Fri
Apr 8 2011 9:45am

For the Love of . . . Poetry by Number?!

The Scientific Approach to ArtWikiHow is great for things like How to Tile a Bathroom Floor or even How to Choose a Good Office Plant. But How to Write a Love Poem? Really? And...does it work?!

Obviously, we had to find out. And by “we,” I really mean, “my coworker Clare.” Here's what she took away from the article, step by step:

Step 1: FIRST SIGHT, LOVE FEELINGS, TOGETHERNESS

When I first saw you , I really liked your pants.  My stomach feels weird when I’m near you.  Being together, I know it’s forever.

Step 2: ADD STRONG VERBS, PRONOUNS, AND SENSORY DETAIL 

When I first spied you, Gerome, I coveted your sparkly jeans.  My stomach heaves like crazy when I smell you.  Being together and warm, I know it’s forever.

Steps 3-4: ADD A METAPHOR

When I first spied you, Gerome, your sparkly jeans fit you like sequined banana peels.  My stomach heaves like nausea at the violence of your scent, because ripe fruit does that to me.  Together and warm now, forever,  it’s like we’re wearing the same skin.

Steps 5-9: REFINE, LINE BREAKS, FROM THE HEART 

Spied on you / Gerome Sparkly Jeans / with your Sequined Banana / Heaves, Nausea, Violence / then Together / Warm Forever / I’m wearing your Skin

Errr...

(Says Clare of her masterpiece: I know it was supposed to be a love poem, but it went kind of Silence of the Lambs on me. Must be the directions’ fault!)

So what do you think? Anyone else out there want to give it a whirl? We promise not to laugh. Much.

Magnetic fridge poetry image courtesy of Minimalist Photography via Flickr

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4 comments
Laura K. Curtis
1. LauraKCurtis
errr...I don't want to give it a try, but I also don't think I could fall for a guy in sparkly jeans. Only women should wear sparkly jeans. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Heather Waters (redline_)
2. redline_
@LauraKCurtis -- Yeah...I'm not even gonna hazard a guess about what the sparkly jeans were all about. Though by the end that may be the least disturbing part of the poem! WikiHow really needs some sort of disclaimer about how results may vary. Just sayin'.
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