“My, sir, your penis is, umm...HUGE.”
If you’re on Twitter with any regularity, you know fellow readers are always tweeting lines from books you wouldn’t ordinarily read or have a clue about. That happened to me a few days ago; my friend Mandi Schreiner happened to tweet about a book she was reading, and I have to confess my legs immediately went into lockdown mode.
Mandi was reading Assume the Position by T.C. Lee, an erotica about a cop with a super peen. You’re all going, “Which erotica character doesn’t have a huge peen?,” but let me explain. Officer Alex Shaw has a bit of a problem, he’s never “fully” been inside of a woman; his penis is just THAT big.
“I have a large cock which some would think is a blessing, not me”
He’s so big that the first woman he had sex with he tore apart, and she required stitches. Add to the fact Alex likes it rough, and we have a recipe for disaster. Mandi tweeted lines from the book that had me scared, like really, really scared. But then it got me thinking, WHY? Is bigger really better in books?
I’m not a big reader of erotica, but after chatting with some fellow bloggers and authors they explained to me this isn’t a first in terms of big peen. I am afraid for the heroine in this novel, and I also don’t find the “super peen” attractive at all. Anything that causes me pain isn’t sexy to me. But just because I don’t find it sexy doesn’t mean it isn’t to some.
Huge peens are not realistic in my world, not that they don’t exist, I’d just rather they didn’t. It sort of reminds me of Cinderella, behind door A: if the shoe fits, you’re the princess, behind Door B: if the giant penis fits you are his woman. How about I take Door A. thank you very much.
I polled my friends on Twitter for books with heroes and huge penises (after I blushed from embarrassment). Examples include Micah from Laurell K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake series—he has dong issues as in, “woe is me and my huge penis.” There is another character who sports a six-inch WIDE penis that is also a foot long. Ouch!
In Passion by Lisa Valdez, the hero’s penis battles with the heroine’s cervix for supremacy. Pride Mates by Jennifer Ashley features a character with an eleven-inch penis, and keep in mind the average is between five and seven inches. Then we have Nicholas by Elizabeth Amber, the hero not only has one giant penis he has two! *crosses legs tighter*
But the overwhelming statement was “What hero DOESN’T?” Most heroes aren’t the everyday man; they are heroes who are visually stunning and appealing—hello fantasy! So it’s a given they have the perfect penis. I don’t have a problem with that at all, but the overly large, rip-and-stitch idea freaks me the hell out.
Another thing that bothers me about the super peen is that the woman on the receiving end is usually a virgin, yet she shows no strain the following day. Let’s be honest, most of us would end up in the ER in traction. Am I alone here? Can someone explain to me why they find the super peen attractive?
Now excuse me, my legs have been so tightly crossed I am losing circulation.
Natasha Carty reviews Paranormal Romance and Urban Fantasy on her website Wicked Little Pixie and lives in Toronto, Canada, with her cat, Seamus.