Previously on The Vampire Diaries: Damon and Elena got all steamy, the Salvatore men made a “we both love her” pact, Alaric went all super vampire slayer and the Mystic Falls Scooby gang desiccated Klaus. Also, lots of bloodline talk sometimes involving Elena. Almost always involving the Originals.
In short: No one died and there wasn’t much making out, but it can’t be long. This is The Vampire Diaries we’re talking about.
And, now for the spoiler-filled recap of the Season 3 finale, “The Departed”…
- We’ve had Stefan flashbacks, Damon flashbacks, Klaus flashbacks, Katherine flashbacks, Anna flashbacks, but tonight we opened with an Elena flashback. She was peppy. And not only is Jenna alive, but Elena’s parents are alive, too. We’ve never seen this bubbly Elena.
- As soon as we see the flash of her with her mom, we cut to Elena waking up in a hospital bed. Elena is in the hospital from the concussion she suffered falling last episode. Which forces me to ask: Have none of the kids in Mystic Falls taken a basic first aid and health class? It seems like it would be important with how often they get injured. And a nice group of them were doing tequila shots with Elena – after a head injury and serious blood loss – at the end of last week’s episode. I get that teenagers can make dumb choices, but I’m not impressed.
- I love Caroline going into mom-mode with Elena, after bringing her back home.
- I don’t typically feel bad for Matt, but he’s over at Elena’s taking care of her. She wakes up from another flashback dream to tell him that she shouldn’t have strung him along when they were dating sophomore year. Then before he can process that – and so quickly it makes her apology sound, well, not like an apology – she says she’s doing the same thing to Damon and Stefan and announces she has to pick one. I know the girl’s recovering from a head injury, but that feels more self-involved than usual for her. Also, kind of a lame way to push her into making a Team Salvatore choice.
- Stefan chooses to return to keep an eye on Elena, while Damon continues heading to the Atlantic to dispose of Klaus. Damon always gets stuck cleaning up. Another reason why I like him.
- The return of Elijah! I missed him (and I don’t think I’m the only one). He wants Klaus back and, of course, the super stake Evil!Alaric has at his side.
- Evil!Alaric gets some alone time with Jeremy in an attempt to get him to side on Team Kill All Vampires. It’s such a tempting offer for Jeremy that he talks it over with Matt. They want to protect Elena, but know better than to really turn over the others.
- Tyler and Caroline’s moms hand over money and new IDs for the two after telling them Evil!Alaric has revealed them to the council. They want these two on the run, and all I can picture is a vampire/werewolf version of Bonnie & Clyde.
- While everyone thinks they have one over on Evil!Alaric, they don’t. I may not like seeing Damon get his neck snapped, but I rather enjoy everyone battling a smart villain this episode. Amidst his search for Klaus’ body, Rebekkah shows up and Evil!Alaric busts out that fancy stake, ready to strike. He stakes Klaus – guess he didn’t lead the Salvatore line – and Damon tells Rebekkah to run.
- Klaus is dead for real or so we think. (Sorry, Klaus/Caroline ’shippers.) This means another Salvatore brother pow-wow to determine if they’re going to die.
- Matt drugged Elena. I know she’s been whining about other dudes and whatnot, but you just don’t drug your friends. Dick.
- If you regularly read my recaps, you know this part is coming: SERIOUSLY, ELENA? YOU’RE A DUMBASS. She knows both brothers may have just an hour to live. She can go back home to Stefan or Matt can drive her to see Damon. She chooses to go back home, but call Damon. She goes for safety guy, and leaves Damon alone when it’s possible he’s going to die. Elena is officially on my shit list. With a stamp and everything.
- Bonnie switched Klaus out of his body and into Tyler’s. That’s why the Salvatores didn’t die. More importantly, though, why can’t The Vampire Diaries just kill someone for real? I know they love the fake-outs, but this is getting ridiculous.
- Rebekkah decides to take out Elena in the name of killing Alaric. That means sending her and Matt off that bridge. (How many people have flown off bridges around Mystic Falls? They need better guard rails.)
- Elena dies, which means Alaric dies. However, she’d had vampire blood in her system, which means season 4 will have Vampire Elena!
- Flashback scene to when Damon first met Elena (and glamoured the memory from her) was beautiful. At least they gave us that, since Elena made a less than stellar Salvatore selection in the present.
Tyler: “Let me protect you.”
Caroline: “I will go anywhere with you. If we have to spend the rest of our lives running, I will run with you.”
Damon: “I’m not halfway out of Virginia and Elena sells our souls to The Originals?”
Damon (on where he put Klaus’ body): “I was going to use unit 666, but it felt a little obvious.”
Elena’s mom in a flashback talking about Matt: “You’re going to lose him, honey. You’re setting him free.”
Damon: “Let me ask you a question. If it was just down to him and me, and you had to make a choice, who got the goodbye, who would it be?”
Elena: “I love him, Damon.”
Damon: “I get it. Stefan. It’s always gonna be Stefan.”
All right readers, I’m sure there’s plenty to vent and gush about (depending on your ’ship status). Did you like Elena’s choice in Salvatores? How do you feel about Klaus being alive via Tyler and Bonnie aiding him? Are you ready for Elena to be a vampire?
While Chelsea Mueller runs Vampire Book Club, she won’t turn down a sexy werewolf, demon or faerie. (Her husband often reminds her that she’s taken.) Bother her on Twitter - @ChelseaVBC — she likes it.