Last season on True Blood, Sookie called things off with both Eric and Bill. Jessica dumped Hoyt and got dirty with Jason. Eric and Bill killed Nan. Lafayette went full on medium. Alcide killed the pack master Marcus. Tara got shot in the face. And Russell Edgington broke out of his concrete prison.
So, you know, there were plenty of jumping off points for season five. The True Blood writers didn’t hold back for episode one. Expect blood, sex, grief, threats, fear, lust and even a party with college kids.
HIGHLIGHTS
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The episode brought us right back where things ended: Sookie on the floor holding Tara, who was missing part of her skull compliments of a shotgun blast from Debbie Pelt. Lafayette heard the shot and joins her downstairs. Then Pam arrives looking for her maker. Instead of getting time with Eric, she gets Sookie and Lafayette begging her to try turning Tara.
This is especially epic as we know how big of a deal being a maker is—just think back to the process of Bill turning Jessica. The bond we’ve watched between Eric and Pam. Now imagine Tara bound to the woman who in the last season threated to “eat, fuck and kill” her. The possibilities here are exciting.
- Rev. Steve Newlin back as a vampire. This is terrifying and creeping with potential. Vampires, in general, are manipulators. Give someone who worked fundraising and the 24-hour news cycle in his living days the powers of a vampire and you have some serious danger. And, of course, Jason Stackhouse isn’t the brightest man. It doesn’t take long for Steve to con his way into the naked human’s house.
- Pam in sweats. There are certain things I never thought I’d see, and Pam wearing a “Wal-mart sweat suit for y’all” is one of them.
- Oh, Sam, why do you think you’re protecting everyone by saying you killed Marcus? Oh, right. Hero complex. Well, you look nice naked.
- Jessica claiming Jason as hers, going badass on Steve Newlin. Love seeing her accept her vampire nature and make a possessive move for Jason.
- Eric spends a bit of the episode spooning Bill in the trunk of a car while being hauled into The Authority.
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Few things please me more than seeing Eric get all sexy while covered in soot with flames erupting in the background. He’s a manly vampire! This is how we meet Nora. She was in the car taking Eric and Bill to visit The Authority. The car exploded. She killed the driver then went all hot-and-heavy makeout with my man
Alexander SkarsgardEric. That’s how vampire brothers and sisters greet each other, apparently. - Alcide visits Sookie and we get to watch her squirm knowing she just killed his ex. And his comment about how it smells like “lemons on top of ammonia on top of bleach” is far less comforting than he intended. And he follows it up by telling her that not only did Eric and Bill lie about killing Russell Edgington, but that the violent vampire King of Mississippi is on the loose.
- Hoyt’s rallied the guys to hate on Jason for sleeping with Jessica. (Fair enough.) Poor Jason isn’t smart enough to realize he can’t mend this friendship with saying ’sorry I’m now sleeping with Jessica.’
- Lafayette puts a stop to Sookie telling Alcide about Debbie’s death. He also stops her from taking Alcide’s offer of protection—and request for her to come stay with him. Probably for the best plot-wise, but imagine the possibilities if Sookie stayed at Alcide’s place!
- Well, if we needed confirmation that Eric doesn’t dwell in the past, we get it. He and his vampire sister Nora have sex at the first opportunity. And it’s hot and dirty. Just what we expect from Eric. Bill has to stand outside and listen. This amused me to no end. Also: Naked Alexander Skarsgard, followed by him in low-slung jeans. Really, eye candy galore for fans of the Swede on this one.
- I love when this show reminds us just how young Jessica is. Bill has given her his house while he’s away and she’s throwing a party with college kids and playing Rock Band. And there is awkwardness as Jessica is interested in a guy other than Jason, so he leaves with another girl—but doesn’t want to have sex with her. He’s all for Jessica. Poor guy.
- Bill, Eric and Nora are captured by The Authority. This may be for the best, after all, the fake name they gave Eric was just befitting his Norse god looks.
- When Tara rises it’s with a vengeance. She bursts from the earth, and has Sookie on her back in a half-second. And we’re left with our first cliffhanger.
WTF-ERY (As only True Blood can provide)
- Steve Newlin telling Jason he was jealous that his wife Sarah got to sleep with Jason. Then professing his love.
- Sookie is getting very good at cleaning up brain matter and viscera in general. Life skills in Bon Temps?
- Lafayette goes into his house, ready to try and deal with Jesus’ and his death. Sookie’s there to help with the cleanup. And Lafayette—who is in agony of the death of his boyfriend—finds that Jesus’ body is gone. Nelsan Ellis’s acting here is just remarkable as he tries to say goodbye.
- Andy meets Holly’s kids while naked in bed with her. Really not much more to say here. Naked Andy. Smudged lipstick Holly. Two teenaged boys who look far too used to this.
- The werewolf pack tortures Sam trying to get the location of Marcus. Eventually, Alcide shows up at Marcus’ gravesite and explains that he killed Marcus. Then werewolves start eating Marcus’ body. Including Marcus’s mom Martha. Even Alcide looks grossed out.
- Lafayette shaved his head. It’s a grief thing, but still… Tara did that one too.
NUDITY INDEX
- Jason Stackhouse partially obscured by a door, greeting Steve Newlin.
- Female werewolf. Strategic hair style keeps her from actually being naked.
- Sam Merlotte naked waiting on Luna’s front porch after fleeing the werewolf pack.
- Naked Sam again—with plenty of booty—leaves with naked female werewolf.
- Sheriff Andy is passed out, face down in a hotel room. Naked. Only to have Holly’s kids find him. Not Andy’s finest moment.
- Showertime means Sookie huddling in the water remembering past hurts. This does not measure up to previous Sookie showers with Bill and Eric.
- Eric and Nora enjoy the evening by having sex inside a storage container. She’s facing the wall, up against the metal, and he’s behind her. The Viking does have a thing for having sex standing up, doesn’t he? No complaints here. Also, the more ASkars booty, the better.
FAVORITE QUOTES
Pam on possibly turning Tara: “I can’t be the only one who’s noticed she’s missing half her head, now can I? Even if I tried, what’s to say she won’t rise up out of the ground tomorrow completely and utterly fucktarded?”
Jason: “Fangs are basically like twin hard-ons.”
Steve Newlin: “I am a gay, vampire American. And I love you, Jason Stackhouse.”
Sookie on why she didn’t call the cops after shooting Debbie Pelt: “I wanted to kill her.” (You and me both, Sook. You and me both.)
Lafayette to Sookie: “Sook, people need to say goodbye. People need to be said goodbye to.”
Lafayette to Alcide: “How the fuck you think you can protect her from an ancient pissed-off vampire when all werewolves do is piss off vampires even more?”
Eric on Nora: “We fight like siblings, but we fuck like champions.”
Sorority girl: “Wow, you just don’t seem like that much of an asshole.”
Jason: “Yeah. I swear to God I am, though.”
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This season just may live up to the hype. Episode one opened the storyline in a way that just reveals more potential and didn’t feel nearly as scattershot as the varied plots of the last season. I’m looking forward to The Authority, possibilities of Alcide and Sookie, Tara as a vampire and, of course, more Eric. (Always more Eric.)
Lots to love this episode for me. What about you guys? Love? Hate? (Mad that I didn’t include anything about Terry and Arlene because I don’t care?!) Hit the comments to gush.
While Chelsea Mueller runs Vampire Book Club, she won’t turn down a sexy werewolf, demon or faerie. Her appreciation of Alexander Skarsgard is well documented. Bother her on Twitter - @ChelseaVBC — she likes it.
