Thu
Mar 3 2011 9:23am

For The Love Of . . . A Twin Bed?

A new report out from the National Sleep Foundation says that nearly a quarter of American couples sleep in separate beds, mostly so SOMEONE who thrashes around like he's Sugar Ray Leonard up against the ropes won't disturb SOMEONE ELSE who's sleeping sweetly next to him.

(There's no mention of dealing with the person who snores. You're on your own).

And, recent articles suggest, YOU might consider sleeping in a twin bed, separated from your loved one by a fetching nightstand. It doesn't mean no sexy time—remember college dorm rooms?—but it “might save your relationship.” 

So would your partner be miffed if you suggested twin beds? Would you be upset if your partner said it might be a good idea?

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14 comments
Natasha Carty
1. WickedLilPixie
We do that at the cottage sometimes, wait I do this. I end up sleeping in another room if he's snoring too loud, I need to hear my cottage sounds damnit (loons, the river, the lake) not my own personal watercraft making engine noises!
Megan Frampton
2. MFrampton
Scott bought those nose strip things for his snoring, but it honestly doesn't bother me, so he hasn't used them yet. I would just miss him so much if we twinned it! And he would miss my warmth--he loves me that much more in the wintertime.
Natasha Carty
3. WickedLilPixie
Get him to test those strips for the love of my sleep! I'm a sprawler, so Stu is always moving me over & I'm always nudging him to shush. He gets louder if he has beer in him, I don't understand that one.
queenofthorns
4. queenofthorns
I've definitely considered the separate beds smooshed up next to each other, because KingofThorns has GERD and has to elevate the head of the bed. And that makes my back hurt (also, I feel like I'm going to fall off the bed.) So I'm thinking of dumping the queen and getting two full-size beds, so I can lay flat and he can be elevated.
Saundra Peck
5. sk1336
I have been with the love of my life since 1996...he has snored like a buzz saw since the first night we snuggled in to sleep. I learned quickly to ignore it (and go to sleep quickly/first if possible) in order to love him. Fast forward to 2005, hubby wants a puppy now that I am a stay at home wife. An English Bulldog puppy. And the puppy is to be allowed to go anywhere he wants...couches, cars and BED. By the time the puppy is 6 months old, my hubby (who works a lot of nightshifts as a cop, so he is usually sleep deprived) may come to bed with us but is often not in bed with me and the bulldog when we wake up. According to him, the puppy AND I snore and he can't sleep though the "stereo" snoring!!! So now, when hubby is home at night and wants his beauty sleep, we snuggle a while, then he kisses me and the bulldog goodnight and he goes to the "manroom"....closing the door so only he can hear his own snoring, and only I can hear when the bulldog wants to potty, or wrestle or whatever. Needless to say, the bulldog AND my hubby love me for the undying sacrifices I make... and I have a big king bed and a guard dog to keep me safe and sound. (The guard dog is very disgusted when hubby and I take our alone time, I might add!) But what I have learned is that while the "always sleeping together years" were great, it is what you do when you are awake that really matters...great sleep makes you live longer and gives you more time to love everyone...even my bulldog (affectionately called BackUp by my sweet daughter).
Megan Frampton
6. MFrampton
@queenofthorns: So you're an ideal candidate for those beds that have separate controls, right? My mom has GERD also, has these weird little cups that elevate her bed. Not sure what her boyfriend thinks of it.

@sk1336! I love your story! You get the dog, the bed--and no snoring! Plus you've got a cop on duty, too! Fabulous!
queenofthorns
7. wand3rlust
My great grandparents used to sleep in separate rooms for as long as I can remember and both sets of grandparents did as well. I can't say as to wether it was to "save the marriage" or just to sleep better? If I'm honest it's kind of a depressing thought to me, but you do what you have to do I suppose and there's nothing wrong with it if it's actually making your marriage better.
-Melissa
Saundra Peck
8. sk1336
Thanks Megan!!! I do believe I am one lucky woman....and my husband is lucky to have me! This is my second marriage, and as far as I am concerned if you love a person it is a total work in progress. A relationship is work until it is over, and not working on it will doom it. If you set limits or say things have to be a certain way, then you are setting yourself up for failure. Never stop negotiating or making compromises, and never settle for less than what you want or deserve. Because I have compromised on this issue, I have gotten more of the "PDA" things that I want!!! win/win!!!
queenofthorns
9. Melissa Singer
Can't comment for myself since I'm not partnered, but my parents slept in separate rooms for much of their marriage since my father had sleep apnea (undiagnosed until quite late in life). BTW, alcohol makes snoring worse because it relaxes the muscles even further than sleep does on its own; it also make sleep apnea worse because it affects the nervous system.

Anyway, I remember from when I was about 8 or 10 that they slept in separate rooms. My mother slept in the master bedroom and my father on a pull-out sofabed in the living room. My brother and I each had our own rooms. At night, we'd have to close the bedroom doors because otherwise dad's snoring kept everyone awake.

Sleep aside, they shared the bedroom. They both kept their clothing in there (his and hers closets and a shared chest of drawers), both used the master bath (my brother and I shared the other one), etc.

And if the door to the bedroom was closed in the morning and neither parent was elsewhere in the apartment, we kids knew we had to be very quiet . . . .

My father died a week before their 50th wedding anniversary. I don't think sleeping separately was a detriment to their relationship.

Pixie, as for those little nose-strips: they do help somewhat with snoring, at least according to my daughter, who was earwitness to my attempt at using them a couple of years ago. I was not silent but I was not as loud, either. However, the skin on my nose became irritated from daily use (even using the sensitive skin ones) and after a while I had to give it up.
Liz Maverick
10. lizmaverick
I'm busy wrestling with the ill-advised technique of pushing together two twins to make a bigger bed. Somebody always ends up falling through the middle. Le sigh.
Laura K. Curtis
11. LauraKCurtis
@lizmaverick - do what my parents did: install heavy-duty hook and eye hardware at the foot of the beds to keep them from sliding apart in the night.

I'm among those whose DH has dreadful sleep apnea. I sleep down the hall and even with both doors shut, I can hear him. The other problem is that I am an insomniac, so it takes me forever to fall asleep and when we try to sleep together I toss and turn and keep HIM awake. My "cave" keeps us both sane.
queenofthorns
12. rae70
Married 12 years... I live for when my hub is on nights and I can have the whole bed and blankets to myself. I would LOVE to have a separate bedroom! Just a nice "pretty" suite to myself, a room that I can decorate to my hearts content. A bathroom with matching towels that never get greased or car oil stained up! Never hearing my darling hub's nightly nostril chorus in my ear would be a blessing to my hearing (and yes, beer makes it worse) I had a few aunts/uncles that had separate bedrooms and even my MIL had her spare "ladies" room that she used on nights when FIL was trumpeting the genetic horn blowing. My Gram and Gramps have mechanical twinbeds because of health and comfort issues.
romance reader
13. bookstorecat
Sleeping together has its minor irritations, but I would miss the snuggling too much.
queenofthorns
14. Lauren Jonczak
I would love to sleep in a seperate bed than my husband. He does this awful twitch right as he falls alseep that scares the crap out of me every single night. Not to mention that he is constantly moving his feet, like a dog would do. I am about to buy a couple twin beds and bust out the old college dorm bed sheets (http://www.collegecovers.com/cat-23-1-2/Shop_By_Item.htm). I doubt he will be alright with that though. I guess we will see. Thanks for the recommendation.
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