Have you had enough of alpha shapeshifters and their bad habit of marking their territory all over your house? Have you had enough of immortal vampires snacking on you? Have you had enough of fallen angels angsting over good versus evil, when they should be paying attention to the fact that it is your anniversary and they promised you cake?
Fear not, for these things too shall pass.
Well, probably not. But I can pretend. And in that frame of mind, fueled by quite a lot of coffee and a sense of humor that is both sick and naughty, I give you my thoughts on the Next Wave In Paranormal Romance, or, Supernatural Hotties That Have Been Overlooked Until Now, In No Particular Order. (Drumroll, please.)
I will be shocked if Richard Armitage’s turn as a dwarf in The Hobbit movie doesn’t influence someone. Tolkien’s dwarves, with their elaborate art and architecture, are likely very handy around the house, as well. And who says there’s no room for a paranormal hero who also knows how to fix the sink? And then stud it with carven emeralds?
If you like the scent of seafood, and are adventurous when it comes to tentacles…well, a Kraken hero might be just what you’re looking for.
The Three Stooges did a movie with mummies that could walk, so clearly there is more to them than simply preserved dead bodies. The animate mummy, aside from having a long movie history, is a perfect source for paranormal heroes because, well, vampires may be dead, too, but they’re not wrapped in layers of linen! Think of the tragic difficulties of romancing a mummy! Imagine the inevitable dramatic sex scene in which the heroine first unwraps her prize! And by “prize,” I mean…okay. Stopping now. Before I get to the part about what happened to his brain.
The ghoul hero wants to eat you all night long. The teeth are a bit unfortunate, however. I’m not sure of the long-term prospects for relationships with ghouls, but if you end the book fairly quickly….
I’ve seen a couple of ghostly heroines in the last few years, but not as many ghostly heroes. Which is a shame, because they don’t take up a lot of room, so once you move in together, you can get a lot more house for your money. You just have to watch out for the occasional rattling dishes, blood dripping from the walls, hurtling objets d’art, that sort of thing. He’s just trying to tell you how much he loves you.
I know, some writers have already used mermen characters, but all have neglected the tragedic implications when the heroines accept they will smell like fish for the duration of the marriage, and the heroes’ difficulties of spawning with their human brides, who often do not appreciate the arduous swim upstream before sexyfuntimes.
Even aside from the dramatic conflict created by, ummm, placement and position where consummation is concerned, the centaur would make a terrific paranormal hero because he’s not only wise and…large…but he’s transportation! Forget marrying a billionaire to get a fleet of Italian sportscars; the centaur is much more eco-friendly, particularly if the heroine happens to do a lot of gardening, or perhaps raises organic produce. Most suited to small-town dramas, the centaur just might be the next big (heh) thing.
Spirits of Place.
Sure, to outsiders it looks a bit like the heroine’s having some solitary lovin’ when she’s rolling around in that particular grassy dell, but he’s a great guy, you know? He’s there all the time, and he listens.
It’s pretty much impossible to truly predict future trends in fiction; if it was easy, every writer and editor on the planet would be rich. But it sure is fun to speculate.
Victoria Janssen is the author of three novels and numerous short stories. Her World War One-set Spice Brief is titled “Under Her Uniform” and is a tie-in to her novel The Moonlight Mistress. Follow her on Twitter: @victoriajanssen or find out more at victoriajanssen.com.