While I definitely admit to being a lover of descriptive sex scenes, sometimes authors go a little too far with the wordy words. And certain words used in sex scenes take me right out of the story and straight into cleaning my eyes out with soap.
Take for example the “M” Word. I won't type it, but it ends with “oist.” That word should only apply to a Betty Crocker Cake, not a female body part! If I see that word in a book, I have to stop reading for a few minutes. It disturbs me that much, people.
Man Meat: Really? We’re still using this to describe a penis? What kind of man meat are we talking about? Tube steak? Please stop using this term, I am fine with penis.
Suckle is another one that makes me queasy. I am not a cow and I'd rather no one “suckle” anything on my body. *shudders* Just add the word teats to that sentence why don't you. Got Milk?
“She was musky with desire” REALLY? You might want to pause for a second to take a shower. Don't forget to use soap, lots of soap. The same goes for “dripping,” I don't know how anyone thinks that a dripping anything is desirable—quick, call a plumber!
Pulsating: That would be a vein, my friends, and I don’t know about you but I don’t want anything near me that is pulsating.
“He slurped up her juices” Typing that made me feel dirty, reading that makes me want a spa day. Slurp is what you do to soup and Slurpees. Words have certain sounds associated with them (at least in my head), and I can totally hear “slurp.“ And it's not sexy.
Speaking of slurping things: “Cream” or “Creamy” is another one of those totally unnecessary visuals. Please immediately step off of the ride and check into the nearest GYN office. HURRY!
I polled Twitter & friends for ones that grossed them out, and the worst by far involved comparing the swallowing of “thick gobs of cum” to the consumption of fine wine.
Anyone know CPR? This lady is going to choke to death!!
One of my all time favorites, that made me laugh so hard I almost wet myself was told to me by a guest blogger on my site:
“Macaroni sounds.” We all know that when you stir macaroni, it sounds like you’re diddling in a wet vajajay. But really. You want me to use it in a sentence? Sigh. And as I rubbed my man meat on her vajajay, her macaroni sounds spurred me to make her make more.
I haven’t looked at macaroni the same way since. So what words in sex scenes squick YOU out?
Natasha Carty reviews Paranormal Romance and Urban Fantasy on her website Wicked Little Pixie and lives in Toronto, Canada, with her cat, Seamus.