What first drew me into Once Upon a Time was seeing Little Red Skanking Hood in the first episode. I knew I had to stick with the show just to get her back-story, regardless of how bored I might become (and I have been!). I was hella excited to be the one recapping this episode for you all!

Let’s start out with the blah parts for me: David, Katherine and Mary Margaret’s love triangle.  We all know Katherine is still missing, and David is the prime suspect.  Emma is investigating, but because they can’t find Katherine, technically no crime has been committed thus David can’t be arrested.

(Need to catch up? Check out previous Once Upon a Time recaps: Episode 11 | Episode 12 | Episode 13 | Episode 14)

Mary Margaret, of course, can’t just sit still and sets out to find Katherine herself; apparently she’s better than the police at this point. The whole running into David in the woods in my opinion was cheese; all of the sudden he’s having blackouts again but was fine the entire time Katherine was around?

[The neverending story...]

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This morning’s Today show discussed E.L. James’s book Fifty Shades of Grey, and the Fifty Shades trilogy in general.

There’s so much wrong with what was said. Where do we start?

[Rants on their way! Full steam ahead!]

We are coming up on the start of Season Five of True Blood debuting this summer.

If you have memory issues like I do, click here to see my recap of True Blood’s Season Four Finale. 

There, feel like you just went through it all again? Still angry from the events of last season? Moving right along, I present you with my list of demands.

After last season’s weird-ass finale, I have a list of thing that I would like to see happen and things I wished would stop happening. There were so many things that should have happened last season and didn’t, or things that shouldn’t have happened and did….like Tara getting capped, Jesus kicking the bucket, and Rene’s ghostly return.

[Let’s get back on track, shall we?...]

*******SPOILERS*******

In the past, there is a beautiful horse drawn carriage that pulls up to the King (Charming’s “father”) and Princess Abigail steps out to speak with him before her wedding. What the King doesn’t want to tell her is that Charming is missing and he has sent his guards out to bring him back. But Charming outsmarts them by jumping over a fallen tree on his horse. Umm, why the hell can’t the guards jump the tree? Are their horses’ legs different from Charming’s horses’ legs? Anyway, Charming ends up getting captured by another set of guards.

(Need to catch up? Check our our previous Once Upon a Time recaps:
Episode 1| Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6 | Episode 7 | Episode 8 | Episode 9 | Episode 10 | Episode 11 | Episode 12)

Present time, David is with Katherine having dinner when she tells him not only did she apply to law school in Boston, she was accepted and asks him to move with her to start a new life.

[Time to make a move, David...]

*****SPOILERS*****

Tonight’s episode starts in the present, with Henry riding to the castle playground area on his bike to meet Emma. They notice the storm from last week has damaged the castle and Emma vows to have it fixed. Henry then starts to dig in the sand; he’s been hiding the Once Upon a Time book from Regina in the park, but when he finally gets to the spot, the book is still there. Regina shows up because Henry has an appointment with Archie he is going to be late for. Regina gives Emma hell, as usual.

(Need to catch up? Check our our previous Once Upon a Time recaps:
Episode 1| Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6 | Episode 7 | Episode 8 | Episode 9 | Episode 10)

Back at the house, Emma tells Mary Margaret what happened, but Mary gets a text from David telling her to meet him and she cuts the conversation short. Sidney ends up coming to speak with Emma about Regina; he’s half in the bag and says he knows how to take Regina down.

[Let the plotting ensue!...]

Darynda Jones
Third Grave Dead Ahead
St. Martin’s Press, $23.99/$10.99 digital, January 31, 2012

Paranormal private eye. Grim reaper extraordinaire. Whatever. Charley Davidson is back! And she’s drinking copious amounts of caffeine to stay awake because, every time she closes her eyes, she sees him: Reyes Farrow, the part-human, part-supermodel son of Satan. Yes, she did imprison him for all eternity, but come on. How is she supposed to solve a missing persons case, deal with an ego-driven doctor, calm her curmudgeonly dad, and take on a motorcycle gang hellbent on murder when the devil’s son just won’t give up?

In novels there are all types of funny; there’s the “ha ha” funny, you know the kind that’s in-between “yeah that was funny” and an LOL. Then there’s the fake LOL, you do it everyday on Twitter and Facebook when something is supposed to be funny but you don’t get it, so you LOL in hopes no one calls you on it. But the best kind of funny, at least in my opinion, is LMAO, snarky, self-deprecating humor and we get that full on in Darynda Jones’s Third Grave Dead Ahead.

[LMFAO takes that to a whole ’nother level, huh?...]

********SPOILERS********

This week’s episode, “True North,” starts with Henry in a store reading a comic book when Ava, a little girl from school, introduces herself to him. She asks if Henry wants to hang out with her and her brother, Nicolas, but when they go to leave the store the clerk stops them. He accuses Henry of stealing; turns out the two kids stole candy and planted it on poor Henry.

(Need to catch up? Check our our past Once Upon a Time Recaps:
Episode 1| Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6 | Episode 7 | Episode 8)

[Into the forest we go...]

“My, sir, your penis is, umm...HUGE.”

If you’re on Twitter with any regularity, you know fellow readers are always tweeting lines from books you wouldn’t ordinarily read or have a clue about. That happened to me a few days ago; my friend Mandi Schreiner happened to tweet about a book she was reading, and I have to confess my legs immediately went into lockdown mode.

Mandi was reading Assume the Position by T.C. Lee, an erotica about a cop with a super peen. You’re all going, “Which erotica character doesn’t have a huge peen?,” but let me explain. Officer Alex Shaw has a bit of a problem, he’s never “fully” been inside of a woman; his penis is just THAT big.

[What ever happened to that saying about the “motion of the ocean”?...]

Natasha and Tori have offered their Steampunk Holiday Gift Guide and their Werewolf Holiday Gift Guide; now they turn their thoughts to what to get people who like their heroes tall, dark, and undead: Vampires.

Tori: Nat and I have toiled and slaved countless hours looking for the perfect gifts to make your holiday shopping easier. Vampires are a special breed and their fans deserve a little extra special “bite” to their gifts.

Tori: This pewter coffin ring screams “take me!!!“ Ok, maybe it just screams that to me. Either way, any self-respecting vampire lover will be screaming if they open this on Christmas Day.

[Sink your teeth into more ideas...]

We have another list of holiday gifts for you! This time we’re finding gift for the werewolf in your life. From hair removal to kick-ass high heels, we have you covered this holiday season.

Natasha: Of course you have to give your werewolf the perfect gag gift, and this is just perfectly snarky.

Tori: *snicker* When you care enough to make fun of them. I think Patricia Briggs’s Adam would need an XXXXXXL.

Natasha: If you love your werewolf, and money isn’t an object, you can get them the world’s most expensive shaver. Seriously. They’d appreciate it.

Tori: For that price, it should shave you, give you a mani/pedi, and whisper sweet nothings in your ear. I’d buy one for Wolverine if he’d let me *ahem* help.

[Still stumped? You ain’t seen nothin’ yet...]

It’s that time of year again, where you spend countless hours looking for parking at the mall. You stress about what to get your fellow book fiends for the holidays. Well, look no further! Looking for something to get your favorite fan of Steampunk? Tori and I have searched (and maybe bought a few things) to find you the best gifts for those who like a little clock in their work.

Natasha: A Steampunk outfit is incomplete without a wicked chapeau, and this is one of the most beautiful hats I’ve come across in my shopping travels. Wouldn’t you love to wake up to this under your tree?

[Unwrap more gift ideas...]

********SPOILERS********

Last night’s episode started out with a dart; okay, so Sheriff Hottie Pants was throwing darts in a bar. Emma comes into the bar and totally ignores him, so he throws a dart that lands shockingly close to her face. Graham says Emma’s been avoiding him because of his sneaky sneak out of the Mayors house. Emma assures him that’s not the case and it’s really none of her business. That’s when he lays a big honking hiss on her (swoon). Said kiss triggers a flashback, but when he comes back to reality, he tells Emma he just wanted to feel something. Make that two of us.

(Need to catch up? Check our our past Once Upon a Time Recaps
Episode 1| Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6)

He ends up going to Regina’s house and kisses her too (the dirty dog!).

[His heart may be lonely, but his lips certainly aren’t...]

****Episode Spoilers Below****

I have to say right off the bat that this was my favorite episode of Once Upon a Time! It was beautifully done, and the visuals were awesome.

But I had one issue. Of course Emma is rocking one of those damn motorcycle leather jackets again, this time in dried blood brown. Would someone please either get her a new style jacket or a motorcycle? She’s driving a busted up yellow car, yet somehow manages to rock these leather jackets in a rainbow of horrific colors. Okay, I’m done.

(Need to catch up? Check our our past Once Upon a Time Recaps
Episode 1| Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4)

[On to the spoiler-y goodness...]

The first Squick Word post just won’t die (Squick Me Out! Words Not to Use in Moments of Passion) comments keep being posted, and some evil beings continue to email me passages of books with the M word in it!

Go figure, it all started out with the word “moist.” *vomits* I scoured my recent reads for months and jotted down words that made me feel dirty inside. It took ages, but I finally have enough to disgust you all.

The slightest word can pull me right out of a story and make me cackle like nobody’s business—which is also when I scribble said word down in my trusty “Squick Word” notebook (seriously) so I can share them with you all. The following words are honest-to-goodness words I have come across in my reading this year.

Animals– Any use of animal in reference to body parts, sounds or food products used during sex really gross me out. Specifically “Fishy” “Meaty” “Porked” or “Tube Steak,” yes, they’re funny as hell, but they are NOT sexy. Tuna seems to be a favorite of some erotica authors, and I can tell you, it turns me off faster then a group of Bieber look-alikes.

[Think you’re grossed out now? Read on...]

*****Episode Spoilers Below*****

The third episode of Once Upon a Time starts with a flashback scene: Prince Charming is in a horse and carriage with some random blond when it gets ambushed. Prince Charming gives chase and it turns out the thief was Snow White. She ends up getting away, after knocking PC a good one. His parting words to her are that he will find her.

(Need to catch up? Don’t miss our recaps of episode 1 and episode 2.)

We go back to the present and Mary Margaret (Snow) is on a date, but the guy isn’t paying her any attention. Why? Because he is too busy checking out the short-short clad waitress, Ruby, aka Little Red Skanking Hood. Mary Margaret calls an end to the date, turns out the date is with a doctor from the hospital at which she volunteers. She says she’ll see him tomorrow because her class is going there on a field trip the next day. When she leaves the restaurant, she runs into Emma, who is sleeping in her car because no one will rent her a room. MM offers Emma her spare room but she refuses, saying she is better on her own.

[Come on, Emma: We all know there’s no “I” in “team”...]

Sherrilyn Kenyon
The Guardian
St. Martin’s, $7.99, Nov. 1, 2011

Dream-Hunter Lydia has been charged with the most sacred and dangerous of missions: To descend into the Nether Realm and find the missing god of dreams before he betrays the secrets that could kill her and her kind. What she never expects is to be taken prisoner by the Realm’s most vicious guardian…

Seth’s time is running out. If he can’t hand over the entrance to Olympus, his own life and those of his people will be forfeit. No matter the torture, Seth hasn’t been able to break the god in his custody. Then there’s the beautiful Dream-Hunter Lydia: She isn’t just guarding the gates of Olympus—she’s holding back one of the world’s darkest powers. If she fails, an ancient curse will haunt the earth once more and no one will be safe. But evil is always seductive...

There are two things I look forward to with a new Dark-Hunter/Dream-Hunter release by Sherrilyn Kenyon:

[Read all about it...]

Last night was the series premiere of Once Upon a Time, and I hadn’t planned to watch it. Five minutes into the show I was hooked—the setting was beautifully executed, and during the forest scene I couldn’t turn away.

Even though Snow White’s hair looked straight-up busted in every single scene (would someone get the girl a hairdresser, or at least a better wig?), the show was visually appealing and not overdone like True Blood. Had they gone the way of the fae on TB, I think I would have turned it off ASAP. The special effects were done in a way that weren’t overdone or far out there.

[There’s more to the story...]

Kristan Higgins
Until There Was You
HQN, $7.99. Oct. 25, 2011

Posey Osterhagen can’t complain. She owns a successful architectural salvaging company, she’s surrounded by her lovable, if off-center, family and she has a boyfriend—sort of. Still, something’s missing. Something tall, brooding and criminally good-looking…something like Liam Murphy.

When Posey was sixteen, the bad boy of Bellsford, New Hampshire, broke her heart. But now he’s back, sending Posey’s traitorous schoolgirl heart into overdrive once again. She should be giving him a wide berth, but it seems fate has other ideas….

[Fate usually does...]

My love for all things fae started as a child with my introduction to Tinkerbell; I don’t know why Tink appealed to me so much, maybe it was her small stature (I’ve always been petite), or maybe it was because she could fly. Either way, she sparked my love, so much so every December my ringtone gets changed to “March of the Sugar Plum Fairies” and I’ve named my website Wicked Lil Pixie.  But what do we really know about fairies? I have done some research into all things fairy, so sit back and see if you knew half as much as I didn’t.

The term fairy encompasses anything from goblins to actual “wee folk.” Even their appearance varies—from little itty bitty things the size of a dragon fly to full sized “humanlike” creatures without wings. The one standard is that they look very similar to humans (yet some have blue or green skin, huh?) and have magical powers. There really is no certainty after that in terms of description, nor is there a standard behavior.

[Into the unknown...]

When you hear about zombies in fiction, what do you think?

Yeah. I know.

I’ve broached the subject of zombies on our Facebook page and was met by lots of “Hell NO!” I’ve tried to reason with you all, but you don’t listen. So listen now: Not all zombies are the same. I blame Night of the Living Dead for you all thinking they are. Yes, most zombies need brains to stay animated but they’re all not beasts. Okay, maybe they are, but I’m trying to help you all see the light.

When I asked why the lack of zombie love on Twitter I got this:

• They eat brains

So what? Vampires drink blood, people! Vampires sip and zombies have to chew a little bit.

[What’s the big deal?...]