Being shy is a wretched affair. I am just a smidge less shy now when it comes to romance and flirting than when I was in middle school. My novel Flirt Club is loosely based on my experience as an 8th grade drama geek. I was desperately shy and found being in drama a great way to have fun, enforced interactions with boys. (Though I never actually ended up dating any of them!)
The two protagonists in my book Annie and Izzy, are little more successful with the opposite sex than I was—I imbued them with a boldness and resourcefulness I wish I’d had back then. They start a club with some other girls, to teach themselves how to flirt. They study the most flirtatious girl at school, Jeannie Mateo, to try to pick up some of her “moves”. And they come up with some of their own (finding hers a little “ditzy” for their taste). Here’s an excerpt from the minutes of their first meeting, listing the various flirting techniques they come up with:
FLIRT CLUB TECHNIQUES:
- Hair flipping (this is a good technique for people with silky, longish hair)
- Bite the end of a pencil (not too hard though!) and looking up at Designated Target with mischief in the eyes, like one knows a good secret
- Ask questions about ANYTHING (and I mean anything…like “Why do you think they made pencils yellow?”)
- Listen to answer like it’s the most fascinating thing in the world
- Laugh and giggle A LOT like whatever Designated Target says is witty
- (use techniques 1 through 5 at your discretion, they may be a little ditsy)
- Smacking Designated Target (again, not too hard, and usually on the back of his head or shoulder area)
- Throwing things at Designated Target (usually crumpled up paper, no large or pointed objects!)
- If a guy looks at you try to look back instead of immediately looking away
- If a guy looks at you and you are able to keep looking, try to go for a smile if you think he’s cute.
- Practice being friendly and conversational with people you don’t know very well even if they aren’t people you want to flirt with. Including cats and old ladies.
- Bump into Designated Target “by accident” in the hall, classroom, or lunch line.
- Drop stuff “by accident” near a Designated Target and see if he’ll help you pick it up.
In regards to number 13, as research for my novel, a friend and I tried this while out for evening of Theater. Two appealing guys were standing near us in the lobby chatting . We shuffled up closer to them and Nancy dropped her program it fluttered around and fell on one of their shoes. They didn’t notice. The program. Us. None of it. Neither of us had the gumption to go, “Woops! Gentlemen! I seem to have dropped my program!” or even bend down and swipe it off the guy’s shoe. We talked quietly to each other through our teeth like ventriloquists, “What should we do?” “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” “I don’t know, let’s walk away,” “OK!” And we did. Yep. I’m still pretty shy.
Despite all sorts of shenanigans and pit-falls along the way, things go a little better for the girls in my book as they practice the various techniques At one point, Annie, one of the protagonists, breaks the ice with the boy of her dreams by throwing a French Fry at his head. As a grown-up, I think throwing food or a crumpled up note at people isn’t really an option. I honestly wish that it was. Nothing to messy or heavy of course. A gracefully launched, non-harmful flying object would be just the ticket for someone as shy as me and here’s why - if you chicken out you can pretend you didn’t throw it. AND if they aren’t interested THEY can just pretend you didn’t throw it.
What about you, reader, are you as shy as I am? Have you had any flirting successes? Any disasters?
Cathleen Daly is a writer and perfomance artist who lives in the Bay Area outside San Francisco.
Her new release, Flirt Club, is now available.
