Last week on True Blood, Tara became a vampire. Emma was revealed as a tiny little wolf cub. Eric and Bill made deals with the Authority. And Alcide didn’t want to be packmaster.
Things we learned last week: There’s a vampire Bible, how Eric and Pam meet and Jason’s ass is hard enough you could chip a fang on it.
In the third episode of season five, there’s much more nudity, another Pam/Eric flashback and some conniving folk within the Authority.
- Tara being able to resist a kill as a new vampire without anyone there to help her. She’s never been my favorite, but I was impressed.
- Russell Edgington as a poster boy for the Sanguinista movement. Really, I think Russell as the “poster boy” for anything would be a highlight. But making your sociopathic friend the rallying point for the cause? Ohhhh-kay.
- Can I just say how much I love Chris Meloni on this show? (Because I do.) Also, Roman is crazy quotable.
- Steve Newlin is “the new Nan Flannigan.” Cue me laughing loudly enough to get my husband’s attention. Admittedly, he does have the skill set for politics, but hearing Roman describe him as the new Nan killed me.
- Pam speed texting. Are we more impressed with her skills or does Franklin Mott still hold the title? I mean, do you remember how quickly he could type “motherfucker”?
- Sookie going all fairy super power princess on Pam. It’s the first time we’ve seen Sookie use her power purposefully when not in a life-or-death situation. Possibilities here.
How come that Authority lady gets to tell
Steven MoyerBill and Alexander SkarsgardEric to take off their shirts? And they do it? I want her job.
- I’m just as frustrated as Arlene with Terry keeping secrets. I know it’s part of the whole “anticipation” thing, but mostly it just irritates me.
- PAM AND ERIC FLASHBACK!! Sorry, I love the backstory of these two enough it makes me break out the caps lock. All the women in the brothel want Eric, but he’s come to visit Pam, the madam.
- And we get to see Bill and Lorena in the flashback, too!
- It gets better: Eric gets to stop Bill and Lorena from draining the woman and mocks both of them simultaneously. One more reason to love Eric.
- Debbie Pelt’s parents are on the search to find her. The interaction with Alcide was telling. They look saner than Debbie, but if this follows the books, they aren’t any less nuts.
- Salome is intriguing. True Blood has taken a Biblical character and given her a different story. I hope we see more of her. Also, she’s sneaky and sleeps with everyone for power purposes.
- I love the chemistry of Pam and Eric. In a flashback, we hear him give an earnest explanation of why taking on the role of maker is a large responsibility. She pleads and he explains. It’s heartfelt and engaging.
- Sookie finally confesses to Alcide about Debbie. It doesn’t go well, but great acting from Joe Manganiello.
WTF-ERY (As only True Blood can provide)
- Letting us see through Tara’s eyes in some sort of “Vampire vision mode.” Just doesn’t match how my mind would see from her eyes. Other than the whole homing in on blood thing. Maybe they were trying to keep with the V-trip style visions we’ve had before?
- Tara goes to Sam for help on being a vampire? She treated him badly, left him after he revealed being a shapeshifter in the past, and that’s who she goes to…because everyone goes to Sam. I guess since Sookie doesn’t have big problems right now, someone else needs to abuse his kindness. That griping aside, I always liked the dynamic of Sam and Tara, so I’m happy he helps her.
- The Authority really believes it’s the only thing stopping the world from crumbling. Oh, I love the crazypants extremes on this show.
- The bullet-through-your-heart gear Bill and Eric are forced to wear looks like S&M gear. Ah, True Blood knows its audience.
- Jason telling his former teacher (and lover) about all his exes. Then she apologizes for having sex with him when he was a teenager. Then proceeds to put his hand up her skirt.
- Hearing Andy say, “I live with my grandma,” as a dating selling point.
- Tracy’s Togs?! Book readers will know why this goes under the WTF-ery.
- Hoyt as a goth kid. At Fangtasia. That’s all I’m going to say.
- Tara tries to kill herself via tanning bed. I’m with Pam when she says, “You stupid bitch.”
- Bill and Eric remove their shirts simultaneously at the direction of the Authority. Before that only happened in Sookie’s dreams.
- Flashback to last week’s naked lady corpse in the brothel. More flashback nudity! Another naked sex worker, this one feeding Bill from her femoral artery while Lorena chats her up in less than favorable fashion.
- Andy’s ass makes a return in photo form. Remember Holly’s kids walking in on him facedown? Well, they posted the picture online and it’s making the Bon Temps rounds.
- Like Jason Stackhouse could keep his clothes on around any woman in Bon Temps. Sure enough, we see him and his former teacher after the act—she’s in post-coital bliss, he’s in remorse.
- Eric and Pam enjoy a bit of pillow talk in another flashback, back when she was still human. Strategic sheets cover the goods, but I always love Eric in a bed. Then it gets better when we get ASkars booty.
- After earlier having sex with Bill (without nudity), Salome decides she wants to be “friends” with Eric too (maybe she and Sookie are secretly related?) and disrobes in front of him and climbs up onto her bed.
- Salome naked again, this time with Roman. And then Chris Meloni gets inducted into True Blood for real, because it’s time to take off his shirt and join a naked lady.
Roman (describing Steve Newlin): “Send in the new Nan Flannigan.”
Sookie: “Eric and I…and Bill… we’re over.”
Steve Newlin: “Humans are not rational. They are 100 percent motivated by fear.”
Roman (in reply): “Reverend Newlin, you have been a vampire now for, what, four months? And yet you find it funny to ridicule and underestimate the human race, the race that birthed all of us into existence. Is this some kind of joke?”
Roman: “All I wanted to do was feed, fuck and kill.”
Authority woman: “Just imagine it’s a training bra.”
Eric: “It’s been a long time since I wore one.”
Lafayette: “He put my cousin in the fucking freezer?”
Jason: “Right now I’m fuck buddies with the love of my best friend’s life, who’s a teenage vampire.”
Holly: “Well, you realize I’m a witch, right? My kids are delinquents. I live in a motel.”
Andy: “Well, I live with my grandma. And I’m an alcoholic and a recovering V addict and the laughingstock of the Renard Parish Sheriff’s Department.”
Salome: “Don’t believe everything that you read. The human Bible is a little better than Us Weekly.”
Did you fall in love with Salome? Were the flashbacks your favorite parts? Do you care what’s going on with Terry? Would you have hit up Sam for help? Hit the comments to gush.
While Chelsea Mueller runs Vampire Book Club, she won’t turn down a sexy werewolf, demon or faerie. Her appreciation of Alexander Skarsgard is well documented. Bother her on Twitter - @ChelseaVBC — she likes it.