Our Lost Girl obsession is going strong! If you’re just now diving into the show, be sure to check out all of Kiersten Krum’s recaps, including those for the last few episodes of Season 1 (episode 11, episode 12, and episode 13) and the start of Season 2 (episode 1, episode 2, and episode 3). All caught up? Good. And now, on to the recap for last night’s episode, 2.04, “Mirror, Mirror.”
At The Dal (drink!), Dyson is all up close and cozy with one of the waitresses, his smile and charm working overtime as he and Hale hold court at the pool table, unaware that Bo and Kenzi are at the bar, providing commentary. Trick, eying them warily, keeps the drinks flowing for the women and, wisely, his mouth shut. His expressions throughout this entire exchange, however, are absolutely priceless.
The waitress leans into Dyson even more, which I didn’t think was possible, and fingers his vest. “Oh my God, Dyson, I la-hove your pelt,” Kenzi mocks. Bo: “Maybe she’ll turn him into a coat.” “Maybe he’ll give her rabies!” Kenzi offers with an eyebrow waggle. “Huh? Wouldn’t that be awesome?” Bo: “I need another drink. No maybe about it.”
Hale comes over, hearty and flushed with success. “I didn’t see you come in!” he tells the women, and orders another ale for Dyson and a sex on the beach for the blonde. Kenzi snits: “How original.” Bo notes that Hale’s boy seems jolly tonight. Kenzi coughs, “Skank magnet!” as Hale says Dyson’s earned it. Hale expositions how they’ve been working a massive organized crime case and Dyson just convinced the mob mistress to testify against her boyfriend. It’s nice to be reminded that they do actual non-fae cop stuff once in a while. Kenzi decides the mistress must have a death wish, but Hale clarifies it’s merely a massive crush on Dyson. “I m good, but I swear he could charm his way into the Queen Mum’s panties,” he admires with awe. Bo, biting and bitter: “Yeah, once he’s done with the waitresses.”
Kenzi, Hale, and Trick exchange “whoa” looks, but with a transparently fake laugh, Bo quickly reassures them all far too enthusiastically that “me and Dyson, it’s cool. I can handle it,” she insists to their continued skeptical looks. Slowly, Hale backs out of firing range with the drinks.
Bo turns around to watch Hale return to Dyson’s side. As Dyson takes the mug from Hale, he notices Bo for the first time and the charming smile immediately falls and a ’hey, Bo, didn’t know you were there/how are you/whoops sorry babe’ kind of thing flashes across his face. Bo, heartbreakingly, smiles and mouths “Hi!” with a small, desperate wave. Holy crap, it’s like they’re in the high school cafeteria or something, it’s that sad and painful.
Kenzi is enthusiastic about Bo’s apparent progress. “Girl, I am so proud of you!” She pats Bo’s leg in support, but as Bo spins around again on the stool, she clenches Kenzi’s hand and we get that lovely bone-crunching sound as Kenzi grunts with pain. “I’m so can’t handle it,” she admits desperately. Trick, hilariously, leans up and over the bar to see exactly what Bo is doing to Kenzi’s hand.
At Hilton Hovel, (drink!), the ladies are, well, getting their drink on. Kenzi drops a heavy book down on the table. “Flaming tequila? Crummy old book? Not a good combo, drunkee.” Bo insists she’s not drunk, “I’m coping!” and Trick is going to kill Kenzi when he realizes she took the book. “Oh no! What is he going to do? Revoke my fae library privileges?” Bo lights up two shots and they’re off!
Kenzi flips though the book. “Here’s one: The Festering Hex. We cast this on Dyson we can make it fall off!” Bo lifts her next shot in the air and toasts “To his wang! May it rest in peace (though my closed captions have ‘piece’, which is loads funnier but likely a homonym goof).” They clink and drink while Kenzi warms to the idea of giving Dyson the Bob Barker special and saddling his waitress with a case of toadstool-itis, though that last one might prove tricky, “How much eye of newt are we packing?” Bo stops her, insisting it’s not the waitress’s fault. “Hale is right. Dyson can be mighty convincing.” You would know kiddo. Kenzi: “Yeah, but with the right spell, he can be completely neutered!” Now that, Bo is completely up for. Dyson, not so much, I’m guessing. Certainly not afterward.
Kenzi grows quiet as she has a thought. “We should invoke Baba Yaga,” she says with reverence. “Baba U what now?” Bo asks, well on her way to blitzville. “Baba Yaga,” Kenzi whispers, freaked out. “Every young Russian devotchka is taught to fear the old witch who lives deep in the lost woods in a cottage made of bones.” Bo: “Sounds kinda drafty.” Kenzi, terrified: “The bones of young girls who don’t do as they’re told.”
Bo teases her for being so scared of this mythical Baba Gaga. “Baba Yaga!” Kenzi corrects her and admits the witch is horrible, but “occasionally she’ll help chicks get revenge on a dude who’s wronged them!” Bo’s decides she’s listening and Kenzi explains that you get a mirror and say the witch’s name into it three times. “You tell her the name of the dude you want cursed…” Bo: “Bye-bye wolf junk?” Kenzi: “Perhaps we’re concentrating too much on Dyson’s genital region.” Can that happen? Is that a thing? Well, I mean, obviously it’s a thing but—oh, leave me alone!
Bo comes to her senses and insists that they can’t curse Dyson. “I mean he sacrificed his love for me, to save my life.” Yeah, so you keep telling us! “I mean, deep down we know he’s all noble,” she grouses and takes another shot of tequila. Some succubus is gonna be mighty sick in a few hours. Kenzi agrees, but qualifies that he was all noble then, “now he’s all dink.”
Bo decides that, as the good guys, they have to take the high road. “So no baby Yoda!” HA! Kenzi, flatly: “Baba Yaga.” Bo: “Whatever. No curses. Even if seeing Dyson with someone else – or a bunch of someone elses,” she allows dryly. “Hurts like hell.” She pours another shot and they clink, but Bo hesitates to drink as the words she just said sink in. “And it does,” she admits softly and Kenzi’s expression is all I know, Bobo.
Bo sets her full shot glass down and wishes her a good night. Kenzi moans bye and “drink up!”
Later that night, a much drunker, more wobbly Kenzi is in the bathroom staring into the cloudy wall mirror. She starts whispering Russian (I absolutely dig when she speaks Russian!) and there are two mentions of Baba Yaga as she slowly closes in on the mirror. Russian, Russian, Russian then “Dyson. Because he thinks he’s it, but he’s just
shit twit.” She pulls out a red lipstick and writes Dyson’s name across the mirror. “Make him understand what it feels like to be rejected, to be hated. This is my vengeance plea.” She pauses, takes a deep breath, and shouts, “Hear me, Baba Yaga!” the third invocation of the witch’s name and then squinches her eyes shut.
Bo is sprawled facedown across her bed: “Whatever you are doing in there, my impending hangover and I request that you please SHUT IT!” Kenzi opens one eyelid and peers fearfully at the mirror. Nothing’s happening. “Oh-kay,” she whispers, shrugging. “Whatevs.” She toddles off, muttering, “That was stupid.” Behind her, Dyson’s name fades as the shadowy outline of a crone takes form in the mirror. “As you wish,” a crone vows and I don’t think she means it in the “oh my sweet Wesley!” way. Suddenly, the mirror shatters, spewing shards of glass all over the floor.
It’s morning at Hilton Hovel (drink!) and Bo stumbles into the bathroom, squinting at the broken mirror on the wall. Glass crunches under her feet as she lifts one of the larger shards from the sink and stares into it. “KEN - ZI!” she shouts . Downstairs, a snoring Kenzi wakes with a jolt as Bo shouts her name a second time. “I’m up!” Kenzi yells and promptly falls off the couch and onto her face. “Oh!” she moans, rolling on to her back as she spits hair from her mouth. “How long has that stain been on the ceiling? Also? OWWWW!” she moans, grabbing her sore head with both hands . Bo shuffles in with a shard of broken glass in her hand and asks what the deal is with the bathroom and the shattered mirror. “Why do you think it was moi?” Kenzi objects and rubs her mouth. “Why do I taste like shampoo?”
With a groan, Bo painfully rolls onto the couch. The camera shoots them from overhead so the women look as though they’re lying next to one another, nursing their hangovers. “What did we get up to last night?” Bo asks, scratching at her hip. Kenzi: “This is what happens when you buy ‘wine’ from the bargain bin.” Except you were shooting tequila there, sweetie. Bo thinks the crappy merlot might explain their mutual amnesia, but not the itchy scab on her hip. “Were we loaded enough to hit a tattoo joint?” Kenzi asks, but gasps when she sees the symbol carved into Bo’s flesh. “What the fae?”
At the cop shop, Dyson with THAT VOICE is working his wiles on the mob mistress over the phone.
He suggests that every time MobMiss feels guilty for testifying she remember what it felt like each time her boyfriend slept with her sister. This does the trick (heh), and He reminds “Gloria” that he promised not to let the mob guy hurt her ever again and signs off with by detailing that Gloria’s deposition is in two days and he’ll see her then. After he hangs up, he and Hale exposition about the case as Dyson reiterates that Gloria will testify. Hale: “I must admit you could talk a nun into a three-way.” Dyson: “Ah, the Crusades. Good times!” HA!! It’s kinda nice to see Dyson with a sense of humor again, even if he is acting like a skeevy playa.
Hale, however, seems to have mused some over his convo with Bo and Kenzi the night before. Hale: “I just wish you wouldn’t flaunt your skills in front of Bo.” Dyson gets a little pissy, but Hale continues that Bo is his friend too and he wants them all to hang sometimes without the awkwardness. Dyson: “So what, you want me to pretend I’m not seeing other women? Let her think she’s still got a shot?” Oh, who’s a little full of himself there? Shot, my ass. She had you on your knees before her not too long ago, lest you forget.
Hale doesn’t back down, quietly suggesting that it’s called subtlety. It’s also called not being even more of an asshole toward the woman you dumped, but that’s apparently beyond Dyson right now. Dyson rolls his eyes and walks behind Hale’s chair. “I prefer honesty,” he snits. As he says this, a patrolman walks by escorting a woman in handcuffs, who snarls at Dyson, “Honesty? You’re a pig, you even smell like one!”
Baffled, Dyson looks after the woman while Hale laughs. “Whoo hoo hoo. Some women are immune to the wolf. Wow. Yeah.” In the background, Dyson covertly lifts the collar of his shirt and sniffs himself. Heeeeeee.
At The Dal (drink!), down in Tolkien’s Parlor, Bo is bent over Trick’s desk as Trick snaps on a rubber glove and Kenzi peers at Bo’s ass (not like that!). Kenzi wonders if the brand hurts and Bo admits it itches while Trick confirms it’s definitely not a tattoo and definitely is mystical.
Bo: “Well my face would love to hear your theories once you’re done poking my butt.” Trick assures her not to feel uncomfortable but to think of him as a doctor. Kenzi: “A centuries old, bartending butt doctor?” Trick shoots her a you’re not helping look. Kenzi thinks it almost looks like some kind of letter. “Y’all have some secret fae alphabet we don’t know about?” Trick: “You should see our Sesame Street.” Kenzi: “Don’t tease. That would be awesome.” I so want to see a fae Sesame Street!! Can you imagine? Today’s episode has been brought to you by Will of the Wisp, the Agallamh, and the number 6.
Trick agrees that the symbol is definitely an initial, some kind of signature branded into Bo’s flesh. He asks Bo what she’s been doing lately fae-wise and Bo admits she’s been keeping a low profile, trying to stay off Lachlan’s radar. Trick: “Have you dined with any herbalists? Met with any mer-folk?” “Qu’est ce que huh?” Kenzi inserts as she flips through one of Trick’s books.
“Have you –” Trick clears his throat, tactfully, “communed with any particularly unusual fae?” Bo snickers, catching on, as Kenzi tells Trick to hold up. “Are you saying Bo might have a fae STD?” Trick: “Only if she’s been sleeping with Baba Yaga.”
Shocked, Kenzi drops the book. “Baba Yaga?” Bo repeats, as it rings a bell. Trick, horrified, “tell me you didn’t invoke her,” he pleads to Kenzi. “Baba Yaga?!” Bo demands of her friend desperately. “The Baba Yaga that you were talking about last night? That was just talk, right?!”
A terrified Kenzi clarifies with Trick that Baba Yaga is real. “And she’s marked Bo as her own,” he confirms. “Oh Kenzi,” Bo says breathlessly, clasping her friend’s hands. “What did you do?”
Back at the cop shop, Hale is chuckling as he wipes spit off of Dyson. “Okay, so a couple of hookers spit at you.” Dyson: “A couple! Try FIVE, man!” Snort. Come on, he had some of this coming to him. Hale soothes his partner, “OK five. Lemme help you out then—oh damn, here comes six!” He leaps around Dyson to intercept an enraged woman lunging for the wolf. Exasperated, Dyson throws up his hands and ducks into the interrogation room as Hale says “Calm down. Careful, I might enjoy this,” and I’m not entirely sure if he means restraining the crazy woman or watching Dyson under siege. Maybe both.
Staring through the window at Hale restraining hookers, Dyson fails to notice the woman waiting in the interrogation room to file a complaint about the street racing in her neighborhood. As Dyson barks that he’ll get her a patrolman to take her complaint, she gets a good look at Dyson and immediately gets her crazy on. “All of you think you OWN the road just cause you have a penis!!” the woman yells. She picks up the coat rack and swings it at Dyson’s head.
At The Dal (drink!), Dyson and Hale are arguing about the street racing woman as they walk in, Hale suggesting that she must have been drunk. Dyson: “There was no alcohol on her breath and she didn’t freak out until I got in the room.” Hale expositions that’s why the humans arrested her and she’ll undergo a psyche evaluation. “I don’t get this man,” Dyson says, frantically scanning The Dal. “Everywhere I go today women are freaking out on me!”
Hale soothes that Dyson is now among friends and Dyson adds that he needs a pint and where the hell is Trick anyway? The waitress from the night before approaches. “Here’s your girl now,” Hale offers. “Audrey, babe, can I get a pint?” a relieved Dyson asks. The moment she lays eyes on his face, Audrey goes into a rant. “What you can do is kiss my black ass!” Dyson, puzzled: “Sorry?” Audrey: “Sorry won’t keep you from breaking my heart!” This is actually probably true but never mind. “I see the way you look at other women!” she yells. Dyson is getting riled and yells back that there must be some misunderstanding. Audrey smacks his shoulder again. “This is for womankind. And this is for me!” and she throws the drink in her hand into his face. Hale finally leaps in between them and pulls the clawing Audrey away from a fully steamed Dyson who then reaches over the bar to grab a bottle. Guess he’s done waiting for Trick.
Kenzi is pedaconferencing her way out of Tolkien’s Parlor and into the bar, Trick and Bo close behind. “When I found out about the fae, I knew that had to mean that Sasquatch and the Loch Ness Monster and Miss Piggy all had to exist, but Baba Yaga can’t!” Bo halts her in her tracks and demands she fess up. “Why did you stick Baba Yaga on me?!” Kenzi denies it vehemently. “I can’t remember what I did!” Bo says the mark on her back and the shattered mirror now all make sense. “It doesn’t make any sense!” Kenzi, in a total panic, screams. She works to calm down and retrieve her memory. “OK, the last thing I remember we were bitching about—” She spies Dyson at the bar behind Bo and points her finger. “Him!”
Dyson, confused, holds out his arms. “What?!” he snaps.
Suddenly the waitress from the cold open (whose name is Audrey, which we would know if her little scene above hadn’t been cut), comes running at Dyson, serving tray wielded like a cudgel. “I’m gonna kill you!” she screams at him. Dyson: “Aw, come on!” Audrey starts beating him with the tray as Dyson fends her off. Bo, watching: “Oh, shazbot!”
Dyson’s knocked the tray away and has both of the furious Audrey’s arms in his grasp as he holds her away from him. “Just chill!” he yells, but, like the others, Audrey is in full on crazy mode. I gotta say the wolf is showing a lot of restraint in all this so far. He could knock these women down and out effortlessly, but while he doesn’t let them hurt him (too much; he took Audrey’s first tray swing full on), he’s also working pretty hard not to hurt them defending himself either.
It’s Bo’s turn to run interference for Dyson and she slides between him and Audrey and pours the succubus juice onto the waitress. “I’m gonna kill him,” Audrey repeats, this time with a dopey smile on her face. “Oh I’ve been there, sister,” Bo assures her. Behind her, Dyson shakes his head and brushes his beard clean. Audrey keeps repeating that she wants to kill Dyson. “You’re fine,” Bo soothes. Hale scurries up all “I got this.
Yeah, I got this. Walk away,” he advises assures Bo, dragging Audrey away again.
Bo turns back to Dyson who demands to know what the hell is going on. “Dyson, that mark,” Bo says in a hushed voice. She brushes aside his shirt to show a brand that matches her own burnt into his flesh down low on the left side of his belly just shy of the Adonis belt. Yes, I pause the feed here in order to properly detail this essential plot point. I’m that committed a recapper. You’re welcome.
Sidebar: When not buttoned into one of his work vests, Dyson usually wears his shirts unbuttoned nearly to the breastbone. Now, as Bo brushes it aside, it looks unbuttoned halfway up too, leaving, what, like two actually fastened buttons to keep his clothes on? Damn, I can make short work of that.
Where were we again? Oh yeah. “We’ve been cursed,” Bo tells him. “Cursed?” he repeats. “By Kenzi!” Bo explains and they both look at her. “Ta da!” Kenzi declares miserably.
Bo and Dyson are sitting at a table. Kenzi is sitting on a table behind them with her back to them. Hale sits at her table, looking worn out from keeping crazy women off his boy, which likely took some hefty siren song. Trick is pacing and thinking.
Dyson nurses his pint while Bo dabs at one of Audrey’s claw marks on his arm. He flinches and she asks if it hurts. “Nah, it tickles,” Dyson sneers. “All right, I get it. You’re pissed,” Bo snaps back. Dyson says he understands that Bo hates him right now, “but you put a curse on me?! What are you, fourteen?!” Bo shouts back that, again, it wasn’t her doing the cursing. “It was Baba Yaga, via Kenzi!” This brings Kenzi’s head around as Dyson shouts, “Who does whatever she thinks you want her to do!” Hale and Kenzi together: “Hey, not fair man!” Kenzi looks at Hale–jinx –then pats him on the shoulder in thanks for the support. Sidekick solidarity, FTW!
Bo wonders why she would even bother to put a curse on Dyson. “As far as I’m concerned, you and I are done!” Dyson: “Apparently not. I knew you were sensitive; I didn’t think you were obsessive!” And we’re back to the full on asshole part of the wolf man.
Bo: “Wow. You really are hateable right now,” and she snaps at Kenzi that this is all just great. Being mystically linked to the ex she’s still in love with while he plows his oats all over faedom isn’t what she wanted for Christmas? Huh.
Despite the situation, this is probably the most raw and unvarnished conversation Bo and Dyson have had since the season one finale. Well, maybe excepting Bo’s Team Badass monologue. Neither one is tiptoeing around the other anymore; they’re each leading with their feelings and not holding back. ‘Bout damn time if you ask me.
Bo asks Trick what the deal is with this Baba Yaga chick. Trick: “She’s a hideous witch who helps young Slavic women take revenge on the men who’ve wronged them.” Dyson tosses Kenzi a glare over his shoulder as if to say he never wronged her specifically. Kenzi adds that Baba Yaga feasts on girls who don’t behave. “Or so Moms used to tell me.” Dyson is on a low boil, his hand flexing repeatedly around his glass. Hale snickers to himself, but Kenzi catches it. “And she’s supposed to be a myth!” she says to him emphatically.
“When are you going to stop messing with things you don’t understand?!” Dyson snaps at her. “You’re so bloody human!” Oh, now he’s getting nasty. Dyson loves Kenzi, that hasn’t changed, but even before their relationship developed to what it is now, he’s never treated her like most fae treat humans; he’s never seen her as less. Until now. Besides the hurt pride (and that’s what most of his anger stems from, I think), this out-of-character reaction to Kenzi is evidence that losing his love has changed Dyson in a fundamental way that even he may not fully realize yet, and not only in his relationship with Bo. I expect we’ll see more of that play out this season, or at least I certainly hope so!
Bo looks at Dyson as though she’s never seen him before. Kenzi looks away from him, crushed. Trick: “Kenzi must have invoked the curse on Dyson, a curse that makes all women despise him, in Bo’s name.” As Trick expositions, Hale sighs and pats Kenzi’s clasped hands. He catches her eye and shakes his head to indicate that she shouldn’t let Dyson’s bile get to her. It’s another lovely throwaway moment that this cast does so well together.
Bo and Dyson exchange a charged look. On some level, Dyson knows he deserves what he’s getting and Bo likewise knows that her pain and angst is ultimately responsible for what’s happening to him now. “Hence the shared mark on both your skin,” Trick continues as he joins them. Bo softly tells Dyson that she didn’t ask for this. “But on some level you wanted it,” Trick inserts. Baba Yaga only grants pleas when there’s an intense emotional connection “between the wounded party and her—ah—target,” he ends with some apology in his voice. Dyson snaps a little at this and grips the glass in his hand breaks into pieces beneath his strangling grip, startling everyone.
Kenzi begs Trick to help them, but he refuses saying that Baba Yaga dwells in her own realm where other fae can’t interfere much less enter and even if he could help, he wouldn’t, which could be a first for Trick. “That witch is—” Bo: “One serious slice of harsh?” Wide-eyed, Trick tells her she has no idea.
Kenzi wonders what the hell she supposed to do now. Dyson finally breaks. He pounds the table once with his fist and leaps to his feet, a breath from wolfing out, shouting at Kenzi. “You’re gonna fix it! NOW!”
Bo jumps up between them. “Back off!” she orders with a shot to his shoulder. “Or I will drop kick you into a women’s studies conference!” Almost, I would pay to see that right now. Knowing Bo is serious, Dyson dials back and there’s a little regret in his expression, but not much.
Kenzi looks miserable, but having Dyson lash out at her seems to gird her loins. But she still puts the table between her and Dyson and returns to Hale’s side. “Okay. I did it. I’ll fix.” Hale wonders exactly how she’s going to pull that off.
The succmobile pulls up in front of a trailer. On the side of the trailer is written Look into your past, present, and futures. Walk-Ins Welcome. As they climb out of the succmobile, Bo assures Kenzi that Dyson didn’t mean what he said to her. “Course he did,” Kenzi counters. “And drunk or not, so did I when I cursed him.”
“You know, when Dyson left you, it wasn’t just your heart he broke,” Kenzi confesses. I think Dyson knows this, which is part of the reason he’s so angry with her…and maybe himself too. Bo still doesn’t believe he deserves all of this, and Kenzi argues that she doesn’t deserve “having to visit Aunt Ludmilla.” Bo: “What like your aunt, aunt?” Kenzi: “Yup, yup.” Bo is surprised since Kenzi never talks about her family. Kenzi: “Chiquita, you’re about to see why.”
Inside, Kenzi’s aunt is telling a customer’s fortune. As the customer leaves, she takes Kenzi to task for interrupting her session. “And you haven’t called in two months! And get over here so I can give you great big hug.” Kenzi hugs her auth. “You too Kenzi friend,” Aunt Ludmilla says to Bo, pulling her into the embrace. Bo to Kenzi: “Yeah. This is torture.”
Bo is looking at a picture of a young Kenzi in full ballerina form as Aunt waxes on about Kenzi. “So cute!” Bo says. “To think you were once more wee.” Aunt goes on about young Kenzi’s imagination. “Always with the crying. And the hiding. And the bed-wetting.” Kenzi: “Yeah, well, my stepdad taught me that real life was scarier than any fairy tale,” which sobers Bo right up. Aunt Ludmilla admits that stepdad was a bit strict. Kenzi: “A bit?! He would lock me in the closet if I laughed too loud!”
Aunt Ludmilla tersely changes the subject, saying she knows Kenzi isn’t visiting “from kindness of your heart. What do you need? Fake passport? Place to hide?” Kenzi blurts out that they need to reverse a Baba Yaga curse and Aunt Ludmilla laughs in her face. “Is April Fool joke, no?” Bo: “Here’s hoping Dyson sees it that way.”
At the cop shop, Dyson is in a tizzy. “Why the hell did they move this deposition up?” he asks Hale, more than a little frantic as he constantly scans the area for crazy women headed his way. Hale suggests that Gloria is just nervous. Dyson: “I can’t handle any more psycho chicks today.” Gloria takes this moment to cheerfully call out to Dyson from the other end of the hall. Dyson waves to Gloria, then insists to Hale that he needs to lay low until Bo and Kenzi can reverse the curse. Hale explains for all of us that the organized crime department put in 800 man hours on this case and got nothing but he and Dyson turned Gloria and that cracked the case so wolf man has to be at the deposition. “Have you not noticed how chicks are responding to me today?” Dyson mutters, keeping a wary eye on Gloria. Well, yes, but keep calling them chicks and you’re not gonna need to be cursed to get smacked. I have mad love for the wolf, yes, but it’s a tough love.
Hale insists that Gloria loves him and soberly reminds Dyson she’s their only chance against the Rose family. Dyson tucks in his shirt and braces himself. “You have my back, right?” he confirms with Hale, and means it literally as he, hilariously, turns Hale to face Gloria and uses his partner as a shield. Hale, with resignation: “Try to stay downwind.” HA! Guess eau de Dyson really is not something to be bottled and sold. I’m completely tickled by this chink in Dyson’s considerable appeal. Adds a little humanity to the man. You know what I mean!
Back at Auntie Ludmilla’s trailer, she is still laughing at Bo and Kenzi, insisting there is no Baba Yaga “like there is no Santa Claus or an honest Ukrainian.” Kenzi: “My charming fam. Also a wee bit racist.” Bo has had enough of the kid gloves. “Know what else isn’t supposed to exist?” she asks Auntie Ludmilla. “Succubae.” She sucks a little chi from Kenzi’s aunt. Kenzi: “OK, making out with my peeps to prove a point? Totally gross.”
Stunned, Auntie Ludmilla collapses into her chair. “What demon are you?” she asks Bo with fearful awe. Kenzi insists Bo is a “lamb chop” compared to the hag in the mirror and urges Bo to show Auntie the brand. Auntie Ludmilla cautiously admits that she knows how to summon the Baba “in theory” and Bo decides it’s time to put that theory to the test.
At the cop shop, Hale and Dyson are in the interrogation room with Gloria and her lawyer. Hale confirms Gloria is prepared to testify. Gloria: “I guess. I mean,” and she smiles at Dyson who is standing in front of the door, prepared to bolt. “Detective Dyson told me I should.” Dyson takes a breath and relaxes slightly as it appears Gloria is not about to wig out on him. Hale continues confirming she’ll testify her boyfriend order the hit and Gloria agrees that he did a lot of terrible things. Her eyes get squinty and her chin lowers as she glares at Dyson. “Guys do,” she says in a dark voice. Dyson looks like a deer caught in the headlights. “Oh
shite shoot,” he mutters. I am vastly entertained. Hale tries to head her off at the pass, but the curse has Gloria in its grip. “Isn’t that just like a man,” she starts, building up steam. “To promise to protect you and then show up late to your deposition and abandon you?!” Dyson is backing up, frantically clawing for the doorknob to get out before she lunges for him. “Dyson, you son of a bitch! I’ll kill you!” Gloria yells, smacking her hands on the table before climbing over it. Dyson waves Hale over to intercept Gloria as he makes his escape.
At Auntie Ludmilla’s trailer, Auntie is pulling the sheet off her stand alone, floor-length mirror. “I am ready to summon Baba Yaga,” she intones, draping an amulet around her neck. Bo asks what the necklace does and Auntie tells them it protects the wearing from the witch. “Where’s ours?!” Kenzi demands, chomping down on some Menthos or something. “I only have the one,” Auntie Ludmilla admits, “moving on.”
“Holy,” Kenzi whispers chewing another candy. “Oh sweet, sweet Susan. I’m so scared, I can’t even swear right now! I think I’m gonna vom.” Bo tries to calm her down by reminding Kenzi that it is only an old lady in a mirror. “No!” Kenzi argues. “Baba Yaga is the nightmare that haunted my childhood. Did I mention the vom?!” Bo: “You’re scared. I’m scared. So we’ll be scared together. Like always. OK?” And that folks is this series in a nutshell. Bo and Kenzi against the world. Together.
Auntie Ludmilla has been stripping off her earrings during this exchange. She begins to chant in Russian. Drawing a dagger, she slices Bo’s hand from wrist to the base of her finger. With a small glare at Kenzi, Bo tips her hand so the blood pours into a small wooden bowl. Kenzi whispers something in Russian. “Then you best be wearing diaper,” her aunt advises. Muttering more Russian, Auntie Ludmilla dips her finger in Bo’s blood and uses it to draw a symbol on Kenzi’s cheek. Kenzi immediately goes into a trance. Alarmed, Bo calls her name. Auntie Ludmilla: “Hush, demon. We need her in trance.”
Entranced Kenzi starts wheezing. She repeats Baba Yaga’s name six times and then repeats the curse she invoked the night before on Dyson. Suddenly, a voice comes from the mirror and the shadowy outline of the witch appears. “And I made good on that plea,” Baba Yaga says. Bo stands up and explains to the witch that the curse was invoked in her name but not with her permission and she wants it gone.
Baba Yaga admits that she can remove the affliction in exchange for the succubus in whose name it was made. Bo: “What?!” Instantly, Baba Yaga pulls Bo toward the mirror. Bo slams into the table, gripping it for dear life, but the table just gets pulled along with her. Auntie Ludmilla grabs Bo’s feet to no avail. The noise of their struggle pulls Kenzi from her trance. Once she realizes Bo is being taken by Baba Yaga, she jumps in front of the mirror. “I’m the one who invoked the curse!” she shouts. “I’m the one who should pay!” Auntie Ludmilla: “Kenzi no!” but the damage has been done. Baba Yaga: “I was hoping you would say that. I have no need for a succubus. But a nubile young girl?! That I can’t deny!” She cackles and, before Bo and Auntie’s horrified eyes, absorbs Kenzi into the mirror and into her realm. Freed, Bo runs up to the mirror, calling Kenzi’s name, but the glass shatters.
Kenzi wakes up on a stone floor and the first thing she sees is a skeleton complete with its skull. She calls for her aunt and even, cautiously, for Baba Yaga. “Miss Yaga?” No response. Slowly Kenzi rises, taking in her surroundings. “Oh, Bone collection on display. Oh scary Russian farm tools.” She quickly snatches up a shovel. “Rural skeleton chic?” She eases forward calling for Bo, but instead a girl comes to the gate of her cell and tells Kenzi not to be scared. “You’re not alone.” Other girls come to their cell doors as well. Shocked, Kenzi asks who the girls are. GretelOne: “We came through the mirror. Like you, we are—hers.”
Kenzi: “Oh, no, no, no way-sies. We gotta get outta her before she gets back.” She runs for the door, but can’t get it open. The Gretels come out of their cells and they’re each dressed in clothes from different time periods. Not a good sign. Kenzi fruitlessly wields the shovel again. “Better see to your chores,” advises GretelOne. Kenzi: “Chores?! Yes, insane Martha Stewart that is definitely what we should be worried about!” She points out that Baba Yaga could return at any moment, but GretelTwo insists that Kenzi not say the witch’s name. Ah, so She Who Shall Not Be Named is in da house, huh. GretelTwo advises Kenzi that she really doesn’t want to draw attention to herself in this place and that Kenzi should instead help them prepare for the feast. Kenzi looks around in despair. “Bo, I don’t know where I am. So how will you?”
Back at Auntie Ludmilla’s trailer, Bo tells a wailing Auntie that she has to send Bo through that mirror. “It’s broken,” Auntie moans. “So we’ll get another one!” Bo says, freaking out. Auntie wails that it’s not so simple. Bo tries to comfort her but is on the edge herself, barely holding on.
At Tolkien’s Parlor, Trick leads Bo and Dyson inside, expositioning with heat that Baba Yaga doesn’t live in their world and she has very specific rules about who’s invited to enter hers. “Well, I generally don’t give a rat’s ass about rules,” Bo spits out. Dyson, showing shades of his old self, gently explains that some fae are so territorial, they don’t let other fae cross their boundaries. Bo: “Dyson, this thing took Kenzi! Stupid, stubborn, human Kenzi!” She takes a threatening step toward him. “And if you don’t help me get her back, I am going to make this curse look like a teddy bear’s picnic!” Well, if you go down to the woods today, you’d sure as hell better go in disguise, kiddo.
“Of course I’m going to help,” Dyson insists in THAT VOICE. “I’m still me.” Bo: “Yeah, sometimes I wonder.” This jab hits Dyson true, but Trick interjects before he can respond, assuring Bo that Baba Yaga isn’t going to eat Kenzi right away. “She’s gonna want to—fatten her up first.” Dyson: “Lucky for us, that could take a while.” Bo is not amused. “That’s hardly comforting,” but Dyson tells her that’s all they’ve got.
Bo starts to flip out. “Trick, we gotta move on this!” Once again, Trick asserts that he can’t help her, only this time he adds the caveat that there is another way. “It’s just really dangerous, Bo,” Dyson adds. Bo: “It’s Kenzi,” as though that explains everything, and for these two – these three, really – it totally does. Dyson: “Then you’d better learn to love the taste of crow. Come on.” Exeunt Team Badass.
Back at the House of Bones, Kenzi and the Gretels are choppin’ broccoliiiiiii!!!! They’re choppin’ broccoliiiiiiii!!!!!! Actually, they’re chopping potatoes, but I was in the moment. Kenzi puts up with this for about a minute and then asks when they all get to go home. The Gretels look at her with varying degrees of sadness, as though they’ve never heard the word before. They chop some more silently before Kenzi tries speaks up again wondering where “you know who” is anyway. GretelOne spins her mother’s old tale that the witch stalks the underworld to prevent souls of the dead from being reborn. I had a grade school teacher like that once.
Chop, chop, chop. Kenzi: “Somebody should really tell BY that these things come in frozen French-fried form!” Extra points for alliteration! GretelTwo wonders what kind of good Russian girl doesn’t know how to peel a potato? Kenzi: “If I was good, I wouldn’t be here.”
GretelTwo introduces herself as Elena, so we know for sure that she’s going to be dead soon. Kenzi: “Love your top. It’s super groovy.” Elena asks which boy Kenzi cursed. Kenzi: “He wasn’t so much a boy as a horny, hairy, head case. And he wasn’t mine.” Ha! Elena explains that her boyfriend ditched her for her best friend, but when she cursed him he almost died. Elena begged the witch to lift the curse, “which she did, in exchange for my lifelong servitude.” Kenzi is having a hard time believing this as Elena looks so young even though her clothes are dated and then there’s “Fiddler on the Roof reject there,” she says pointing out GretelOne. “How long have you guys been here?” Elena confesses that it’s been long enough for them to have seen some horrible things. “You think it’s going to get easier, but it never does.”
Chop, chop, chop. Kenzi looks around and notices an arched doorway leading to the back of the House of Bones. When she asks, Elena whispers that the area is off limits, which, naturally, is catnip for Kenzi. She puts down her knife and creeps through the archway. Suddenly, a feral, chained man comes running out yelling. Kenzi screams and runs out of reach. “Holy potato! What the crap is that?!” Elena calls it the Domovoi, a type of fae guard—thing. Kenzi, always the thief, spies a trunk behind the Domovoi and goes straight to the heart of the matter: “What exactly is he guarding?”
At the Ash’s compound, an aggravated Bo is downloading Lachlan. “That’s all there is to tell, Lachlan. I mean Ash...The Ash.” Aw, she’s trying to play nice again! Lachlan is taking the piss out of her, musing instead about his decorating plans for the room to “brighten up the place, take away the gloom. What do you think?” he asks Bo. “Leave the throne? Yes or no?” Bo is fast running out of patience with his shtick.
Lachlan doesn’t understand Bo’s urgency. “Baba Yaga has your human. So what?” Bo: “Her name is Kenzi!” Lachlan smarms that if someone snatched his pet, he’d just go get another one. “Though, mind you, I am growing fond of my human doctor.” Bo is really getting riled now. “And her name is Lauren, you bastard!” she shouts. Dyson tries to calm Bo down, but she’s not having any. “Can you help me or not!” she demands of Lachlan. The Ash admits that it’s tricky but he can help her sneak into Baba Yaga’s cottage, “but the real question is: why would I do that?”
Bo steps up the stairs to the throne. Dyson watches her warily, ready to step in if she moves to attack Lachlan, but Bo simply tells The Ashhole that she’s reconsidered his offer to freelance for him and the light fae, “as long as I can get Kenzi home, alive.”
This, of course, is exactly what Lachlan wants. “All it took was some persuasion from the Russian hag. Remind me to send Babs a fruit basket.” He tells Bo that if she makes it through this, they’ll talk about the terms of their new arrangement. Bo pings on his use of “if.” Lachlan: “It all depends on how long you can hold your breath.”
At the House of Bones, Kenzi is back at the long table with the Gretels. She doesn’t understand why they aren’t trying to escape. GretelOne shushes her. “It’s time for the feast.” Kenzi says she’s hungry and all, but a feast in this place is insane. She takes a roll, but GretelOne smacks it from her hand. “The meal is not for us!”
There’s a noise at the door and Baba Yaga finally arrives. Basically, she’s straight out of central casting, what you’d expect to see with the descriptor “Russian hag,” complete with Slavic accent, craggy teeth, and one milky eye. None of the girls look at her. Baba Yaga goes from girl to girl and each take a stone out of the bag in her hand. “What’s with the sack?” Kenzi whispers to Elena. She explains that whoever picks the black marble leaves. Kenzi thinks this means a chance to get out of the House of Bones, but by the looks on Elena and GretelOne’s faces, not so much.
Even Kenzi must choose a stone and at a signal from Baba Yaga, the girls open their hands; Elena has the black stone. Baba Yaga nudges her hard in the shoulder and Elena slowly stands. “She’s not leaving, leaving, is she?” Kenzi whispers to GretelOne. “Just be happy it’s not you,” GretelOne tells her. They watch in horror as Baba Yaga leads Elena to the massive, walk-in stove in the rear of the House of Bones. Kenzi shouts after her, “Elena, don’t do this! You can fight!” because Kenzi will always fight to the end. But Elena is not Kenzi. “It’s all right,” she tells our girl. “I’m just so tired. At least now I’ll be free.” And she walks into the stove.
Later, Baba Yaga is gnawing on Elena’s rib and eyeing Kenzi. Kenzi, being Kenzi, stares right back and Baba Yaga cackles. “You dare to look at me?!” She decides to show Kenzi how she treats her pets and proceeds to abuse the Domovoi. Kenzi takes the moment to slip a knife in her sleeve. Baba Yaga warns Kenzi that time moves very slowly in the House of Bones and orders her to “clean up this…Elena.” Kenzi begins to straighten up but as Baba Yaga turns her back on Kenzi, she grabs the skillet instead. “If I’m gonna do the time, then why not the crime!” She whacks Baba Yaga over the head. Running for the door, she tries to work the lock with the knife, but the door bites her. Baba Yaga is suddenly there, mwah ha ha-ing that she has already forgotten her name. It’s Kenzi, hag! “But for this,” she sneers, pointing to her head, “I will call you dessert!” She drags a screaming Kenzi away.
Back in the throne room, Bo and Dyson are reviewing a scroll as the door’s open to admit a striking woman, who immediately goes for Dyson’s (this time metaphorical) jugular. “My, my. Look who slithered back into my pipes.” Dyson mutters to Bo that he thought the curse was over. “Look, nymph. You just think you hate me. I’m under a curse.” Nymph: “Of what? The curse of not calling me back?” Dyson is puzzled and the nymph helpfully reminds him of Tulliver’s New Year’s Eve party, “you, me, hot tub.” This pings for Dyson and he calls her Chloe. Is this the nymph whose number Dyson told Hale he’d lost and didn’t even care due to Bo’s relentless need for “healing” in season one’s Dead Lucky? Wait, no, her name was Daphne. Somebody clearly has a taste for nymphs.
Bo sighs, pissed at tripping over another of Dyson’s exes on her way to save Kenzi. “I apologize,” Dyson offers to Chloe, though it’s not clear if he’s apologizing for forgetting her or apologizing for not calling her. Chloe asks Bo if she’s Dyson’s latest, and for once Bo is happy to announce she’s another former. Chloe: “Well, you dodged a bullet there.” She sends Dyson a sly look. “Or something that requires ointment.” Sounds like Dyson doesn’t even need to be cursed to piss off the women of faekind. Playa does just fine on his own.
Chloe asks about the curse and Bo brings her up to speed, explaining that she needs the nymph’s help to get into Baba Yaga’s realm. Chloe: “I don’t assist on suicide missions,” and Bo points out that she’s under official orders and hands over Lachlan’s scroll. Chloe examines the scroll as Bo and Dyson exchange worried looks.
Back at the House of Bones, Baba Yaga drags Kenzi across the room. “I was just joking, I swear,” Kenzi pleads. “Haven’t you ever played a rousing game of frying-pan-to-the-head?!” Baba Yaga: “You are so bony! I’m going to put you in a pie!” The Domovoi rears up at them both but Baba Yaga swats him back.
This gives Kenzi an idea and she starts to con Baba Yaga, telling the witch she’s about to kill the best animal trainer around. Why else would the succubus keep a dirty human like her around? “And house/beastie etiquette is my specialty!” She bargains for a week to train the Domovoi, but the witch only gives her two hours. Kenzi says she’s going to need a switch from a willow tree, a bell from a Highland cow, and bones from a goat born on a Sunday. Baba Yaga is skeptical, but she leaves the House of Bones anyway to get Kenzi’s items. “I will turn your Cujo into a Benji!” Kenzi promises.
Back in the throne room, Chloe tells Bo that she’s heard of her, but her powers won’t help her survive the trip to Baba Yaga’s realm. Dyson: “I think you underestimate how determined Bo can be.” You would know, babe. Bo insists that she’s going after Baba Yaga or she’ll die trying. She even has an official decree from The Ash, but if Chloe wants to go ahead and defy that…
But Chloe’s in. “It’ll be a nice change from clearing out the drains in this place.” Dyson asks how it all works and Chloe explains that mirrors and bodies of water are portals to Baba Yaga’s realm and she’s the gatekeeper to the local water portal. Bo: “Great! So where do we do this? A lap pool? Obnoxious fountain?” Chloe: “Easy there, Little Mermaid.” Ha! Chloe warns that the process of crossing over can be fairly gruesome and they’d be better off finding another portal.
Back at the House of Bones, Kenzi is running around searching for a way out before Baba Yaga returns. GretelOne calls her crazy. “The witch will know things have been disturbed and then we will all be punished!” Kenzi: “You know what? Mind your own babka! Not one of you did anything when Baba was eating Elena!” GretelOne points out that Kenzi did nothing too, and Kenzi sneers that it’s every girl for herself then.
She again spies the trunk being guarded by the Domovoi. “I’m really more of a cat person,” she moans. She grabs one of the ribs from the table, apologizing to Elena along the way, and offers it to the Domovoi, scooting past when he pounces on it. Inside the trunk, she finds a hand-held mirror. Running back into the room, she holds the mirror before her and invokes, “Mirror mirror on the wall. Time to bust this bitch’s balls! Take me home!” But nothing happens. “Home!” she shouts again, pounding on the mirror. In desperation she turns to the Gretels to see if they know how it works, but they don’t. Forlorn, Kenzi calls into the mirror for Bo.
At Hilton Hovel (drink!), Bo, Dyson, and Chloe stare down at the bathtub that is now filled with water and ice. Bo wonders if Chloe is trying to give her hypothermia. Chloe explains that the ice will help slow Bo’s heart rate. “You have to be unconscious to enter Baba Yaga’s realm.” Bo reaches out for Dyson who carefully hands her into the tub while Chloe expositions that it’s impossible to hold oneself under water, to will the water into her lungs. She, Chloe, is going to be using all her strength to hold the portal open. Bo looks up at Dyson. “No matter what’s gone down between us, I trust you, absolutely. That’s kinda my curse.” Dyson reacts a bit to this; he knows it’s true and has that same trust for her, and it’s a little sad but I think he also relies on that trust always being there between them. Team Badass.
Dyson, with a pocket watch in his hand, promises to give her as much time on the other side as he can. Bo is terrified. She tells him that when she was six, she almost drowned in Lake Miniwappo. “This won’t be fun,” she predicts darkly. Bo breathes deeply and submerses; Dyson immediately puts his enormous hand on her chest to hold her down. Seriously, his hand nearly covers her entire chest. Strewth. Almost, I’m afraid to check the distance between the tips of his thumb and forefinger…
Chloe begins to shake as she struggles to open the portal. Suddenly, Bo starts to thrash violently and fights Dyson’s hold, smacking and clawing his arm. He holds her under with effort until her struggles cease. “Come on, Bo,” he encourages her softly. “Let go.”
Bo wakes up at the House of Bones in the same spot Kenzi did, muttering “Lake Miniwappo.” Kenzi comes running up and hugs her. “Bo! Oh my God, you came! This place is like Hansel and Gretel meets Hannibal Lecter!” Bo tells her they’re leaving, but as Kenzi begins to warn her about the “fae-beastman” and the biting door, Baba Yaga jumps in front of Bo, all “Who dares enter my world uninvited!” Bo says she brought a housewarming gift and punches her, but the old witch barely flinches. “You’re in my world. You’re here without my permission so your powers are null!” She picks Bo up by the throat and throws her against the wall. Bo falls to the floor unconscious while Kenzi tries to wake her up.
At Hilton Hovel (drink!), Bo rises up from the frozen tub gasping for breath while Dyson supports her with his mammoth hands. God, I love the length and breadth of a musician’s hands! “Son of a Baba, that bitch is strong,” Bo gasps. Dyson barks: “What happened?! Where’s Kenzi?!” and Bo frantically begs him to send her back, but Chloe fiercely objects that Bo can’t deprive her body of oxygen like that. “Even fae need to breathe! And there’s no guarantee that we can revive you!”
Bo grabs Dyson’s shirt in her fist, commanding his attention. “I’ve lost you,” she tells him, raw and desperate in her fear. “I’ve probably lost Lauren. I will NOT lose Kenzi!” He nods. He gets it—he gets her. Show, you are STILL killing me with this! “Go!” Bo orders him. “Go! Go!” and he shoves her back under. Chloe struggles to keep the portal open as Dyson growls with effort. By the way, that look on Dyson’s face? That is not the look of a man who doesn’t care for (dare I say love?) this woman.
Bo wakes up again in the House of Bones, a frantic Kenzi yelling in her face that Baba Yaga is coming back. Baba Yaga ominously opens the doors to the walk-in stove. The old witch chortles that if the succubus is that keen to stay, she can accommodate her “say in a nice rose sauce!” Bo draws her knife. “I’m more of a marinara girl.” She backs Baba Yaga toward the stove while ordering Kenzi to get out. Baba Yaga wonders how Kenzi is supposed to do that. “With this!” Kenzi says, triumphantly holding up the hand mirror. It’s Baba Yaga’s turn to freak out. “That is mine!”
“It doesn’t seem to be working!” Kenzi accuses as she pounds the mirror with her hand and on her bony thigh. They squabble over the mirror with Baba Yaga ordering Kenzi to stop pounding it before she breaks it, destroying her only way of getting home. “And a direct route to your food supply,” Kenzi points out.
I love how resourceful Kenzi’s been this whole episode. She keeps fighting no matter what. She knows Bo will eventually get there to save her, but she doesn’t wait around for it or try to make do until Bo shows up. She scrapes and bargains and steals and survives and, more often than not, saves herself pretty damn well.
The old witch tries to bargain, offering to let Bo and Kenzi go back in exchange for the mirror. “Look in the mirror and picture home.” Kenzi does so and sees the hazy image of Hilton Hovel. “What about the other girls?” she asks, because she’s Kenzi and she would never leave someone behind. Baba Yaga insists they’re from different times and places. “They cannot all go back!”
Never tell that to Kenzi. “Like hell they can’t!” Kenzi shouts and she slams the mirror on the ground, breaking it into three pieces. As Baba Yaga shrieks in dismay, held off by Bo and her dagger, Kenzi runs to the remaining three Gretels and gives them each a shard of glass. One by one, they think of home and, with a flash of magical light, vanish. Only GretelOne resists, pointing out that it’s the last piece. “That’s my best friend,” Kenzi says without hesitation, pointing to Bo. “I won’t leave without her.” GretelOne thanks her, looks into the mirror, and vanishes.
Bo is distracted by this last flash of magically light, and Baba Yaga knocks the dagger from her hand and Bo out cold for the third time. “Bo, get up,” Kenzi shouts as Baba Yaga turns the knife on her.
Back at Hilton Hovel, Dyson is still holding Bo under. Panting, Chloe puts a hand on his arm and warns him if he holds Bo under much longer, he’s going to hurt her. Dyson: “If I pull her out too soon, she’s gonna hurt me.” Chloe: “Dyson, she’s dying.” Torn, Dyson checks his watch as the seconds tick away.
“YOU!” Baba Yaga yells at Kenzi, backing her toward the stove as Domovoi struggles against his chains. “I remember your name,” the witch says, evilly. She tells Kenzi she used to watch her as a little girl as Kenzi sprints for the door. “Kenzi!” Baba Yaga hisses, pulling her back.
At Hilton Hovel (drink!), Dyson is calling to Bo. “Come on, Bo!” but she is unresponsive. Lifting her up slightly, he checks her neck. “No pulse!” he shouts, yanking her out of the tub.
“You were petrified of me,” Baba Yaga taunts Kenzi. But there was someone else who terrified Kenzi even more. “Your stepfather!” The old witch tells her she used to watch Kenzi in the mirror. “You would call my name once. Twice. Oh and I’d wait in the shadows.” The Domovoi is having a meltdown watching Baba Yaga stalk Kenzi.
At Hilton Hovel (drink!), Dyson and his large paws are performing vigorous CPR on Bo, to no avail.
Baba Yaga: “Oh, but you never had the guts to call me the third time!” She and Kenzi are at the edge of the roaring fire and Baba Yaga grabs Kenzi by the throat. “To actually summon me to destroy the man who was making your life miserable!”
Kenzi: “Well I’m not that scared girl anymore! Thanks to her!” She clearly means Bo who is still lying unconscious on the floor of the House of Bones. I’m not even going to try to unravel how she can be there and be on the floor at Hilton Hovel at the same time, essentially creating two Bos. Schrodinger’s cat will just have to remain simultaneously alive and dead this time around; I am not going to open that box.
Baba Yaga thinks it’s almost a shame to eat Kenzi considering how far she has grown, which is kind of a backwards compliment if you look at it the wrong way. “But you must pay for what you’ve done!”
The Domovoi finally breaks free. He charges as Baba Yaga prepares to throw Kenzi into the fire. Kenzi manages to pull free just before Domovoi tackles Baba Yaga and momentum carries them both straight into the fire. Kenzi slams the stove doors shut behind them. “I told you I was good with pets,” she gasps, then, “Bo!”
Cracks start to form in the stove. Kenzi is suddenly in the bathtub in Hilton Hovel. So, she left Bo lying unconscious on the floor in the House of Bones and what? Jumped into the soup? Eh, whatever.
Kenzi sits up in the tub, soaking wet and gasping for air, and works to orient herself. She hears Chloe yell at Dyson to stop, “She’s not coming back!” Dyson shouts again, “Come on, Bo!” and Kenzi looks to see him laboring over Bo, refusing to give up on her. Yeah, sure he doesn’t love her anymore.
See, this is where I break over this whole lost-his-love plotline. Dyson obviously still has very strong feelings for Bo, but by the rules of the show he’s absolutely lost his love, his passion, for her. So where is all this emotion supposed to originate then? Loyalty? Friendship? I would argue that both those emotions are based in love of one kind or another. I think the writers/producers didn’t think this plot line through and then got stuck having to extend it for the added episodes the network bought and the hole just got bigger and bigger. At least, in the meantime, we have great scenes like this to chew over.
“Oh my God, BO!” Kenzi shouts. Chloe tells her with some awe that Bo wouldn’t leave Baba Yaga’s realm without Kenzi. The nymph doesn’t really understand it, but she clearly respects Bo for it. Dyson is practically beating Bo’s chest in his desperation to revive her. In a last desperate act, he puts his mouth on hers, literally trying to breathe life back into Bo. (Why he didn’t start off with mouth-to-mouth for a drowning victim is anyone’s guess.)
Naturally, Bo responds to his kiss, and as her succubus powers kick in, she begins to drain Dyson’s chi, the blue stringy saliva of power still not as gross as it should be. Dyson catches on fast to what’s happening and braces himself on the floor, then cradles her head to hold on close and feed her more power. It occurs to me that this is the first time he’s fed her since before she went off to fight Aoife in Blood Lines.
Finally, Bo’s eyelids fly open, her irises glowing blue. As she coughs her lungs clear, Dyson rears back, gasping, but hauls her upright with him, supporting her on his leg. Bo immediately looks to the tub where a relieved Kenzi is smiling back at her. “Hi!” Bo: “Hi!” Dyson can’t take his eyes from Bo. He checks Kenzi once, and then is back to staring at Bo as he catches his breath. Bo to Kenzi: “From now on? I’m sticking to showers.” Kenzi laughs. Dyson laughs. Bo laughs. They’re all relieved and more than a little amazed to all still be alive. I really miss these three like that. Laughing. United.
At the cop shop, Dyson is escorting a much calmer Gloria down the hall so I guess it’s the next day. He thanks her for testifying, that it’ll help them put away the mob guy, “and, by the way, help me keep my job.” Gloria takes his arm and rubs against him. “And in return, you promise that you’ll keep me safe.” Dyson, smiling: “I will personally drop you off to your witness protection.”
“Is this because I got a little temperamental yesterday?” she asks with disappointment. “Just saying goodbye. Doing my job,” he says, tellingly. Gloria winces, but she knows the score. “Dyson. Do you always have to be such a heartbreaker?” Yes. Apparently. Damn it.
He smiles, but before he can respond. Gloria grabs Dyson’s head and kisses him. For his part, Dyson doesn’t respond – too much – but keeps his eyes open, scanning the room to make sure they’re not being noticed because macking with a witness really will get him fired. Gloria breaks off and leaves and he watches her, wondering.
At Hilton Hovel (drink!), Kenzi places a bottle of vodka on the table. “Another shot?!” she asks Bo. “Chased by a delicious pickle of course!” Bo can’t believe Kenzi is ready to drink again. Kenzi: “I always drink after a barbeque.” Snort!
Bo is glad to see Kenzi so happy. “But the next time you’re not? No more invocations.” Kenzi fervently pinkie swears, than admits it’s mostly because they’re so expensive. She hands over Aunt Ludmilla’s bill for $300.
Bo segues into asking about Kenzi’s stepfather, and Kenzi reluctantly reassures Bo that he never hurt her, hurt her, and it was a long time ago anyways. Bo: “You faced your greatest fear and lived to tell the tale.” Kenzi, with a flip of her hair: “Ain’t no thang but a chicken wing.”
She admits, more solemnly, that it only got scary when she thought she wouldn’t see Bo again. Bo: “Oh Kenzi. I would never give up on you.” Kenzi says she knows this but asks Bo to promise she won’t give up on herself either. “In Russian we have this saying: Dodna! To the bottom! Of the glass, yes, but also, we can fight, Bo. Fight for Dyson. Fight for Lauren. Fight for what makes you happy. To the bottom.”
Bo, smiling, raises her glass to toast, “To my bestie. May the only thing she sees in the mirror be her own beautiful reflection.” Awwwww. Kenzi smiles back and preens a little. “Da,” she says popping up to grab the bottle. “Cause that girl be smokin’!” Bo laughs as Kenzi drapes her arm over Bo’s neck and they walk to the stairs. “Oh yeah she is!” Kenzi: “So smokin’! No seriously, like on a scale of one to ten?” Bo: “You’re a ten?” Kenzi: “I am above a ten.” Their voices fade as they climb the stairs, but behind them, the kitchen mirror waffles and a crispy fried crone claw slowly breaks through…
New Fae Terms:
Baba Yaga. n. Russian witch hag who steals and eats young girls. Occasionally, Babs will grant the girls vengeance wishes against the men who have wronged them. Despite this similarity in job purpsoe, she does not appear to be any relation to Anyanka. Baba Yaga lives in her own realm, separate from the rest of the fae world, to which no one may enter without invitation.
Domovoir: n. a fae guard –thing of some nature. Dog like. Untrainable.
Nymph: n. Gatekeepers of water portals. Fond of hot tubs.
Quotes of the Night:
Kenzi: Oh my God, Dyson, I la-hove your pelt.
Bo: To his wang! May it rest in peace!
Kenzi: Perhaps we’re concentrating too much on Dyson’s genital region.
Kenzi: What the fae?
Hale: You could talk a nun into a three-way. Dyson: Ah, the Crusades. Good times!
Trick: You should see our Sesame Street. Kenzi: Don’t tease. That would be awesome.
Audrey the waitress: I’m gonna kill him. Bo: Oh I’ve been there, sister.
Bo to Dyson: Back off! Or I will drop kick you into a women’s studies conference!
Bo to Kenzi: To think you were once more wee.
Bo to Kenzi: You’re scared. I’m scared. So we’ll be scared together. Like always.
Bo to Dyson: If you don’t help me get her back I am going to make this curse look like a teddy bear’s picnic!
Chloe: You dodged a bullet there. Or something that requires ointment.
Kenzi: Haven’t you ever played a rousing game of frying-pan-to-the-head?!
Baba Yaga: You are so bony! I’m going to put you in a pie!
Dyson: I think you underestimate how determined Bo can be.
Bo: So where do we do this? A lap pool? Obnoxious fountain? Chloe: Easy there, Little Mermaid.
Kenzi: Mirror mirror on the wall. Time to bust this bitch’s balls!
Bo to Dyson: No matter what’s gone down between us, I trust you, absolutely. That’s kinda my curse.
Bo to Dyson: I’ve lost you. I’ve probably lost Lauren. I will NOT lose Kenzi!
Kenzi: That’s my best friend. I won’t leave without her.
Next week: Episode 5: BrotherFae of the Wolf
Kiersten Hallie Krum writes smart, sharp & sexy romantic suspense. Find her snarking her way across social media as @kierstenkrum and on her web site and blog at www.kierstenkrum.com.