Talk about dragging out a storyline! Once again, this week’s episode focuses on David/Mary Margaret and Snow/Charming. Charming and Red set out to find Snow, even though we have little clue how Red met up with Charming to begin with. Right as they set out, King George’s knights come to get them, but Red goes all alpha wolf and eats them up while Charming escapes.
Meanwhile, Snow is still living with the seven dwarves and is singing away cleaning in her bedchambers when a blue parrot appears. Snow goes psycho bitch and tries to brain the bird with a broom; thankfully Grumpy comes in and distracts her, and the bird gets out safely.
Grumpy takes her downstairs where Jiminy Cricket goes all A&E on Snow’s ass—Intervention: Fairy Tale Edition. It seems sweet-as-sugar Snow has gone batshit insane since drinking the potion to forget Charming and is so mean she makes Happy wanna cut a bitch. Seriously, you know you’re evil when you make Happy turn into Angry. Their intervention fails, and Snow sets off to get the biatch that turned her life upside down, otherwise known as the Queen.
Back in Storybrooke, Emma is booking Mary Margaret into jail for Katherine’s alleged murder. For questioning, Regina shows up as an “impartial” witness (yeah, right). The box that Ruby found the heart in happens to be Mary’s missing jewelry box that she claims was stolen. Emma takes Regina out into the hall to talk with her about interfering, but Regina isn’t going down without a fight, and asks Emma if Mary really was robbed.
Emma takes off to their apartment to check it out. Henry comes over and helps Emma look for any signs of a break-in, and they end up finding a heating vent on the floor of Mary’s room. Emma opens the vent, without taking fingerprints or putting gloves on and finds a knife. UGH! CSI: Fairy Tale City isn’t looking like a good show anymore.
In the past, Snow beats down one of the Queen’s knights so that she can get information on where the Queen is. She knocks him out after he tells her where to find the Queen and she strips him naked. Grumpy shows up and says he’ll help her, and they need to go see good old Rumpel, he’ll help them out.
In Storybrooke, Henry is at the diner ordering a hot chocolate when the “stranger” shows up. He basically confesses that he knows about Henry’s book and that the answer to helping Mary is inside the book. He also says that he is in Storybrooke to help make Emma believe that the book is real, but she needs proof.
David goes to Regina’s office to speak to her because he believes Mary is innocent. Regina plays him like a fiddle talking about how he doesn’t know evil, not even when it’s staring him right in the face. DUH.
Emma questions Mary about the knife in the heating vent; Mary says she doesn’t even know where the heating vent is! Umm, yes that’s believable the big black grate in the centre of your bedroom, you had no idea it was there? COME ON! In comes Mr. Gold, who asks Mary if she’d like him to represent her and she says yes, then tells Emma she needs to concentrate on the case and not be biased.
Back in the past, Snow and Grumpy visit with good old Rump and he says that there is no cure to the forget your true love potion because he can’t bottle love. But he does offer his unique brand of help and gives Snow an arrow that will never miss its target. So off she goes to kill zee Queen. Again. Yawn.
In the present and the past Gold/Rump tells Mary/Snow when asked why he’s helping her/them, “I’m invested in your present and your past” dun dun duuuuuun.
Meanwhile, everywhere Snow has been Charming is just a little step behind first he finds the naked knight who tells him Snow is off her rocker. Then somehow he shows up at Rumps asking where Snow went. Rump tells him that of course the potion can be broken, but only with true love’s kiss but as to Snow’s whereabouts, that requires payment and he wants Charming’s cloak. Because it’s drafty in a castle he’ll have you know…insert the trademark creepy Rump giggle/laugh/snort. That creeps me right the hell out people!
Snow is hiding in the woods when Charming grabs her and smooches the shite out of her, but guess what, she slaps the shit out of him. True love’s kiss seems not to work and she gets all BDSM on Charming, tying him to a tree…with a silver tie…wait, sorry, wrong story. Ahem.
In the present, we have Henry meeting up with Emma at her apartment. He’s got a set of Regina’s keys that he said he read about in the book, they should open Emma’s door thus proving it was Regina setting up Mary. Why is Henry a better cop than Emma?! Anyways, he tries two keys and they don’t work. Third time’s a charm, and Emma opens the door.
David is at Archie’s office and he gets put into a trance to remember what he forgot while he was blacking out. He sees himself telling SNOW not MARY not to kill her, but it’s really a past life regression. He seems to think he’s telling Mary not to kill Katherine, instead of Snow not to kill the Queen. Oy. I just confused myself.
Back in the Storybrooke days, Snow is on a hill watching the Queen’s procession to her summer home. And once again, the Queen has the most kick-ass clothing ever, beautiful long red riding jacket. I want! Just as Snow takes the shot with her magical arrow of doom, Charming throws his damn self in the way. Snow flips out on him and he explains that he would rather die than allow her heart to fill with darkness (oh, come on barf!).
She gets all sappy, kisses him and tada the curse of the potion is over and she remembers him and their lurve. But just as they are reconnecting, King George’s guards come. One slaps Snow and the other takes Charming prisoner. She says she’ll never give up and she’ll find him. Yada, yada.
In Storybrooke, David comes to visit Mary and tell her about his visit with Archie. He basically tells her she did kill Katherine. Mary starts crying and says that she never doubted him when they accused him that she thought he knew her better and then she demands that he gets the hell out.
Once he leaves, she decides to make her prison bed. As she flips a sheet, a key drops out so she tries it on the cell door and it works. But she quickly hides it when Emma comes in with breakfast and to tell her that the heart DNA results came back, it was Katherine’s. But Emma also asks her to trust her that she knows it’s Regina setting her up and she’ll figure it all out. Promise. Emma then goes to see Mr. Gold for his help and he agrees to help her but warns her he’s going to be dirty about it.
Back in the past for the final time, we find Rump’s true reason for wanting Charming’s cloak…his hair. He puts it into a vial with the lock he had of Snow’s hair and tada, True Love in a Bottle.
And in Storybrooke, Mary has escaped from jail. Not so sweet, is she?
What did you think of Snow White the mean?
Natasha Carty reviews Paranormal Romance and Urban Fantasy on her website Wicked Little Pixie and lives in Toronto, Canada, with her cat, Seamus.