Our Lost Girl obsession is going strong! If you’re just now diving into the show, be sure to check out all of Kiersten Krum’s recaps, including those for the last few episodes of Season 1 (episode 11, episode 12, and episode 13) and the start of Season 2 (episode 1 and episode 2). All caught up? Good. And now, on to the recap for last night’s episode, 2.03, “Scream a Little Dream.”
At Hilton Hovel (drink!), Kenzi is cleaning. Yep, you read that right. Behind her is a stack of about 15 pizza boxes, not all of them empty. The broom, unaccustomed to such vigorous use, fights back, shoving a splinter in her finger. As she screams with pain and frustration, Bo comes running in from the back, sword in one hand, throwing ax in the other, frantically asking what’s wrong. Kenzi throws the broom, knocking the pizza boxes over as she complains that it bit her. “Really,” Bo notes more calmly. “Big talker who survives basilisk poisoning gets TKOd by a broom?” Kenzi: “Oh, like you’ve never been suckered by a big shaft of wood?” Bo objects “hey!” and Kenzi apologies, but adds that Bo is freaking her out. “We should be out there dusting bad guys not actually dusting!” Bo: “I am just trying to scrub away...” she pauses, then sucks it up and points an imperious finger at Kenzi, “the wolf who shall not be named!”
Kenzi deflates a little and gently points out that Bo is binge cleaning. “Spring cleaning of the heart begins with spring cleaning of the hearth.” Bo dictates the litany with the sweetest look of desperate need on her face, anxious to believe what must be a homily reiterated over the years by her human mother. Kenzi insists that something like that belongs on a “hurlmark card,” but if it’s spring cleaning Bo needs, then she can be Cinderella, and Kenzi will be her little birdie. Aw. Bo is taken aback a bit at her quick compliance, but cautiously thanks her as Kenzi lifts the lid of a pizza box and sniffs experimentally at a slice.
At The Crawford Hotel, Doorman tips his hat at a passing female jogger then reaches back to open the door for a robed resident. He asks after Mrs. Farlinger’s health, and does some general doorman chit chat as the old woman stands dazedly on the sidewalk. Finally he asks if everything is okay. “To sleep, perchance to dream,” Mrs. F. mutters. With a sob, she runs back inside the building, pursued by a concerned Doorman who watches as she runs straight into a pillar and drops to the ground. Dumbfounded, Doorman looks around the lobby and notices that all of the residents are roaming aimlessly, like the entire cast of Cuckoo’s Nest was lobotomized.
At a diner, Doorman pours half a bottle of sugar into his coffee as Bo and Kenzi join him. Kenzi flips his bellman’s hat onto her head. “This is the platform to Hogwarts?” she asks, cheekily. He looks blankly at her for a moment. “Oh. You’re joking.” Kenzi: “My talents are totally wasted on the fae crowd.” Bo steps in to save Doorman, “don’t mind Tina not fae here. I’m Bo. What can we do for you, Frank?” Doorman/Frank: “Thanks for coming, Bo.” He nods at Kenzi, “Tina,” which makes me smile.
Show, I am so proud of you. We’re only 3:14 in and already our fae of the day has been identified by name. Sniff. It warms the cynical cockles of a recapper’s heart.
Frank expositions his cover job is as a doorman at The Crawford “good building; nice people,” and Bo clarifies that Frank is light fae. The Crawford is essentially his territory and he cares for the folks who live there. “I love those humans. It kills me to see them all messed up.” Kenzi’s face softens, and she wonders how messed up they’re talking about here. This is an interesting wrinkle because almost every fae they’ve met that’s not part of their posse has looked on humans as food, certainly without any affection. Now Frank is all verklempt over them.
Frank says all his residents have gone insane, “mush for brains,” and he thinks dark fae are at work, “Dark fae feeding in my territory hurting my humans.” He says this in a hushed tone after furtively looking around as though dark fae ninjas will down from hovering black helicopters at the mere mention of their name. Oh, they do that?! Whoops.
Bo suggests he take the issue to The Ash, and Frank says he’s tried, but was told it was his territory, ergo his problem.
“If you ask me,” and again he stops and checks the corners, “the new guy? Doesn’t give a flying whatoosie about humans.” Bo and Kenzi exchange looks—they’ve met him, they know. Frank goes on to say he hears that Bo has a soft spot for humans, and—This is a test. This is a test to see if you notice the dialogue the SyFy Channel has seen fit to trim from the U.S. airing of this episode. Check. We noticed.
Bo confirms that she doesn’t like the idea of dark fae any more than he does. She promises they’ll do what they can. Frank is very relieved and Bo promises to meet him at The Crawford in 10 minutes. Frank stands up, practically to attention, and barely manages not to salute. “Bo,” he says in farewell, and then turns to a quiet Kenzi, “Tina,” he nods. Hee.
Bo pulls out her cell and starts to dial as Kenzi whines that if they ever made any money off these cases, they could hire a cleaning lady. Bo asserts that helping Frank will do more for her than all the cleaning in the world. “But calling Dyson,” Kenzi says, pulling the phone out of Bo’s hand, “will make you feel like an ass, oh Mistress of Masochism.” Bo grabs the phone back and tells Kenzi to relax. “Medical mystery?” she says, “Sounds like it’s right up Lauren’s alley,” she says with an anticipatory smile that Kenzi fails to miss. “Hey! The best way to get over somebody is to get under someone else.” Bo shoots her a naughty grin and as Kenzi gets up she asks where she’s going. Kenzi: “Look, I know you and the good doctor have some stuff to work out minus this gorgeous but unnecessary third wheel. See ya!” Exit Kenzi as Bo asks Lauren over the phone if she’s like to make a house call.
At The Dal (drink!), Trick pulls a pint while Kenzi rambles on about how Bo deserves a spic and span casa, but “I am not genetically programmed for housework! And she doesn’t make enough moolah to get me the squadron of maids I deserve!” Trick offers to hire her on for a couple shifts if she needs money. “Work for a living?” Kenzi repeats offended. “Do I look like a chump?”
“Do I?” Trick drawls, warningly. Careful girl. Kenzi, warily: “If I say yes do I still get that beer?” Trick sighs and gives her a look, but passes the pint over while Kenzi preens.
A dandily-dressed fae trots up to Kenzi’s side. “Hi there!” he says with enthusiasm and Kenzi jumps a mile. “I couldn’t help but overhear. I’m Mumphert,” the fae introduces. Kenzi: “I got a shot for that in kindergarten,” she holds up one hand, “keep walking, pal!” Trick, whose back is to Kenzi as he polishes the bar (seriously, that should be a drink! meme all by itself), is smiling as he listens in.
Mumphert explains that he’s a brownie, “I clean houses.” Kenzi eyes him cautiously, “Before you devour the inhabitants?” she asks, probing for an explanation. Mumphert explains that he works at night and tries to stay out of the way. “So quiet,” he whispers, “you won’t even know I’m there.” Kenzi still isn’t buying it. “And I’d do it for free,” Mumphert adds. “Mumfy!” Kenzi exclaims. “Have a seat!”
As Mumphert gets settled, Kenzi pssts Trick to come back to her and sotto voce asks him “Brownies. Perfectly harmless or lock up your honeys?” Trick: “They eat honey, not honeys. In fact they like it in their porridge.” Kenzi, dryly: “What else do they like in their porridge, huh? Nuggets of girl brain?
Dribbles of virgin blood? Eyeball dumplings?!” SyFy Channel thinks the preceding snark is not fit for U.S. viewing and has thus trimmed it from the episode.
Trick insists all they eat is cereal and honey. Kenzi clarifies that Mumphert is Trick-certified safe to take home. “Absolutely,” Trick assures her, “just don’t take him for granted.” Kenzi declares this as “sweetacular,” which I am officially stealing for everything, and tells Mumphert he’s hired.
Mumphert: “Oooohhh.” Kenzi: “Do you come with your own mop? Ours kinda got brutalized in a cheese fondue incident. Not pretty.” Trick, wisely, declines to ask for further information. We interrupt this regularly scheduled recap to redact even more dialogue the SyFy Channel saw fit to trim from the episode.
At The Crawford (eh, sip), Bo is examining an open heating grate while Doctor Lauren checks out Mrs. F.
Bo wonders if this is vent 49 or 50 and Doctor Lauren warns her to keep an eye out for critters. Bo can’t believe Doctor Lauren made her catch a cockroach and Doctor Lauren can’t believe Bo screamed. Mrs. F., meanwhile, is muttering “Can’t sleep! Can’t ever sleep!” Doctor Lauren offers to give Mrs. F a sedative, just as the old woman passes out cold. Doctor Lauren: “No? All righty then.”
Bo asks what Doctor Lauren thinks so far, and the doc admits that she tell if it’s the work of some fae or a new virus or some exotic mold. She won’t know until she runs tests back at the lab, “a lot of tests.” This is beginning to remind me a lot of Giles’ “I must consult my books.” With Doctor Lauren’s increased presence in season two, I may have to instigate a drink meme for the lab alone. Stay tuned…
Bo thanks her for helping. “Always,” Doctor Lauren says, heavy with meaning. I gotta get a handle on the automatic eye roll that comes when she says things like that or this entire season will be one big headache in more ways than one. Bo gets all excited and wonders if it’s time for them to celebrate, which confuses Doctor Lauren. “New Ash in. Old Ash out,” Bo clarifies. “He doesn’t have a hold on you anymore.” She concludes this means Doctor Lauren is free. “Well,” a noticeably less enthused Doctor Lauren dissembles, “like all things fae it’s—it’s complicated.”
“Right,” Bo says, and it’s clear she’s not about to leave it at that. “I promise you,” Doctor Lauren says heartily, “I will explain everything—” Mrs. F. chooses this moment to rear upright with a gasp, and there’s a quick shot of a black-clad blonde with glowing green eyes passing in front of the mirror on the other side of the room whom neither woman notices. “Just as soon as we’re not wading through a swamp of psychosis,” Doctor Lauren finishes without a wrinkle. As the blonde leaves, Mrs. F. collapses back against the couch again. “I’ll ah, I’ll go find another vent to play Die Hard in,” Bo decides.
At Hilton Hovel (drink!), Kenzi is eating potato chips on the couch when Bo arrives. “Hi BoBo! Have fun playing doctah?” Plopping down on the couch and stripping off her boots, Bo expositions that she’s spent 6 hours clearing vents with 5 vermin samples captured and 2 busted eardrums and still no clue in a fae tree what’s causing the disease. Bravo show, you beat me to it! “Science is exhausting,” she concludes. But Kenzi only wants to know one thing: “Yeah, but how did it go bow chicka wow wow?” Bo insists that it was all strictly professional, “and might I add how yummy Lauren is when she’s being professional?” she says with a chuckle as Kenzi whirls her arm above her head in a “garcon!” manner.
Mumphert hurries over and offers the startled Bo a cup of coco. “And let’s slide those footsie wootsies into Cozyville,” he says, sliding fuzzy slippers onto Bo’s feet. Kenzi: “Guess what I brought home!” Bo: “Um – confusion and chocolate-dispensing terror?”
Kenzi introduces her to Mumphert. “He is our new live-in help and Trick said he’s perfectly safe, I swear on my free bar tab.” Bo gets up to pace around as Kenzi continues, “you wanted a Feng Shui do-over and you got it sister!” Plus he’s doing it for free. I know it’s been a really, really, really long while since my (horrible) days as a brownie, but I do not remember anything like this in the badge options.
Later that night, Mumphert is singing to himself while doing dishes. You can always come to Krum Kasa when you’re done there, Mumfy! He hears a rumbling noise from upstairs, but he shrugs it off. Upstairs, Bo’s bedroom is lit in an eerie blue light as she wakes from a deep sleep with a gasp. She sleeps naked, even alone apparently. Bo grabs a dagger out from under her pillow (that’s my girl!) and slowly rises to drape herself in that gorgeous red silk kimono that I covet more with every viewing.
Padding across the floor, she sees someone is showering in her claw foot tub forming a cloudy silhouette on the curtain. Dagger poised to strike, she rips back the curtain—and Dyson is in the shower, rubbing his chest as he smiles playfully. Umphf. He aims a coy glance at Bo’s dagger that seems to say mmm, kinky but I may be projecting. “Surprise!” he quips. Oh dear God, I don’t think my ovaries can handle a playful Dyson. Bo gapes at him, all wet and nekkid as he is, and Dyson grins back. He grabs the shower rod with both hands (still NOT a euphemism!) and sort of wiggles in place—charmingly natch. “Pipes were broken in my place,” he informs Bo in THAT VOICE, “I didn’t think you’d mind.” By the look on her face, Bo doesn’t mind one bit. Neither do we!
“You gonna join me or are you just gonna stand there?” Dyson asks, tantalizingly. Bo doesn’t hesitate further but shucks her kimono and climbs into the tub—and Dyson’s arms. They begin to make love as the water steams around them. “Turn around,” Dyson murmurs, and she closes her eyes as he pulls her back to his front. Dyson’s hands and—well—do something wicked to Bo judging by the look on her face and the moan she releases. He embraces her from behind, leaning down to kiss her neck and she smiles. The camera pans down his back—hot tattoo alert!—and there is a lot of wet skin on display (thank you, show!). Suddenly, Bo jerks as though he just pinched her.
“Ow!” she says, turning to face him. “Why are your nails so sharp?” He cradles her neck. “All the better to eat you with my dear.” Whoops. Wrong wolf. Lemme try this again. “All the better to –” he pauses, then his hand strangles her throat, “rip your heart out!” he finishes, shouting and thrusting his arm into her chest. Bo cries out in pain and there’s a squelching sound that’s presumably her heart getting ripped out. We know he’s already done the same to her metaphorically, which I guess is the point. Dyson fully wolfs out with claws and fangs and holds Bo’s heart before her like a trophy. We get it. He has her heart. I think that was made clear by the agonizing emotional angst of last week’s episode conclusion, but visuals are neat.
Back in the real world, Bo is still asleep, writhing in her bed (and dressed in a nightgown, BTW). Something or someone is sitting on her chest. Kenzi comes running in, drawn by Bo’s screams. A blonde woman in black is straddling Bo’s chest and as Kenzi enters the bedroom, she throws her head back in ecstasy as though she’s feeding on Bo’s dream energy. Bo wakes up as Kenzi calls her name and throws the woman off, grabbing her dagger out from under the pillow, so that part at least was real. Less the naked-Dyson-in-the-shower part, sadly enough. The woman pops up quickly and, black cape spread behind her like a bat’s wing, swoops toward Kenzi, but vanishes into smoke as Kenzi swipes at her with a knife. Kenzi gaps for breath. “Skinny bitch cooties!” she gasps then asks after Bo, who is sitting up in bed panting and not in a good way. “Whatever it was that drove those humans crazy,” she says, clearly trying to marry the fact and fiction of what she just experienced, “I think I just found it.”
It’s morning at Hilton Hovel (drink!), and Bo and Kenzi are stopped still in shock at the condition of common room. For once, Hilton Hovel is living up to more than the second half of its name, and the women are stymied by how nice and clean it all looks. “He ironed everything!” Kenzi points out with awe, “including my tankini!” Bo wonders how Mumphert’s barista skills hold up and Kenzi pours the java. Result is good! Bo reaches for a bottle of pain killer, and struggles to open it while Kenzi laments that the only problem is Mumphert’s eaten all the Honey Berry Crunch cereal. “Is that weird?”
Gently, she takes the bottle from Bo’s hand to open it for her. “Not much with the sleeping, huh.” Bo: “Would you be able to sleep with some crazy lady waiting to jump on your chest?” Kenzi thinks she has it worse as she had to walk in and see it. She passes a few pills over to Bo. “I swear she was like 5 seconds from going reverse cowgirl on you.” Bo shoots her a disgusted look while Kenzi informs her Mumphert didn’t see any sign of Blonde Bat Bitch for the rest of the night.
“Yeah, well, every time I dozed off, I got slammed by nightmares. It’s like she’s got her hooks in me.” Kenzi wonders if maybe much like the way Bo sucks sexual energy from people’s faces, Blonde Bat Bitch sucks energy from people’s brains. “Super!” Bo chips, heavy with the sarcasm.
But this definitely pings with Bo. She tells Kenzi to stay on top of the Honey Berry Crunch situation while she finds out what she brought back with her from Frank’s building, “and why she’s inside my dreams.” Seriously SyFy channel? This is getting ridonkulous.
At The Dal (drink!) Trick muses that it sounds like a mare. Bo: “Well this filly had only two legs and tried to ride me.” Trick says it’s mare as in nightmare, a dark fae who gives humans bad dreams and feed on resulting fear. Bo points out that she’s not human. Trick agrees and adds that mares aren’t usually so toxic. “She rendered an entire building insane?” Yup, Bo says. Trick suggests she try to stay awake until they can figure out what’s going on. “Mares only feed on those who slumber.” Bo wonders if the damage to the humans can be reversed. “I.e. can I look through my books?” Trick clarifies with a wry smile, but of course he agrees.
At Doctor Lauren’s apartment (there’s a new one), Bo reclines in a chair sleeping with an MRI helmet on her head while Doctor Lauren monitors readings on her laptop. Suddenly Bo wakes, screaming, and the sleep helmet shuts down. “Another nightmare,” Doctor Lauren observes with concern, coming to her feet. Bo says she dreamt she had bad hunger and scarfed a cheeseburger that chewed through her stomach and then ate her head. “Yum.”
Doctor Lauren says Bo’s brain is lighting up when she sleeps. The overload is probably what’s driving the humans insane. One certain area is strobing even when Bo is awake. “I think the mare established a psychic connection with you the first time she was on top of you.” Well, climb aboard a succubus and you get what you get. Bo wonders if that’s why she’s inside the mare’s head too. Doctor Lauren insists the link should be a one-way street, but Bo is certain the intense hunger she just felt was not hers.
“It’s amazing,” Doctor Lauren observes with awe. “It could be that you’re more powerful and unique than anyone has ever given you credit for.” There’s a pause as Doctor Lauren stares at Bo adoringly and just a tiny bit like something she’d like to get on a lab table, and then Bo shrugs it off. The shrug takes too much out of her though, and Doctor Lauren goes off to find something to help Bo stay awake.
At Hilton Hovel (drink!), Kenzi is reverently unwrapping high-class shopping bags. “Kiss my couture,” she whispers, fingering the designer clothes. “Am I dreaming?” Mumphert hovers nearby, pleased. “Brownies are also excellent personal shoppers,” he informs her. Kenzi can’t believe Mumphert found these clothes as they were a limited run, and he preens as he admits he has a talent for retail. “Oh, and by the way? Brownies? Never pay.” This is too much for Kenzi, and she tears up. “You’re just the most wonderful man I’ve ever met,” she tells Mumphert. Delighted, he prances into the kitchen.
Mumphert reminds Kenzi, “I hesitate to mention it,” but they’re out of Honey Berry Crunch. “Ah yeah, you ate it all.” Kenzi points out. Mumphert asks that Kenzi pick up a few boxes next time she’s out. “You lug home a truckload of luxury loot but you can’t bother to snag one box of cereal?” Mumphert smiles painfully and repeats the request that she remember to pick some up.
Back at Doctor Lauren’s apartment, the doc is searching for pain killer. “Somewhere in here I have pills from the glands of a giant –Venezuelan wart –” This brings Bo’s head up and around. “Maybe it’s better if you don’t know exactly what you’re swallowing,” Doctor Lauren concedes and Bo agrees with her. Sitting on the couch, Bo points out that there aren’t any screaming crazy people around now, minus her of course, and Doctor Lauren promised her a bedtime story about the good doctor and the light fae. “Feels like bedtime to me.”
Doctor Lauren insists (again) that she wants to tell Bo all about it. “I’ve wanted to ever since...ever since—” It’s clear she means since she and Bo first slept together, and Bo puts a reassuringly hand on her knee. But before Doctor Lauren can continue the door bursts open.
It’s the new Ash, making his presence known. The women stand and Bo snits that this is a private party, but The Ash ignores this. Doctor Lauren is silent with a look of fatalistic dread on her face. “It’s Bo, right? Is that short for something?” He takes a seat without being asked as though it belongs to him.
The Ash smarms that Bo might remember him as the guy who was just crowned head of the light fae. Bo: “I remember a preening jackass prancing around the forest with a bow and arrow.” Oh, come on now!
The Ash smiles and casually notes that he’s been asking around about Bo. “You have a kind of casual approach to faedom, haven’t you?” Bo thinks this matches his approach to locked doors. “Actually,” he clarifies, narrowing his gaze onto Doctor Lauren. “I’m a bit of a stickler for protocol.”
With an air of resignation, Doctor Lauren slowly kneels. Bo is appalled at her submission and tries to bring Doctor Lauren to her feet, ordering her to get up. The Ash: “As the new Ash, all of the old Ash’s chattel passes to me,” he intones. “That means everything from the lab,” he says to Bo, “including you,” he adds with an arrogant wink at Doctor Lauren. Look, so long as she’s in between Bo and Dyson, no matter how much a dumbass he’s being, the doc’s not going to be my favorite person, but even I want to poke this Ashole’s wink out already for this crap.
He orders his minions to take Doctor Lauren away, but as one grabs the doc, Bo breaks his arm and threatens him. The Ash chides Bo. “Don’t be so petulant. You want access to my property, you make a formal request.” This makes Bo even angrier and she draws her dagger. “Lauren,” she grits, “is no one’s property.” But this time, it’s Doctor Lauren who talks her down. “Don’t. I need you to stay out of this,” she tells Bo. Reluctantly, and without taking her eyes from a very smug looking Ash, Bo lowers the weapon. As she leaves with the guards, Doctor Lauren calls back for Bo to stay awake. Bo stares after her as The Ash stands, buttoning his suit jacket more CEO at a takeover meeting than leader of the light faction of immortal fairy creatures. “Good times,” he snarks in Bo’s ear as he passes, and she glares after him, ineffectually.
At The Dal (drink!), Kenzi smacks Bo on the ass to wake her up. “I’m awake!” Bo yells. Kenzi orders her to drink coffee, but Bo whines that she’s been drinking coffee and now she has gut rot has to pee like a racehorse. “I really could’ve used those pills from Lauren,” Bo moans. I mean, what was the doc thinking? Getting taken into lock-down servitude before giving Bo what she needs. The nerve.
Trick tells Bo she needs a Baku, a shy fae who eats bad dreams. “Where does baby get Baku?” Bo asks. Trick: “Did I mention it was shy?” A live Baku eats nightmares, but the pelt of a dead one is highly valued as it wards off disease. Ergo, Baku have been hunted to the edge of extinction. Bo despairs of finding one, but Trick suggests that Lauren might have one or two in her old medical records. “Lachlan came for Lauren,” Bo informs them and I’m pretty certain this is the first time he’s been referred to by name, particularly interesting as the old Ash was only ever referred to as The Ash.
“He called her chattel. I swear if he touches her—”
Trick cuts her off quickly, assuring her that he has ears in many places. “Mmmm, when you’re fae, you should probably use a different expression,” Kenzi cautions. This eighth censorship moment is yet still brought to you by the SyFy channel. Trick continues that word from The Ash’s compound is that Doctor Lauren is being treated with respect. Bo: “Except for the whole owning thing.” Trick: “Lachlan’s an unknown quantity. Tread carefully with him. Play nice, Bo,” he orders and Kenzi repeats it to her bestie as she tries to keep Bo awake.
At The Ash’s compound, Bo is shown into the throne room. She takes a seat next to some dude who is also waiting and asks that she pass him a magazine. Exactly what sort of magazines does The Ash keep for his supplicants? Fae and Garden? Bo passes over a magazine, but dude suddenly morphs into Blonde Bat Bitch who snarls and then swirls and twirls her way around and out of the room.
“Bo?” Bo wakes with a start as someone calls her name. “Bo?” the same person asks more gently as Bo looks around the room until her gaze lands on Lachlan who is sprawled across a raised throne. He obnoxiously points out that she has some drool on her chin. Bo gathers her composure as he asks if it was a late night for her. “You know what they say about being a succubus. It’s not the work that’ll kill you; it’s the hours.” Bo admits it’s a little of both this time.
Lachlan notes he didn’t expect the pleasure of Bo’s company again so soon. “I come to you,” Bo begins formally, “Oh, great Ash.” Oh, she’s trying to place nice! Bless. She sweeps her arm before her. “Especially be-humbled,” and then thankfully gives it up. “Can I please just speak to Lauren?” she asks, abandoning all pretenses.
Lachlan says it’s a shame, but Doctor Lauren is kind of busy right now. This does not surprise Bo at all.
“You know, I gave my men good odds you’d never show,” he says, adding that Bo cost him a thousand dollars in a light brogue that makes him infinitesimally more interesting. Bo: “Well, I’d hate to be predictable.”
Lachlan descends his throne and begins to circle Bo. “Seductress. Warrior. Fashion refugee. What are you after with that contrarian little act of yours?” Bo insists with bite that it’s not an act. “Look, this first date chit chat is swell and all? But if I could just have five minutes with Lauren.” Lachlan says he might be inclined if it was in the interests of the light fae, and Bo is quick to confirm it. “Is it?” he wonders. “One would think it would be up to The Ash to make that call.”
Bo explains that she took on Frank’s little problem, but Lachlan doesn’t know who Bo is talking about. Bo explains about Frank and how he came to The Ash pleading for help, “and like the arrogant, self-involved, useless little
prick prat (really SyFy channel?!) that I’m starting to get the sense that you are, you turned him away!” Lachlan walks away without a word and Bo attempts to dial back. “I’m sorry. When I’m tired my innie thoughts become outies.” Heee. I can so relate to that line. Lachlan turns back to her, unruffled. “No one by the name of Frank, doorman or otherwise, has ever spoken to me.” As he winks at her again, I realize he actually has small, beady eyes.
Bo is finally getting the sense there’s something rotten in the state of Faemark and as Lachlan once again assumes the throne, she apologizes for bothering him and attempts a laughable, insincere bow before exiting.
Kenzi is bopping through Hilton Hovel with headphones on. As she pulls a pot of spaghetti out of the icebox, she calls for Mumphert as the pasta has a sock in it. The flowers are dying and the fruit bowl is full of apple cores and banana peels. Mumphert, who is lying on the couch pouting, pops up. “Problem, Miss Kenzi?” Kenzi starts to ask what his damage is but she sees he’s stuck one of her wigs on the head of the mannequin and nailed it to the pillar. “What’s with the campaign of mass annoyance?” Mumphert sneers that she knows perfectly well what she did. Kenzi suggest a little meanly that it’s time for him to go. “You made this my home. I’m not going anywhere. Ever.” Kenzi steps forward, but trips over a box of Honey Berry Crunch Mumphert has pinned to the floor with a carving knife. “Qu’est ce que the hell?!” she demands, but Mumphert just flips his head in annoyance.
At The Crawford (sip) Frank lets Bo in and asks if the lab results are in. “Yeah,” Bo says and shoves him up against the wall. “And the prognosis isn’t good!” She knows he lied to her and never went to plead his case to The Ash. Frank acknowledges that she’s pissed and says the best way to cool down when she’s running so hot is to sleep it off. He blows some pixie dust in her face and as Bo collapses, he sweeps her up in his arms and carries her deeper into The Crawford.
At The Dal, everyone but Bo is sitting at the bar, laughing uproariously. Bo is sitting in a chair behind them, being ignored. The Norn, wearing some kind of Punch and Judy mask, is the life of the party and asks who wants to go see the “talkie” that just opened at the Odeon. In his only appearance in this ep, Hale (Hale!) claims everyone says it’s the greatest love story ever told (double meaning? I think so!). Kenzi insists they don’t invite the buzzkill, gesturing to the baffled Bo, as she ruins everything. They go off in a chatty jumble, (Dyson tosses out “I’m nothing!” as they leave) while Bo calls after them that she loves a good love story as much as the next gal. She tries to go after them but can’t get out of the chair. “Could someone help me out with a yank?” she asks, struggling. I’m just gonna let that one lie there untouched. Bo finally gives up. “Guys, I’m still here!” she shouts, but the door of The Dal clatters shut behind them as they leave her behind.
A puff of black smoke writhes through The Dal, empty now but for Bo stuck in her chair in the middle of the room. Blonde Bat Bitch swoops around Bo, then leans over and licks her face. “Tasty, tasty,” she whispers before twirling away. Bo, dazed, says, “B is for Bo,” which makes no sense at all. Suddenly, black ooze begins to slide down the walls of The Dal and creep across the floor toward an increasingly frightened Bo. She calls for her friends with no luck as the black ooze flows up her legs and down her arms, covering her face and crawling into her mouth as it overtakes her completely. Guess she took the red pill after all.
Bo wakes up, choking and tied to a chair, but not in The Dal, rather in one of the rooms at The Crawford. Frank dabs her drooling cheek with a handkerchief, begs her not to be mad. Bo: “I left mad some time ago,” Bo tells him gasping. “I’m sailing right into livid.” Frank insists that he had no choice but Bo doesn’t care. She kicks him in the chest with both feet and breaks free of the chair by slamming it against the wall until it breaks to pieces. The direct approach is always a good one.
At Hilton Hovel (drink!), Kenzi is dragging an overloaded duffel bag behind her as she calls for Mumphert. He stands before her, wearing her short read wig, pink polka dot bra and other pieces of her eclectic wardrobe like some goth Malvolio. “You were gone so long,” he says in a mournful tone, “I thought you’d forgotten everything. And everyone.” Kenzi assures “Mumfrydoodles,” that she would never abandon her favorite brownie and soothes his ruffled feelings, “some would take money for what I do. I only want gratitude,” by revealing the duffel is full of Honey Berry Crunch boxes. Pleased, Mumphert insists that Kenzi didn’t have to do that. Ah, so he’s a passive aggressive brownie. Now those I remember very well.
Kenzi wonders if Mumphert is copacetic now and when he says yes, she wonders whether he might be up for something. “Actually, I don’t even know if you can get it.” Crunching down on the Honey Berry Crunch, Mumphert seems a little insulted by the idea. “Anything Miss Kenzi. It would be my pleasure.” Kenzi asks if he could handle a personal shopping request—a Baku. Though he at first thinks she wants the expensive pelt, Kenzi clarifies that she needs the Baku in the pelt and still alive, which challenges Mumphert even more.
At The Crawford (sip), Bo is sucking Frank down, but he looks strangely unmoved. She orders him to tell her everything and he admits that he lied, that this is light fae territory and he’s just a dark fae squatter. Bo warns that he won’t get away with it, but Frank thinks he will as the light fae are so messed up right now and the new Ash still hasn’t restored order. Bo wonders why he dragged her into it. “Because Connie is so hungry,” Frank says as though this clears up everything. Connie is his girl. “The mare,” Bo says, finally getting it and beginning to fade herself. Frank says after snacking on the humans in the building, Connie, aka Blonde Bat Bitch, needed a juicy fae for her main course. Frank himself won’t do because as a Sandman, he can only put people to sleep; he never actually sleeps himself. “I’m no good to her that way, as she likes to remind me.”
Bo concludes that he targeted her instead as she reels back, literally falling asleep on her feet. It seems sucking Frank’s chi includes ingesting his sleep infusion, like downing a whole vat of Sleepy Time Tea all at once. “Everyone knows you’re unaligned,” Frank points out. “You’re all alone.” Bo: “Throw that in my face,” she mumbles stumbling back. “I’m just so sleepy again. Why am I so sleepy?” Frank quietly repeats that he’s a sandman. “I shed my dust like cats shed dander.” Bo backs up into the wall, and slides down to the floor. “I just need one second just to regroup,” she murmurs and is out cold.
“Honey pie!” Frank calls out. In walks a very pregnant Connie in t-shirt and yoga pants. She berates Frank for spilling his guts to Bo. They bicker as she releases him from the chair. Him: “Who’s the one who knocked back an entire building of humans?” Her: “I am eating for six!” Him: “If you didn’t like the succubus, you didn’t have to follow her home!” Her: “Moron! In my condition, I should not have had to follow her home!” Him: “Sometimes I think I would’ve been better off shacking up with a harpy!” This last shout finally wakes Bo up, but as Frank moves to restrain her, Bo pulls her dagger and holds him off, slicing his hand when he tries to blow smoke up her ass—I mean, in her face. As Bo flees, Connie collapses into the chair. “You are such a loser!”
Bo stumbles down a hallway in The Crawford and manages to reach the elevator. Frank pursues her, taunting that he can see “it” in her eyes, awake or still dreaming and Bo’s eyes go mare green for a moment. Bo manages to fall into the elevator even as Frank tells her he has the whole place locked up tight. Frank’s cell phone rings as the elevator doors close in his face and whatever Connie is telling him sends Frank running off in the opposite direction.
Bo stops the elevator and calls Kenzi, who wonders where Slumber Butt has been. Bo, voice breaking: “Oh Kenz, I don’t know! I don’t know if I’m awake or I’m dreaming!” She tells Kenzi she’s at The Crawford. “Oh Kenzi!” she sobs, collapsing to the ground. “I don’t know what’s real anymore!” Suddenly, Mumphert arrives at Hilton Hovel. “Look what I found!” he trills and reveals the Baku in tow. “Who loves you?” Mumphert asks coyly. Kenzi tells Bo to hold on, she’s got a Baku and she’s on the way.
Bo is banging her head on the wall to stay awake. Her gaze fixates on the basement button, a big B as in Bo that is blinking blue. Ohhhh, this is why she said “B is for Bo” earlier! Got it. “I know where you live, bitch,” Bo growls. Panting, she crawls to the buttons and, reactivating the elevator, pushes the big blue B button. “I am in your head too. B is for basement.”
The elevator opens on a long, dark hallway with a blue door at its end. Slowly, Bo makes her way to the door. Suddenly, she’s inside her own bedroom. An old woman sits on Bo’s bed, sobbing, hands over her face, shrouded by the bed curtains. Bo approaches her, asking if she’s OK, her leather jacket mysteriously gone.
Bo parts the curtains to reveal that the old woman is she. “Look at you!” OldBo whispers. “Beautiful. I never realized I was so beautiful.” She starts to cry again and when Bo asks what’s wrong, OldBo says she’s the first person who’s come in years. Bo: “Where is everybody?” OldBo says Kenzi died decades ago. “And then, after Dyson…after Lauren…I never found love again.”
Bo: “Don’t say that!” This is Bo’s greatest fear that she’ll wind up alone without love and with nothing and no one to feed on or worse, to love, rotting away in Hilton Hovel like some fae Miss Havisham. OldBo grabs her, begging Bo not to leave. “It’s been so long since I’ve been touched, since I’ve had one kiss.” Bo struggles, “please I have to leave!” but OldBo is frantic in her need, “just one kiss,” and begins to suck Bo down. Yeah, it’s about as surreal as it sounds.
“Bo!” Kenzi shouts, walking down the long hallway, the Baku close behind. Bo is standing outside the blue door. She never went inside, but though her eyes are wide open, she is totally under Blonde Bat Bitch’s spell. As Kenzi watches, Bo’s desolate gaze fills with Blonde Bat Bitch’s green glow. Kenzi asks Baku how he gnoshes the bad dreams, “Should I hold her head while you unhinge your jaw?” But Baku pushes Kenzi out of the way and simply embraces Bo. Kenzi: “Oh. That’s nice.”
Back in Bo’s surreal self-suckage, Bo finally breaks loose and pushes OldBo back onto the bed where she vanishes in a puff of white vapor. Panting, Bo tries to shake it off and slowly walks out of the bedroom, her steps unsure. As she reaches the threshold, DreamDyson materializes behind her in a white buttoned down shirt and blue jeans sort of a cross between Dyson-wear and Mr. Thornwood. “Where ya goin’?” he asks, again in charming lover mode. “What’s it to you?” Bo snaps. “Bo,” he says softly, “I want it back. All of it.” He holds out his hand to her. “I want to be with you.” Oh. Just – oh.
Bo hesitates then slowly begins to walk back to him, every step filled with wild hope. “But the Norn?” she asks, confused. “What do you say,” DreamDyson murmurs. “In here we can be together—always.” Bo’s face lights up. This is what she wants so much, to be with him. To be loved by him again. DreamDyson smiles to see it. “C’mon,” he entices. Bo looks at his outstretched hand. Slowly, she takes it. It’s, well, it’s mean, that’s what it is. Just pure television writer meanness.
In the real world, Baku is still hugging Bo. “I’ve eaten the scary dreams,” he tells Kenzi, “but your friend is stuck. Someone or something is holding her there.” This is the cruelty of our subconscious, the fulfillment in dreams of the unbridled desires of our hearts, often desires we know we can never have. It’s what makes waking up to real life so hard to do some mornings. Though it is possible I’m projecting again.
Right now, Bo’s nearly decided not to wake up again at all. Kenzi starts to yell Bo’s name, and to be fair, that did work rather well the last time some fae dragged Bo into a dream state. But Baku tells Kenzi Bo can’t hear her. “Bo,” Kenzi whispers. “Please come back, please come back.”
Bo is smiling at DreamDyson, her expression full of love and relief as he pulls her in and they kiss. Suddenly there’s a slicing sound and DreamDyson grunts. “No,” Bo says voice hard and filled with sorrow. “And goodbye.” DreamDyson drops back from the dagger she’s plunged into his gut, dematerializing along the way. Let’s just not make that dagger-in-Dyson’s-gut thing prophetic, ‘kay writers? Bo looks at the bloody dagger in her hand and slowly drops it to the floor. She squares her shoulders and confidently walks out of the dream world and into the light.
Bo comes to standing in the hallway. “Bo,” Kenzi says softly, “meet Baku.” Bo hugs Baku in gratitude and Kenzi throws her arms around them both. “I want in.”
Bo directs Baku to the trapped humans in the hotel. “I bet their dreams are plenty bad too.” She says, her voice still trembling. As Baku goes off to free the others, Kenzi asks if Bo is feeling okay, “all awake and not cuckoo?” Bo: “Oh, I wish. I feel like the mare still has this psychic link to –” She stops as something occurs to her and turns back to the blue door with the big B on it that she never really entered. She kicks open the door to find Frank and Connie on a threadbare couch in the middle of childbirth as Connie confesses that she thinks her water just broke.
At The Ash’s compound, Bo is downloading Lachlan. “She was feeding illegally in your territory. Someone had to do your job for you.” Lachlan, petulantly: “What do you want, a medal?” but Bo says flatly that she doesn’t want anything from him. As she leaves, Lachlan suggests a proposition to her. “Freelance for us. You won’t have to swear allegiance, you won’t be under my rule. I’ll even pay you a retainer.” Bo wonders what he expects her to do. “To do the wonderful things that you do—when the need arises.” Double entendre there much, Ash-hole?
“No disrespect,” Bo says with a smile that says otherwise. “But I’m sure if something arises, you’ll have it well in hand,” and she winks at him. There’s our girl.
At Hilton Hovel (drink!) Mumphert is all packed and ready to go, much to Kenzi’s dismay. “You should’ve seen the Baku’s place. It’s a pigsty!” Mumphert says, ridiculously pleased. Kenzi insists that she can be messier if that’s what it takes for him to stay. “I’ll play paintball in the kitchen—I’ll shave my legs in the living room!” But Mumphert says it’s over. The Baku has lived alone for centuries, a complete shut-in, and “he needs me more.” He tilts his head coyly. “Love ya!” Kenzi pouts, but air kisses with him nonetheless. Mumphert gives her a speaking look. Catching on, Kenzi grabs the duffel of Honey Berry Crunch and plops it down before him.
Up in her bedroom, Bo is crawling into bed with as much effort as she might use to take down Aoife—again. Kenzi prances in checking that Bo has everything she needs, “eye mask? Ear plugs?” Kenzi tells her to get as much beauty sleep as she needs. “I will be so quiet tomorrow. And clean too.” Bo looks at her with a grateful smile. “Just keep being you, Kenz.”
Kenzi wishes her the sweetest dreams, “oh, and don’t worry,” she says, swinging a sword up into view. “I got this watch.” She sashays her way out, spike-heeled boots and ruffled short skirt a perfect juxtaposition to the lethal saber she’s tossed over her shoulder. Bo smiles, clearly totally strung out with exhaustion and lays back on her pillow but her eyes remain wide open, unable to sleep.
New Fae Terms:
Mare: n. a fae who stimulates bad dreams in humans and then feeds off the resultant nightmares. Humans are particularly tasty prey as they have little psychic resistance. A Mare’s eyes will glow green when feeding. Generally dark fae, a Mare establishes a psychic link with its prey after the first feed, enabling it to feed any time the prey is asleep. Origin: Nordic/Germanic
Baku: n. Ying to the mare’s yang, Baku eat bad dreams usually via hugging. Over the years, the Baku have been hunted nearly to extinction for the value of their rare pelts. Ergo, a live Baku is very difficult to find.
Brownie: n. A household fae, brownies enjoy cleaning and keeping the house for their humans/masters. However, an unappreciated fae can turn vindictive. Brownies love honey and cereal, often together, and make excellent personal shoppers as well as general procurers of hard to find things and people.
Origin: Scotland/Northern England
Sandman: n. fae creature who can cause people to fall asleep and dream. Sandmen do not, however, sleep themselves. The sleep dust from a Sandman can be ingested either by being actively blown onto a person or simply picked up as falling detritus from a passive sandman. A sandman can be either light or dark fae. Origin: Western.
Quotes of the Night:
Kenzi: Like you’ve never been suckered by a big shaft of wood.
Kenzi: My talents are totally wasted on the fae crowd.
Kenzi: Best way to get over somebody is to get under someone else.
Bo: I’ll go find another vent to play Die Hard in.
Kenzi: Do I look like a chump? Trick: Do I?
Bo: May I add how yummy Lauren is when she’s being professional?
Kenzi: Guess what I brought home! Bo: Um – confusion and chocolate-dispensing terror?
Kenzi: I swear she was like 5 seconds from going reverse cowgirl on you.
Bo: I remember a preening jackass prancing around the forest with a bow and arrow.
Lachlan: You have a kind of casual approach to faedom, haven’t you?
Lachlan: Seductress. Warrior. Fashion refugee.
Bo: I’m sorry. When I’m tired my innie thoughts become outies.
Kenzi: What’s with the campaign of mass annoyance?
Bo: I left mad some time ago. I’m sailing right into livid.
DreamDyson: I want it back. All of it. I want to be with you.
Bo: I’m sure if something arises, you’ll have it well in hand.
Next Week: Episode 4, “Mirror, Mirror”
The Ash and Bo/Lauren images courtesy of the Tumblr Lost Girl Caps.
Kiersten Hallie Krum writes smart, sharp & sexy romantic suspense. Find her snarking her way across social media as @kierstenkrum and on her web site and blog at www.kierstenkrum.com.