There’s one romance I’ve been following since childhood.
Yes, that of Kermit and Miss Piggy. Kermit, whose long career in show business from interstellar journalist to variety show host demonstrates his range, is a hero some might call “beta,” and Piggy's a heroine of multiple talents: she sings, she dances, and she excels at being beautiful and kicking people very hard. A hero who looks incredible in a tux. A heroine who wears purple opera gloves.
According to The Muppet Movie, Kermit first sees his One True Love in a country fair beauty contest. It is love at first sight. There is a song. There is a montage.
Piggy falls for Kermit, too, but alas, too quickly, she is forced to hide her emotional vulnerability and let her practical side take over. Trapped in the small-time, alone in the world, Piggy sees Kermit as a way out of country fairs and into Hollywood. Smitten, Kermit is glad to bring her along on his own quest for stardom, despite the more ambiguous opinion of his friend Fozzie Bear.
Though Piggy is later forced to abandon her love when her agent calls with a better offer, when the going gets tough, she’s back to rescue him from being brainwashed, in true kickass-heroine fashion. From then on, though she at times strives to emulate traditional shy, gentle romantic heroines, fortunately Kermit is not fooled. He sees and admires her true self: strong, ambitious, balls-to-the-wall. He never fears that her many flirtations with celebrities will come between them. He gives in to her demands so she will not karate chop him across the room.
Kermit sometimes second guesses his choice, but never for long. Busy and harried with his career, he can become frustrated with trying to keep up with the many demands of his love, yet he’s always there for her in the end. Piggy, in turn, can become frustrated with what she sees as Kermit’s lack of driving ambition, not realizing his ambition is of a quieter sort. Kermit has what he wants: a career, and Piggy.
Those are the least of their conflicts. There was the tragic episode of “Robot Kermit,” for example, and the time when Piggy made Kermit pretend to be Bob Hope. Kermit has many times refused to ask Piggy to marry him, or denied an engagement to her, perhaps due to worries that their children would resemble green footballs or bouncing baby figs or pogs, perhaps from fear of commitment, perhaps because he is simply a very private frog. He is more reticent about his feelings than Piggy, so it’s only natural she sometimes seeks reassurance. But through it all, both ups and downs, their love has remained true.
What does the future hold for these two lovers? Their fantasy wedding in The Muppets Take Manhattan was both beautiful and moving, and definitely gave Piggy some ideas. It’s possible that Kermit’s fears about children might be unfounded, if the alternate reality portrayed in The Muppet Christmas Carol holds true; if so, their male offspring would be frogs, and their female offspring would be pigs. Would they be able to continue working together? Of course!
As Piggy says, “Love is what matters.”
Victoria Janssen is the author of three erotic novels and numerous short stories. Her latest novel is The Duke and The Pirate Queen from Harlequin Spice. Follow her on Twitter @victoriajanssen or find out more at victoriajanssen.com.