tonight’s guest stars include Lancelot, Mulan, Sleeping Beauty, and the Queen Mother.
Wow, chaotic much? Tonight’s episode jumped from Fairytale Land to Storybrooke and then to flashbacks. I thought it was just me being confused, but I had a first-timer friend watching it with me, and she was utterly confused.
What we know:
A group of curse-surviving refugees is holding Emma and Snow captive in the Enchanted Forest. They have met the Queen Mother (QM) in their cell. Snow is freaked out, Emma is intrigued, and QM is sweet as pie (unsweetened pie, of course).
What we just found out:
In a flashback, we see Charming’s camp attacked by a group of the King's men led by someone called the Leviathan. He captures Snow and reveals himself to her, telling her he is called Lancelot (and you all were wondering where he went when he pissed off King Arthur).
In the cell in the refugee camp, QM tells Emma that Regina is her daughter. Snow is visibly shaken at seeing QM and begs Emma not to trust her. Emma gives her mom the “stop being a drama queen” look. Histrionics ensue.
Snow and Emma are taken to meet the leader of the refugee camp and lo and behold, it’s her ol’ pal Lancelot. They hug and Lance begs forgiveness. Of course, Snow is quick to the forgiving. In the bushes we see Sleeping Beauty (no, silly, not like that!) and Mulan watching the reunion. Sleeping Beauty goes on a rant about how Snow is responsible for killing her dear sweet Phillip. (Insert tiny violins.) Mulan says she’ll handle things and to be quiet.
We see Snow and Emma having a meal with Lance in which he serves them fried chimera (?!?). Lance explains that somehow the people around the Enchanted Forest were spared from the curse, but that the forest itself is uber dangerous—ogres, big time! Snow starts to talk about the portals to the castle, but gets nervous and clams up. Lance gives us his best toothy grin and then says he’s very trustable. Uh-huh—like a scorpion in the woodpile. Lance insists they take Mulan with them.
In a flashback, we see the King's men dump Snow on the ground and leave. Snow gets up and starts to figure out where she is, hears a noise and grabs a branch and hides behind a tree. She bonks Lance a good one, and he tells her he came to check up on her. He tells her that the King has sent men to Charming’s mother's house to kill her. Snow reveals that Charming is also there, and they both give concerned looks straight into the camera.
In Storybrooke, Henry plays a bait and switch with Regina by getting her out of the house on a fake lunch invite. When she leaves, he goes to the vault to search for clues. I have to say the set decoration here was beautiful. No detail was forgotten; kudos, prop master.
Henry opens a chest and two snakes pop out, ready to have little-boy sushi for lunch, when conveniently Charming shows up and saves the day. Charming 1—Snakes 0!
Lance shows up in the Castle right after Snow and Emma, with Mulan in tow. He says he heard about the ogre attack and wants to help them with moving the wardrobe.
(Those damn ogres are such gossips) Snow gets suspicious and confronts Lance and poof it's QM laughing her ass off. She says she killed Lance months ago and has been posing as him, waiting for the right moment. I guess that would be now. She binds Emma and Snow and is about to send Snow to the Great Beyond when Mulan interferes and forces QM to leave.
QM returns to the castle after our merry maidens leave and scoops up some ashes from the burnt out wardrobe, the bottle is glowing and she is visibly happy.
In a predictable moment, Charming tells Henry that he can’t go with him to Fairytale Land, that is just wouldn’t be safe. Henry of course is going to go anyway.
The King has Snow brought to him, and waxes poetic about how stupid love is. He gives her a glass of wine, which she lamely drinks only to find out it's poisoned, and that she may no longer conceive a child.
Henry goes to look for Jefferson to try to convince him to find his daughter Grace. Jefferson acts like a strung-out meth addict. Henry quotes a couple of twelve-step rules and leaves, while Jefferson stays and ponders.
(In the flashback) The King's men go to kill Charming’s mom, only since he was tipped off, he gets there first and is waiting. Somehow, it’s seven against one and he comes out of the battle unscathed. His mom isn’t so lucky: she’s been shot. (ARROWED!)
Snow arrives next with Lancelot, and they decide to take her to Lake Nostri where the Siren lives in magical water with healing properties. Only when they get to the Lake it’s completely dried up and then Charming reveals that he killed the Siren and that’s likely why the waters dried up. Lance finds a seashell of water that they give to the mom, only she’s not healed. Why, you ask? Because Lance just gave her regular water so Snow can have the healing waters and remove the barren curse. Who didn’t see that coming?
Mulan and Emma get into a row and to stop it Emma fires her gun, setting up a neon sign reading, “Ogres come and eat us.” Sure enough, they show up looking like the rock trolls refugees from Lord of Rings. It growls and breathes wind all over her. (Did he need a Tic-Tac?)
Snow shoots it in the eye with an arrow and it keels over. Who knew they were so easy to kill. Disappointing.
Prince Charming decides to teach Henry how to fight with a sword, so he buys those wooden kiddie swords (really) and they spar on the sidewalk. If next week Henry is carrying a broadsword, I am going to go mental. The King watches from across the street.
I really don’t know exactly what to make of this show; the episodes are extremely unbalanced from one episode to another. Just when I start to lose faith in it, the next episode revives my interest. What did you think of the show and the season going forward? Next week we get Captain Hook! How can that be bad?
When she’s not herding cats or creating art, she works as a part-time bookseller. You can find her on twitter as @psynde.