Yeah, I love villains. Particularly angstful tortured ones who nonetheless find the werewithal somewhere to try and take over the world. And also still have room for Love. No matter how unconventional that love might be.
After all, there’s room for all kinds of love in romance. Right? So here’s my list of villains I wish were heroes:
Okay, so he’s a mouse. A cartoon mouse. With a big head. But appearance shouldn’t be held against him. Brain’s got a great sense of sarcastic humor, and I love that in a guy. You can tell he does feel glimmers of compassion for his cellmate, Pinky, and he has lots of knowledge, so presumably he could eventually be a good lover. And his voice is totally sexy. Besides, if he ever succeeds in taking over the world, you’ll want to be on his good side.
The Wicked Witch of the West
So her choice of ménage partners is…unusual. At least they can fly. Plus they have those cute little hats. She has a snazzy castle, and does interesting things with her makeup, and has a truly classic style, maybe not quite Chanel but still very Witch, setting the fashion for decades of movie witches to come. And Dorothy really did do her wrong. We should give her the benefit of the doubt.
As for that whole issue with melting, well…in most romances, that’s considered a plus, right? Once you’ve become…intimate.
Not Anakin. Darth Vader. The dude has his own theme song! And a cape! He strides masterfully! And he has some… interesting pants. I’ve seen that costume, up close and personal, in a museum exhibit. I was right at waist level. *Ahem.* And, girls and boys, he’s single!
Those who go for Alpha Males would probably like him, even though he does have to kowtow to the Emperor. Anybody bothers you? He’ll strangle them with the Force. Plus, he has a rockin’ car—I mean Tie Fighter.
Need I mention his voice? Best. Voice. Ever. Imagine that voice murmuring in your ear first thing in the morning. “I feel a disturbance…in my pants.”
She’s not evil, she’s just misunderstood. The king and queen totally should have invited her to the christening! Also, she’s stylin’. Great robes, great hat, great purple eyeshadow. Even metal bands think she’s cool—Nightwish and Cradle of Filth both wrote songs about her. To top it all off, she can turn into a dragon.
For those who are into things like being taunted or being chained up in a dungeon, Maleficent can take care of you there, too.
Nobody’s going to argue with me here, right? Especially after that new movie where he’s played by Michael Fassbender (who recently also played Mr. Rochester). He might be a villain but he has morals, principles. He has reason not to trust humans, and he fights for the rights of mutantkind. He’ll tell you all about it if you ask. Plus he can bend steel by looking at it. Just think of the bondage possibilities.
So his color choices (red and purple) are questionable. He can totally lift a train with his mind. And he’s probably got piercings.
I’ve been in love with Magneto since I was in high school. I think he’s in love with Professor X instead of me, though.
Am I missing anybody?
Victoria Janssen is the author of three erotic novels and numerous short stories. Her latest novel is The Duke and The Pirate Queen from Harlequin Spice. Follow her on Twitter: @victoriajanssen or find out more at victoriajanssen.com.