Our Lost Girl obsession is still going strong! Be sure to check out all of our recaps, from Season 1 up to the most recent Season 2 episode aired on SyFy (episode 10, episode 11, episode 12, episode 13, episode 14, episode 15, episode 16, episode 17, episode 18, and episode 19). All caught up? Good. And now, on to the recap for last night’s episode, 2.20, “Lachlan's Gambit.”
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Bo strides into Tolkien’s Lair (drink!). Trick thanks her for coming on such short notice and Bo says it sounded urgent. So basically, we’re going start this ep off running. ‘Bout damn time. “There’s a growing number of reports of…bizarre animal behavior,” Trick informs her. “Like, just before an earthquake?” Bo asks, but Trick says not quite. “During an earthquake, horses get restless; burst out of their corrals. They don’t do this.”
He hands over a newspaper where the top story is a herd of 10 horses that electrocuted themselves followed by another paper leading with the story of bats pouring out of their caves in the middle of the day and yet a third one which Trick thinks is the most disturbing. “Every single snake at the zoo has disappeared.” “Maybe they’re on a plane?” Bo posits a tad bewildered. HAHA!! Love that one.
Trick says they’re hiding. “They can sense The Garuda is here. It’s only a matter of time before he strikes.” Bo sighs deeply; she knows. She’s been waiting for this. As she sets the paper down, a round hole opens up in the floor of Tolkien’s Lair (drink!) from which crawls a mole-liked creature. Drawing her knife Bo orders Trick to get down, drags Mole Man up by his nape, and holds the blade to his throat. Trick calls out for Bo to stop, that Mole Man is “OK” as Bo gasps for air. “This thing with all of its lovely smells is a friend of yours?!” Bo demands to know as Mole Man quivers in her grasp. Trick won’t go that far but he does need to speak to Mole Man alone. Stupefied, Bo double checks if Trick is sure about this. “He…kind of works for me,” Trick admits. “It’s OK.”
Not remotely satisfied, Bo releases Mole Man anyway. “I’ll be in the bar,” she tells him with a heavily implied in case you need me. She takes a quick smell of her hand. “Oh, wow,” she grimaces and decamps. Trick approaches the still whinging Mole Man. “What news, Mole,” he demands in a low, scary voice that makes me think if anyone’s going to need Bo in this scenario, it’ll be Mole Man.
Mole Man says The Garuda is nowhere to be found, but Trick doesn’t believe him and expresses that disbelief rather violently. “Why would I lie to The Blood King?” Mole Man whimpers. “My life is yours until my debt is repaid!” I guess they’ve known each other a while then. Trick reiterates that he cannot have The Garuda showing up at The Dal (drink!) unexpected. He grabs Mole Man by the throat. “I need to know where he is so I can strike first! Find him! Now!” Mole Man rubs his throat where everyone’s been grabbing him as Trick blows a mole whistle to force Mole Man back into his –erm – hole.
Upstairs in The Dal (drink!) the camera pans over a cloaked figure sitting at the table behind an impatient Bo who waits at the bar for Trick. Aragorn’s decided to make an appearance? Cool! As Trick emerges from Tolkien’s Lair (drink!), the entire bar shakes with the arrival of several vehicles. Hang on a tick. The Dal (drink!) has never, ever had its walls shaken by outdoor arrivals. Are we supposed to extrapolate that it’s rockin’ and rollin’ now because of the formidable host of bad guys on its doorstep?
The door opens to admit three bad guys. So that’s a no on the formidable host thing then. “Good sir,” Bad Guy #1 says to Trick as Bad Guys #2 and #3 spread out through the room while Bo watches intently. “A query!” Lifting a chair he asks if Trick considers them to be of good quality and then, without even waiting for an answer, breaks it across the back of a random patron. Rude! And it was so nice to see some patrons in the bar for a change, but now… Immediately Bo steps in front of Trick. “They’re crap,” BG#1 tells Trick.
“Did someone tell you it’s ‘jackholes drink for free’ night?” Bo challenges. “Lovely,” BG #1 patronizes, “we’ve been sent on an errand to get someone. Him,” and he points at Trick. Bo tells BG #1 that he’ll have to get through her first. “And me!” announces the cloaked figure as it rises from the table and reveals itself to be – PerfectCiara!! Our last dangling ancillary lover thread has arrived to be snipped.
“(Perfect) Ciara!” Bo exclaims, and Trick gets this lovely, satisfied smile on his face. I knew you’d come back. The women exchange a speaking glance and then face Bad Guy #1 together. From the door, someone clears a throat. “I hate to further break up the song circle, fellas,” Hale says (Hale!). “But at this way station, it’s actually a three ass-whoopin’ minimum.” He holds up three fingers. “So,” he invites spreading his arms wide. “Shall we?”
“Anyone who does not care to get involved should leave now,” Trick announces to the room at large and everyone else scrambles for the exit. BG #1 tells his cronies to take care of the “bitches” and grab the barkeep. “I’m going teach our dapper little friend here a lesson myself.”
Bo unsheathes her knife as BG #2 advances with a club in hand. Hale siren sings BG #1 into screaming agony. BG #2 knocks Bo’s knife from her hand and then swings at her head with the clubwhich she ducks. BG #3 creeps up behind PerfectCiara who’s standing as if at attention with one arm at right degree angle across her chest. As BG #3 swings her around and tries to head butt her (so charming!), she presses something on her wrist (I think) and traces out from view only to reappear behind him. BG #3 turns around and she stabs him in the eye. Day-am woman! That is exactly the show don’t tell we’ve been hungering to demonstrate your reported warrior skills and, may I say, a far cry from stumbling around on six-inch-heels with a fireplace poker.
BG #1 manages to overcome the siren song long enough to club Hale across the face and he goes down. I guess Bad Guy #1 flees here because we don’t see him again at The Dal. “Bo!” Trick shouts and tosses her a bat from behind the bar. As BG #2 goes for an overhead shot at Bo, she whacks him across the face with the bat and he goes down. Breathing hard, Bo checks on PerfectCiara – you can do that?! – and then exchanges holy crap looks with Trick, though I think his expression in more in the line of toldja so.
At The Dal (drink!), Hale spits blood onto a handkerchief (lovely) while PerfectCiara (still cloaked, mind you), wraps ice in a towel. Hale’s face is badly banged up. A newly arrived Kenzi hurries to Hale’s side, Bo’s crossbow across her back. “What happened!” she shrieks. At the same moment, PerfectCiara puts the ice to Hale’s cheek and he recoils violently, “OW!” Behind them, Bo stalks The Dal (drink!), bat in hand.
“Berserkers,” Trick updates Kenzi and everyone following along at home. “Minions of The Garuda.” Kenzi to Hale: “Duuuuuude. I told you; protect the face! It was the only thing you had going for you.” She touches his face and again Hale pulls back and yells “OW!” He gives Kenzi this great why would you DO that?! look to which she silently returns, grimacing with teeth bared and her hands held up in from of her chest, I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Heee. Hale leans over and spits more blood on the hanky. Trick is smiling, pleased, I think, to have most of his chicks back in the nest.
“So you’re back,” Kenzi says to PerfectCiara surprisingly with some relief and smidgen of affection. “Heard there was a war brewing,” she returns. “Never been one to pass up a good fight.” Since when?!
Bo joins them and posits that the berserkers must have thought they were short-handed, making The Dal (drink!) vulnerable but Kenzi doesn’t know why they would think so, “unless we got ourselves a rat?” she suggests with an eyebrow waggle toward The Trickster who instantly knows what’s what. “Not a rat,” he says in that dark voice. “A mole.”
Downstairs in Tolkien’s Lair (drink!), PerfectCiara and Bo wrestle a struggling Mole Man into a chair. “I serve The Blood King!” he insists as they hold him in place with effort. “The only thing that you’ve been serving is information to The Garuda!” Trick accuses. Interesting that PerfectCiara doesn’t react to The Blood King reveal when every single other Fae has double-taked over that one. Possibly, with her advanced age (ahem), she already knows this little tidbit from ye olden times together with Dyson, but still. “Location!” Trick demands. “NOW!”
Cackling, Mole Man gives up the pretense. “All I have to do is bide my time and the debt to The Blood King will be paid with the king’s own blood!” and he mwah ha has a bit more. Concerned, Bo and PerfectCiara both look up at Trick and I’m struck by the juxtaposition of the two women’s coloring; Bo’s swinging dark hair and black leather clothes against PerfectCiara’s equally swaying blonde hair and olive and brown combat outfit. Nicely framed, show.
“Have it your way,” Trick snits ominously. He rolls over a homemade torture kit and explains to a scared Mole Man and a puzzled Bo and PerfectCiara that it’s his version of Archimedes’ heat ray. Mole Man immediately renews his struggles as Trick strikes a match and lights up a low-tech film projector sans film. A bright light emits from the heat ray and Mole Man twitches under its beam. “Last chance,” Trick warns all too casual. “I’ll try my luck with The Garuda,” Mole Man taunts. Trick: “Have it your way.” He tilts the gel frame over the beam and immediately Mole Man begins to scream and burn.
Bo jumps forward. “Don’t you think this is a bit much?” “We’re at war and we’re running out of time!” Trick reminds her. “We are not barbarians!” Bo counters as Mole Man screams behind her. Trick snarls that “that thing” has enough blood on his hands to deserve the treatment. Seeing that she still objects, he grabs Bo’s arm. “There are going to be a lot of tough choices to make in the coming days. You’d better find a thicker skin,” he snaps. Think we’re finally seeing the Trick who turned Aoife over to the Dark. And – yeesh. Bo kind of nods, but her expression is full of horror when she turns back to watch Mole Man suffer. PerfectCiara has one arm braced across him to keep him in the chair on her own.
Thankfully, before we can descend into a moral debate over the pros or lack thereof of torture, Mole Man breaks, agreeing to tell them everything he knows. Trick closes off the beam and Mole Man taunts that The Garuda is close, but Trick, unimpressed, merely demands the location again. “The old abattoir (slaughterhouse),” Mole Man finally reveals then begs to be released having giving Trick what he wanted. PerfectCiara ceases restraining Mole Man as Trick gets out his whistle. “This isn’t the first time you’ve betrayed me,” Trick intones darkly. Oooh, I wanna know what happened!!! “I hope you rot.” He blows the whistle and sends Mole Man scurrying back down his hole.
Three men enter Tolkien’s Lair (drink!) bearing a suspicious resemblance the earlier Bad Guys. Bo immediately confronts them and the leader demands the bar keep come with them by order of The Ash. Bo: “Is being a complete tool a requirement at Guard College?” Heh. Leader quirks his mouth in acknowledgement, cute, but doesn’t back off. “You do know we’re on the same team, right?!” Trick steps in before fisticuffs become the order of the day – again – and agrees that The Ash has the right to command his presence (really? Who bowed to whom, Blood King?). He steps around the goons and pauses. “Although next time? Stay upstairs! This is my home!” You tell ‘em, Trickster. Not like any random rat or mole can tunnel up into that lair, dammit! “Come on!” he demands like a crotchety old man and leads the way up the stairs, goons trailing behind.
In his wake, Bo studies the hole made by Mole Man until PerfectCiara asks if she’s all right. “Pig Pen here was just the tip of the iceberg,” Bo informs her with heat. She explains that The Garuda was seeing through NotComaNadia to spy on them. “There’s no telling what he found out!” PerfectCiara sighs with empathy. “Poor girl,” she murmurs. “But is (NotComa) Nadia OK?” Bo recoils and for a moment struggles for control, I think. “No,” she admits. It’s PerfectCiara’s turn to be taken aback. “You?!” Bo nods again, not without a big whopping tinge of shame, I think. PerfectCiara processes this, probably feeling glad that though she banged Bo’s other significant other and got her heart broke for it at least she came out of it alive…
“Well, I hate to say it but we have to find out what (NotComa) Nadia might have learned,” PerfectCiara says with a startling practicality. “The time for manners has past.” Now, see, I like this version of PerfectCiara. Her I can totally see as worthy competition for Dyson’s heart. Alas, too much, too little, too late to try again, show.
In what must be the abattoir, Mole Man, Bad Guy #1 and formerly Bad Guy #2 who, with a patch over his plucked eye will now be known as One-Eyed Guy (OEG) stand before The Garuda. The Fae himself sits on a throne of bones, not to be confused with the Iron Throne of Swords. Mole Man stutters that Trick saw through the deceit. He begs forgiveness, whimpering that Trick burned his eyes. “If you could do something to ease the pain,” he pleads. “Try getting stabbed in the eye,” OEG bitches. Snort.
“I do not reward incompetence,” The Garuda sneers. A silent BG #1 flinches and OEG shuts up. The Garuda descends his throne and notes to “Cleasby,” aka BG #1, that he sees no Blood King in tow. “Our intel was wrong,” Cleasby explains without looking all that worried. “I didn’t anticipate the fairy warrior or the succubus being there.” The Garuda grimaces in faux understanding. “He must pour quite the pint to employ such loyalty,” OEG jests. The Garuda laughs along with him so you know this guy is dead meat. “Pity about the eye,” he says, lifting the patch to show the empty socket. Nice job, make up people. He lifts a hand with long, curved, filthy claw-like nails and plucks out OEG’s damaged eyeball, so I guess not as empty an eye socket as it appeared. He holds it up so we can all go ewww. Mole Man screams as The Garuda yells, “We cannot fail! If these Fae are determined to stand together then maybe it is up to me to tear them apart! See what happens when they no longer have each other to believe in.” He tosses the eye to Mole Man.
The camera pans up a table sporting an empty wine bottle, half-filled wine glass and the remnants of some crudités that kind of look like the trappings of well-used room service. Alas, instead it is Doctor Lauren’s flat and as Bo cautiously opens the unlocked door (maybe she has a key?), the room is clearly in a very not like Doctor Lauren state of disarray. She calls out for the doc but gets no answer. Slowly Bo roams through the room, noting the boxes of tissues and piles of books and mementos. It’s at this point that I finally notice Bo has dressed her hair for war with spiral curls and a ribbon tied in a jaunty if girlish bow. Hmm. Possible tonal misstep there, stylists.
A white bathrobe is draped over a chair and more clothes (NotComaNadia’s?) in the other. Bo crosses the room and her gaze falls on the blood stained floor where NotComaNadia died. The echo of Doctor Lauren’s voice comes back to her in voice over, begging NotComaNadia to fight The Garuda’s hold. As Bo remembers NotComaNadia’s screams, she hears again Doctor Lauren begging her to kill NotComaNadia on the doc’s behalf. Do it, Bo! Do it for me!
The memories threaten to overwhelm her, merging with the sounds and situations of the present. Suddenly, Bo whirls around, drawing her blade in the same motion to confront the next threat – and finds a startled Doctor Lauren fresh from the shower and wrapped in a brown robe standing behind her. “Sorry,” Bo offers with a smile, lowering the blade. Doctor Lauren’s face is a bit of what are you doing here and you pulled a knife on me mixed with a little are you going to kill me next , bitch and a soupcon of oh my God I told you to kill (NotComa) Nadia! So basically there’s shit load of stuff going on there.
Bo tries to explain that the door was open (so no key then) but Doctor Lauren cuts her off, quickly back in control of herself. “I’m late, Bo,” she says curtly. “Trick told me that there was an attack and that Hale is hurt.” Frowning, Bo sheathes her knife and approaches the doc wondering if it’s not too early for her to go back to work considering everything that happened. “Well I really don’t think Hale can afford for me to take a vacation right now,” the doc shoots back. Ooh hiss. That may be the nastiest I’ve ever seen the doc, not to mention the fact that she’s snarking at Bo of all people. Finally a backbone! Bo says she just worried about her and Doctor Lauren spits back, “yeah and I appreciate it,” with enough venom to bring even Bo up short. After a strained pause, Doctor Lauren stalks to the door and holds it open for Bo. “I don’t really want to talk about this right now,” she says. “I just need to go back to work and be of some use.”
Trying again, Bo explains that the attack at The Dal (drink!) happened because of a leak. Then, seeming to take PerfectCiara’s manners comment to heart, she strips the gloves off. “Is there anything that The Garuda may have learned about us from (NotComa) Nadia that he could use to his advantage?” Almost beyond shock at this point, the doc asks if Bo is actually asking her that. “Look, I know that this is an incredibly painful time for you right now, but we are at war!” Bo declares. Question is why isn’t it (apparently) an incredibly painful time for you too?
The doc loses her control for a moment. “You’re right, it is an incredibly painful time for me right now!” she snaps her voice breaking, which gives Bo pause. “I’m sorry,” Bo returns more gently but Doctor Lauren cuts off her apology. “I just need to get ready…and I need to go,” she says, gesturing for Bo to do the same immediately. Bo does so, pausing in the door next to the doc who refuses to look at her and finally exiting. As she goes from view, Doctor Lauren breaks, gasping for air and tearing up as she shuts the door behind Bo.
At The Dal, Kenzi and PerfectCiara flank Hale at the bar in near identical, bored positions. Their backs are to Hale and each sporting a get over it attitude. As Hale whinges about how Cleasby sucker punched him, PerfectCiara rubs her forehead wearily until, while Kenzi zips and unzips the zippers on her trouser legs, she rolls her eyes in Hale’s direction. Heeeeee. Seriously, why haven’t we seen this PerfectCiara before?!
This time it’s Bo’s rear entry (not like that!) that heralds the sound of an approaching engine rockin’ and rollin’ the walls of The Dal (drink!). “Looks like our berserker friends are back,” PerfectCiara notes as she rises. “Best day ever,” Bo grits. She takes point position as Kenzi and her sword and PerfectCiara and her knife take their places at her side. All hail the women! Hoo Shah!
The door opens and – Dyson! You’re back! He enters rubbing his furry face but stops short at the sight of three armed and ready to rumble women – each of whom are intimately tied to him in one way or another and all of whom he’s majorly wronged in recent weeks. As his identity registers, Bo’s entire body relaxes. She exhales hard and eases back from battle ready with a nearly audible oh thank God it’s you. Kenzi’s eyes are bug-eyed wide and PerfectCiara lowers her weapon and smiles faintly, still in love with him and just glad to see him again “Miss me?” Dyson quips, a little wary. Every day, babe. Every damn day.
“D-man!” Kenzi whispers. She drops her sword and leaps at him, hugging him close. “Oh, I’m so glad you’re back!” She pulls back, pats his shoulders, pats his face, pats his shoulders…and stands at his side to face Bo – who turns away, more than a little disgusted with him now that she’s remembered why she should be. She needs him, she knows she needs him, and more wants him too I think. But this running away crap is too close to the post-Norn time out and this time around she is not wasting the energy to worry about where he was and what he’s been doing. Since he’s left, she’s killed NotComaNadia for which Doctor Lauren may never forgive her (oh, if only) despite urging her to do it, and now Trick’s ensconced with The Ash while The Garuda keeps trying to beat their heads in by proxy. She does not have time for his lone wolf shit today.
As Bo steps aside she reveals PerfectCiara who is smiling slightly at him. “(Perfect) Ciara!” Dyson exclaims, much as Bo did earlier. Coming to her, he takes her hands in his and tells her in that voice that he’s glad she’s there. “Well, that sentiment’s a bit late, isn’t it?” she snarks. He ducks his head, fully aware he’s still majorly in the wrong with her. “I’m joking, dumb wolf,” PerfectCiara immediately gibes with a forgiving smile. Wow, is she quick to let bygones be so. “I had to come. You know that,” she adds and embraces him.
“So The Garuda made a serious play for The Blood King,” Lachlan quips, entering the throne room where Trick waits for him. “I’m fine thanks,” Trick snarks. Lachlan thinks the two of them need to have a serious little chat and Trick shoots back that he thought they’d already done that and has the tape to prove it. OK, not really, but if anyone would have CCTV in a bar, it’d be Trick. Lachlan believes that they’ve been ignoring their obvious advantage all this time and Trick invites The Ash to enlighten him. “Your blood could stop all this right now.”
Trick exhales heavily through his nose. “I’ve heard enough,” he says in his I am the king tone and moves to leave, but the guards block his way. “I don’t think you’re going anywhere any time soon, Trick,” Lachlan opines. Trick turns back to face Lachlan with this hilarious are you freaking kidding me kind of expressions coupled with a heavy dose of really? and a side dish of I don’t have time for this shit.
At The Dal (drink!), Bo sits next to Hale at the bar as Dyson gingerly approaches his partner. “You’ve looked better,” Dyson observes. Kenzi takes a seat on the far side of Bo and when her bestie glances her way, she offers a wan smile of encouragement. “That’s what happens when your partner skips town and leaves you to keep the peace all by yourself. Again,” Hale returns with weary rancor. Finally, somebody is calling Dyson on his shit! Though I am surprised you still think of him as your partner considering the last time we saw you together, he banged your baby sister and you clocked him across the jaw for it.
“I’m sorry, brother,” Dyson says sincerely, “but I didn’t run out on you.” This assertion makes Bo look at him archly – what was that now? “On any of you,” Dyson adds, raising his voice to include Kenzi and PerfectCiara. Hale shoots Bo a look of disbelief. “I went to find answers,” he says to Bo who is listening if not fully on board yet.
“Yeah, well, must have been some questions,” Hale drawls. Kenzi pops up from her stool to run interference. “Hey D-man, why don’t you give us some space, huh?” she suggests, tugging him away from Hale and across the room. Bo likewise rises, patting Hale supportively on his uninjured shoulder in the process. “I mean, I’m glad you’re back but why don’t you be back around here?” Kenzi refers to the area just inside the door with a swirling arm motion. Dyson lets her drag him aside and past a silent PerfectCiara, Bo at their heels. “He just needs some time, Dyson,” Bo offers in support. Anvil! Anvil alert!
Cue Doctor Lauren entering The Dal (drink!). She eyes our core unit of Bo, Kenzi, and Dyson, together again, with a heavy subtext of great; you’re back and silently moves past them to check on Hale. Kenzi quickly follows her leaving Bo and Dyson to a private confab. Dyson looks between Bo and Doctor Lauren. “Is it just me or are things a little tense around here?” Understatement much?
“Remember what we discussed, we have a strategy,” Trick reminds Lachlan. There’s a note of desperation in Trick’s voice; he knows he’s losing this argument. Lachlan helpful muses over their agreed strategy to clue the rest of us in. “Bring him before me and with all of my venom strike him down.” For a moment, his Naga fangs reveal themselves and Lachlan flinches as though embarrassed at the slip up like he passed gas at a banquet. “Trick,” he smarms trying a new tactic, “we’d be foolish to ignore this opportunity.”
“You have no idea what you’re asking me to do,” Trick snaps but Lachlan takes immediate exception. He kicks the trunk full of his severed heads and opens it in front of Trick. “Take a good look,” he demands. “what I’ve lost to this evil. This,” he says pointing at his remaining head, “THIS is all I have left! You have absolutely no idea–absolutely no idea!–what you’re asking me to ignore here.” Well, not the scenery, that’s for sure, as you’ve chewed it to death there. But it was very good chewing, for sure.
At The Dal (drink!), Dyson asks after Trick. “He’s with The Ash,” Bo answers, “although I thought he would’ve been back by now.” She admits to him that nothing is making sense these days. “I mean, horses are acting crazy, bats stopped being nocturnal. Even snakes at the…at the zoo …” she trails off as an idea smacks her upside the head. Dyson knows that look. “What?” he asks quickly. Bo reaches a frightening conclusion. “You have an extra helmet on that bike, right?” she confirms even as she shoves him around and out the door. Team Badass to the rescue!
OK, it took me some thought to figure this connection out but I think Bo has realized that as The Naga, which is essentially a bloody big supernatural snake, whatever The Garuda has done to make the snakes at the zoo disappear is likely having a big hoopla negative effect on Big Daddy Snake himself. Ergo, his summons for Trick is probably not a strategy session so much as a threaten-and-bleed meet up.
In the throne room, Trick tells Lachlan that if he’s planning to force Trick to use his blood and write whatever destiny The Ash wants, he’s wasting his time. “My blood writing only works if I do it of my own free will. And I will not succumb to this kind of threat!” he shouts. Lachlan reminds him that if The Garuda succeeds, the battle between Light and Dark Fae will start again, “and then it will be all on your hands. Now is that what you want?” Trick accuses Lachlan of playing right into The Garuda’s hands. “The last time I wrote with my blood, The Garuda awoke. No one feels the weight of that more than I do!”
Lachlan is losing it. He starts to scream over Trick’s words. “Prove it!” But Trick refuses believing that if he does, an even greater evil than The Garuda could awaken. “There’s always a price!” Lachlan is back in control of himself and it’s clear that he’s made a decision. He draws a knife from his waistband and as he holds it forth before Trick, the three-dimensional blade glows red hot. Lachlan grabs Trick’s palm and holds it under the knife. “You’re not a king,” he accuses softly. “You’re a coward.” Trick stares him down, helpless to do more as Lachlan prepares to force the blood from him.
Suddenly, a wolfed-out Dyson is there. He grabs the guard behind Trick’s chair and tosses him into the wall. As the second guard rushes forward, Bo leaps up behind Lachlan, her blade at his throat, and warns the guard not to move. Dyson stands at the ready all big teeth, clawed hands, and glowing gold eyes. Dear Lawd, how I’ve missed him like this. Rowr.
Trick removes the glowing dagger from Lachlan’s hand as The Ash asks Bo what she’s doing. “I could ask you the same question,” she snarls at him. “I’ve sworn to kill The Garuda; it must be done,” Lachlan says dully. “This is the only way.” But Dyson objects that no, there is another. “I will strike down The Garuda.”
Stunned, Bo releases a quelled Lachlan. She gets to her feet and Dyson explains that the Wolf Spirit came to him. What the huh now? Wolf Spirit? Where the hell did she come from? “It’s been foretold. I will defeat The Garuda.” Lachlan thinks this is nonsense. “You’re my champion,” he tells Bo as Trick uses this distraction to pop up out of the chair. “Then why did you just try and take the fight into your own hands?” Bo asks Lachlan.
The Ash looks away from her. “The Garuda is near; I’m not myself,” he muses. Unsatisfied Bo frowns at him. “Just like all the other snakes in the city, huh.” More composed, Lachlan admits that it was a foolish mistake to force Trick’s hand, “but you have absolutely no idea…” Bo is beginning to get mad. “And what happens if you make another mistake when the battle is at our doorstep?”
“There’s only ever been one way to kill The Garuda and that is with my venom, and now all of a sudden this wolf is the answer?!” That would depend on your question, but for the moment yes. Trick points out that the Wolf Spirit is not in the habit of making things up. “If she said Dyson will strike The Garuda down then there must be some truth to it.” Dyson believes the message was clear. “We go after The Garuda in the morning,” he concludes. Bo looks between him and a pleading Lachlan. “Bo, please don’t do this,” he begs uncharacteristically. But Bo looks at him with distrust and crosses to Dyson’s side. “I will follow Dyson into battle,” she declares, “because I know I can trust my friend.” Sigh. Way to take the safe road there, show. “You?” she adds, “I’m not so sure about any more.” Dyson holds the door open without taking his gaze from Lachlan. Trick and Bo precede him out the exit. Lachlan is left alone with his plans and his schemes to contemplate the dreaded conclusion of his destiny.
Dyson and his long-legged stride enter his loft, Bo right behind him. He offers to get her something, but Bo only wants some assurance that he is The Chosen One (oy, with “The Chosen One” moniker!). “I have no reason to doubt what the Wolf Spirit told me,” Dyson says. Bo steps right up into his personal space and crosses her arms. “This Wolf Spirit, she wouldn’t happen to be an ex-girlfriend by any chance, would she?” Dyson sniffs and jerks his chin. Good one. “No,” he says, mildly amused. He strips off his leather jacket as Bo needles him to hear what exactly the Wolf Spirit told him. “She told me that the clash between the wolf and the eagle has been foretold.”
The camera zooms in on his face and presto! We’re in flashback. Dyson is shirtless – holla! – standing before a bonfire in the desert as the voice of the Wolf Spirit echoes in voice over. “What do you seek?” she asks him. “Enlightenment,” Dyson confesses. I swear, if the next words from this Wolf Spirit chick are “death is your gift,” we’re gonna have a problem.
Fortunately for all, instead the Wolf Spirit tells Dyson that enlightenment will not fill his void, “but your actions may.” Dyson demands to know what it is he must do. “A great darkness is falling that cannot happen,” she says. “The Garuda must be destroyed.” Dyson wonders if he’s the one to lead the team into battle. “Wolves are born to lead,” the Wolf Spirit says, but then she would. “Your role in this fight will be significant.” Dyson: “How do I defeat The Garuda?” Wolf Spirit: “The Garuda is a strong enemy, but his pride clouds his reason. His omnipotence makes him vulnerable. The time to strike comes when he believes he has already won.”
Back in his loft, Dyson comes back to himself and faces Bo. With a yearning expression, she clasps his arms. “You have no idea how much I want to believe what you are telling me,” she says earnestly. “But you don’t,” Dyson observes. Agitated, Bo paces away and tells him how she’s been carrying the weight of being anointed Lachlan’s Champion, a job she didn’t ask for. Really? Was this during sexy times with Ryan or after? “But now the idea that he could be wrong…” She sighs, relieved beyond description at the prospect.
Dyson is very intent, more than he has been in some time, not counting Stalker Dyson sightings. He steps close to her again and now it’s his turn to hold her as a sign of his sincerity. “I know it sounds crazy, Bo,” he agrees. “But I could hear her voice inside of me.” He whispers this last, overcome by the experience, and it strikes me that this is the most intimate they’ve been with one another in a long, damn ass while. “She spoke to me.”
“We cannot go after The Garuda unless we are absolutely positive,” Bo tells him, one last foray to make sure he’s certain before she puts her full trust in his spiritual walkabout. “There’s too much at stake.” He nods and looks down at their clasped hands. “I’m positive,” he says firmly.
He steps away and Bo’s shoulders collapse. She so wants to believe him but there’s this small voice telling her it’s too good to be true. Dyson picks up a strip of cloth and starts wrapping his hand to box, needing a distraction while he reveals the final incentive. “She told me that what I gave up for you will be filled by my actions.” This is definitely the first time they’ve talked about that thorny issue in quite some time. Bo’s face is full of sympathy. “I can get back, Bo,” he says with fervor. “I’ve gotta do this.” He’s nearly pleading here and Bo can’t do anything but support his need. She nods – OK. Let’s do it – but eyes him warily as she leaves, still not 100% on board. More, Dyson knows it. Gazing after her, he finishes wrapping his hand and then punches his fist into his palm for good measure.
There’s a knock at the door of Hilton Hovel (drink!). Sword drawn, Bo approaches it warily. Suddenly, I hear Rick O’Connell in my head: “Honey? What are you doing? These guys don’t use doors.” Bo yanks open the door, startling Doctor Lauren who waits on the threshold. So, someone is knocking for a change, cognizant that everyone’s on high alert, and Bo answers the door armed for the same reason, and yet none of the door’s numerous chains and deadlocks are actually locked. Okey dokey then.
Doctor Lauren gently asks to come in and going by the reapplied make up and small smile, I’m thinking we’re about to leap over all her angsty you-murdered-my-girlfriend feelings for convenience sake. Let’s see, shall we?
Of course Bo invites her in. Hey! Maybe she’s secretly a vampire! Nah, I’m not that lucky. Anyways. Doctor Lauren enters Hilton Hovel (drink!), deliberately careful to not brush against Bo as she does, and promptly asks for a drink. Now you’re getting’ it!
A little surprised, Bo says yeah and sets the sword aside. They stare at one another and Doctor Lauren’s sporting some seriously more relaxed posture and – yep – that’s a genuine smile she’s giving Bo. Bo smiles back, pleased at the obvious change in Doctor Lauren’s attitude and demeanor, and caveats that she actually thinks the booze is under her bed. Yeah it is. Do you think she’s hiding it from Kenzi or is it perhaps left over from doing the wham bam with Ryan? They stare and smile at one another some more and I nearly nod off from boredom. Finally, Bo says she’ll be right back and goes upstairs to retrieve the liquor. Doctor Lauren takes a deep breath and seems to be bracing herself for what comes next.
Stripped to the waist, Dyson beats the holy hell out of his heavy bag. Not like that! Wow, that line was all kinds of unintentional perv right there. Also, Hot Tattoo Alert!! Hoo shah.
Where was I? Oh yeah, Dyson and his – erm – heavy bag. After my fifth rewind, I finally notice PerfectCiara in the background as she enters the loft. “Hey,” he greets her, panting, (splash!) and she holds up her key. “Forgot to give this back.” Yeah, I bet you did. I would’ve “forgotten” to return his key too. Dyson shrugs, “no worries,” and goes on to apologize for running out on her back at The Dal (drink!). Jeez. You should seek the Wolf Spirit more often if it’s gonna bring this much of you back to form. The camera shoots from behind Dyson’s back so we see his hot–tattoo-tagged back in the foreground and PerfectCiara in the background. Sigh. I’m shallow enough that this almost makes me love my show unreservedly again. Almost.
“It’s quite all right,” PerfectCiara murmurs. She stands in the doorway twirling the key and studies him unabashed, eating him up with her eyes and I don’t blame her one bit. The silence lasts long enough that Dyson faces her full frontal (pants on) and asks if she’s OK and holy hopping snot – Adonis belt. Splashity splash splash splash. “No,” she replies “No, not – not really.” She shuts the door behind her and slowly strides toward him. “It appears we’ll be rushing into battle soon and we might not come out of it alive.” Sweetie at this point, I’m starting to wonder why they just didn’t dress you in a red shirt and be done with it. “Now, if that’s the case, I’d like to spend my last night on earth with you.” She’s right up close and personal with him now. “Any objections?” Dayam, but I like her moxie.
But Dyson has found a measure of enlightenment and softly admits that he doesn’t want to confuse things. “I’m not confused,” she tells him, amused. “I’m just not taking ‘no’ for an answer.” And she jumps him.
Back at Hilton Hovel (drink!), Doctor Lauren sits across from Bo on the couch and does so. “Boy I needed this,” she quips with a shaky laugh, shuddering as the shot she downed makes its way through her system. Um – where’s Kenzi? Back at The Dal (drink!) with Hale and Trick waiting for the next surge of berserkers while Bo and Doctor Lauren have angsty time and Dyson and PerfectCiara have sexy time together? Or did we not think that far ahead again, show?
Bo assesses what seems to be an increasingly manic doctor but reaches for the bottle and pours the doc another shot anyway. “Life hasn’t been very fair to you,” she observes neutrally. “Honestly, you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.” Argh. Sure she’s endured a lot, and yeah, the last few – hours? days? weeks? who knows? – have been particularly tough, but the strongest person she’s ever met?! Kenzi, Trick, and yeah, even Dyson in the mix (and I’m not talking physical abilities here) and we’re supposed to buy that Bo believes Doctor Lauren is the strongest?! I can’t roll my eyes enough at that one. “Did you know that I went home and I did my hair before I came over here?” Doctor Lauren asks, a little teary.
Bo compliments Doctor Lauren that her hair looks great, and a tipsy doc is immediately flustered as she realizes Bo misunderstood her as apparently so did I. “No – I didn’t mean…” she pauses to gather her spiraling thoughts. “Thank you…it’s just that the doctor part of me never shuts off and I know that I’m merely acting under a transference of grief to you.” Bo’s brow furrows as she tries to follow Doctor Lauren’s geek out, and the doc notes her confusion. “Wanting to have sex is a very common response to grief,” she bluntly clarifies.
Speaking of sex, PerfectCiara slams Dyson back against the heavy bag as they mack furiously. Ah, no sweetie, sorry. You can toss him around all you want and you still won’t reach a fraction of the hotness that is the first three minutes of Vexed. That doesn’t mean I won’t enjoy the fringe benefits of watching you try. Dyson strips off her shirt and as PerfectCiara is sans bra, nekkid fun immediately ensues.
At Hilton Hovel (drink!) – oh yes, please – Doctor Lauren continues to detail why she’s made this booty call. “Biologically speaking, the transference helps move the pain, sort of use it as something else turn it into something different.” Bo is still not completely following, but is beginning to get the gist. Doctor Lauren smiles a little wane, “Something better,” she says with a gesture to mean that Bo is the better of which she speaks.
Switch to nekkid PerfectCiara bumping and grinding on top of Dyson who’s happy to have her there. Her hand strokes up his chest to his neck. He growls and rears up but she grabs his throat and shoves him back down. After an initial flinch, Dyson is totally into the game. The camera switches to a side view of Dyson’s upper arm and PerfectCiara’s knee to show she still wears her boots. No way she got out of those tight pants without taking her boots off first, but whatever. She snatches a sgian dubh from the sheath in her boot, still holding Dyson by the throat. He frowns – what the hell?! – and looks down first at it and then up at her face. They continue in the age-old thrust and parry all this while.
PerfectCiara smiles darkly and lowers the point of the knife to just above where they’re joined then slowly draws it up his belly and chest and I can’t even enjoy the journey as I’ve just realized that – shit – I have the same knife. Not even remotely kidding. Lemme just set aside the aneurysm that just blew in my brain and we’ll carry on.
Dyson isn’t watching the knife; his gaze is locked on PerfectCiara’s face. He breathes heavily as she drags the knife over his throat, his head stretching back before it until she holds the point under his chin.
Bo is trying to make sense of what Doctor Lauren wants from her before she takes matters into her own hands and leaps on her. “Yeah, I can see how…intimacy would do that,” she allows, and gets a predatory look on her face. Looks like the succubus is getting hungry.
PerfectCiara smiles down at Dyson, slowly bouncing up and down, revealing in her power, and playfully flicks his chin with the blade without breaking the skin. He chuckles and grins and there’s a long shot of the pair of them and – whoa, that’s a lot of nekkid skin! – PerfectCiara tosses the blade down next to the pillow. Dyson reaches one long arm up to grab PerfectCiara by the nape of her neck. Growling, he yanks her down and they mack and keep on, well, keeping on.
Excuse me while I chug a carafe of wine. Strewth.
Doctor Lauren continues to ramble on as she educates Bo as to the nature of emotional transference. “It’s in much the same way that a person having a heart attack often gets a sharp pain in one arm. It’s the brain’s way of redistributing the pain so that it’s not all concentrated in one area.” By now, Bo is smiling broadly and with great affection. “I love it when you totally geek out,” she says. I’ll admit Zoie Palmer makes it pretty damn cute.
“Can I sleep with you?” Doctor Lauren asks bluntly, abandoning the lecture portion of her evening. Bo doesn’t hesitate: “Yes,” she says firmly. “I just mean sleep,” Doctor Lauren is quick to caveat softly. “In your arms,” she adds, voice finally breaking as the tears win out. Some of the zing seeps from Bo’s smile. “Yeah, exactly,” she agrees though it’s clear she was ready and raring to go in the non-sleep capacity of the term.
“Ever since I found out that The Garuda was seeing through (NotComa) Nadia’s eyes, ever since I had to watch her die, I haven’t really been able to get –” Bo stops her before she breaks down completely. “(Doctor) Lauren,” she says gently. “You are always welcome here.” The doc nods, pulling back from the brink, her drama easing now that Bo’s on board to take care of everything – again.
The sun rises outside Dyson’s window as, having finally worn one another out, he and PerfectCiara lay in his bed catching their breaths. “There was a point there I thought I might die happily,” PerfectCiara says with a chuckle. “You were the one with the knife,” Dyson reminds her wryly. “Yeah, that was new,” she admits and they both sigh quite satisfied.
Dyson levers himself upright and notes that it’s almost morning. “The time is close.” PerfectCiara fidgets in the bed. “Why do I have sand in place where there should be no sand?” Dyson laughs and oh is that a pleasure to see and hear. “Stop laughing, it’s really irritating,” she chides. “Sorry,” he apologizes, “I was in the desert.” PerfectCiara name checks the Wolf Spirit, so I gather Dyson updated her in between bouts of sandy sex. As Dyson lays back and sniffs her hair (which looks more tender than it sounds), she tells him Stefan sought the Wolf Spirit before he asked her to marry him. Stefan never told Dyson about this. “What happened?” he asks. “He ate some awful mushrooms and spoke to a tree for three days,” she says and they’re laughing companionably by the time she’s finished. “He nearly poisoned himself, the lovely man.”
They cuddle together quietly and Dyson murmurs how he misses Stefan. “He loved you,” PerfectCiara tells him and rubs his chest. “He believed in you.” Dyson covers her hand with his. “He believed in someone I haven’t been in a long time,” he says with regret. “I wish he was here,” he admits. “Everyone’sput their faith in me.” PerfectCiara sighs in agreement. “Well, you’d better deliver, handsome,” she says not without affection. Looking up at his face, she realizes he’s quite worried he won’t be able to do that. “Dyson,” she says and strokes his face. “We’ve all put our faith in you of our own free will because you’re worth our faith.”
In Bo’s bedroom, Doctor Lauren lies in her arms and admits that she keeps wondering if this is her chance to escape, what with Lachlan overly preoccupied with The Garuda. “He keeps telling me that I’ll have some important role to play in all of this, but I just feel like I’ve had enough of the Fae controlling my life. I just want to leave,” she says to the woman she claims to love. “For good.”
I do feel sorry for her here. She’s had a rough ride for a while and needs to shuck the Fae world. Bo strokes her back. “Whatever you decide, whatever happens, we are in this together.” Sigh. I can’t – almost I can’t even be bothered any more. Sure, go right ahead and undo two seasons of character development by suggesting in one line that Bo is willing to blithely abandon Kenzi and Trick and Hale and yeah, even Dyson, the life she’s created here and the Fae community she is currently preparing to risk her life to save in order to run away with a woman as inconsistent, unreliable, and untrustworthy as the doc. Okey dokey then.
Doctor Lauren glances up at her for a moment then lays her head back on Bo’s chest. Bo sighs heavily. “Let’s just hope that Dyson really is The Chosen One.”
At The Dal (drink!), Trick quietly calls Hale over to him for a sotto voce confab. “No matter what happens in there today, you bring – Bo – back – alive, no matter what the price. Promise me.” Hale does and clasps Trick’s hand to seal it. “Not a scratch.”
He rejoins the rest of the posse as Trick takes his place behind the bar and tells the assembled gang (sans Doctor Lauren) that berserkers can only be killed by blunt-force trauma to the head. Also, poking their eyes out works too, but Trick doesn’t add that to the repertoire. “A blade will only slow it down,” he advises and lays several spiked cudgels on the bar before them, “it won’t take it out.” Last but not least, he hands over the map to The Garuda’s lair, which he got how again? Or is there only one abattoir in the entire city?
Both Dyson and Bo reach for the map. They exchange speaking looks and then Bo reluctantly releases it. You’d better be right about this. “War is upon us,” Trick repeats unnecessarily. “The Garuda can sense your greatest fears,” he warns. “He will manipulate them. He will try and turn you against each other. The Garuda’s not a god but he’s the closest thing to the devil you will ever face.”
He wishes them the best of luck
and then Dyson, for no reason at all, thumps one of the clubs down on that bar making Bo jump in place. Bet Trick makes you pay to repair that. Slowly Bo raises a metal grate in the floor and climbs into what I can only assume is the abattoir. Barely a moment passes before the scene shifts to her power walking down a hall with Kenzi, PerfectCiara and Dyson behind her. Where’s Hale? Another shift and we see Hale is actually in the lead, so I’m thinking something definitely got cut there.
“This place creeps me out!” Kenzi hisses. Bo reminds her it’s not too late to turn back. “Are you kidding me?! I’ve been waiting all day to kill me a berserker.” There’s a loud noise and Kenzi raises her cudgel to strike. “Ah! I’m too cute to die!” she shouts. PerfectCiara and Dyson each give her A Look. “What? It’s true,” she retorts.
Up ahead, Cleasby shows himself. “Ladies, it’s nice to see you again,” he greets, scratching his face with a meat hook. Dyson sweeps up to the head of the line. Cleasby points the hook at the group. “All of you.” Dyson growls and wolfs out. Cleasby gestures him forward with the hook and takes off running, Dyson et al in quick and reckless pursuit.
At The Ash’s complex, the throne room has been stripped bare. Lachlan sits in a single chair a defeated mien about him.
He wax seals a parchment and passes it off to a minion as other minions scuttle about moving out his murder boards and weapons. Trick wanders into the midst of this excavation. “Where are your guards?!” he demands. “Why are your aides removing your intel? We’re at war!” Yeesh! All right, we geddit!! We’re at war! Assume crash positions. Throw a few more anvils around there, writers.
Without looking up Lachlan tells Trick he sent all the guards to go help Bo. Trick assays that it’s a strange move for someone who thinks the mission is a mistake. “I can see why you put your faith in the words of the Wolf Spirit,” Lachlan says, rubbing his eyes. “She is a divine being and isn’t one to exaggerate. Much like the Nain Rouge wouldn’t you say?” He tells Trick about Bo’s vision quest with the Nain Rouge regarding this very crisis and how the creepy little girl named Bo as champion, not Dyson. Hang on – doesn’t Trick already know all of this? “Which begs the question, has she ever had any visits of her own about this battle, about its –end game perhaps?”
I am – confused. Lachlan just told Trick Bo had a vision from the Nain Rouge and now he’s asking if Bo ever had any visions from the Nain Rouge? I’m missing something again, aren’t I?
Blithely unconcerned about the land of my confusion – we’re not in a Genesis song after all – Trick flashes back to the memory of Bo telling him about her vision from the Nain Rouge in which she stood over him with a knife and stabbed him.
Back at the abattoir, Dyson prances into view at the end of the hall– there’s just no other word for it – and everyone else skids to a stop behind him with a clatter of Kenzi and Bo’s heeled boots. Snicker. Heeheehee. Sorry, but while I greatly appreciate the silhouette of Dyson’s long legs in action, the visual cracks me up. It looks like he’s doing Martha Graham and everyone else is in tap school. All I can think of is how many takes they must have had to do because they kept careening into him like a human pile up. “Call me a girl,” Hale mutters as he flanks Dyson to lead them down the hall. “When I find him, I’m gonna kick his ass.” But Bo feels a disturbance in the Force. “Something’s wrong.” Kenzi: “Yeah, the stench of this place!” Immediately, Cleasby springs out from a room up ahead, taunts them with a twirling bicycle chain, and then jumps back out of sight. Naturally the thousand year old wolf shifter and the fairy queen, plus the experienced succubus and cop siren have never ever learned how to recognize a trap and instead spring forward to pursue Cleasby.
Back at the abattoir, our heroes hurtle into a large room, Dyson in the lead (I swear he’s bouncing now like some lupine Tigger), where Cleasby, OEG, and a gaggle of other berserkers await them. Hang on – didn’t The Garuda pluck out OEG’s remaining eye? How is he still viable?
Our heroes spread out. “This is it, Kenz,” Bo warns. “Stay close.” Kenzi nods and bumps right up against Bo’s side. “Maybe not that close.” Kenzi: “Sorry.” Snort! They line up before the berserkers like the Fae Justice League. Suddenly Cleasby and his guys take a knee. “I knew these posers weren’t real street like me,” Kenzi boasts. She takes a step forward as the others turn around to check their backs. A row of additional berserks with armed and ready crossbows have closed ranks behind them. It’s a Trap-Trap!! I am SO completely surprised!
Hang on, what happened to all the guards Lachlan sent to assist Bo? Did they get lost? Or are they the dudes with the crossbows and if so, why are they aiming them at our band of buggers? Oyyyyy.
Sardonic laughter echoes through the room. With a puff of smoke, The Garuda appears reclining on his Throne o’ Bones. He applauds. “How wonderful! I have been so excited to meet you all.”
At Doctor Lauren’s flat, the doc is running around frantically packing. Just as she snatches up her passport and puts the final things in her bags, her mobile pings. So much for the we’re in this together part of your “relationship” with Bo,” huh Doc? She picks up the phone and with a roll of her eyes, reads The Ash’s message: Throne room. Now. It’s important. She lowers the phone, revealing the large only mildly faded blood stain where NotComaNadia bled out.
Back at the abattoir trap-trap, The Garuda is getting his monologue on. He sidles up to Bo, “the succubus who killed her lover’s girlfriend.” Wait, PerfectCiara is standing right there. Oh right, shit, NotComaNadia. Dammit. Bo insists she didn’t kill NotComaNadia, “I saved her from you.”
The Garuda is only just getting started listing Bo’s sins. He pings on PerfectCiara, “And stole the Fairy Warrior’s boyfriend and rrrrrrripped his heart out before she had the chance to do it herself!” Look, dude, whatever. If you can’t be bothered to split the hairs right, I’m not doing it for you. PerfectCiara breathes hard as he hits all her buttons but manages not to lunge for him mostly because it’s not in the script.
Next The Garuda works on Hale. “The little rich boy who has forsaken his family AND his partner!” This brings him around to Kenzi. “The human. With all her little quips and jokes and – well – is nothing more than a liability.”
“And you!” he shouts, pointing at Dyson, “the wolf! No morals or loyalty.” He clicks his tongue shamefully. “Guess that’s what happens when you lose your heart!” But Dyson’s had enough. “Do you know what your problem is?” he snarls. The Garuda: “Do tell.” Dyson: “You think you’ve already won!”
This is what the Wolf Spirit, that fickle bitch, told him to look out for. Thinking he’s found his moment, Dyson wolfs out and leaps for The Garuda but before he takes more than one step, The Garuda flaps his fire wings and all – Fae and berserkers alike – fall back before the flames.
Dyson is back on his feet in an instant, Bo popping up right by his side, but struggles to shake it off. “The wolf defeats the bird, huh,” Hale snarks. “It was foretold!” Dyson shouts. “Oh riiighhtt. The Wolf Spirit. How’s this for a prediction?” Hale grabs Dyson up by his shirt. “Your ego is gonna get us killed!”
“Shut your mouth, Rich Boy!” Dyson shouts, slamming Hale back. PerfectCiara immediately jumps between them, but she’s suddenly on Hale’s side. “Don’t talk to him like that! Hale’s a good man and he’s taken far too much abuse from you!” How do you know? You weren’t even there!
Also, what happened to the berserkers? Did everyone just decided to take a time-out from the battle for an intervention session with Dyson? Bo seems to be following that bouncing ball herself as she stares at The Garuda who is once again seated on his throne, watching the show.
“Guys! Stop fighting!” she orders the three of them. “The Garuda is doing this to you.” For once, PerfectCiara sneers at Bo (‘bout damn time!). “Why don’t you give it a rest, Little Miss Perfect?! You’re the reason Dyson’s such a mess! Tell me was (NotComa) Nadia more of a threat to you than me? Is that why you killed her?” Now Dyson’s wolf is up and he shoves PerfectCiara back from Bo with a shot to her shoulder. “Leave her!” Hale immediately unleashes the siren song. Dyson collapses to the floor and PerfectCiara reels from the sound too.
Bo whirls back around to the Throne o’ Bones. The Garuda is up and prowls toward them, curling his fingers with satisfaction in a very Grinch-y way. “Kenzi, no!” Bo shouts, just as Kenzi sneaks up behind The Garuda and clocks him across the back with a cudgel. To her horror though, it has no affect. “Sorry!” she gasps as he turns on her. Grabbing her throat, The Garuda lifts her several feet off the ground and tosses her across the room. He screeches loudly, an eagle’s enraged cry, and raises his arm. As Bo scampers to Kenzi’s side, a flaming sword appears in The Garuda’s hand. Bo and Kenzi cower before him, unable to do anything to protect themselves. Behind The Garuda, Hale twitches helplessly, held in place by the crossbow bearing minions. Possibly. Unless they’re The Ash’s guards and then I have no answer for why nobody’s moving beyond that it’s in the script.
Suddenly, PerfectCiara presses her bracelet and traces to stand before our ladies. Without hesitation, The Garuda slashes her through with the sword of fire. “NO!!” Dyson shouts. Kenzi and Bo gape in horror as PerfectCiara drops to the ground beside them. The Garuda screeches again and spreads his wings of fire wide in triumph.
In the throne room, a resigned Lachlan awaits his fate. There’s the sound of footsteps and he looks up to see Doctor Lauren enter the room. “I didn’t think you’d come,” he says woodenly. “I almost didn’t,” she admits easily. He smirks, amused by her bluntness. “Well, then.” He holds up two phlebotomist blood vials and a hypodermic needle. “Shall we get this started?” Trick frowns at him. “What are you doing?” he asks, but he seems to already know the answer – and he doesn’t like it.
Back at the abattoir, Kenzi whispers PerfectCiara’s name. “(Perfect) Ciara!” Dyson yells dropping down next to her and cradling her in his arms, almost exactly the same way he cradled Bo in Mirror Mirror. Just sayin’. He begs her to hold on. PerfectCiara struggles to say to say her last words. “Be good to yourself, Dyson. You’ll never truly love anyone if you don’t.” She dies in his arms and Dyson loses it, sobbing as he collapses over her.
Aw. Goodbye, PerfectCiara. You were ill-served by who were not living up to who we were told you were supposed to be (not until this episode as least). You were never going to last but you gave us lots of lovely nekkid Dyson to enjoy and for that we thank you (though answering your phone in medias res with him will never compute). You were always a lady and noble to the end.
Kenzi tears up and Bo too is clearly very upset, but it suddenly pings that all their attackers are gone. She leaps to her feet and reconnoiters the room. “Where did he go!” she asks Hale, the only one still on guard while the other three have an understandable crisis over PerfectCiara’s death. Hale: “Where did who go?” Um, the big guy with the flames for wings that just killed PerfectCiara? Maybe? It’s not like The Garuda is The Silence to be forgotten the moment one looks away. Ugh, whatever, Bo’s having an epiphany. “Oh no!” she whispers. “If all The Ash’s guards are here, then…”
What the huh now?! She knew crossbow guys were The Ash’s men? How exactly? Was there a memo? Maybe a Fae e-mail? Did Lachlan send Bo a Faebook message?
Not for nothing, but our team is working the hell out of this big honking mess, and even that’s starting to not be enough to save it.
Back in the now empty throne room, Trick hurries up the steps of dais to join Lachlan who is buttoning up his vest. “What are you doing?! Leave!” Lachlan implores him. Trick begs The Ash not to “do this.” The screech of the encroaching Garuda suggests it’s too late. Lachlan tells Trick to hide. “I’ve been to battle before; I will not hide,” Trick retorts, insulted.
“Now it is more clear than ever that Bo is The Champion. If I fall, she is going to need your guidance,” Lachlan reminds him. “Now Blood King – hide.” The Garuda screeches again and it’s enough to convince Trick. He wishes The Ash luck and ducks out of sight moments before The Garuda saunters into the room. Lachlan steps forward, buttoning his cuff because it’s important to look your best when you’re AT WAR!
“Hello old friend,” The Garuda greets him. He rolls his shoulders back preparing to unleash the wings of flame. Lachlan crosses his hands behind his back, clears his throat, and awaits his nemesis’ next move.
Hey look! It’s The Ash’s Guards!! Nope, wait, they’re the berserkers and they take down the crossbow-wielding guys who it turns out are The Ash’s guards. They really need to learn to aim better.
Wow, somebody really sliced this episode together like Swiss cheese–lots of holes.
The berserkers subdue the guards without effort. “We have to get to the compound,” Bo realizes. “Dyson?! Dyson, I need you!” That’s what we’ve Been saying!! Yes, we know that!! She looks over at where he’s still crouched next to PerfectCiara just as Cleasby rushes him, meat hook in hand. Dyson doesn’t move and Bo streaks over to knock Cleasby out. “DYSON!”
Coming back to the matter at hand, Dyson rises to his feet and our intrepid warriors once again face a group of berserkers. Possibly for the first time, I’m not sure, I amreally confused. You know I love you show but this blatant WTFery is beginning to seriously wound my poor Polish brain. Hale has a cudgel in each hand. They square off against the berserkers as Dyson finally begins to get how badly he screwed up – again, the beautiful dumbass.
The Garuda tosses his coat aside. He and Lachlan begin to silently circle one another. Circle, circle, circle. Yawn. Bored now. Hidden at the back of the room, Trick carefully pops up to see what happens next.
Back at the abattoir, Dyson assess their adversaries and orders Bo to get out of there. You’re about do something valiant and stupid, aren’t you? “This was my mistake,” he accepts as he strips off his jacket. “And I’m gonna fix it.” Bo vehemently objects. “It is my mistake! I should’ve done my job!”
“Hale, please just get her out of here!” Dyson pleads. Hale, probably remembering his promise to Trick, grabs Bo’s arm and tries to drag her away. “We gotta go,” he says. But Bo jerks her arm free. “I am not going anywhere!” It’s so nice that the berserkers allow them to pause and have these deep moments together. I mean, it’s not like they’re AT WAR!
Dyson clasps her head in his hands and stares into her eyes. Hmmm. “Bo, we lost today,” he tells her in that voice! “But they’re gonna need you to lead them tomorrow.”
Behind him, Kenzi eye-checks them and jerks her cudgel back and forth like a baseball bat. “You’ve got to protect The Ash,” he reminds her. “You gotta keep fighting!” “OK,” Bo agrees in a whisper; she knows he’s right. “We’ve gotta go!” Hale shouts. “I’ll hold them off until you’re safe,” Dyson promises her. “You can’t die!” He’s already lost PerfectCiara; he couldn’t bear to lose Bo too, lost love or no. He releases her as Hale again tries to drag her away. This time she goes, if reluctantly. As Hale pulls her away, she passes Dyson a cudgel and her outstretched hand reaches for him even as the distance between them grows. “I’m coming back for you!” she swears. Dyson nods; he knows she will.
I frickin’ love Team Badass.
Dyson faces the berserkers alone as Hale, Bo and Kenzi run out of the abattoir. Once he’s certain they’re clear, he gives the berserks such a death look, they actually cower. Growling, Dyson drops the cudgel and wolfs out. The berserkers attack, but Dyson has the upper hand, slashing and punching his way through the mass. As the sounds of the fight increase, Hale, Bo and Kenzi pause to look back torn between their love for Dyson and their responsibility toward Lachlan. Trusting Dyson as she always does, Bo hurries away, but Kenzi hesitates, her face an expression of heartbreak. “Kenzi, keep up!” Bo orders. “Right behind you!” Kenzi calls back.
In the room, Dyson lifts a berserker up and over his head. Kenzi suddenly reappears in the doorway, unable to leave Dyson to his fate. Dyson tosses the berserker into the crowd, but gets sliced across the back by another. Now they’re two-teaming him and more and more berserkers join the fight. In the end, it takes six of them to bring him down.
The Ash and The Garuda are still circling one another in the throne. Boys, get on with it already! The Garuda muses that he remembers there being more of Lachlan. “Was I mistaken?” he taunts and mwah ha has. “This may be my final head,” Lachlan allows in a tight and furious voice. “But all it takes is one.” Yeah, but ya gotta do more than circle to do it! “One head,” he repeats and flashes fang. “One bite. And one dead Garuda.”
“Or one swing of my sword,” The Garuda counters and backs the threat up with the sword itself. Lachlan lunges for him, but The Garuda merely shoves him once and Lachlan collapses on the floor at his feet. Stunned, Trick peers out from the back wall. Lachlan smiles up at The Garuda, oddly confident. The Garuda screeches once more, long and loud, head thrown back and eyes closed. Rather than get to his feet and try another strike in the hour it takes the damn Garuda to preen, Lachlan just lays there and waits – but not without making eye contact with Trick. The sword swipes down and The Garuda decapitates The Ash.
That…that was…unbelievably anticlimactic.
That’s it?! He had a 10-minute sword fight with Bo when he only suspected she was the Big Bad, but The Garuda merely brushes him aside and The Ash is done for?! WTF SHOW?! And what kind of leader just lays there and waits for the sword to fall like that when he knows his entire species is at risk?!
Trick closes his eyes and ducks his head, but The Garuda isn’t done yet. Lifting Lachlan’s head from the ground with a truly repulsive squishing sound effect, The Garuda sniffs the air. “Blood King,” he growls. He tosses the head aside with another disgusting squelch. Trick emerges from hiding to confront the thing. “All right, Garuda,” he says. Reaching behind him, he pulls two large daggers from sheaths at his back. “Let’s end this.” Bad ass Trickster in da house!
The Garuda laughs at him and – Trick drops his knives! WHAT – THE – HELL?! But before The Garuda can strike, Trick pulls out and blows the Mole whistle. A large hole opens up behind him and Mole Man reaches out to drag a struggling Garuda down into dry quicksand. So Dyson, Bo, PerfectCiara, Hale and Lachlan falls before this guy and his wings and sword of flame, but he has no defense against Mole Man? Okey dokey then. The hole closes up behind them as if never there. Trick smirks with satisfaction. “Alastair Cornish, I hereby release you,” he announces – to absolutely no one. “Your debt paid in full.”
He glances at Lachlan’s decapitated body with regret just as Hale and Bo trundled into the room. “Oh no,” she says, dropping to her knees beside the body. Behind her, Hale removes his hat in respect. “I should’ve listened to him. He said that I was The Champion. But I wanted it to be someone else, Trick,” she confesses, her voice breaking. “I needed – I needed to give it away.”
I guess a flare went up somewhere or another Faemail because Doctor Lauren inexplicitly arrives at this point. “You are The Champion,” Trick declares. “A good man just gave his life to prove it.” That would explain the lying down and taking it part of that “battle”. Doctor Lauren crouches down next to a sobbing Bo. “The Garuda thinks the venom is gone,” she explains. “He’ll think he’s invincible.” She holds up two tubes of venom. “We have an advantage. Together, right?” Nice of you to remember, Doc.
But Bo has realized she’s missing something important. She rises and looks over Hale’s shoulder. “Where’s Kenzi?” she asks him. “She said that she was right behind us.” Hale shakes his head. “I didn’t…” He pauses and stares into Bo’s face, then gives in. “I saw her double back,” he admits. “What?!” He drops his head, ashamed. “Why didn’t you grab her, Hale?! Why did we just leave?!”
“Bo,” Trick intervenes before she starts hitting Hale. “It’s not his fault. I told him to bring you back no matter what the cost.” Disgusted, she glares at Hale then shoves him out of the way as she goes off after Kenzi.
Trick paces the throne room and whinges that they can’t lose Bo too. “Hale will find her,” Doctor Lauren assures them both. Relax guys. It’s not like he doesn’t know where she went. The doc looks down at the venom vials and starts to freak out. “The venom’s coagulating! Trick if it seizes up, Lachlan will have sacrificed himself for nothing!”
Bo hurries down a dark, foggy alley, checking behind her all the way. Kenzi appears from the other end pushing a trolley cart before her with great difficulty. As she shoves it into a pool of streetlamp light, a broken and bleeding Dyson is revealed, unconscious but alive. Bo rushes forward. “Oh,” Kenzi grunts. “Ugh. Man, he’s heavy. He’s alive,” she reassures Bo. “Don’t you ever do that to me again,” Bo orders. “I actually had to hide under one of The Ash’s dead guards,” Kenzi gasps, “and wait for the creepos to be insane somewhere else! And I have three letters for those guys: D – O – derant!”
“I’ve really gotta do this, don’t I?” Bo says. “This is on me! Isn’t it?!” Right, because you’re what’s important here right now. PerfectCiara is dead, Lachlan is dead along with many of his minions, Dyson is next door near to dead, but what we need to focus on is the fact that you’re The Champion. I love the woman, but that’s more than a little beneath her – show.
Kenzi grabs her arms. “Yes. It is. But we have all got your back, Bo. From a very, very safe distance!” Bo smiles in spite of the drama. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist,” Kenzi offers with a weak laugh. Bo hugs her tightly. “You are not a liability, Kenz. You are just the thing I need!” They release one another and Bo looks at Dyson over Kenzi’s shoulder. Following her gaze, Kenzi crouches next to him and checks his pulse. “All right,” Bo says without a single word as to how he’s doing. “Bring it on.”
Fae of the Day:
Berserkers: Minions of The Garuda who reportedly can only be killed by blunt-force trauma to the head, but that could change as needed. In Norse mythology, berserkers are warriors who have reach such a high level of rage and battle lust they enter a trance-like state during which they cannot be reasoned with or restrained. Fae berserkers, however, appear to be more of the thug-for-hire variety. Usually Dark Fae.
Moles: Sensitive to light, the Mole Fae lives underground like – a mole. A mole has the ability to tunnel up through floors without leaving a lasting impression and can likewise transmute the consistency of a floor into quicksand when necessary.
Quotes of the Night:
Trick: Every single snake at the zoo has disappeared. Bo: Maybe they’re on a plane?
Bo: This thing with all of its lovely smells is a friend of yours?!
Bo: Did someone tell you it’s ‘jackholes drink for free’ night?
Hale: I hate to further break up the song circle, fellas, but at this way station, it’s actually a three ass-whoopin’ minimum.
Kenzi to Hale: Duuuuuude. I told you; protect the face! It was the only thing you had going for you!
Bo: Is being a complete tool a requirement at Guard College?
Dyson: Miss me?
(Perfect) Ciara: I’m joking. Dumb wolf.
Bo: This Wolf Spirit, she wouldn’t happen to be another ex-girlfriend, would she?
Kenzi: I’m too cute to die! What? It’s true!
Kenzi: We have all got your back, Bo. From a very, very safe distance!
Next week: Season Two, Episode 21: Into the Dark