We’ve often focused on the men of True Blood, and for good reason—an inability to wear shirts, serious sexual charisma, and many, many abs. But what about the ladies? So we thought we’d represent them as well, and do a H & H Throwdown on which True Blood woman you like the best. First off, we’ve got vampire Pam pitted against faery Sookie. Let us know in comments which is your favorite, and that winner will go against the winner of the next round.
“I don’t know what it is about me that makes people think I want to hear their problems. Maybe I smile too much. Maybe I wear too much pink. But please remember I can rip your throat out if I need to.”
Pamela Swynford De Beaufort will track a maenad in four inch Louboutin pumps and a Gucci suit, but don’t expect her to have mani/pedis with you over a glass of champagne.
Fiercely loyal, cynical and apparently devoid of feelings, Pam is Eric’s second in command and co-owner of Fangtasia. Tall and slender, but not completely bereft of lithe muscle, her pale complexion contrasts well with her dark blue eyes and straight blonde hair. Fond of twin sets, and fashionable pumps, she looks more like a suburban housewife, and PTA mom than a lethal killer.
If you like your women to have your backand never back down in a fight, Pam is your man er woman. Sookie may have some Fae blood in her, but Pam has a pair of fangs you don’t want to mess with.
Made into a vampire by Eric about a hundred years in the past, she makes it very clear she believes vampires are better than humans in every way. Introduced as Eric’s devoted ‘child,’ her background is shrouded in mystery, save for her admission of once being a prostitute. Though the woman appreciates fine male specimens, her tastes tend to run toward the female dancers Eric hires for his club.
There is nothing Pam won’t do for Eric. In season three, while the Magister was searching for the vampire responsible for selling V, Pam was held captive in the basement of Fangtasia and tortured. Taunted with the knowledge that Eric was the man behind it all, the Magister threatened her with the True Death unless she gave up Eric. True to her Maker, she uttered not a word.
When Eric attempts to burn the crazed Russell Edgington, Pam is distraught, weeping tears of blood, knowing he too will perish with the mad vamp. Though this outward show of emotion was perhaps the only time we may ever see Pam moved to anything other than contempt, it’s just one more reason why you’d want this vamp in your corner.
“I’ll give you 24 hours to deliver that (answer) to me and if you don’t, I will personally eat, fuck and kill all … of you.”
Raise your Tiffany-clad ring fingers if you’d rather spend your life watching Eric’s fine backside or baking cookies for your kid’s class.
Sookie Stackhouse. The name alone should tell you she’s not to be messed with. First of all, it’s Sookie, not Snooki. Don’t get it twisted or she’ll let you know.
Never at a loss for words or turn of phrase, this petite Southern Belle says what’s on her mind—politely, of course.
Bill Compton: Aren’t you afraid to be out here alone with a hungry vampire?
Sookie Stackhouse: No.
Bill Compton: Vampires often turn on those who trust them, you know. We don’t have human values like you.
Sookie Stackhouse: A lot of humans turn on those who trust them, too.
[wraps silver chain around her neck]
Sookie Stackhouse: I’m not a total fool.
Bill Compton: Oh, but you have other very juicy arteries. There is one in the groin that’s a particular favorite of mine.
Sookie Stackhouse: Hey, you just shut your nasty mouth, mister! You might be a vampire, but when you talk to me, you will talk to me like the lady that I am!
Stackhouse might as well be the modern word for ’brick-house’ because that’s exactly what she’s built like. Blonde. Big Boobs, Tan, Toned, and a wee lil’ badonkadonk. Her brother Jason brings honor to the last name as well. But this is about Sookie, not her six pack-abbed bohunk of a brother. But her looks isn’t what makes every male, human and supernatural, drooling at her feet. She has this extra air about her that her callers can’t quite figure out. And she tries very hard to keep it that way.
Eric Northman: [to Sookie] You surprise me. That is rare quality in a breather
Sookie Stackhouse: [seething] You disgust me.
Eric Northman: Perhaps I’ll grow on you.
Sookie Stackhouse: I’d prefer cancer!
She’ll always have your back, as long as you’re not trying to stab hers. Loyal to a fault, she takes the role of proper Southern Hostess very seriously—which has led to the destruction of her home on a few occasions.
Sookie Stackhouse: How come there’s so much wrong in the world, Lafayette? How come so many people are willing to do bad things and hurt other people?
Lafayette Reynolds: ’Cause they’re weak.
Sookie Stackhouse: Well I am not weak and I am not afraid! I am gonna kick that evil bitch’s ass outta my gran’s house.
Sookie Stackhouse. Not only is she drop dead gorgeous but she’s part Fae, fairy to you and I. This waitress is no Tinkerbell sprinkling pixie dust waiting for your happy thoughts. But she’ll take a peek at your thoughts. As part of her Fae power she can read minds, well most minds. Sookie gets no reception from Vamps. Something that attracted her to her first love but it would’ve come in handy since he basically lied to her from day one and almost got her killed a few times too. Close friends and family know about it and sometimes Sookie has to remind them of her gifts:
To Andy: “If you’re gonna accuse me of lying, be a man and say it out loud for Pete’s sake. Either way, I’m gonna hear you whether you look me in the eye or not. Let’s face it, there’s not a whole lotta ideas in there. Like mice in a cage.”
Sookie Stackhouse. She’s dealt with more death than any fae/human should have to, really. The amount of blood she’s hand on her hands, in her hair, and splattered on the wall of her home is about ten times the amount that’s been drained from her. And yet, she still stands, alive, kicking, fighting for what she believes is right, and still making us laugh on occasion with her off the cuff remarks and naïve need to see the best in everyone, even those who’ve wronged her.
Russell Edgington: Miss Stackhouse, I’d like to propose a deal.
Sookie Stackhouse: Oh, this ought to be good.
Russell Edgington: I will give you my word that I will not harm you or anyone you love.
Sookie Stackhouse: Steppin’ around the fact that your word is worth about as much as tits on a turtle, what else?
Of all the women in Bon Temps, I’ll take Sookie any day or night. She’s my kind of girl, the urban version of me in a sense—minus the supernatural powers and perfect body. Between my clown nose and her super zapping fingers, we could really do some damage. A mix of Homey the Clown and Wonder Woman. Take that, Bon Temps bitches!
A.J. Wilson, Shark By Day, Lover Of All Things Plaid By Night – ajwilsononline.net
Philly native Charli Mac is an aspiring author, mother, wife, friend, and part-time clown. Come find lost love along the Jersey Shore athttp://charlimac.com/. Twitter her @CharliMacs
