The True Blood finale from last season left a LOT of the characters’ fates up in the air, and while we did get some answers in the season premiere that showed last night, in grand True Blood tradition, I’m pretty sure I ended up with a few more questions than answers.
The episode begins with Sookie popping up in Faery with her godmother, the woman we’ve been introduced to as “Claudine” throughout season 3. There are other faeries as well as other humans all around. Everything is twinkle-y, and pretty.
Sookie even runs into Barry the bellboy from season 2—they’re both offered these ridiculous glowing pears, but she uses some part of her brain and is hesitant to eat them. Then a person in the crowd catches her eye, and it turns out to be her grandfather. Funny thing, though, Granddaddy is the same age she remembers from 20 years previous.
And if it’s not weird enough running into a grandfather who hasn’t aged in twenty years you’re in luck, ’cause it just gets weirder from there. The beautiful faeries turn into hideous troll goblins when Sookie won’t eat a piece of that glowing fruit, and the shit really hits the fan. Sookie does that thing she does with her hands where she explodes light and it destroys the glamour all around them and their world.
All of a sudden they’re in a desolate wasteland, and the troll/goblin things, led by Queen Mab, start lobbing these weird fireballs at Sookie and Granddaddy as they try to run away, but of course someone takes pity on Sookie and tells her if she jumps in this extremely large black pit she can go back home. So she and Granddaddy jump into the big hole in the earth and they land back into the cemetery in Bon Temps. But since Earl ate the light fruit, he starts deteriorating right away, but not before he gives her his pocket watch to give to Jason.
Maybe I’m cold-hearted, but when Sookie breaks down crying over someone who I assume she mourned when she was, what, 7 or 8 years old?, I had to roll my eyes. I would’ve been crying over the fact that he didn’t have a gift for me too. What makes Jason so special?
So Sookie rolls up to her house and she quickly realizes that time has passed quicker on earth while she was away—in fact, it’s been just a bit over a year, not the 15 minutes Sookie thought she was away. The rest of the episode we’re teased with where all the characters ended up after Sookie flashed into Faeryland.
Andy Bellefluer has turned into a full-on V addict, and Jason has to be the one to settle him when Andy shows up to Sookie’s house and starts raging at her about being missing for the past year and all the energy he put into trying to find her. And also later when Jason has to be the voice of reason after Andy shows up to Merlotte’s demanding some V from Lafayette. Let me just say, it’s a f’d up world when Jason is the voice of reason to the Sheriff of the town.
Lafayette and Jesus are still together (yay!). Last season hinted that Jesus was heavily into the occult, and sure enough, when we first see the pair, he’s dragging Lafayette to some Coven gathering. The waitress who helped Arlene last season is there, along with a few new characters, including their leader, Marnie, who is all together creepy, and of course singles Lafayette out right away.
Marnie begins channeling Eddie (the vamp who got killed in season 1, thanks to Lafayette). Oh, and in case you’re wondering, Eddie forgives Lafayette. But yeah, L freaks the hell out and runs out of there. But Jesus, being the sexy influencer that he is, convinces L to give the Coven another try the next day.
So Lafayette braves the cult again while Marnie has the group gathered to help her parrot cross into death smoothly (yes, I said parrot). She ends up demanding that Lafayette join the circle even though he doesn’t want to, and as soon as he joins in, Marnie starts changing her chant and brings the freakin’ bird back to life! But as soon as Lafayette disconnects from the circle, the bird dies again. Hmmm, wonder if the crazy witch lady is going to use Lafayette for some sinister ass shit this season? My guess is “HELL YES!”
Jessica and Hoyt have moved in together, but they aren’t having the fairy-tale life they imagined—the first scene with them has them having this odd-ball fight about Jess not cooking food, then she cracks some eggs in a pan, shells and all, for about 3 seconds, and throws them on a plate runny/raw and he starts eating them (which totally made me dry heave). But then she starts laughing, and that was the end of the scene.
Later, they’re both at Fangtasia, where she’s finding it hard to keep away from a human—a fangbanger—who’s hitting on her. I was a little confused by the importance of the two of them, and their relationship, but I can only guess that they’re going to cause some drama this season. Especially if Jessica keeps dancing like she was at Fangtasia. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.
We find out that Tommy isn’t dead from Sam’s gunshot. And hold on to your hats, people, he’s found a sugar momma. You’ll never guess who it is...Hoyt’s mom! Yes, Ms. Fortenberry and Tommy show up to Merlotte’s with Tommy in a leg brace, wearing a button-up and dockers. This was absolutely the first “WTF” moment of the episode. I’m not sure how this is all going to play out, but I’m glad that he’s not dead, and I hope to all things holy that I’m wrong about the sugar momma thing. :Shudders:
Arlene’s baby has been born and the first and only scene we get of the demon child is that he’s ripped the heads off of six barbies while left alone for a few minutes. Every last one of them. The baby’s name is Mikey, and even though he’s meant to be Satan’s spawn, he’s pretty freakin’ adorable.
We learn that Tara’s turned into a cage fighter! Hell, yeah, that girl finally figured out what to do with all that aggression (and those ripped biceps). Oh, and another small detail, Tara’s also batting for the other team now. She’s in a full-on make out scene with her girlfriend when Lafayette texts her to let her know that Sookie is alive and back in Bon Temps. “Toni” (Tara’s new name) tells her girlfriend that the text was because her grandmother died back in Atlanta, letting the audience realize that Tara has completely run away from herself and her past... We’ll just see how long she can stay away from the madness that is Bon Temps.
Jason has ended up looking after the hillbillies for Krystal (panther girl) and thankfully he hasn’t completely smartened up. By the end of episode, the hillbillies have tricked him into an extra large icebox and locked him in. But don’t worry, he doesn’t sound really all that mad to be in there…I wonder if it’s not the first time this has happened to him.
At the end, Eric is in Sookie’s bedroom just as she’s about to change into her nightgown, (um yeah, of course she doesn’t get it on, though). So she’s standing there barely covered by her pink silk nightie and he informs her that he owns the house now and therefore she “IS HIS” And he whips out his fangs and goes for her.
Everyone has changed in the past 12 months; Lafayette has a faux hawk, Sookie found a colorist who dyed her hair a blonde shade that actually looks good with her skin tone, Tara’s previous short bob is now long and straight.
But the largest shocker happens when we’re following one of the coven members back to a heavily guarded house, and she walks in to a room and she says “Good evening, your majesty” and you assume it’s going to be Queen Sophie-Anne, but when the camera pans out, it’s Bill! WTF?
It was so WTF that I went to Twitter and asked my resident TB partner Nat, how the hell Bill is the King, and she said that “no, he’s the Magistrate” (remember Eric killed the old Magister last season).
So we wanna know what you think: Do you think Bill actually killed Sophie-Anne at the end of last season, and now he’s King, or do you agree with Nat, and you think that he’s the new Magister?
Jessica Turner reviews Urban Fantasy, Paranormal and Sc-Fi Romances on her site The Spinecracker and is a trained chef who lives in San Diego with her very Irish husband.