Game of Thrones Season 3 is here! Need to catch up? Don't miss Regina Thorne's Season 2 refresher or her recap of episode 3.01, episode 3.02, episode 3.03, episode 3.04, episode 3.05, episode 3.06, episode 3.07, and episode 3.08.

And now, onto last night's episode 3.09, “The Rains of Castamere."

***MAJOR SPOILERS FOR LAST NIGHT'S EPISODE***

In last night’s episode of Game of Thrones, the Freys hired Dothraki wedding planners (Motto: at least three deaths or your money back!) and threw a party at the Twins that no one in Westeros will ever forget. We focused on the Starks (and Dany), though the Lannisters certainly made their presence known. And we also found out that Roose Bolton likes fat girls, killer one-liners and sobriety at weddings.

We open with Robb asking Catelyn’s advice about his plans to attack Casterly Rock, the seat of House Lannister. Considering how rocky their relationship has been since Cat released Jaime Lannister, she’s a bit surprised that Robb is even talking to her, let alone asking her what she thinks. He tells her that her advice about not sending Theon back to the Greyjoys was absolutely correct and that because he ignored her, Winterfell, Bran and Rickon are lost. Cat nobly refrains from saying “I told you so!” and instead says that Robb’s plan is dangerous, though he thinks he can succeed with the help of the Freys. If the Lannisters catch Robb’s forces between Casterly Rock and the sea, “we’ll lose the war and die the way Father died. Or worse,” Robb says somberly, in a chilling bit of foreshadowing. Catelyn tells Robb that she wants the Lannisters to suffer by losing what they love.

[If wishes were horses...]

Game of Thrones Season 3 is here! Need to catch up? Don't miss Regina Thorne's Season 2 refresher or her recap of episode 3.01, episode 3.02, episode 3.03, episode 3.04, episode 3.05, episode 3.06, and episode 3.07.

And now, onto last night's episode 3.08, “Second Sons."

*****SPOILERS*****

If last week’s episode of Game of Thrones was a meditation on the many facets of love, this week’s “Second Sons” was a cautionary tale about sex and marriage. (Boys of Westeros, if you get a woody, watch out because someone is either going to cut it off or attach a blood-sucking worm to it. It’s enough to make you join the Night’s Watch!)

We open with Arya and Sandor “the Hound” Clegane; the Hound captured Arya after she ran away from the Brotherhood without Banners last episode. Sandor is sleeping, and Arya lifts the biggest rock she can find so she can crush his skull and escape again. Arya, you need to let sleeping dogs lie! Sandor, of course, isn't asleep and he tells Arya that if she kills him, she can go free, but if he survives, he’ll break both of her hands.

[Decisions, decisions...]

Game of Thrones Season 3 is here! Need to catch up? Don't miss Regina Thorne's Season 2 refresher or her recap of episode 3.01, episode 3.02, episode 3.03, episode 3.04, episode 3.05, and episode 3.06.  And now, onto last night's episode 3.07, “The Bear and the Maiden Fair."

*****SPOILERS*****

“People work together when it suits them. They’re loyal when it suits them. They love each other when it suits them, and they kill each other when it suits them.” Two characters disproved Orell’s bleak view of human nature tonight: Danaerys Targaryen put her plans to invade Westeros on hold for the sake of 200,000 slaves who are of no possible use to her war effort; and Jaime Lannister, whom we first met screwing his sister and throwing a boy out of a tall tower, risked his life to save a woman he’s come to respect and love.

We open in the aftermath of the Wildlings’ epic climb over the Wall. They’re in the green lovely area known as “South of the Wall” and Ygritte teases Jon about all his peoples’ quaint customs such as marching on roads, having flags and drummers for their armies and needing a drummer to give them a beat. Ygritte marches to the beat of her own drummer of course, although I notice that she didn’t mock the quaint southern practices Jon Snow uses in bed. Orell is clearly jealous of Ygritte and Jon’s relationship and tells Jon he’ll never hold onto Ygritte. I think he’s doing okay, actually!

[Maybe you know a little something after all, Jon Snow...]

Game of Thrones Season 3 is here! Need to catch up? Don't miss Regina Thorne's Season 2 refresher or her recap of episode 3.01, episode 3.02, episode 3.03, episode 3.04, and episode 3.05.  And now, onto last night's episode 3.06, “The Climb."

*****SPOILERS*****

“We’re just soldiers in their armies and there’s plenty more to carry on if we go down. It’s you and me that matters to me and you.” In the game of thrones, there are kings and queens, lords and priests and generals, and at the very bottom of the ladder, there are the pawns whose only hope of survival is that they matter to someone else. Unless you have someone to give you a hand when you slip, you’re doomed to fall.

We open with Sam and Gilly, who’ve taken a moment during their headlong flight from Craster’s Keep to have a fireside chat. Sam shows Gilly the dragonglass knife he uncovered at the Fist of the First Men last season, and then sings a song about the Seven Gods to lull Gilly’s baby to sleep. This scene is super cute and sweet, even without marshmallows to toast over their campfire, but I keep waiting for a White Walker to pop up out of the woods and behead someone. Game of Thrones: where even a lullaby can be scary.

[Security and happiness are overrated...]

Game of Thrones Season 3 is here! Need to catch up? Don't miss Regina Thorne's Season 2 refresher or her recap of episode 3.01, episode 3.02, and episode 3.03, and episode 3.04.  And now, onto last night's episode 3.05, “Kissed by Fire."

*****SPOILERS*****

With one notable exception, “Kissed by Fire” was an episode of intimate physically and metaphorically revealing moments linked by the motif of fire, which both nurtures and destroys, and by the themes of service, honor and loyalty.

“Valar dohaeris,” Missandei told Dany in the first episode of this season. All men must serve, but who they serve and why defines who they are. Jaime Lannister and Barristan Selmy both served a mad King, but Jaime chose to serve the greater good by killing that King; Thoros of Myr and Selyse Baratheon serve a fiery god because the night is dark and full of terrors; Tywin Lannister’s children are forced to serve their father’s ambition and he serves the chimera of his family’s name; Robb Stark serves out some stern Northern justice to Rickard Karstark who placed his private vengeance over his service to his King; Grey Worm serves Danaerys out of love and gratitude, and Gendry is tired of serving lords, choosing instead to become an equal among brothers.

Our first scene was an almost literal trial by fire; Sandor Clegane, the Hound, accused of murder by Arya Stark, was sentenced last week to a trial by combat against Beric Dondarrion, the leader of the Brotherhood without Banners. Sandor seems fairly confident, until Beric magically sets his sword on fire by sprinkling it with his blood. If there’s one thing Sandor Clegane fears, it’s fire, thanks to his brother’s holding his face into the flames when they were children.  

[Can't say that I blame him...]

Game of Thrones Season 3 is here! Need to catch up? Don't miss Regina Thorne's Season 2 refresher or her recap of episode 3.01, episode 3.02, and episode 3.03. And now, onto last night's episode 3.04, “And Now His Watch is Ended."

*****SPOILERS*****

Last night’s Game of Thrones taught us that revenge is a dish best served in a box with its mouth sewn shut, that roses are boring unless they're named Margaery or Olenna, and that dragons are not slaves.

We open with the aftermath of Jaime Lannister’s maiming by Roose Bolton’s man, Locke. Jaime rides with his rotting hand on a rope around his neck, as Locke’s men taunt him about his manhood and Cersei. Jaime falls off his horse into a puddle of viscous mud, struggles to his knees and begs for a drink of water; Locke offers Jaime a flask that he gulps down greedily before Locke tells him that he just drank horse piss. Brienne of Tarth looks on, horrified at Locke’s wanton cruelty, as Jaime vomits up what he just drank.

[Never thought I'd say it, but poor Jaime!...]

Finally, Game of Thrones Season 3 is here! Need to catch up first? Don't miss Regina Thorne's Season 2 refresher or her recap of episode 3.01 and episode 3.02. And now, onto last night's episode 3.03, “Walk of Punishment.”

*****SPOILERS*****

In the world of Westeros, punishment rains down on everyone; the real divide isn’t between guilt or innocence, it’s between power and powerlessness. Those with power are free to indulge their most malignant instincts while the powerless are enslaved to the merciless whims of others. “There’s a beast in ever man,” Jorah Mormont says. “And it stirs when you put a sword in his hand” and open violence is the most basic (if crudest) form of power in this world. 

For a show that claims to eschew themes, this episode was permeated with questions of power, guilt, and innocence. What happens when you lose the power of your family name, the power of your skill at swordsmanship or your strength? What happens if you never had that power in the first place? We could argue that Theon and Jaime were justly punished for their crimes, but then we have to ask what Brienne, Craster’s daughter Gilly, and the nameless slaves of Astapor ever did to deserve the same punishment handed out to guilty men like Jaime and Theon.

[Life's a bitch...]

Finally, Game of Thrones Season 3 is here! Need to catch up first? Don't miss Regina Thorne's Season 2 refresher or her recap of last week's episode 3.01.  And now, onto last night's episode 3.02, “Dark Wings, Dark Words.”

*****SPOILERS*****

The Season 3 premiere of Game of Thrones brought us up to speed with a lot of our favorites, but some characters were conspicuously absent last week. Never fear! Arya, Jaime, Brienne, Bran et al. returned to us in fine style last night, along with the fearsome and awesome Lady Olenna Tyrell, Westeros’s answer to the Dowager Countess of Grantham. 

Let’s begin in King’s Landing because that’s where the action is (if by action, we mean fashion and awesome old ladies, and I do!) Speaking of fashion, Joffrey tries on new clothes in a blatant attempt to impress the fashion-forward Margaery Tyrell. None of them suit him, and Joffrey insists that everything is wrong. Cersei tries to figure out Joffrey’s feelings for Margaery given his behavior at her dinner party in the last episode, and finally flat out tells Joff that Margaery is a schemer who’s plotting against him. Joffrey tells her that “intelligent women do what they’re told” and I wish Cersei would haul off and slap him again. Alas! I think the only person with the chutzpah to do that now is probably Tywin. 

[And now that's on my wish list...]

Our reading matter says a lot about who we are, which is why recommending books to friends is such a nervewracking process. What if my friends hate my favorite characters or think I'm a weirdo for loving something in the first place? None of these worries apply to fictional characters, though, so here's what happened when our favorite characters from Westeros were let loose in a bookstore, and told to choose one book to pass the time between betrayals, beheadings and sexposition.

Cersei Lannister picked Madonna of the Seven Hills and Light on Lucrezia, Jean Plaidy’s duo of novels about Lucrezia Borgia. For obvious reasons, Cersei identifies heavily with Lucrezia!

Jaime Lannister was initially tempted by Kristin Hannah’s The Things We Do for Love, but settled on Evelyn Waugh’s Sword of Honour trilogy, featuring Guy Crouchback, an idealist who discovers that war is hell. Based on Waugh’s own experiences during World War II, there are also hilarious moments in the books as well as great poignancy.

[These choices sound fitting so far...]

Finally, Game of Thrones Season 3 is here! Need to catch up first? Don't miss Regina Thorne's Season 2 finale recap or her Season 2 refresher. And now, onto last night's Season 3 opener, “Valar Dohaeris.”

Last night on the first episode of Season 3 of Game of Thrones, we learned the whereabouts of Jon Snow’s direwolf, met the mysterious Mance Rayder, and found out Margaery Tyrell is a player. But we still don’t know where Arya Stark is, why Tywin Lannister hates his least hateful child so much, and whether Joffrey was slapped too much as a child, or not enough.

In order to minimize wear and tear on my pause/rewind button, I’ve decided to recap the episodes a little differently this season. Rather than following the show with its jumps from place to place and character to character, I’m picking a location and telling you what happens there!

Let’s begin north of the Wall, where, when last seen, Samwell Tarly was fleeing for his life from a horde of White Walkers, wights, and assorted zombie horses. Sam, true to his Night’s Watch vows, is not wearing a hood, hat, earmuffs or any head covering of any types as he runs through a howling gale. He sees a kneeling figure in a cloak and calls out to it; when he approaches, he realizes that it is a fellow Night’s Watchman, whose severed head is cradled in his lap in some strange form of White Walker humor.

[White Walkers need amusement too?...]

Season 3 of Game of Thrones starts this Sunday! Are you excited? Because we sure are! In addition to its gripping story, sumptuous costumes, beautiful locations, dragons, direwolves and superb actors, this show also has a lot of characters wandering around a vast space. So if you don’t have time to rewatch the second season or read all the recaps, here’s a quick guide to where we left everyone and what they were doing.

House Targaryen:

Daenerys Targaryen began season 2 wandering in the Red Waste with her tiny group of followers, three baby dragons she’d hatched on her husband’s funeral pyre, and her faithful knight, Ser Jorah Mormont, the disgraced son of Lord Mormont, Commander of the Knight’s Watch.

[Every fine lady needs a faithful knight...]

Don’t miss Regina Thorne’s recaps of “The North Remembers,” “The Night Lands,” “What Is Dead May Never Die,” “Garden of Bones,” “The Ghost of Harrenhal,” “The Old Gods and the New,” “A Man Without Honor,” “The Prince of Winterfell,” and last week’s penultimate Season 2 episode, “Blackwater.” All caught up? Good. Now, on to...

Game of Thrones Season 2 finale, episode 10, “Valar Morghulis":

********SPOILERS********

After last week’s brilliant “Blackwater” episode, I was a bit worried that tonight’s season finale of Game of Thrones might be a letdown. There were so many stories to wrap up (or leave hanging off a cliff) and I wondered how, even with an extra-long episode, the creators could do them justice. I needn’t have worried at all because “Valar Morghulis” was a perfect bookend to “Blackwater.”

[How is it already the finale?!...]

Don’t miss Regina Thorne’s recaps of “The North Remembers,” “The Night Lands,” “What Is Dead May Never Die,” “Garden of Bones,” “The Ghost of Harrenhal,” “The Old Gods and the New,” “A Man Without Honor,”and last week’s “The Prince of Winterfell. ” All caught up? Good. Now, on to...

Game of Thrones Season 2, episode 9, “Blackwater”:

********SPOILERS********

This is probably going to be the shortest recap I’ve ever done for “Game of Thrones” because this episode rendered me speechless. I was underwhelmed by last week’s outing (other than the short scene with my beloved Jaime Lannister and Brienne), but this week’s epic battle, gripping plot and scintillating character moments made up for nearly everything I’ve griped about in the previous weeks’ episodes.

We open with Stannis’s fleet en route to King’s Landing. Stannis’s right hand man, Davos, shares a tender moment with his religious fanatic son Mattos, a follower of Melisandre’s Lord of Light, who insists that the people of King’s Landing are going to welcome Stannis’s army because they’ve come to liberate them from false gods. Davos gently tells his son that the people of King’s landing “see a stranger come to set their city on fire.”

[Well, it IS a great time for BBQ...]

Don’t miss Regina Thorne’s recaps of “The North Remembers,” “The Night Lands,” “What Is Dead May Never Die,” “Garden of Bones,” “The Ghost of Harrenhal,” and last week’s “The Old Gods and the New.” All caught up? Good. Now, on to...

Game of Thrones Season 2, episode 7, “A Man Without Honor”:

********SPOILERS********

Sometimes the titles of Game of Thrones episodes are a bit mystifying in terms of their relevance to the episode but last night’s “A Man Without Honor” could have referred to any one of a number of characters, including Theon Greyjoy, Jaime Lannister, and Xaro Xhoan Daxos. Plus, the ghost of an Man With Honor also haunted over the episode with both Theon and Jaime (as well as Ned’s bastard son Jon) talking about and measuring themselves against Ned. (He’s a head shorter, in case anyone was wondering.)

Man Without Honor #1 Theon wakes up alone in his bed in Winterfell. Osha has, as we saw last week, debunked with extreme prejudice to an Ironborn’s throat and with the Stark children, their direwolves and Hodor. Theon is incensed at his men for letting a “halfwit” and a “cripple” outwit them; the tubby Ironborn with the long resumé of rapine and murder who mocked Theon back in Pyke mentions that if Theon hadn’t been seduced by Osha, none of this would have happened. Theon dislikes the backchatting and administers some Ironclad stomping on Tubby the Reiver.

[If you can’t join ’em, beat ’em, eh, Theon?...]

Don’t miss Regina Thorne’s recaps of “The North Remembers,” “The Night Lands,” “What Is Dead May Never Die,” “Garden of Bones,” and last week’s “The Ghost of Harrenhal.” All caught up? Good. Now, on to...

Game of Thrones Season 2, episode 6, “The Old Gods and the New”:

**********SPOILERS**********

The episode opens with Maester Luwin frantically sending out a raven out of Winterfell. Before I can figure out what the ravenly equivalent of a dovecote is, two Greyjoy men burst through the door of the raven house.

For a few seconds, I wonder if this is one of Bran’s prophetic wolf dreams, but unfortunately, this is no dream, even though Bran is sleeping, sans direwolf. (Where is that enormous, barely tamed creature who ripped out the throat of the last guy to threaten Bran in that room?) Bran could certainly use an animal protector right now; he’s woken by Theon Greyjoy, announcing that he, henceforth “Prince” Theon, has taken Winterfell. Theon tells Bran that a proper lord would surrender the castle and tell its inhabitants to obey the invaders so they don’t get killed.

[Is this really the way to get respect, Theon?...]

Don’t miss Regina Thorne’s recaps of “The North Remembers,” “The Night Lands,” “What Is Dead May Never Die,” and last week’s “Garden of Bones.” All caught up? Good. Now, on to...

Game of Thrones Season 2, episode 5, “The Ghost of Harrenhal”:

**********SPOILERS**********

The episode opens in Renly’s encampment. Renly, guarded by Brienne, is having a parlay with Catelyn. He tells Catelyn that, so long as Robb swears fealty to him, Robb can call himself King in the North and be independent. It’s not as though Renly has any plans to visit the frozen wastelands. Catelyn is a little bit hesitant about the fealty thing until Renly reminds her that her husband Ned swore the same oath to his brother Robert. Renly promises that tomorrow, after he’s defeated Stannis, he’ll make common cause with Robb to bring down the Lannisters. Hey, things are looking up for the Starks! That won’t last long.

[Never let your guard down with this show...]

Game of Thrones Season 2, episode 4, “Garden of Bones”:

**********SPOILERS**********

We open somewhere very rainy, where a couple of Lannister soldiers are having one of those pointless discussions about the most fearsome knight in Westeros and making fart jokes. I’m sure these guys are going to be dead soon, because Lannister soldiers have the lifespan of Spinal Tap drummers. Sure enough, before they can decide between Gregor Clegane, Jaime Lannister or Loras Tyrell, a snarling direwolf interrupts them and we fade to black.

The lights come on again in the aftermath of another victory for Robb Stark. Roose Bolton, the Northern lord who’s accompanying Robb on his tour of the battlefield, mentions that the Lannisters have lost five men to every one of Robb’s. At this rate, attrition should take care of the Lannisters in another hour or so. Lord Bolton wants to execute the prisoners because they’re eating too much, although he’s willing to spare the officers so he can torture them to find out Tywin Lannister’s battle plans. Robb demurs on both counts, pointing out that the Lannisters will surely avenge themselves on his sisters if he starts torturing and executing prisoners.

(Need to catch up? Don’t miss Regina Thorne’s recaps of “The North Remembers,” “The Night Lands,” and “What Is Dead May Never Die.”)

[Well sure, and why else wouldn’t you want to torture and execute prisoners of war?...]

********SPOILERS********

We open directly after the end of last week’s cliffhanger. Craster throws a bloodied-up Jon on the floor and orders the Night’s Watch to leave his home immediately. Lord Mormont sends Jon outside to wait for him. Bloody-faced Jon tries to tell Mormont about what Craster was doing with his baby. It turns out that the Night’s Watch has known all along about the bargain Craster made with “crueler gods” but has ignored the man’s evildoing for the sake of expediency: Craster’s Keep and its warmth and food have saved many Rangers’ lives. Jon’s attempt to interrupt Mormont’s lesson in Realpolitik to tell him about the White Walker is also unsuccessful.

(Need to catch up? Don’t miss Regina Thorne’s recaps of “The North Remembers” and “The Night Lands.”)

Apparently the Night’s Watch has more important stuff to do than chase after creepy blue-eyed ice-people. Excuse me, but isn’t that kind of their job? And didn’t a creepy blue-eyed zombie try to kill Lord Mormont not very long ago? I think he should pay more attention to Jon, especially because Jon looks extra-good with that blood on his face.

[Like you weren’t thinking it too...]

Many things are rotten in the Seven Kingdoms, and tonight’s Game of Thrones was a particularly fishy affair, culminating in a Red/Lobster coupling. On the other hand, there were a lot of Arya scenes and Tyrion scenes, which made it a great episode.

(Need to catch up? Don’t miss Regina Thorne’s recap of last week’s episode, “The North Remembers.”)

We open this week on the road with Yoren’s merry band of future Nightswatchmen. Arya Stark encounters the hazards faced by ladies on road trips from time immemorial: the lack of private toilet facilities.

[Fun times...]