Previously on The Vampire Diaries: Dead People here, Dead people there, Every day they’re shuffling.
(Need to catch up? Visit our TVD recap index for links to past episode recaps.)
Now, on to this week’s recap of TVD 3.07, “Ghost World”
This week’s episode picks up right where we left off, with Damon strapped to a chair and Uncle Werewolf playing a little poker with him. That’s the karmic retribution, hot poker kind. Stefan saunters in and shares some amusement about his brother’s predicament, but leaves ghostly Uncle W. lording over him like a boss. We’ve barely gotten a chance to admire the Lockwood family good looks before the scene cuts to the credits.
We join our friends in Mystic Falls with another historical society celebration already in progress. It’s a real toss-up whether this ’burb goes through more blood bags or helium in any given month. Today’s event is some kind of candle-lighting ceremony meant to protect the town, but it’s not particularly important, of course. Anna helpfully pops up like Casper in one frame to offer her two cents’s worth of snark and when the scene changes angles back to Elena, we don’t see her. I’ve never been a big Anna fan and I suspect this shade of being seriously shady, but I can almost kind of dig her as a ghostly version of those two old guys in the balcony of the Muppets show.
Next we skip over to where Bonnie and Caroline are hanging up decorations (Mystic Falls, folks! Where you’re on the prom committee not just for your whole life, but also your afterlife!) and Bonnie is lamenting the sad state of her love life. Caro is just winding up for some sassy girlpower pep-talking, because this season she is all about not taking boys’s shit. But before she can even get the first zinger in, Damon rolls up in his convertible. Apparently he snuck out while Uncle Werewolf took a bathroom break or something, and he’s more than a little peeved. You can tell by the number of pithy nicknames he uses, greeting Caro and Bonnie as Blondie and Witchy respectively. He tells Bonnie about Mason “spit-roasting” him and says he expects his dead people to stay dead. What is he, new? Damon orders Bonnie to fix it and squeals off.
We zip back to the Grill, where the exposition is flowing heavier than the diet Coke. Elena says Lexi, Stefan’s old best bud, is the only one who can bring him back from the brink and then Jeremy, Matt, Bonnie, and Anna all take turns explaining the rules of the afterlife. Elena’s still moaning about finding Lexi to save her boyfriend and Ric pooh-poohs that idea and naively suggests, “Maybe we’ve learned our lesson about summoning so many dead people?” Ha ha. Sure we have, Ric. Things only lighten up when our friendly Ripper Stefan plops himself down, inviting himself to lunch and making some jokes about all the people he’ll be eating later.
Bonnie and Caroline go back to the scene of the crime (where she resurrected Jeremy) and a nervous Caroline tries to ascertain that those 100 dead witches whose power Bonnie borrowed aren’t haunting the spot anymore. With a pinky swear. (Never change, Caro, bb!)
Elsewhere, Anna and Jeremy are expositing again, some more, about how the underworld works. Anna swears she only has good intentions. Hmm. And then offers that he could stop thinking about her and send her away if he doesn’t trust her. With impeccable logic, he decides instead that it’s a good time for them to suck face.
Back across town, Bonnie’s witchy ways aren’t cluing her in to the fact that her boyfriend’s now officially cheating on her. She’s too busy summoning things again. Because it worked so well the last time.
Back at the grill (yeah, you might get some whiplash from this episode if you’re not careful) Alaric and Damon are both grumpy that their bromance is on the rocks, as Ric whines “You killed me! I don’t like you anymore!”
Then, back at Resurrections ’R’ Us, shit is getting real! Bonnie summons Grandma Bennett! And Caroline can see her too, cluing us in to the fact that all ghosts are visible now. Rapidly, Elena walks in on Jeremy and Anna kissing! Across town, Lexi appears to smash Stefan’s head into a car window! Then at the grill, Uncle Werewolf appears and slams a shot against Damon’s head. Glassware 2, Salvatore Brothers 0.
Grandma tells Bonnie she cracked a door to the other side by resurrecting Jeremy and that cranky old witch helping Vikki kicked it wide open when she did that spell for Matt last week. End result: YOU SHOULD NEVER DO MAGIC AGAIN, BONNIE.
There are multiple phone calls and Caroline seems to have the job of the exposition fairy this episode. Basically they need to find Elena’s necklace to burn it and get rid of the ghosts. But oh noes! Damon has it. Elena tells Caro she’ll have to go find it, because she’s too busy being mad about that her bro kissed a ghost (and liked it).
Back at the bar, Mason pops up to tag along on Damon and Ric’s date and demands an apology. Ric hisses that Damon should just do it (so they can have some alone time again) and Damon gives maybe the most half-assed apology ever. Uncle Wolfy ain’t sweating it though; he just laughs and says it’s good enough, because he’s there to find an ancient weapon that will kill Klaus and help Tyler. (Who is apparently completely missing in action, to no one’s surprise or concern. Michael Trevino just inexplicably is not in this episode. They don’t even bother to make some half-hearted excuse like that he’s off at an extra-long football practice or something.)
Meanwhile, Lexi and Elena are hanging out in that one underground cell with the torture chair that everyone ends up strapped to sooner or later. But it’s intervention time! Lexi gets super stab happy with Stefan and does some funky eye-trick where she makes his veins all blue and poppy in some effort to break him of his wicked ways.
Then suddenly Damon and Mason are meeting up in some kind of underground cave network to find that ancient weapon Uncle Wolfy mentioned. I swear, there’s more real estate underground than there is above in Mystic Falls.
Back at the OTHER underground bunker, Caro is expositing some more to Bonnie about needing to find that necklace. She totally casually slips into the convo that oh yeah, by the way, Elena busted your BF sucking face with his undead ex. Bonnie’s about to get the vapors at this news, but Caro is woman, hear her roar, and she peptalks Bonnie into holding her shit together until they can get that damn necklace.
Back at the superfluous illumination festivities, Jeremy has lost his ghost girl and is searching for her in the crowd. He rubs up against a shady dude, whom Anna knows and calls Frederick. (Gotta say, he’s a bit thuggish and doesn’t look like a Frederick.) Then Mrs. Lockwood, who should be busy putting out an Amber alert, cheerily takes the stage to introduce Ric, who’s been drafted into giving some kind of speech. In the crowd, menacing Frederick has some friends and they threaten that they’re here to take out the founding families. On stage, Ric says “Let’s light ‘em up!” But, sadly, he doesn’t mean recreational drugs, but the paper lanterns strung up all over the place. With all that extra light, someone in the crowd happens to notice the founding family member that Freddie and friends have strung up to a tree and turned into a bloody pulp. Charming.
Mason and Damon are still trudging around underground elsewhere. Damon finds a special spot and then busts through the wall with his shovel like an extra from Demolition Man. They find…MORE CAVES! And they bicker about who’s going to go into the tight crawlspace first. Because it’s scary. Never mind the fact that THEY ARE BOTH DEAD.
Back in the torture chamber, Stefan’s playing dirty, telling Elena how much he loves her and that she needs to let him go. He takes it back in a second when she resists him and says he wishes he never met her. (That makes two of us, Stefan.) Lexi helpfully shuts him up with a stake to the shoulder. She says woodplay is gonna be part of their routine “like running the treadmill and making coffee,” and sad and conflicted Elena runs off in a dither. She doesn’t get far, though, because of the commotion in the town square as they wheel away the dead guy.
Caro and Bonnie are still on the Great Necklace Hunt of 2011, looking everywhere, even under some decorative soap balls apparently (?!) before Caroline gives up in frustration. Luckily, Jeremy calls just then and she gets to exposit with him a bit more, cluing him in that someone probably took the necklace. One plus one actually equals two for Jeremy and he looks at Anna, who denies it. He sticks up for ghost girl of course, which is another thorn in poor Bonnie’s side. Caro rips him a strip for being “a bigger idiot than I thought” before she hangs up.
Over on their Goonies adventure, Damon and Mason are bantering charmingly about Damon’s trust issues, when they stumble into a booby trap! Spears shoot out from the walls in every direction skewering Damon like a shish kebab!
Aboveground, Elena stumbles over to Jeremy and gets filled in on the necklace situation, then gets to deliver the most ironic speech ever on TVD, warning him off Anna. “She’s dead, Jere. Are you going to love a ghost for the rest of your life?” Lol. Because loving an UNDEAD vampire is soooo much better.
Anna, however, feels guilty about all this and she turns puppy eyes on Jeremy and holds out the necklace! I knew she was shady! That thief!
Meanwhile, Mason unskewers Damon like he’s pulling out Jenga blocks. Aw, Uncle W. is such a good-hearted ghost. He tells Damon he doesn’t need revenge, but redemption. He’s only here to help Tyler...whoever that is.
The younger Lockwood is nowhere to be found, but an older one is getting into trouble. Frederick lures Mrs. Lockwood’s car into a wreck while Caroline and Bonnie look on. Caro takes the opportunity to earn some girlfriend brownie points and she sends Bonnie off to safety and then runs to save Tyler’s mom.
Anna emos about saying goodbye, though she knows she’d be holding him back. She cries that she wanted to find her mother and that’s why she took the necklace. Does it have ghost GPS in it or something? Jeremy tries to comfort her and get her to stay so she won’t be alone anymore. (This is the point where I actually start to feel a bit bad for Bonnie. I mean damn, he really dropped her like a hot potato). They hold hands a bit and finally Jeremy walks away
Back at the old cell, they’re still stab-happy. Lexi’s gonna keep doing it till they break through to Stefan. But Elena warns her they have the necklace and are gonna shut the door. In a last ditch effort, Lexi switches to good cop and tries to appeal to Stefan by throwing his own words about the necklace symbolizing hope to him back in his face. Doesn’t work. He’s all "too bad it’s about to get blown to pieces.”
The boys are still tunneling. Seriously.
Jeremy goes to stop Bonnie from destroying the necklace but she’s already throwing it in the fire and chanting mumbo jumbo. Grandma grabs her hand and adds her power to the proceedings.
Back outside, Mrs. Lockwood comes to (still trapped in the car; you’d think Caro might have dragged her to safety first) and sees Caroline, Warrior Princess, throwing ghosts around left and right and fighting for her honor. Oh yeah, she’s sooo getting those girlfriend brownie points! But oh noes, then it looks like Freddie has the upper hand and is about to throttle our dear Caro. Luckily he suddenly disappears, just poofing right before her eyes!
In the caves, our spelunkers finally find the magical spot they’ve been looking for, but unfortunately there’s a protection spell on the chamber and Damon can’t enter. It’s up to Mason now, so he goes forth, apparently sees one-eyed Willie’s famed treasure…AND THEN HE POOFS! Now how will Damon ever figure out what’s in the cave?
Over in the cell of tough love, Lexi is insisting that “Stefan’s still in there” and that Elena just has to break through. Elena tells Lexi she can go and be free now and she poofs too.
Outside again! Anna sees her mom randomly walking down the street toward her. The GPS worked! They embrace and cry and poof together!
Grandma tells Bonnie she’s strong and she’s proud of her and Bonnie tries not to cry some more before Grandma poofs too!
Of course, Ric comes to Damon’s rescue, even if he is totally acting like a jealous boyfriend and is still pissed that Damon snapped his neck that one time. But it’s okay, because they flirt a little and make up. The bromance is totally back on.
Elena’s telling Stefan she’s just gonna go home and paint her nails or something now, and he’s all “I knew you’d give up.” She’s like, whatever dude, help yourself, (drops anvil) “I won’t live with a ghost for the rest of my life.”
Just a regular dead vamp, then? OK.
Jeremy, meanwhile, is trying to explain and apologize for cheating on Bonnie. She tells him to take a flying leap and looks like she totally wants to voodoo his ass. He goes. She gets angry and makes the fire flare, and that bitch spits the necklace right back out! The talisman comes back to life. Because even inanimate objects can never die in Mystic Falls.
Ric is in the cave of wonders. He’s found something, and as Damon frustratedly asks what, we can see it’s some primitive looking cave paintings.
That’s right, folks. The big cliffhanger reveal this episode:
The original vampires were the Flintstones.
Next week—More exposition and there’s a blonde dancing on the bar! Good times, y’all!
Tara Gelsomino is a reader, writer, pop culture junkie, and internet addict. You can tweet her at @taragel.