I grew up playing Barbies. More accurately, I grew up dressing Barbies. If we wanted to play a game, we were more likely to act it out ourselves. Dolls were all about the clothes and boots and bags and scarves. All the accoutrements of the grown-up world that we weren’t really yet a part of.

By the time high school rolled around, the dolls were long gone but I had other ways to play. I went to high school on the Upper East Side of Manhattan and sometimes strolled down Madison Avenue where I people watched and pretended to window shop. Weekends we went to the Village to enjoy the cool, slightly seedy '80s scene. And I read fashion magazines—Vogue, Harper’s Bazaar, W, Glamour, Cosmo, anyone remember Mirabella? If I was feeling especially flush, I would spring for the French and British magazines. I would study the pages. Not the words (although Vogue really does have some great articles); it was always about the clothes, the accessories, the photos. And living in New York, from time to time I would see the models and their huge black portfolios and the occasional photo shoot in the wild. I slurped up books like Judith Krantz's Mistral’s Daughter—all the passion and romance dressed up in amazing clothes? I’m always on board for that. Naturally I adored The September Issue even more than The Devil Wears Prada.

It’s not really a purposeful thing, but I’ve collected a fair number of romance novels that take place within (or on the outskirts of) the fashion world. Designers, models, photographers. I don’t have a fashion magazine editor yet, but I think someone needs to write Wintour a happy ending for me.

[Gives a whole new meaning to “book jacket” doesn't it?]

Julie James’s FBI/US Attorney series gets its fourth installment this month with the release of Love Irresistibly, and the series continues to stay as strong as when I first fell in love with it.

These books center around the men and women of the FBI and US Attorney’s office in Chicago, aggressive, hard-hitting heroes and heroines who have no trouble holding their own. All of the agents and lawyers in this book are driven men and women who love their jobs. They are fiercely competitive—both the men AND the women—and totally unapologetic about it. The rivalries are genuine, no punches are pulled, but when it comes down to it, they pull together as a team. That commitment gives all the characters so much life that they practically leap off the page. They are dedicated and passionate, workaholics even. But that creates some problems in romance department. Let’s face it, for an agent undercover months at a time or a lawyer with her eyes on billing enough hours to make partner, it’s hard to maintain much of a love life. But never fear! They find a way to make it work.

[Work hard; play hard...]

There’s been a real hole in my week without a new The Lizzie Bennet Diaries episode. I have been planning my Mondays and Thursdays around the release of new LBD episodes for so long that I don’t know quite what to do with myself. If you’re at a loss, I’m ready with the list of things I’ve been reading and watching to ease my grief.

If you’re still missing Lizzie, there aren’t knew videos but there are loads of fans still around. There is Darceny, a fan group that is rewatching LBD and discussing the series and P&P. They just started this week, so if you were late finding the series, here’s your chance! There is a fan-run Dr. Gardiner account on Tumblr evaluating on Lizzie’s evaluating. After all, she hasn’t graduated yet! The LBD Seahorses community hosts chats, sometimes including the cast of the show and just generally share their love for the series.

That’s not enough of Lizzie and Jane and Lydia for you? There are tons of screenshots and GIFs on Tumblr and a robust fanfic community. One writer I’ve consistently enjoyed is imaginary circus.

[The Internet is your oyster...]

**Epic spoilers for the whole series**

It’s really over. The very last episode of The Lizzie Bennet Diaries aired today. On Monday I won’t have a new video to watch, new story developments to obsess over. I’ve known it was coming for several weeks now. The head writer Bernie Su had confirmed that the series would end with the 100th episode. There have been good-byes to characters and writers after their last episode aired, posts from the actors about what the show meant to them. It still doesn’t quite seem possible that it’s finished.

I’m not sure what I’ll do with myself next week. Maybe catch up on laundry.

I’ve loved the videos of Darcy and Lizzie together. The way she plays with his tie never gets old. And in episode 99, “Future Talk,” that cut from the almost kiss to disheveled Lizzie, smoothing her hair back in place is hotter than any on-screen kiss. I was a little worried when Darcy offered Lizzie the job at Pemberley Digital. I won’t lie: I was nervous. I didn’t want strong, independent Lizzie to end up being the boss’ girlfriend. Her refusal – and her reasons for refusing – were just what I could have hoped. Lizzie has created something powerful and meaningful to her. It’s only right that she should carry that on to start her own company. And San Francisco is the perfect place for an internet startup – obviously. Darcy’s obvious unhappiness but quick acceptance of her refusal and support of her setting up shop as his competition cements him as perfect boyfriend material.

[We always knew he had it in him...]

***Many, many major LBD spoilers ahead***

***You’ve been warned***

Today’s #LBD video opened with Lizzie sitting (alone!) talking about how grateful she is for all her fans. But have no fear, she was only toying with us—and also referencing all the teasing, almost-reveals of the past episodes. After the opening, the video picks up right where it left off on Lizzie and Charlotte’s shared birthday: with Darcy standing in front of her in her parents' den. I’ve got to hand it to the guy. He certainly does know how to return a phone call.

They sit down, and Darcy notices that Lizzie is, of course, filming. I like this nod to the issues in pervious episodes when Lizzie filmed people or discussed them without their knowledge. It’s more proof of how her character has grown over the course of the series.

[It's all coming together!...]

We’re getting near the end of the Lizzie Bennet Diaries series. I know, I know. I don’t know what I’ll do with myself but the writers have said the series will wrap up at the end of the month and with today’s episode, we’re getting pretty close.

Darcy not-that-secretly arranged the take down of Lydia’s tape. We got to see this all play out through Gigi’s videos on the Pemberley Digital YouTube channel. There was a ton of discussion among the fans as to how feminist/misogynist all this was to have the rich white guy come in and protect the helpless girls, Gigi and Lydia. Some of it got very heated, so if you venture into it, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

[What else happened?!?]

I never danced seriously myself and didn't watch ballet; it was too slow, and there are no words. Then my kids started to take ballet. It very quickly turned into something serious. My elder daughter danced with great dedication for many years, taking class six days a week. All those classes came with parent observation—endless classes where you watch a room full of girls point their feet again and again while I sat on plastic chairs and wooden benches. But slowly (really, it took me years), I began to find the beauty of it. The more I learned, the more I appreciated the art. But—don’t tell my kids—class is still hideously dull to watch.

One of the things that made me grow to love it so much was the passion that of everyone involved: students, teachers, performers. Even the receptionists. Everyone there thought no amount of time, effort or money was ill spent. It’s easy to get caught up in the obsession.

That kind of passionate dedication makes for fascinating characters in a book. And for even more drama in romance, the dancers are ending their dance careers for one reason or another.

Ballerina Bride by Fiona Harper is probably my favorite ballet book for the way it portrays the life of a dancer. Allegra should be at the top of her career, but she’s floundering—personally, professionally, and artistically. Harper nailed that love/hate relationship that many dancers have with their art.

It might look effortless from the outside, but from the inside it was hard and demanding. It was beautiful, but it wasn’t pretty or nice. A fierce kind of beauty that asked for you very soul in return for greatness, and then devoured it without compunction.

[And then there's Finn...]

***Many, many major LBD spoilers ahead***

*You’ve been warned*

Lizzie started out the week in Episode 87 wallowing in guilt about how she failed Lydia who was still pretty much not talking, she was so sick with grief at George’s betrayal. Jane stopped by to comfort Lizzie and brought her chamomile tea. Jane promised her that she still deserved tea even though she screwed up. Everyone deserves tea.

Then Lydia came to talk to Lizzie insisting that she wanted the camera stay on as she pours out her feelings of guilt (unwarranted!), loneliness (poor baby!), and betrayal (that bastard!). Lydia ends up sobbing in her sister’s arms as Lizzie kept repeating that she was going to be right there with her.

*sobs into empty teacup* I wanted to hug Lydia for letting that rat Wickham make her feel anything less than loved and valuable.  I wanted to hug Lizzie for taking any of the blame for that manipulative jerk’s actions. I wanted to hug Jane for knowing the right thing to say to help her sisters come back together again.

[Then things started to get really interesting...]

One of the beautiful things about The Lizzie Bennet Diaries—and of course Pride and Prejudice—is the deliciously slow development of the relationship. One of the things they did right in the adaptation was to hold on to that slow, reluctant fall into love.

Which for the viewers means more all of those romantic moments, when every touch and glance is filled with meaning. And in my opinion in The Lizzie Bennet Diaries, no moments are more romantic than those with Darcy and Lizzie. The first appearances of Darcy are stories told about him or—even better!—costume theater portrayal of him by one of the other characters. Way back in episode 15, “Lizzie Bennet is in Denial,” Charlotte and Jane act out a scene at Carter’s bar where Darcy delivers the much loved line about Lizzie’s fine eyes. In episode 31, “Convertible Carpool,” Lizzie tells us at 3:16 that Darcy “stares at me constantly. It’s like I’m a traffic accident and he just can’t look away.” In episode 33, “Nope He Doesn’t Like Me,” Jane takes another hilarious turn at portraying Darcy who tells Lizzie that he wouldn’t dare hate her (at 3:11).

[Then the man himself arrives on the scene...]

A wonderful, delightful distraction that is fast becoming my (and others') greatest obsession is the The Lizzie Bennet Diaries (LBD), an online modern adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. In it, Lizzie is a young graduate student finishing her final year of school. In lieu of a senior thesis, she starts a vlog, or a video blog. She sits in her bedroom, with her best friend Charlotte Lu as her cameraman, and tells the story of her family and friends. Sometimes she and Charlotte act out parts of the story. With costumes! And props! And as time goes by, all the major characters make an appearance on the vlog.

Some arrivals are more anticipated than others.

Each episode is only five minutes or so long, but in those few minutes, the writers cram so much of what I love about the characters of Pride and Prejudice into a modern story of friends and family. And all their mistakes and failings are there to see, but updated. And therefore they say as much about our time as they do about the beloved characters themselves.

[And then there's Darcy and Bing Lee (!!!)...]