Sun
Apr 10 2011 11:00am

Breaking D’Oh!: Why I Hate Twilight

Twilight by Stephenie MeyerI was first talked into buying Twilight by my local bookstore’s friendly clerk. She assured me lots of adults were reading Twilight, and in fact, the bookstore’s whole staff had read it. I trusted her and picked it up. By this time, the second book in the series, New Moon, had just hit the shelves. Like most adults, I was curious as to why this series was such a runaway hit among teenagers. I continued to read the rest of the series, but I wasn’t standing at the bookstore to get it, oh no, it wasn’t that amazing.

I will admit: I continued to read because I was hooked on the plot. I wanted to know what was going to happen with Bella—would she choose Edward or Jacob? Would she be turned into a vampire or a were? The writing is simple enough that you can’t help but keep reading. I know a lot of people who weren’t fans of the series, but read them anyway. Add to that, I always want to be kept up to date on what is trending in the genres I read. But I digress, as usual. My conclusion was meh, and by the time I got to the final book, Breaking Dawn, I had a full on what the hell was that! I disliked Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse, but people, I love love loved the final book in the Twilight series, Breaking Dawn. Why? Oh, it was full of snark-worthy goodness, like The Babysitters Club meets Stephen King. Okay, not so much, but you get what I’m trying to say. It was nothing like the rest of the books in the series, things started to get creepy and horrific.

If you haven’t read the Twilight Series, step away from this article now because it’s about to get ugly. (Spoilers for Breaking Dawn ahead.)

Breaking Dawn by Stephenie MeyerIn Breaking Dawn, Bella finally gets her man...err...vampire, Edward “sparkles instead of goes up in flames” Cullen. Long story short, Edward is afraid to have sex with dear Bella because of his superhuman strength; he thinks he’s going to break her. It finally happens (he might be several hundred years old, but he’s still a horny teen at heart) and here’s when things get beyond ridiculous: Edward...umm, does her into unconsciousness. Or at least we think that’s what happened, since Bella doesn’t remember it (after all, all the books are told in Bella’s sole point-of-view. So if she was blacked out at the time, who knows what happened?.  Although most sane women would stay away from the guy who made her see stars—literally—for some reason Bella goes back for more, and the result is Renesmee, who isn’t the coolest fetus out there. Wait, let’s go backwards a bit, how does Edward, an undead vampire, have viable sperm in the first place?! Who the hell knows, 'cause that alone could have me thinking way too deeply.

So now Bella is pregnant with a baby that is growing at an alarming rate and then the real drama starts! Renesmee is hurting Bella, she kicks so hard she breaks Bella’s ribs and severs her spin. Okay, seriously WHY do we allow our children to read this? That alone disturbs me beyond belief. Not to mention makes me fear childbirth. Never mind that in previous books, that while Bella is sleeping, Edward sneaks in to watch her sleep. In my book that’s not sweet—that’s stalking and creepy.

Back to Renesmee, this baby apparently has telepathy and can hear peoples’ thoughts whilst in the womb, another “huh?” moment, but the worst is yet to come. Bella is dying, the baby is killing her, and so Edward performs an emergency C-Section…with his teeth. HOLD THE PHONE, say WHAT? I have no idea what is in the writer’s mind, but it’s a place I would never like to be, because that’s some straight-up creepy right there. Bella is still dying, though, so Edward turns her into a vampire, the baby is born and Jacob the werewolf realizes that Renesmee is the love of his life. Yes, a newborn baby. Is the love of his life.

Do parents even read this stuff before allowing their children to read it? Hell, someone could have warned me about Breaking Dawn, I would have loved a big fat disclaimer before I picked up that gem. It literally shocked me how this YA could go from Twilight (strange love) to Breaking Dawn (baby eating mommy). There was no lead up that would have warned a reader that things were about to get ridiculous.

But the point of this article is Why I hate Twilight. Let’s keep in mind; this is a young adult series, not an adult series. I also understand that this is a fantasy series (albeit a very disturbing one) but it sets some unrealistic situations for young girls. For a book that has gotten the hype the series has, the writing to me isn’t anything special. Bella can’t seem to do anything without Edward, that doesn’t set a good example for young females in my opinion as it seems to me Edward is a tad bit possesive. Her father is never around, how is that possible for a teenager? My mother was always around & if I took off across the country, you bet your ass she’d have words.

Another issue I have is with the perfection of every single character in the book! As a teenager, you have flaws, no matter what. As teens we all thought we didn’t have flaws, but once you hit you mid 20’s you realize every single flaw you did have. Bella doesn’t have flaws at all, which is a “Mary Sue” thus making her unrealistic as a human character and impossible to replicate.

There you have it; this is why I am not a fan. I tried to like it, but you can’t like everything you read! I can’t have love for a vampire that can be out in the sun, hunts animals, is a teenager that will never grow up AND he sparkles.


 

Natasha Carty reviews Paranormal Romance and Urban Fantasy on her website Wicked Little Pixie and lives in Toronto, Canada, with her cat, Seamus.

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31 comments
Smash Attack
1. Smash Attack
I'm a fan of Twilight, although I've moved on to much bigger and better authors and series since reading it. However, Breaking Dawn was a horrific mess and I agree with most of your thoughts. I sometimes wonder if SM was high as a kite when she wrote it, or if she was going through a bought of depression or something. It's quite hard to imagine the same person wrote Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse. I would have had nightmares if I was 12 years old....Hell, I think adults could easily have nightmares from it too!
Natasha Carty
2. WickedLilPixie
LOL seriously, I still don't get how we went from point A to point WTF was that!
Smash Attack
3. SillyJaime @ Jaime 2.0
Your article is hilarious. I'm a fan of the books (the movies are pretty good, but I like the books better, but I still love to know how other people feel about it. Yours is one of the funniest, very true articles I've read. :D
Pamela Webb-Elliott
4. Spaz
Oh yeah, biiiiiig Twilight hate right here (I know, surprise! Spaz agrees w. PIC Pixie). Bella personified every thing I do not want to be, cheese on a cracker her entire identity was defined by this glitter freakshow hangin out at high schools. And the name of THAT DAMN BABY! I think I spent a full 5 minutes reading and re-reading the part where the name is decided. I will say that Breaking Dawn was totally my favorite in the entire series TOO!!!!! because of just how f-ed up it was. I was TOTALLY set on going to see that one in the theater until I learned that they are making it PG-13. Oh sure, the birth scene in the book is totally goretastic and R-rated, but they're making the scene PG-13 for the fan base? BOOOOOO!
Natasha Carty
5. WickedLilPixie
@ Jamie Thank you :) Child birth still scares me thanks to Ms. Meyer
Natasha Carty
6. WickedLilPixie
@ Spaz Pattinson said R Rated & the producers quickly came out and said no no no it's PG 13. Even BRINGING your kid with you is too much! I want to be there opening night to see parents freak the hell out cause they didn't read the books first! I hate that Resememememem name, WHY WHY WHY did she do that.
Smash Attack
7. akajill
As a librarian I make it a point to read a lot of children's and YA literature so I read Twilight when it first came out. I was rather stunned when I finished it. Why? Not because it was any good. I didn't think it was, but I could see lots of teen appeal. No, what got me was my reaction to it. It was the first book that made me feel like I was too old to read YA literature. Through the entire book I kept saying to myself, "Stay away from the bad vampire boy. This cannot be a good relationship. He is creepy, has a murderous family, and no good can come of it." How mature and responsible can you get in a reaction? I never read any further in the series and when I heard of what happened later, I was ever so glad. I am also glad I have found better YA literature to read since then which I can recommend most enthusiastically to the the teens.
Smash Attack
8. SLion
Awesome comments about the YA angle. I personally, as an adult, like Twilight. Of course, when I read the series, did not know it was YA, and was just getting into PNR. Once I read an adult book....well...my eyes have obviously been lifted. But, that being said, I would not want my daughter reading the book unsupervised because, fantasy or not, the themes are controversial. But paranormal and fanatsy are not supposed to be role model material for the YA mind-set. I think the word we need to all remember is "parent supervision". Read with your child and maybe you'll understand what they are seeing so you can explain the difference between reality and fantasy.
Natasha Carty
9. WickedLilPixie
@akajill I totally agree, after reading more & more YA I still don't get why this book is still at the top of the recommendation list! There are so many other YA's that are better written & not so "wtf"
Natasha Carty
10. WickedLilPixie
@SLion That was the same for me, just getting into PNR & whoa when I found the goodies. I like the idea of parent/child reading the same book together for further explanation. Like "this is why Edward is doing this, this is why Bella is doing that. Would YOU do that?"
Smash Attack
11. ChiCry28
I don't totally agree with all of that article. I'm an adult and I really like the series I do read lots of other authors and I'm a big fan of the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series by LKH. But I think that if you let your child read it you should read it yourself. I will say also that in some ways some of the things that are in that saga could be used as a warning to other girls that that kind of obsessive love is wrong and can be harmful. Also I don't think that you cant say that Bella doesnt have flaws, I think that they just don't highlight them as much. But if you look at it like you said its written in Bella's point of view and she is a teenager and that could be why it seems like she doesn't have any flaws. I did enjoy the books for what they were. I had a girl that I babysit read them before I did and she had a logical thought to them. She like reading the books, even has the dolls, but, she knows that a love like that isnt right...
Smash Attack
12. HauntedMem
I didn't even finish reading Breaking Dawn. The minute Jacob imprinted on Renesme or whatever the hell they named that weird kid I was out of there. That book was a mess. I will probably never read them again, despite owning all of them because of the things mentioned in this article. Of course, that doesn't stop me from reading the fanfiction where the characters get real, Bella realizes Edward is a creepy stalker, and all the characters grow up a little.

Thank you for writing this...it's exactly how I feel but couldn't put into words.
Charli Mac
13. CharliMac
I just took my daughter's copy of Breaking Dawn from her room.
Too many creepy old guys liking younger chicks, gnawing a fetus out of the womb, dead guy super sperm, werewolf cradle robbers...

Wait...this might be the best birth control yet out there for my 13 year old.

Ewww, Jacob crushed on Bella and now wants the vamp baby? How does the baby daddy feel about that one?

My head is spinning.
Natasha Carty
14. WickedLilPixie
@chicry If they aren't highlighted or we can't think of them after reading the series, I don't see them as flaws. I agree that parents should be readin WITH their children so they can explain this series to them
Natasha Carty
15. WickedLilPixie
@ Haunted You are most welcome, the kids name through me for a loop I still can't pronounce it! lol
Natasha Carty
16. WickedLilPixie
@ Charli You haven't read them?!? lol Oh yes Jacob imprints with the child & that by far grossed me the most, closely followed by the fetus that kicked the crap outta Bella then tried to eat its way out. UGGGH WHO thinks of that?!

I'm almost 31 and its the best birth control I've read to date ;)
romance reader
17. bookstorecat
Twilight may have been blogged to death at this point, but...

The series was really disappointing to me because Bella never grew up to be a responsible, ethical, or interesting human being. I was rewriting the whole thing in my head from Chapter 1, of course, because the writing is somewhat less-than-sparkling (and when I get bored while reading, that is what I do).

In my version of Breaking Dawn, Bella has been using the fact Edward can’t read her mind to come up with a secret plan to kill all the human-eating vampires in the world. She can’t tell Jacob or anyone else of course, but she only goes through with the wedding, etc., etc., because her plan depends upon her becoming a new-born vampire, strong enough to avenge the countless millions murdered by these supernatural serial-killers over the centuries.

Her plans are endangered when she accidentally winds up pregnant (Seriously, who saw that coming? The unexpected baby right out of high school? Most realistic moment in the entire series). However, things come together when the evil vampires decide to show up in Forks. Bella enlists the help of her werewolf friends and convinces the Cullens to climb down out of their ivory tower and take a stand for humanity. They slaughter the Volturi and their army, and then turn on all the other murderous vampires who showed up to fight. It is all excellent action-packed madness, with plenty of slo-mo and cool special effects shots, and then Bella leaves Edward and…well, let’s just say werewolves NEVER fall in love with toddlers or infants in this version. And vampire-human hybrids turn out mostly human and get to grow up at a normal rate, having normal kid fun with their human friends, AND playing tag with their werewolf aunts and uncles in the forest—and maybe even vampire baseball during family reunions. The End.
Charli Mac
18. CharliMac
I read twlight and really enjoyed it. Loved it actually. But since I've seen the movies I had no desire to read the rest of the series. I am glad I didn't waste my time.
Stephanie Treanor
19. Streanor
Yes!! I love this article. Thank you for revealing the ridiculous! Can you imagine how they are going to translate that birth scene to the big screen?! You might as well get Rob Zombie to direct.
Natasha Carty
21. WickedLilPixie
@ Stephanie LMAO I wish Rob would direct it, that would be made of win!
Smash Attack
22. Jennifer R
Honestly, I didn't get into Twilight at all, I found it boring, Edward is creepy, and Bella does nothing of interest whatsoever. I shrugged, thought "not for me, then, I don't get the hype," and went on with life.

But seriously, Breaking Dawn is the creepiest sounding thing ever. I'm surprised the fans didn't hunt her down en masse for that. YIKES doesn't even begin to cover.
Kerry Shaw
24. lilytiger
Have you ever watched a really bad movie just because it was so bad? Making fun of the bad dialouge, effects, and acting can be a blast. For me reading Breaking Dawn was the literary equivalant of watching a bad movie.
Smash Attack
25. Marg
I liked the first book, and didn't mind the next too, but oh my goodness Breaking Dawn nearly hit the wall a few times, most of which you have touched on in your post!
Smash Attack
26. Anette
So glad I didn't get on that boat. I was due to read the first 3 books as I was hosting a book cafe for YA-readers, but oh my god, it was like "yada yada yada...a kiss ... yada yada... holding hands... yada yada... smelly wolfman... yada yada"
No fun! All that knightly I-won't-shag-you-untill-we're-wed-mormone stuff just turned me all cold. Seriously, I can't stand Stephenie Meyer. She is SO not on my TBR-list! Luckily I didn't have to go all the way to the last book. If I never have to open another SM book I will be perfectly happy!
Smash Attack
27. Squirrel
so glad someone else hates "Twilight". I like my vampires big, tall, imposing, ripped and less effing....sparkly.

you feel me?
Smash Attack
28. paranormalfan
I have been a paranormal romance reader long before this new craze. It is so nice to find others who agrees that the writing in the Twlight seris is not that good. I still can not understand how everyone could rave about the writing. One of the keys of being a good writer is to be able to write believable characters. These characters are far from believable; Vamps that sparkle, the sheriff's teenage daughter being allowed to run all over the place with no guidance? Sure sounds like every teenager I have ever met.
Smash Attack
29. Mik
Twilight sucks! Oh these books kill me. I keep them around to teach me how NOT to write! I've got a blog going: Mik Reads Twilight. Basically, I read each chapter and comment on a variety of things. I hate Twilight and it shows! I just started it and I'm in Twilight, chapter 6.

http://twilightsucks1.livejournal.com/

The thing that kills me the most about these books is that it COULD be good...but her writing skills need a lot of work. She has a degree in English Lit??? What, an Associates degree? Cause it sure as hell isn't a Masters or Doctorate. She breaks practically every grammar rule in the book.
And another thing: Vampires DO NOT SPARKLE. I was waiting for Ed to sprout wings, sprinkle some faerie dust on Bella and fly away....

When I read Eclipse and then Breaking Dawn, I almost had a heart attack because some guy imprinted on a 2 year old???? then Jacob imprints on a newborn??? What is up with this horrible child-grooming writing? Ugh. I felt the need to scrub my eyeballs out with bleach after reading that.
Anywho's that's my take. I hope you come visit me!
Smash Attack
30. chrissy anderson
“The female lead (Bella Swan. Really. Bella Swan. Why not just call her Pretty McPerfect and have done with it?) is completely vapid. She has no goals, no dreams, no ambition, no personality aside from being miserable and obsessed with her boyfriend.”

Chrissy Anderson is the anti-Bella! Check out The Life List on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and everywhere else for that matter! The trilogy is right around the corner and I can’t wait!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/user/AskChrissyAnderson/videos
http://www.askchrissy.net/
Smash Attack
31. jessica felton
thank you, i read twilight only halfway, it was great. But the movie was better! i understand it better. Bella made another movie: Snowman and the huntsman. I wanted to watch it but i'll later. Bella is such an awsome n great actor!!!
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